But for the Grace of God

It appears that most of my gazillion tenants are all accounted for. I haven't heard back from about four of them. But, it looks like so far no damage. I will be in awe if I am the only homeowner in Birmingham who doesn't have to file an insurance claim.

Kirby is supposed to get back to me about the house in Fultondale and the one in Leeds. But, he seems to think the house in Fultondale is fine--even though across the road the Zaxby's and the rest of the shopping center are all splinters now.

Ms. Kathy checked in on Friday. She and her family are fine. However, her neighborhood suffered tremendous damage. There are several homeless neighbors.. Ms. Kathy's home was untouched, minus a tree that fell on to her fence. And even of that, the fence wasn't damaged.

Chatting with Ms. Kathy filled me with a tremendous amount of gratitude. I had tears streaming as she told me about how the neighborhood had organized certain homes for the homeless and how they--as a community--had organized relief efforts for each other.

Given the amount of damage, I must say, I feel totally blessed to be so fortunate. I am glad my tenants were safe and have a place to live. It could have looked very different.

(On a side note, in my other job on Friday I talked to a man in Tuscaloosa. He only had the clothes he was wearing and his couch left. The apartment he was living in is uninhabitable and he needed to rent a truck to move his couch. It made me cry all over again.).

A Note from Mr. Noble

I heard from Mr. Noble this morning. He and the Mrs. are fine. He added this:  "...it was weird to see dead birds and pieces of wood raining from the sky." 

Tornado Update

I spent Thursday tracking down folks. Apparently, concern is a good enough reason for Ms. Shirley to decide we were on a first-name basis--at least for that moment. Her family is fine. She is also under the impression Mr. 114 and his family are fine too. Of course, she rehashed variations of what I have heard on the news, also including "I've never seen anything like it."

Mr. and Mrs. Robin are good too. Their home needed a new roof before the storm. But apparently it held up well. It is still in tact, so no insurance claim there that I know of. Ms. Robin hadn't seen anything like Tuesday's storms either.

Mrs. Sherwood had never seen anything like it either. When I talked to her, she told me of sitting in the basement, spending four hours clutching to her two year old granddaughter. Both were scared out of their minds. Sadly, Mrs. Sherwood had a casualty. She couldn't get to her dog in time. She doesn't know where he is--or if he is even alive any more.

One of the biggest cells from the storms Wednesday was aiming right at Carolsue, Mrs. Sherwood and Ms. Angie. All three told me they thought they were goners. All three told me the storm made an abrupt left turn, aiming North towards Pinson, then West towards Fultondale. I haven't talked to my tenants in those areas yet.

I put a note out two a few others and just haven't heard back. One of whom is Ms. Kathy. She is actually someone I need a welfare check on. Carolsue tells me most likely Ms. Kathy just doesn't have power. I am hoping that is just the case. One of the F5 touched down very close to her home. Her home is in the back of the neighborhood, but tornadoes aren't very fussy about where they land.

For those who didn't see it, here is the link to the video Carolsue posted.

Unspeakable

I live in the desert. Once a year, usually in August, we get a monsoon. A monsoon is a really awesome thunderstorm with lots of wind and rain.

For the majority of my life, these storm have been the highlight of the summer, with fantastic lightening, that we watch bravely from inside our homes. When the lightening has passed, the neighbors all congregate outside--around 10 p.m. to take in the rain, splash in the puddles (we even get puddles for an hour or two!) and enjoy the cooler weather. It is a ritual handed down from the first settlers of the area: the Hohokam Indians. Except the Hohokam kids weren't sucking on frozen Otter Pops while they splashed.

Although we get an occasional microburst, for the most part, our "weather" creates a downed power line or two, with electricity restored to the grid within a couple hours. Our biggest inconvenience is having to reset our digital clocks the next morning while they are blinking "1:43."

We don't get  unusually warm and humid conditions in the lower atmosphere, with cooler than usual conditions in the upper atmosphere all congregating together to form tornadoes. We don't get these here because the air doesn't cool down and we don't have humidity. Lucky us.

In the past few days, tornadoes have ravaged the mid-west and South. Bliz and Alec's city made the news from some of the phenomenal damage suffered there.

Birmingham this past week has been hit horribly. Less than an eighth of a mile from Ms. Kathy's home (and about two miles from my Leeds home) a tornado tore the roof off the Moody police station. I texted Ms. Kathy once I heard. I haven't gotten a response. 

I had two tenants texting me weather reports today. None of it sounded pretty. I am hearing F5 tornadoes are running rampage in Jefferson County. I don't care about the houses. I have insurance. But I am concerned about the people. My prayers are with them.

