Saturday, October 31, 2009

What I Learned This Week

Did you know, if a tenant dies in a landord's home and the body is not discovered for say, five days, a hazmat team will probably have to be deployed? And, did you know most homeowner's insurance policies have a clause covering hazmat clean up?

I'm just saying...

Friday, October 30, 2009

Leeds Update

It is too bad I already used "Hope Springs Eternal" as a title for a blog posting. Because that is really what this one should be named.

Thursday morning, Carolsue graciously waited until 8 a.m. to call me with news. Mr. Spring called her. They have changed their minds. Living in an 800 square foot trailer by the lake with an hour commute (each way) into Birmingham was just not going to work for Mrs. Spring any more. They wanted the house. Or at lease Mrs. Spring wants the house and talked Mr. Spring is going along with it because he doesn't want to hear about it for the rest of his life.

Of course, the only caveat they had was they wanted a rent reduction. I was prepared for that. Though I dislike this game before the application is filled out, in this case, it has already been put on the table by my side. And, I had already planned on reducing the rent anyway. Last week, I figured if I didn't find a tenant by the end of October, I would have to lower the rent anyway.

Mrs. Spring is supposed to fax me the application today. Of course, I won't stop advertising the home until after she has signed the lease and given Legal Eagle a deposit to hold the home. Until then, the home is up for grabs.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Ideally

In between my frequent naps and variety of over-the-counter health remedies of late, I have been toying with the issues around the Leeds house.

So far I have had three seriously interested parties. First I had Mr. Shanty who couldn't afford the joint and talked my ear off. Thus, turning me off to any potential wonderfulness he had long before I was willing to consider him as a tenant. There was Audrey the Pseudo-Criminal who, between Carolsue's wrath and my standard to have potential tenants show a bit of integrity, pretty much eliminated herself from the running--even if she still wanted the place. And, of course, there was the absolutely delightful Mrs. Spring who decided that living where she is currently for free is a much better deal than making rent payments to anyone--including me. It is really hard to compete with free.

Which brings me to my major dilemma: I still have a vacant home.

It has been a month since I started trolling for a tenant. And given the lack of potential tenants, I have a clear understanding of the problem. Nobody is willing to live on this particular street, in Leeds Alabama for what I am charging.

Now, a word about the Leeds home: it is a cute little cottage. It has three bedrooms, two bathrooms, newer carpet and hardwood floors, an indoor laundry, a huge carport/shed, a rather large fenced yard with a deck. The stove, hot water heater and heat pump are in decent condition. The roof doesn't leak. There are about a dozen homes on this quiet country road. And, if you can ignore the fact that one neighbor thinks breaking an entering is an ok hobby, another neighbor collects rusted metal junk and proudly displays it in his front yard and I suspect high-ranking members of informal social networks who thrive on bigotry happen to live down this country road, it is a pretty nice place to live.

It isn't just that I want the house rented. I want it rented to people who aren't going to call me month after month with some lame excuse because they aren't smart enough to solve their own problems. I am not missing the Betty's and I don't want The Bettys, Version 2.0. The Bettys burned me out on lame excuses.

I completely understand whomever rents this home must have a different level of sophistication, from say, my recently vacant homes in the suburbs (the Waterford and bankruptcy homes). But, just because the perfect Leeds tenant doesn't have a suburb mentality doesn't make this future ideal tenant any less quality. People with integrity come from all walks of life.

An ideal tenant doesn't mean one who pays top dollar. What I am looking or is someone who keeps their word. You know, someone who prefers to pay their bills and do what they say they are going to do. While I am making my list, I would also prefer someone who will live there for a few years and take reasonable care of the place. And, in this case, I need a tenant with character attributes to include someone overlooking some of the idiosyncrasies of the neighborhood.

Surely there is another ideal tenant for this home. Even in Leeds.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Seriously, He Thought I Manufactured This?!

If you just joined this saga, then allow me to give you a quick overview of Mrs. 508. Mrs. 508 was a tenant of mine who has an overly optimistic view of life. In addition to that, she seems to feel there isn't much that is her fault. The bad stuff around her happens because of circumstance, not choices.

When the 508s left, they trashed the house. And the insurance adjuster was none too happy to pay out the claim. In fact, they were so unhappy they went after Mrs. 508 for the damages.

Wednesday, I got a call from an adjuster who inherited the loss mitigation portion of this claim and he wanted to chat. You see, Mrs. 508 told him she wasn't living there when all these issues happened, and the damage was done after she moved out, and I knew about the damage and "agreed" to forgive her and (my favorite) it wasn't her fault. What I found incredulous was the adjuster was siding with her!

"Why?" I asked. "Why do you believe her? Do you really think I would make it up or that I would have the presense of mind to fly out there, trash my home, fly back to Arizona and then call in a claim?" Yes. Yes he did.

After the adjuster and I went through this a few times, with me explaining, if Mrs. 508 really wasn't living there, there was no sublease assignment, so she was still on the hook. I would never "agree" to forgive the damage. Despite his assessment, I really wasn't stupid. And I have an eye witness who took the keys from her on June 20 when the place was deemed a disaster--the same day the police were called.

None of this impressed Mr. Adjuster. What did impress him was when I played back the voice mail Mrs. 508 left me on June 22, admitting to the damages, offering me a few dollars. That got his attention.

