A Day In The Life

Lest you think I have nothing better to do than make up tales about pool of potential tenants I meet, nope. It is all real. And, it seems the ones in Leeds Alabama are always the most colorful. With the exception of Boo, who owns the cash-only locksmith and gun shop behind Augie's Bar in Downtown Leeds, this has pretty much been my experience with everyone in Leeds Alabama.

Carolsue and I had the following e-mail exchange on Saturday. Here is what she wrote me:

So, it's like 3:30 and the phone rings.

This old lady says to me, "Are you the lady that's supposed to show me the house?"

I replied, "If you're talking about the house in Leeds, then yes, I suppose I am."

She says, "I'll can be there in about 30 minutes, can you give me directions?" (First how does she know she can be there in about 30 minutes, if I need to give her directions so she will know where it is?? Secondly, could you say hello and perhaps even - I know this is a LOT to ask - give me your name??)

I replied, "No ma'am, I cannot be there in about 30 minutes. However, I am going to be there tomorrow between 1 and 4 if you would like to come by at that time, I'll be happy to show the house to you."

She says, "You won't do it now?"

I replied, "No ma'am, I can't."

She says, "Well, I certainly don't know why on earth not!"

Somewhat taken aback and not wanting to be rude, I simply repeated myself, "I will be there tomorrow if you want to see it then you are welcome to come."

She says, "Well, how about you just tell me where it is and I'll drive out there today all by myself (she added emphasis to that) and see if it is even something I'd be interested in?"

I replied, "Sure, that sounds like a great idea." Then I gave her directions. However, I don't think she is going to find it because when I told her to turn by the Sonic and the elementary school and go over the tracks, she kept saying, "I know that street, it goes to downtown Leeds." First, is there a downtown Leeds? And secondly, no it does not. After the third time that I repeated the directions (because that street does not go to downtown Leeds - providing there is actually a downtown Leeds) and her steadfastly insisting that it most certainly does, I gave up.

Having said that, I think she will be perfect for the neighborhood. Judging by her rudeness and aggressiveness, I also don't think anyone would dare to come onto the property while she lives there so no hacksaws will ever be found beneath that house again!

In my mind I pictured her looking something like the picture below. This is her after she found the moron across the street in her shed. I'll let you know if she shows tomorrow.

And my response to Carolsue's e-mail:

Ah yes! The rude lady! Her name is Audrey or something. I got a text from her this morning with JUST A PHONE NUMBER, called back, left a message. She called me back and said, "did you just call me?" I don't know lady, did you listen to your voice mail???

Anyway, I told her I had gotten a text from that number... and before I could continue, she barked, "It wasn't from me. I don't text. I never text."

I told her, my mistake, apologized, told her I am sure I dialed the wrong number and hung up.

She then called back two minutes later (as if none of the previous conversation had NEVER happened) and told me she was interested in the house and could she see it in the afternoon.

I told her I was out of town, but I had a family friend who was doing me a HUGE favor. She was showing it tomorrow between 1 and 4 and perhaps she could stop by then. Also, this family friend who was doing me a HUGE favor might be over there today cleaning the carpets. So, if she is, she might be able to show it then. I gave her your number, hung up and prayed for someone better to come along.