RIP

Apparently $200 for snake removal is not as much of a bargain as I once thought. According to Haroldine, she and her trusty garden hoe took matters into her own hands on Sunday. There is now one less water moccasin living under her home.

Ssssneaky

Harold sent me an urgent voice mail on Easter morning. It was in his rapid rambling thick Southern drawl, and the only words I could make out were: "snakes" and "going month to month." Neither concept excited me.

When I got him back on the phone--and after I made sure to wish him a Happy Easter--I started to decipher what he was saying. Marty Sunshine, who was sitting next to me while Harold was talking, heard "zum, zum, zum." Of course, that is about what I heard too. I was frantically searching my Southern to English translation book to catch on to half of what he said.

The gist was he wasn't sure the snakes were gone. Noted. I will tell Jack.

And, he thinks there is a water drainage problem on the property. For only $500 Harold would be happy to dump a few loads of dirt and rent some sort of heavy machinery to divert the water away from the area in question.

I have no idea if this is a good idea or not. But, I wasn't really all that concerned. I will pass it on to Jack this week and let him decide. I vote no. The snakes weren't a problem before two weeks ago.

The zinger that really caught my attention (and this was higher on the urgent chain than "snakes") was that he was not planning on moving this next weekend. In fact, he wanted to negotiate something about staying on for a little while longer.

Let me see if I understand this: Haroldine, his girlfriend, has been struggling to make the rent for the past several months. Harold has been nowhere in this picture and hasn't contributed a penny towards rent. Now, after I have a new tenant ready to move in and they have been given notice to leave, Harold calls me wanting to stay.

A few theories:

1. Harold and Haroldine broke up, and just got back together and want to play house one more time.
2. They are disorganized and haven't bothered to find another place to live.
3. (my personal favorite): All of the above.

As it turns out, I do have a tenant lined up. He has already paid his May rent and the required deposits. He is going to clean the home himself. He has decent credit and seems high-functioning. He has called me twice in the past month just to make sure I still like him. And, I do. I like this new tenant. 

I gave Harold my best "yes, we do have a tenant, and just like we agreed, you will need to be out by this weekend." pep talk. What I didn't say was life is too short to deal with any more Harold/Haroldine drama.

And Speaking of Critters

Mr. 114 has often told me the antics of Ms. Shirley. I have never been sure why he tells me the goings on with his next door neighbor. Perhaps he is just making conversation. Or perhaps he is just weirded out.

Most of Ms. Shirley's idiosyncrasies are benign and didn't really phase me. Until about two weeks ago.

You see, Mr. 114 has regaled me in the past with stories of Ms. Shirley honking her horn repeatedly in her driveway because there was a frog crossing the drive and she wasn't getting out of her car until it was gone. The reason she was honking the horn? So Mr. 114 would rush over and save her from the beast.

Then there is the time she ran over because there was a snail on her front porch. Apparently Mr. 114 wasn't available on this occasion to save her from the dastardly critter, so she sacrificed her 12 year old son instead. She handed him a container of table salt and the directive to remove the creature from her yard.

So, you will have to forgive me if I turn a skeptical eyebrow at the e-mail I got about two weeks ago. It said: "There are some holes in two strips of the wood siding on the back of the house that wasps are getting into." In her e-mail, she suggested this has been an ongoing issue.

How many of you in my viewing audience of three actually believe there wasps there? Or there have been wasps there for any length of time. Yea, I'm not buying it either. Now in all fairness, there were other repairs on this list, but the whole wasp thing just didn't lend itself to credibility.

I have asked Mr. 114 for a reality check--though I didn't say "reality check." I phrased it as just wanting a simple quote to fix this. And just to make sure I was totally accurate, I forwarded Ms. Shirley's e-mail to him. He can sift through it and figure it out for himself.

His Name Isn't Bubba*

My new BFF is Keith the Snake Snatcher.

According to Jack, he has been the critter catcher for the Jack Family for generations. Who knew there was such an occupation? Wow! All these things I have missed out living in a a suburban jungle (Yet, I am totally ok with missing out on snakes).

And, who knew one could make a living at that sort of thing? It turns out Jack has used Keith recently. The last time it was when he had a raccoon living between the subfloor of his two story rental. In fact, when I was in Birmingham in February, Jack showed me a picture of Keith's handiwork--a caged raccoon on the countertop of the rental home.

Sadly, Keith wasn't immediately available to handle my little issue (and by the way, the snakes are under the home, not in the home). You see his mother's cousin's brother-in-law's preacher's hairdresser died. On Thursday he had to go to a funeral and subsequent social gatherings. Therefore, the problem was tackled on Friday.

*and I would be willing to bet the Blazing Sun I know who posted that comment.

In the Event You Are Ever in the Market

I personally think $200 for snake removal is an absolute bargain--and that includes repeated trips to make sure they are gone.