After I played him the message he said with a different tone in his voice, "Um... Would you mind saving that voice mail a bit longer? I will get back with you." Oh, I think that would be a good idea.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Hope Spings Etenal

Sunday morning my phone rang. "You still got that house in Leeds I seen in the paper?" The caller asked. Of course. As the ad was running THAT Sunday, what are the odds I still have that house in Leeds for rent?

I gave Mr. Caller directions. Sadly, "Ashville" as in "Ashville Road" was too many syllables for this guy. As the conversation was wrapping up, he asked me to hold on while he quieted down what sounded like a pack of dogs.

I heard him say, "Shut up before I put a cap in your hides." Presumably he said this to the animals because then all was quiet. Thankfully I didn't hear any gunshots. Back to me, he asked, "Do I need a deposit?" Yes. Yes you do. And I told him there was a pet deposit as well. "I don't got no pets." He replied.

Not three seconds after I hung up with Mr. Caller, Ms. Spring called. She said all the right things and even talked with a 12th grade vocabulary. However, she was perplexed about why this house was still available after three weeks. "I am looking for someone who is the right fit." I explained, I will take someone with poor credit, but that doesn't mean I will take just anyone. People with good character can have credit issues. People with good credit can have character issues.

As we chatted a bit more, she asked for Carolsue's number just to verify when Carolsue would be showing up today. Talking with Mrs. Spring gave me hope for all humanity, Leeds and a possible tenant. Oh did I mention? Ms. Spring owns a dishwasher!

A few minutes later, I phoned Carolsue, letting her know Ms. Spring was calling. "I talked to her already." Carolsue said. "She wanted to know why the house was still vacant when you will take someone with poor credit. I told her it was the applicant pool you were choosing from."

Apparently Ms. Spring felt better hearing that from a second source. If that doesn't sway her, perhaps Mr. Caller will show up at the same time and that will convince her.

Sunday, October 25, 2009

A New Species of Crazy

Last week, Audrey and Carolsue were to meet up at the Leeds house. Because of circumstances beyond any one's control, they didn't. And, when they spoke again last week, Carolsue, wanting to accommodate, agreed to meet Audrey at the Leeds home yesterday for her own personal showing. Carolsue promised nobody else would have an opportunity to view the home until after Audrey had first dibs.

Saturday afternoon Audrey stood Carolsue up. After an hour, the only people to make their way into my fabulous Leeds home to greet Carolsue were the neighbors. In fact, the neighbors were extremely friendly. So friendly, that they told Carolsue how they broke in through the window last week when Carolsue hadn't shown and then let Audrey into the house! And, wasn't that quite neighborly of them?

In only a way that Carolsue can do, she let them have it. When she relayed the story to me, she bandyed phrases as, "all'y'all" and "I'll tell you what?" and other such Southern things that connotate when someone is totally pissed off.

Sadly the neighbors didn't exactly grasp that they had BROKEN INTO THE HOME AND TRESPASSED, instead they were extremely confused as to why Carolsue had a bee in her bonnet about something as neighborly as helping us rent out the home. And by the way, they liked Audrey.

To top it off, Carolsue called Audrey and left her a message saying, "You broke into the home? Next time charges will be filed." Which is kind of a vague threat because I don't have a last name or address for Audrey. In Carolsue's voice mail, she said, "Don't bother to call me back."

Now, I would like to stop here and explain: I am not happy about this. But after careful consideration, Carolsue and I have decided the neighbors thought they were helping. Carolsue has made it clear their help is no longer welcome and I doubt this will be a future issue. The house is fine. Nothing is broken or taken. It just isn't appropriate. Neither Carolsue or I are upset about this in any horrified way. It isn't like we found a meth lab or anything.

In fact, after talking with Carolsue, I figured this was a done deal. After all, Audrey stood up Carolsue (and by the way, she had seen the interior and then made the appointment for this weekend). Carolsue gave her voice mail a tongue lashing that scared me (and I only heard about it). If I were Audrey, I would probably cut my losses and move on.

But, I am not Audrey.

Instead, Audrey innocently called me asking if I left a message on her voice mail. Of course, she knew I didn't. She has caller ID because last week she recognized my number. I played dumb, asking how she liked the home and didn't she just talk to Carolsue at the Leeds home?

Audrey said she didn't make it over and could I please give her Carolsue's number so they could discuss "something." Oh certainly. Anyone willing to call Carolsue after hearing a rant has guts or is missing brain cells. But what do I care? Maybe if she has either she will be perfect for that home. After all, I still am needing a renter. And I am almost desperate enough to entertain Audrey as a candidate.

A few moments later Audrey called me back again. She still hadn't talked to Carolsue. This time she sounded a bit shaken. By way of an explanation, she started the call by saying, "I wanted you to understand one of the neighbors let me in the house. But I didn't break in."

"Oh?" I said.

Audrey then explained how one of the neighbors had come by while they were waiting for Carolsue and offered to show the home. If I understand correctly, Aurey somehow assumeed the neighbor had some sort of magic wand and was able to open the house by walking around back where there are no doors, only windows.

Apparently Audrey assumed (after she found out Carolsue wasn't coming because of car trouble and we had spoken several times during the course of time Audrey was impatiently waiting) that I authorized the neighbor to do this. Of course, when she and I talked last week I didn't mention the neighbor. And, I know I told her Carolsue had the only keys.

Of course, the main point of her call was to convince me she did not break into the home and to please not think of her as the type of person who would commit an illegal activity. She admitted she crossed the threshold but she did not break in. After all, there is a difference. Audrey insisted she was was unsure how the neighbor got in. But please understand, she--Audrey--would never break into a home. I am guessing this woman probably never jaywalked in her life. Tresspassing is a new level of rowdy for Audrey.

