Oh Please! Let There Be Light

There are very few things that could possibly make my head pound more than my current real estate transaction. Turning on the utilities to my vacant home is probably the closest. Maybe.

Now that Bliz has found better opportunities than staring at my financials full time, I am forced to take on some of her tasks (given to her by me). Granted Bliz is still working for me, but she is just not making it my priority. Darn her.

One of the tasks I took back from her was getting the power and water turned on at my vacant properties. How hard could it be? You fill out a form and the power/water/gas is magically turned on by the date I requested. Or at least that is what I thought happens.

It turns out, it is harder than it looks. There is more to it. A lot more. For example, nowhere on the Birmingham Water Works Web site does it give me a way to turn on water to my home, but their telephony system says to access their Web site for "faster service." I did find out--also through their telephony system the Birmingham Water Works is one of the "Top Five Water Systems in the Country." How nice.

I also did e-mail Birmingham Water Works and ask if I could turn the water on via the Internet. Every time I pushed the send button on my request, the Web page kept timing out. By the way, according to their site, the Birmingham Water Works is "considered to be the best tasting water in the South." I would say that too if I were afraid I wouldn't have water service.

After six years on hold, I finally talked to a live person. According to Diane, the world's most wicked customer service employee, I have a balance due. News to me. I am happy to pay the balance. But Diane couldn't help me. Nor would she let me turn on the water until my account is current.

Instead she told me she would be transferring me to a computer that would make me retype my account information three times before actually granting me my wish. Oh, before she transferred me, Diane chided, telling me if I had paid my bill when I was supposed to she could have helped me faster. I explained I never got a bill. Diane said, this wasn't her problem.

Note to Diane at Birmingham Water Works: I hope you get a flat tire. In the pouring rain.

Then there was Alabama Power's nonsense. After inputting several variations of the user name and password standards Bliz and I use, I was no closer to turning on the power than when I started. At one point, Alabama Power's Web site asked for the name of my dog before they would let me continue. However, I don't have a dog. I tried the name of Bliz's dog, along with a few alternative spellings, in case Fido is really spelled Phido, Fydo or Phydeau. No luck.

Finally I texted Bliz at her new job begging for help. Bliz offered her guidance but no concrete answers. I generally appreciate the zen-like atta-girl approach Bliz has towards my dilemmas, but not today. Today I wanted her to handle this. Or, at least by Friday.