Myth Boomer

In the event you were curious, it turns out water moccasins don't always live near water.

He's On His Own

Well, I would love to tell you all is just peach-keep down Alabama way. Instead, Harold called me repeatedly Wednesday. He left me a variety messages ranging from "Mrs. Landlord, would you please call me," to "Mrs. Landlord, I really need you to call me. Now."

I knew it was pretty urgent, not because he left me 17 messages in a 20 minute time-frame, but because he was articulate. And, I gotta tell you, I was suspicious.

Let me just go on record here. I am so sorry I called him back. You see--according to Harold who is moving out in two weeks--there is a snake nest somewhere on or near the house. I stopped listening at "snake." He also told me Haroldine is refusing to come home until this whole snake-thing is resolved.

Refusing to come home? Good for Haroldine! I am refusing to set foot in Alabama until this "snake thing" is resolved.

Generally, I absolutely hate passing repair issues over to Jack when it comes to our home. He hates taking the lead on such things. It makes him cranky. But here I played the girl card. This baby was his. I will handle wasps, bees, Hell's Angel-turned-diva-carpet-installers, an air conditioner being stolen, a tree falling into rush hour on to passing traffic, being subpoenaed and testifying in front of Your Honor, deadbeats, lawn men being hit by cars, Ms. Shirley's latest snit fit and much more I don't even write about. But not snakes.

God speed Jack. This one is yours.

Today's Shout Out

A few weeks ago, I asked Carolsue to post my for rent sign in Haroldine's yard. That afternoon, I got an e-mail from her, saying not only had she done that, but she had also zipped over to Mrs. Green's home to take a peek. Absolutely nothing scary to report there. It was no bother; after all, she was in the area.

And, just because she was feeling charitable, she swung by Ms. Robin's home to find out she has planted a lovely flower garden in the front yard. And, by the way, Ms. Robin has a dog--just in case Ms. Robin hadn't mentioned it to me.

There is no doubt I sleep better at night and things are more peaceful on the landlord front because of Carolsue. Happy birthday my friend. I am grateful for you.

Ba' Bye

Friday afternoon I did something that has provided me with inner peace. I polietly told Haroldine to move out. Of course, I was planning on telling her. And, I wanted to wait until I got the deposit from our new tenant--Mr. Awesome.

Incidently, Mr. Awesome did not just give me the deposit for the rent. He gave me the first month's rent as well. And, he is moving in May 15!  But, I digress...

What I discovered about asking Haroldine to leave was that I was quickly running out of trouble makers. And, that is fine by me. There are still a few things here and there that make me groan. Ms. Robin is still struggling. Ms. Shirley has her moments, but at least she is paying.

I could really get used to this.

Sitting Back, Collecting My "Un-Earned Paycheck"

I ran across some site that lets people complain about their landlords. Apparently there are "scum bags," "$%$#%**" and "%$^*!*&" out there posing as landlords. Who knew? 

Incidentally, she said the bathroom was "safe," but didn't say where the fan would be when she turned on the water.

If Only I Could Make the Landlords Switch For A Day

Right now I am particularly upset because it's Saturday morning, I don't have to work today, but I haven't been able to sleep since about 5 am because the landlords STILL haven't fixed the refrigerator which has been broken for the last 7 months. It will click as it tries to turn on, sometimes for a few seconds, sometimes for hours on end, it's all random. And it all came together today when the smoke alarm started beeping some time before 5 this morning about once every 17 to 29 clicks of the refrigerator, so 2-4 times per minute. It's impossible not to count them. It's stink'n loud! So there is no sleeping. I lie awake and feel hatred pouring into my body from all the noise until I feel like I am going to explode. So I go into the bathroom, close the door, turn on the fan and the water to escape the noise. It's the only safe place.

I just wish with everything in me that I could switch with the landlords for a night, so they'd understand the situation. If only for two sleepless nights in a row they'd understand and maybe do something instead of sitting in their nice house collecting an un-earned paycheck.

A Happy Day

As a responsible business owner, I probably should be jumping for joy: I have a tenant for Haroldine's home. The tenant in question has a credit rating over sub-par. He has a savings account. He has a decent job.

My next task is to tell Haroldine. I actually have been waiting until I got the rent (supposed to be happening today) to let her know. I wouldn't want to jump the gun and have her decide to use my rent money for something flashy--like a down payment for an apartment somewhere else.

But that piece of news seems to be playing second fiddle to what totally awesome event today is really all about. Today is the first day of the new season of Diamondback's baseball (and let's do something novel this year. Let's make it a winning season boys, shall we?).

I know you felt the excitement in the air too. You were just too polite and refined to say so. That's ok. I will do it for you.

All is right in the world today.