My only response to this was a dull, "Are you interested in renting the home?"

Strangely, she said she wasn't sure. Apparently, she has a "few irons in the fire" and can she get back to me?

So Audrey, you called me and gave me this song and dance and you don't even want the house? Ok. Whatever.

My indifference wasn't enough for her, Audrey then called Carolsue. If I was redemption Carolsue was penance.

Audrey used that same lame, "I am not the one who committed a crime and I have no idea how the neighbor got into the house, therefore I am not a criminal," garbage on Carolsue. I didn't call Audrey on her stupidity, but Carolsue sure did.

I am pretty sure by the time Audrey hung up Carolsue had scared Audrey into turning herself into the Leeds police, offering whatever restitution is necessary for someone walking through a vacant home uninvited and offering to pay double taxes to the IRS next year.

When Carolsue called me to report her chat with Audrey I asked if she thought Audrey would call me again. Carolsue seems to think so. I can't decide what I will do if she calls. On one hand, I don't like crazies. And, Audrey seems to have cornered the market on a new species of crazy. On the other hand, Audrey is crazy enough for the neighborhood and the neighbors already like her.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Observation

After dealing with Mrs. Martin's court issue, another water leak at Ms. Angie's home and an icky illness this month, I am ready for just about anything. That even includes another barrage of potential tenants for the Leeds property.

And, just as I was psyching up for the stereotypical inane calls, "Will y'all allow me to add a basement to this home?" and "When you say you don't allow pit bulls, does that mean you won't allow my four pit bulls?", the phone rings with future tenants who either were raised right or have been taking notes from my blog. I got three calls on Friday that started like this, "Good afternoon. My name is Perfect Petunia. I saw you had a home for rent in Leeds? Would I be able to see it this weekend? If not, when would be a good time to schedule a showing?"

I find it interesting the number of people coming out of the woodwork this late in the month looking for a place to live. Generally I see more people looking to move the second and third weekends of the month. However, maybe it is because it is Leeds where things are a bit more um... relaxed, or maybe because there are five weekends in October, for whatever reason potential tenants are showing up now.

At least they are being civilized about it.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Aw...

I got a call from Matt Tuesday. As you recall, Matt is a mortgage guy who took a hiatus for one month to try out being a handyman. After handling two of my properties, he decided the handyman vocation wasn't for him.

Anyway, Matt called with a simple question for me: Do I like being a landlord? I was sorely tempted to give him this blog site. However, then he might think I don't like what I do. And, there are days I don't. But, overall, yes I like being a landlord. I like it more when things aren't so shaky as they have been for the past two years.

There are many interesting points about my conversation with Matt. First, he called me about this. I don't really know him. He knows other local investors. However he told me the investors he has met recently don't have homes as nice as mine. Apparently the ones he has met of late tend to buy the least expensive homes and these are usually in neighborhoods scarier than I shop in. Apparently he was impressed with the variety of homes I have.

Second, he is looking at getting some investors together to start a real estate investment trust. Did I know anything about this? As a matter of fact, I was working on this two years ago when the market tanked, taking all of my best intentions with it. What I told him was talk to Attorney Jon--the man who introduced us to begin with. Attorney Jon is the King Midas of my Birmingham world.

What I really loved about my conversation with Matt was that I was able to talk shop. Matt is a great guy, though I think I will stick with Carolsue and Mr. 114 for my handyman needs. I love sharing what I learned and hearing how others look at real estate investing. Though I have to admit, the other thing I really-really liked about talking to Matt was what it did to my ego. Matt called me--a virtual stranger--to ask my opinion.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Le Sigh

The Waterford home is in the outskirts of Birmingham in a newish subdivision. We bought it several years ago when the community was being developed and right before the market tanked. This particular home is in a "master planned" community, complete with pool, tennis court, club house and nosy neighbors who have nothing better to do than whine to some all-powerful committee when you leave your trash can outside an hour longer than you should.

Normally I don't buy homes in these types neighborhoods. I don't see any reason to pay for additional amenities when I don't get to use them. And, from what I have discovered, my tenants don't use them either. However, I am finding there are those tenants who are drawn to this lifestyle are happy to have the opportunity to have a club house nearby. And there are those who really don't care. Mostly they don't care.

When we bought, this was an up-and-coming community. I happen to think if the housing market hadn't taken a belly flop this neighborhood would have thrived. At the time in Birmingham, this was a new and novel concept concept. Even today, looking around Birmingham, you will be hard-pressed to find middle-class affordable subdivisions offering these types of amenities.

Instead of the Utopia the developer assured homeowners would be their, this neighborhood is now riddled with rentals from desperate landlords who couldn't sell and foreclosures from well-meaning homeowners who bought above their means. For the most part, there are owners who take care of their yards, plan the neighborhood potlucks and do all the neighborly things we all want to see. But, in between the Smith's and the Jones' homes there are two rentals and a foreclosure. On every street.

My Waterford home is one of the Birmingham neighborhoods I tend to watch more closely than others. I am relieved to say right now the house is worth about what I paid for it--maybe a little more or less, depending upon who asks. I am also relieved to say, I don't classify myself as a "desperate landlord."

In the past, I have always managed to get more in rent for this home than I should. If this home were closer in town, right now, I wouldn't blink at my rental price. But, being in a faltering almost-up-and-coming subdivision where you can't swing a dead cat without hitting another rental, is making my exorbant rental rate a bit more difficult.

Beginning from the time Mrs. Waterford told me she was moving, I started following Craig's List to see what properties were renting for in this subdivision right now. There are two homes on this street renting for $200 less than I have been getting for rent. Are they in better condition? Do they have new carpet, a privacy fence and a two car garage? I don't know.

Considering I get top dollar and my homes are rented almost instantly in some scary neighborhoods for my homes, it is sad to have to compete way out here in the suburbs and hope I have a tenant within two months. The difference is there are very few rental homes in Birmingham. Rental homes tend to be out in the suburbs. Like this one.

Adding to the rent issue, now that Kirby is involved, I have the added expense of property management to contend with. Given my mortgage, my break even point is still higher than market rents for this area. And, it is hard to convince a tenant they want to pay $100 to $200 more when the same floor plan is for rent three doors down for less-minus the privacy fence.

Kirby brought me a potential tenant Monday. They want to move in Friday. They are both employed, no pets, one child. Her credit isn't great. He is a victim of the local economy and is currently grateful he has part-time employment. They like the house. However, they have been paying attention to the same rental homes I have been watching. They know what the market will bear. They know I am crazy. They know what the home a block away is renting for. When Kirby called, he wanted to know what I wanted to do--come down on my rent or let them walk?

The good news is they are willing to cough up slightly more than market rent for this home. The bad news is what they are willing to come up with, and Kirby's fee doesn't leave us with much of anything other than the mortgage payment and a swell tax deduction when all is said and done.

Fortunately, this home isn't that old. Fortunately, the home is in good condition. Fortunately, we have other homes that do cash flow to cover the expenses. Not having a paying tenant is probably more detrimental to us right now than having a paying tenant who is just covering the mortgage.

I could hold out for more money. But, I probably would become desperate and start lowering my standards. After all, it is my overall experience that people with obscenely horrid credit are willing to pay a lot more than market rent prices because they can't get a better deal. My experience with tenants with obscenely horrid credit is they are obscenely horrid renters. I am not up to dealing with awful renters right now. I would rather have someone babysit my asset and let the values come back up, even if I am not seeing much at the end of the month.

Don't Scare Me Again

Carolsue was scheduled to hold the Leeds home open on Sunday afternoon. Instead, I got a snippy phone call from the Audrey woman asking why the home wasn't open. Audrey completely ignored my astonishment of Carolsue not being there and sighed heavily about how she had been inconvenienced.

When I explained to Audrey I was so sorry Carolsue wasn't there. And would it be too much trouble for her to come back in an hour. Meanwhile, I began to panic.

You see, Carolsue is efficient and reliable. If she wasn't at the open house she was stranded on the side of the road or she was dead somewhere. I didn't see any other options. First, it isn't like her to flake. And second, well, there is no second. She didn't forget the open house. Because she lives alone, I had other concerns that if something happened to her nobody might find out right away. At any rate, normally level-headed me went into full Carolsue search mode.

An hour later, after I had tried Carolsue's home number in vain a few more times Audrey called back, again asking why the home still wasn't open. Again still not seeing this as an issue, I explained I was very motivated to rent the house out and I am happy to consider her, but the person who was supposed to show it is MISSING--most likely with car trouble. However, could Audrey please constitute this a minor emergency and could her issue kindly take a back seat to a missing person??? Audrey begrudgingly acquiesced.

Meanwhile, through the miracle of Facebook, I located Carolsue's daughter to see if she knew what happened to her. I also tried the cell number I had for Carolsue's son-in-law. Sadly, they were not available. Baseball Guy and Nephew Jon are currently in Texas, so calling them seemed to be a moot point. And, I toyed for a moment of calling my tenant Angie and asking her to swing by Carolsue's home and see if Carolsue was there and breathing. But, I decided not to. Finally, I called the Birmingham police and asked them to drive by and see if she was home--and more importantly--alive.

Poor Carolsue. Her car broke down about a mile from the Leeds house. Without a cell phone or a way to contact anyone, she was stuck until a sweet tow truck driver gave her and her car a ride home (She happens to be the only human being on Earth without a cell phone. And I mean that. Even my 36-year-old brother who shuns every invention created in the past 20 years as a fad, finally got a cell phone). Though I am sorry her car broke down, I was relieved she was breathing.

When she called me, she apologized for not holding the house open. Like I explained to her, I can always get more potential tenants. I can't get another Carolsue.

Sunday, October 18, 2009

A Day In The Life

Lest you think I have nothing better to do than make up tales about pool of potential tenants I meet, nope. It is all real. And, it seems the ones in Leeds Alabama are always the most colorful. With the exception of Boo, who owns the cash-only locksmith and gun shop behind Augie's Bar in Downtown Leeds, this has pretty much been my experience with everyone in Leeds Alabama.

Carolsue and I had the following e-mail exchange on Saturday. Here is what she wrote me:

So, it's like 3:30 and the phone rings.

This old lady says to me, "Are you the lady that's supposed to show me the house?"

I replied, "If you're talking about the house in Leeds, then yes, I suppose I am."

She says, "I'll can be there in about 30 minutes, can you give me directions?" (First how does she know she can be there in about 30 minutes, if I need to give her directions so she will know where it is?? Secondly, could you say hello and perhaps even - I know this is a LOT to ask - give me your name??)

I replied, "No ma'am, I cannot be there in about 30 minutes. However, I am going to be there tomorrow between 1 and 4 if you would like to come by at that time, I'll be happy to show the house to you."

She says, "You won't do it now?"

I replied, "No ma'am, I can't."

She says, "Well, I certainly don't know why on earth not!"

Somewhat taken aback and not wanting to be rude, I simply repeated myself, "I will be there tomorrow if you want to see it then you are welcome to come."

She says, "Well, how about you just tell me where it is and I'll drive out there today all by myself (she added emphasis to that) and see if it is even something I'd be interested in?"

I replied, "Sure, that sounds like a great idea." Then I gave her directions. However, I don't think she is going to find it because when I told her to turn by the Sonic and the elementary school and go over the tracks, she kept saying, "I know that street, it goes to downtown Leeds." First, is there a downtown Leeds? And secondly, no it does not. After the third time that I repeated the directions (because that street does not go to downtown Leeds - providing there is actually a downtown Leeds) and her steadfastly insisting that it most certainly does, I gave up.

Having said that, I think she will be perfect for the neighborhood. Judging by her rudeness and aggressiveness, I also don't think anyone would dare to come onto the property while she lives there so no hacksaws will ever be found beneath that house again!

In my mind I pictured her looking something like the picture below. This is her after she found the moron across the street in her shed. I'll let you know if she shows tomorrow.



And my response to Carolsue's e-mail:

Ah yes! The rude lady! Her name is Audrey or something. I got a text from her this morning with JUST A PHONE NUMBER, called back, left a message. She called me back and said, "did you just call me?" I don't know lady, did you listen to your voice mail???

Anyway, I told her I had gotten a text from that number... and before I could continue, she barked, "It wasn't from me. I don't text. I never text."

I told her, my mistake, apologized, told her I am sure I dialed the wrong number and hung up.

She then called back two minutes later (as if none of the previous conversation had NEVER happened) and told me she was interested in the house and could she see it in the afternoon.

I told her I was out of town, but I had a family friend who was doing me a HUGE favor. She was showing it tomorrow between 1 and 4 and perhaps she could stop by then. Also, this family friend who was doing me a HUGE favor might be over there today cleaning the carpets. So, if she is, she might be able to show it then. I gave her your number, hung up and prayed for someone better to come along.

Friday, October 16, 2009

Victory

Great news! Mrs. Martin agreed to settle for more than I bargained for. It is a good thing too. I am currently suffering from a post-flu apocalyptic sinus infection and there was no way the TSA was going to tolerate a middle-aged cranky woman with a mind-blowing an earache at 40,000 feet

Before I got Legal Eagle's news, I told her if I had to get on that plane with my sinus infection because Mrs. Martin didn't settle, I was asking the judge for everything--including some things I haven't though of just yet. So, Legal had until my plane took off to make it happen. With the efficiency that comes with an unfathomable hourly rate, Legal Eagle swooped down and saved the day.

Though I have a bunch of chores over there, I wasn't up to spending a week away from my family. With nothing terribly pressing, the paperwork I need to take care of can be handled via phone, mail or Carolsue. I won't get to meet Kirby or see Mr. and Mrs. Jack. I won't get to visit with Carolsue. And, I won't be able to accept an overdue church invitation from one of my former tenants.

But, I will be here where the temperature is set to be 100 degrees Saturday. I will be sharing my victory with my family.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

And Speaking of Appliances...

Mr. Shanty called me Wednesday with the deal of the decade! He was selling his side by side refrigerator and was I interested?

He bought it used about five to seven years ago for $200. He wasn't sure how old it was. He said it was a bit "beat up" and could use--and I am not making this up--a "coat of paint."

And! Great news! It could be mine for the low-low price of $75.

After refusing twice, Mr. Shanty kept pushing. Finally I told him I would think about it and get back to him. He said, "Ok, but I can't guarantee it will still be here by this weekend. I have other interested buyers."

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

A Waterford Home Update

Kirby called me Tuesday. He had three potential people for Mrs. Waterford's former home.

1. A guy from England whose company was looking at relocating him to Birmingham Alabama (yes, we were clear it wasn't Birmingham England).

2. A single woman with two children on a Section 8 voucher who would have to come in with an additional $300 a month of her own money to cover the rent.

3. A single woman with a 40 pound terrier and wanted me to supply a washer and dryer.

Naively, Kirby wanted to know if I had any opinions.

I gave Kirby my experiences with all of the people from England who have contact me moving to Birmingham Alabama (not Birmingham England). Essentially what I have seen is more like one of those Nigerian money laundering schemes. Right now, my current Craigslist posting for the home in Leeds is averaging about one of these inquiries every three days.

The way it works is, the person relocating, offers to send over one check to cover all thier moving expenses. They ask the landlord to cash it and then pay all their other vendors who are helping them move. Usually these vendors consist of an "interior deisgner"/operative. Essentially, they are asking to send one check, have me act as the accountant and bill payer. You would think the interior designer/operatives would find other places to scam.

Mr. Partner has always been against Section 8 tenants. And frankly, I am not a fan either, but that is for another post. There are some occasions where I might be able to sell him on this, but this home has been listed for only two weeks.

So, before I bugged Mr. Partner with a given no, I wanted to know how this mother was going to be able to provide the remaining rent. Did she have employment? Did she have ties to the area? Were her children in school? Would she have the money to fix a broken towel bar? If she couldn't uphold her end of the rent, would she care? Or would she just dare me to evict her, so that she can go on to the next landlord (and yes, I know Section 8 tenants are required to uphold thier end of the bargain or they loose their vouchers. But I have seen Section 8 tenants who managed to work the system.).

The last tenant sounded more reaasonable, though I am not crazy about pets right about now with brand new carpeting. However, someone with a trained dog doesn't sound too bad. This woman is even offering to provide me with obediance school certificates.

The washer and dryer thing is kind of an issue. I don't want to pay for additional appliances. This person can probably look around and find used ones for under $200 for the set. I know I can.

However, if this person is really tenant-worthy, I won't let a washer and dryer stand in my way of a rented home. I can find a use set just as well as she can. I told Kirby this. He agreed and said he would see what he could do.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Mrs. Sherwood

Mrs. Sherwood has been renting from me for about two years. I have spoken to her over the phone about six times in those 24 months. Once she called to tell me rent would be late. It arrived one day after the due day.

I spoke with her once about a hot water heater crisis. Sadly, it decided to die on a Saturday morning (can you relate Happy Camper?). No matter, the best plumber in Birmingham was on it.

I also spoke with her twice about about her stove. She called the first time to say the oven didn't work. She called back later telling me she reconsidered and to belay her request. Otherwise, her husband would expect her to cook and her children would require her to host the holiday meals. So, no oven. Please.

Last Friday Mrs. Sherwood called to tell me she lost her job and her husband's hours just got cut back. She wasn't asking for anything special, she was just telling me they would be able to make this month's rent, but after that, it looked like she would be moving out. And anyway, thanks for everything.

Here are the realities of the situation. Mrs. Sherwood's home is 45 years old. The carpet is 45 years old. When I was in the house two years ago, it looked like it hadn't been painted in 45 years. The appliances are probably original or close to it. The fixtures are probably about the same. The stove doesn't work. It is close to the holidays.

There are people like Mr. and Mrs. Betty, who would call under these circumstances and say, "What are we to do? This isn't our fault!" Mrs. Sherwood was just doing the honorable thing: giving notice.

There is such a difference between the tenant who is just giving the facts: "I can't honor my lease" and those who ask me to solve their problems: "What should we do?" When I was faced with this last month, I told the Bettys to move. I would rather gamble on a long-term tenant with a good history, than someone unwilling to be accountable for their own lives.

When I talked with Mrs. Sherwood on Friday, I asked her to wait on this a few days and let's talk Monday (call number six). She agreed. Me? I was hoping for a miracle and I needed to talk to Mr. Partner and Marty Sunshine about our options. Both were amieable to helping her out a couple of months.

This really isn't a matter of generosity. This is a complete business decision. We have a house that would be sitting vacant probably over the holidays. It would need a stove at the very least. But, more likely, it would need flooring and a coat of paint. With the Waterford home and the Leeds home already vacant, it wouldn't suit us to have to carry this too (though I expect both will be rented before Mrs. Sherwood moved out).

Mrs. Sherwood has been a fantastic tenant. She pays promptly. She doesn't want a close personal friendship. I never hear from her. When I am in Birmingham, I drive by her home, and it is always looks kept up. I know Mrs. Sherwood is looking for employment. What she is offering to pay until she has a job will cover the mortgage payment, so we aren't taking a loss.

The worst case scenario with this is Mrs. Sherwood is babysitting our asset for a few months over the holidays at a reduction in rent and then we part company in January. The best case scenario is she gets over this hurdle and stays for another two years--and I still don't have to buy an oven.

Mr. Shanty's Bright Red Flags

A week ago, Carolsue held my Leeds house open in the futile hope of finding me a renter. Sadly, the only serious bidders were folks who live on that street, in search of a new landlord.

Currently, they are living in a broken-down shanty and paying $500 a month. Could I match that? Nope. I don't have a shanty. Nor will I. (Even in Birmingham, where the cost of living is pretty low, $500 is still a screaming deal--or, in this case, the house is falling apart).

Though it was mutually established early on that Mr. and Mrs. Shanty were not going to rent from me, Mr. Shanty was very friendly. I admire him for knowing his financial limits and not going with the unrealistic hope that he could scrape by each month. Though I didn't tell him, that is one of my red flags for tenant failure.

Mr. Shanty hit two more red flags as well. The first was telling me lots of tales of how he and his immediate landlord don't see eye-to-eye on his currently living conditions. However, according to Mr. Shanty, this isn't his fault. He said he saw this house in the dark, so he didn't know how run down this place was. I didn't point out that he could have seen the property in the day light. Anyway Mr. Shanty is moving because the house is a dump and the landlord is a bad name, Mr. Shanty felt we were on familiar enough terms to share with me.

Another red flag is the overly chatty tenant wants me to really like them. This comes in a variety of categories, but generally, even before they move in, they offer special obscure favors that have nothing to do with where they live. Mr. Smith offered to handle any singing telegram needs I might have. Early on, Ms. Betty gave me an unsolicited offer to collect my rents, telling me, "It wouldn't be a bother."

In Mr. Shanty's case, he has offered to clean my gutters, lay carpet and install a dishwasher (though I am going to take him up on this one once I have a tenant for the Leeds house). Mr. Shanty has called FIVE times in the past week, asking if I had any side jobs for him. Granted, I was suffering from the flu and didn't get to him right away, but one voice mail would have sufficed.

When I called Mr. Shanty back on Saturday morning, he regaled me with many additional stories of his handyman attributes. Then, he dropped the bomb. Mr. Shanty asked if I would be interested in buying a home that I could rent back to him for $500.

Um... probably not.

Friday, October 09, 2009

Facebook Debbie's Plight

Apparently no attorney wanted to handle Facebook Debbie's claim against her landlord. From what I understand, she is going to court today sue her "money grubbing landlord."

I didn't bother to point out that her landlord acted within two hours of her call, she chose to move out and she got all of her deposits back. She admitted when it happened she did not have personal property damage.

There is no point in posting on her Wall my point of view. This landlord has a heck of a mess to clean up, a big headache and is probably beyond thrilled to be rid of her. There is just no point, because we all know who the true moron is when you opt to argue with someone more ignorant than you.

I think I am taking Facebook Debbie off my friend's list just as soon as I hear who won in court. I am rooting for the landlord. Us money grubbers should stick together.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Career Change

I have run Matt out of the handyman business.

When Matt randomly called me in August, he offered to take care of the handyman stuff for me at the Waterford home. It needed the carpets cleaned, some holes patched and a coat of paint. It also needed a door, and Matt wisely told me the door replacement wasn't something he wanted to tackle.

When Matt gave me the quote on painting and misclaneous clean-up, it was on the amazing side of reasonable. He also told me he would have everything done in four days.

That's when I knew the truth. Matt had no idea what he was doing.

When I talked to Matt earlier this week, he told me he is almost done painting (two weeks after he started). And, he is absolutely complete with the handyman phase of his life. Between painting the Waterford home and neighbor women hounding him at the Bankrputcy home, he is ready to go back to being an investment banker.

Matt and I are parting friends. In fact, I have already thrown a loan referral his way.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Random Bama

Mr. 114 went over to see about the door at Mrs. Waterford's former home that needs to be replaced. When we talked Monday morning he mentioned, "The neighbor told me Mr. Waterford is in jail for armed robbery."

I quickly looked over the Waterford's application. 615 credit score. No history of anything crazy. Geeze! Do I need to get a new screening company or a new crystal ball? I can't decide.

****

Matt tells me was at the Bankruptcy home cleaning the carpets when the barrage of Southern women came over in search of gossip. What happened to the former tenants? They were such nice people! Who is moving in now?

One woman in particular was ready to plow Matt down to get into the house. He said she demanded the curtains. Apparently Mrs. Bankruptcy borrowed them from this woman or promised them to her when Mrs. Bankruptcy moved out. Either way, she was there to take them and would Matt kindly step aside.

Matt saved my curtains and quickly locked the door. I don't think he was planning on that being part of his job description.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Let's Just Call It Even, Shall We?

Carolsue has been preoccupied with life so I thought this would be a no-brainer. Ms. Betty was moving out. It was a more-or-less amiable split, with me pleased as punch to have this woman out of my life.

Because I thought this would be so simple, I asked her if she wanted to spit-shine her current home to "motel clean." I even offered to refund her half her cleaning deposit if she did so. Ms. Betty was thrilled I offered and even sent me a mushy note, explaining how God has put me in her life for a reason.

Though I probably don't have to define "motel clean" to the masses, apparently this concept was a bit lost on Ms. Betty. She did move her stuff out. She did sweep the floor and clean the pottys. Sadly, now I know what kinds of places Ms. Betty lodges at when she goes out of town.

For a week, Ms. Betty has been asking for her check. I have simply been ignoring her, waiting for Carolsue's assessment before I paid her a dime. Monday I got an e-mail from her saying, "I hope you aren't going to do me wrong."

Damn. I couldn't resist.

I wrote her back, explaining she did me wrong. She left a bunch of stuff she hauled into my home but didn't want to take with her to her new dwelling under the back deck and behind the shed (including a computer Carolsue commandeered with a file dated Sept. 12, 2009 titled "What is wrong with the landlord." Sadly, Carolsue hasn't been able to open the file yet.). How is this stuff going to be removed? Who pays for this?

Ms. Betty also forgot to clean off the crayon markings all over the walls. She forgot to repair some drywall. And, the one year old carpet that started my beautiful friendship with James the Hell's Angel Turned Carpet Guy is beyond filthy. From what I understand it smells like dirty dog.

Additionally, I told Ms. Betty that I spoke with one of the neighbors yesterday (from the non-redneck mafia end of the street, who had a fleeting interest in renting my home) about the dishwasher incident and they are pretty sure they know who took it. I told Ms. Betty her neighbor's assessment of the missing dishwasher fit in line with my suspicions too. Unfortunately, this was WAY too subtle for her.

In my e-mail I said, "I am not paying you for causing me more money to clean up your filthy mess. Between the junk, the drywall and paint and now the awful carpet, I will spend more on filth you caused." I also told her she and her husband have been given notice she is not to go near the house or the neighbor will call the police.

Given that I was in full bitch mode when I wrote her, I seriously didn't think I would hear from her. I did.

Ms. Betty's response was simply this, "ok that's fine but then you need to give my the money i spent on the locks to your house." She said her total cost was $20.

I just told her to send me the receipt, dated Sept. 26 for the two doorknobs and two deadbolts and I would be happy to reimburse her.

Or, maybe not.

Monday, October 05, 2009

Plugging in the Crystal Ball

So, Marty and Mr. Partner tasked me with putting together some forecasting for the last quarter of 2009 and all of 2010. This really was a fair request, as I am closer to knowing what is going on than anyone else.

When I gave the info to Marty, he asked if this was my final estimate. I said, "Nope. I don't know who will leave next year. I don't know who will file bankruptcy. I don't know who will decide to become a compulsive gambler, house illegal aliens, sell drugs, have domestic violence issues, loose their job or just stop paying because they want to."

"Yea, that could be a problem." Marty agreed.

You would think something as mundane as rental properties wouldn't have so much drama. But, it only takes one tenant to have a life changing event and completely upend our plans for future growth. I can handle a broken water pipe. I am having a bit of trouble with the people.

Of course, it is this unknown that Marty and Mr. Partner are looking for. Here is what I can tell them: all but two homes are currently rented. I have one tenant that is teetering on the brink of trouble. All my other tenants are doing great. So, if the ones who are great stay great, the one teetering gets her act together or or leaves without incident and I can rent out the other two homes to quality people, yep, we are ok for next year.

That's how the first few years of our business ran. So, I know it can happen again.

Sunday, October 04, 2009

Hmmm

Saturday, I texted Legal Eagle with the following, "Are you free to discuss something today? Can I call you?" I forgot to leave my name with my message.

No matter, she knew who it was. I am debating if I should be am concerned I am now in her cell phone book or if she is just that familiar with my phone number.

Saturday, October 03, 2009

Today's Shout-Out

We have a new future reader here at Sage Business central.

Abigail Joanna was born on Monday, September 28. She is the third child of my dear friend and reader, Busy Mommy.

Welcome Miss Abby!

Friday, October 02, 2009

Finally

So, Legal Eagle sweetly called me Thursday. "Hi Mr. and Mrs. Green are here to drop off a check for you." A true Southerner and complete professional, what she didn't say was, "Who are Mr. and Mrs. Green and why are they sitting in my office trying to give me money?"

Truthfully, I am pretty sure she was only marginally curious as to why two perfect strangers were there, handing a lawyer money on my behalf. Legal Eagle knows better. Sadly, I doubt anything related to me and my rental homes surprise her anymore.

The reason they were there is quite simple. After months of annoyances and false starts, it turns out my house on Martin is rented!!!! The Greens weren't my first choice, but after letting Fate step in, it appears everyone--especially the Greens--are ecstatic.

Up until Sunday, my first choice was Bonnie. Bonnie and I had been talking about the Martin home for weeks. Finally, she got around to seeing it. However, Bonnie left me a message Sunday saying, "We need to do some negotiating."

You see, the Martin home needs a stove. Bonnie has a stove and was willing to donate her stove (that she was probably bringing either way) for the duration of her lease in exchange for $100 off the rent price. If you do the math, that would be a reduction of $1200 for a year. To allow her access to a stove she already owns.

It isn't that I don't appreciate the offer, as I would prefer not to buy one right now. (the last stove I put in turned into a brawl between Carolsue and Ms. Betty, with the only clear winner being the electrician who billed me for his time, but that is for another post). But, it isn't a good idea--before you have even put in the application--to start a voice mail to any landlord saying, "we need to negotiate."

No we don't. At least not any more.

Monday, Amy sent in her thorough application. She send me pay stubs. We were ready to rock. Monday afternoon I left a message for her telling her to call me so we can get this party started. I e-mailed her Tuesday with a similar message. Wednesday I went on to my applicant #3.

Mr. and Mrs. Green were applicants #3. They sent their application in precisely 20 minutes after I had called Amy saying the house was theirs if they call me back. When I got Mrs. Green's application, I called her, apologizing and explaining her uncanny timing. I explained I had the Leeds house and Mrs. Waterford's former home, if she was interested in either. She wasn't. She said to call her back in a few days if it didn't rent.

Unlike Amy, the Greens don't have pets or young children. In fact, Carolsue told me Wednesday afternoon, at the open house Saturday, she overheard Amy telling Mr. Amy they were planning on using the newly-carpeted downstairs to house the dogs until they could afford some sort of fence for the back yard (I am refusing to fence the yard). Additionally, the Greens wanted to move in right away, instead of November 1st like Amy.

I finally heard from Amy Wednesday afternoon, precisely 20 minutes after I sent over the lease to Mrs. Green. Yes, she wanted the house! She had just been too busy for the past 48 hours to bother to contact me.

Thursday I gave her the sad news. She was out of luck. I did offer her the Leeds house, but I doubt she is interested.

Thursday afternoon, Legal Eagle sent me a note. She said about the Greens, "Very nice people – let’s hope I’m not suing them down the road." Ya. I kinda hope so too.

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Still Trying Not to Sue on Principal

We are still in the "trying to settle out of court" phase of my Mrs. Martin drama. I haven't had the nerve to ask, but I am guessing Legal Eagle is sick of the whole thing.

All I really want to know is if and when I am buying my tickets to Birmingham. As this was Mrs. Martin's idea to settle, I am not sure what the hold-up is. My theory is Mrs. Martin will get around to cooperating about 20 minutes after I book my tickets. As I was planning a trip sometime soon anyway to check things out, a court date is a good enough reason as any to head over there.

All in all, Mrs. Martin has admitted she owes. I am hearing she doesn't want to go to court. I have already told Legal Eagle my bottom line--which happens to be close to Mrs. Martin's bottom line. Right now it is just up to Mrs. Martin to agree.

All I really want: two month's rent and the cost of the eviction Legal Eagle did for a song. And more importantly, I just want to end the madness so I can move on!