Marty Sunshine felt sorry for Ms. Shirley on Monday, as he listened to me as I laid into her in epic proportions. That is, until he heard me parrot what she had just said: she was too embarrassed to call me.
Um yea... on the top 21 things never to say to me, that is somewhere on the list. I am much more agreeable when the person in question sucks it up and dials the phone. Of course, she also said her phone is restricted and she can't make long distance calls (on her cell) and her Internet doesn't work.
I pointed out that her neighbors have Internet and phones. Her daughter has a cell phone. The library has computers. There is the US postal service. Essentially, I am not that hard to get in touch with.
I also told her that sometimes we all have to make difficult phone calls--like the one I was going to have to make to Mr. Partner, explaining that a tenant that I have granted favors for, has essentially taken advantage of my good nature.
Ms. Shirley then quickly changed the subject by starting in on how she has bills, she has been sick and I just don't know what it is like to be "poor."
I completely bypassed that particular comment, as Ms. Shirley doesn't need to know my upbringing. How I had one pair of pants to my name throughout Junior High. And how Junior High girls are vicious. She doesn't need to know about how I went to three high schools because my father had been out of work for two years in the early 1980s. She doesn't need to hear about how we ended up living in a 900 square foot 1890's Vermont home, with inadequate heat, right next door to the projects.
Nor does Ms. Shirley need to know about how the summer I was pregnant with Polly I drove around in a 1989 Subaru station wagon. The engine blew black exhaust, the bumper had a gigantic hole in it and the worst part was the car had no air conditioning whatsoever. All because we were determined to live within our means.
Nope. I have no idea what it is like to be Ms. Shirley poor.
Instead I seethed, "Do you know what it is like to be homeless? Because if I don't have your rent payment, I don't pay the mortgage and neither of us have a house."
"Oh, I don't want that." Ms. Shirley stupidly replied.
Note to Ms. Shirley: you are almost homeless.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
My Nose Bleeds for You
Haroldine called me Sunday night. You see, she apparently is under the assumption I am a patient landlord. She is further under the mistaken impression I am happy for her to channel Lucy VanPelt while I muster up the energy to channel Charlie Brown.
Nope, I really don't believe she is going to hold the football.
You see, she knew the rent was going to be late and told me so up front. Then, when the due date passed, I barked at her. Haroline in turn gave me a new drop dead date--which also came and passed.
I would like to go on record here: it has been more than a year since I have stressed so badly about rent money that I have stayed up all night, pacing the floor. There are times I stay up for an extra hour or two... but not all night. However, Thanksgiving night, I was awake, stressing about Haroldine's rent check. It didn't come Friday or Saturday and I have been having sleepless fits ever since.
Saturday night, I finally came up with an acceptable game plan: call Jack on Monday (today). Let him deal with his tenants. Then I went to sleep for an hour.
Haroldine must have psychically caught wind of my action plan because she called Sunday night. Apparently rent and late fees are definitely on their way. In fact, she was planning on overnighting it--if that was ok with me. Haroldine went on to tell me how cash strapped life has been for her. She had been so stressed she had started having bloody noses and heart palpitations.
Really? I asked. Is her mortgage payment due December1? Because mine is. And, while she is at it, don't whine and expect to play the sympathy card with me because it isn't working. I am sleep deprived.
Nope, I really don't believe she is going to hold the football.
You see, she knew the rent was going to be late and told me so up front. Then, when the due date passed, I barked at her. Haroline in turn gave me a new drop dead date--which also came and passed.
I would like to go on record here: it has been more than a year since I have stressed so badly about rent money that I have stayed up all night, pacing the floor. There are times I stay up for an extra hour or two... but not all night. However, Thanksgiving night, I was awake, stressing about Haroldine's rent check. It didn't come Friday or Saturday and I have been having sleepless fits ever since.
Saturday night, I finally came up with an acceptable game plan: call Jack on Monday (today). Let him deal with his tenants. Then I went to sleep for an hour.
Haroldine must have psychically caught wind of my action plan because she called Sunday night. Apparently rent and late fees are definitely on their way. In fact, she was planning on overnighting it--if that was ok with me. Haroldine went on to tell me how cash strapped life has been for her. She had been so stressed she had started having bloody noses and heart palpitations.
Really? I asked. Is her mortgage payment due December1? Because mine is. And, while she is at it, don't whine and expect to play the sympathy card with me because it isn't working. I am sleep deprived.
Friday, November 26, 2010
A Disaster in the Making
Several months ago, I was approached by this rather large extended family on helping them find a place to rent. As they were my clients, my job was to present them in the best light possible and help them find a place to live.
The players in question: Babs and Seth--mom and dad--in their early 50s, recently foreclosed upon, self employed in the fledgling construction industry. Joining Babs and Seth were unemployed Daughter 1 who was going through a divorce and had three children of her own. Very Pregnant Daughter 2, her husband (who both worked at a pizza joint) and their toddler and Son 1 who (evidently) had some sort of history of conflicting with law enforcement, was going to the local junior college and was in-between jobs. If you do the math, you should have counted 10 people with an 11th on the way.
A landlord's dream come true.
The only home big enough for this extended family, in their price range, was found. The landlord bought it sight unseen at an auction a month earlier. The 2 acre property included a 2 bedroom apartment, a guest home and a barn. Someone was already renting the apartment. The landlord was planning on keeping the guest home to use as an "office" and he was planning on renting out the barn to a third party. The house was built in one of Mesa's orange groves in the 1980s and hadn't been updated since. Though it was spacious enough, a coat of paint alone would have done wonders.
I explained to Babs and Seth early on, they have no control over who rents the other building--so if the tenant uses the barn to store explosives or makes it into a grow house, that isn't anything they will have control over. If the owner decides to keep a mistress in his office/guest home or if he decides to throw wild parties back there on a Tuesday night, there isn't much Babs and Seth can do about it. If the tenants in the apartment next door aren't their cup of tea, they are stuck. Essentially, this is communal living with Babs, Seth and the gang getting a 7,000 square foot piece of the pie.
If it had been me, the cost of air conditioning a 7,000 square foot home through an Arizona summer would have been enough for me to run in the opposite direction. But, I also explained to them up front about the living conditions, the risks in renting, given they had all this space but had to share the estate with their landlord who may or may not have a style of living they were comfortable with. Babs and Seth could only see big home and extended family all cozying up under one roof.
As far as Babs and Seth went, I could see about 16 zillion red flags renting to them. But, it was my job--as their agent--to present this family in the best light. So, I did what I am supposed to. I explained to them how to best fill out the application to sound the most appealing--without lying mind you. I like my license. I suggested they write a letter to the landlord, explaining how the living situation would be going. I wanted the landlord to get an idea of who they were on a personal level.
Perhaps Seth and Babs' attempt to dazzle the landlord with brilliance worked, or perhaps the landlord was desperate (he should have been), either way, Babs, Seth and the whole brood were approved. Part of me felt bad for the landlord. But, the landlord wasn't going to get a 650 credit score living in his quirky seriously outdated mega mansion.
I got word in October that Babs and Seth stopped paying the rent. Because I live nearby (on the other side of the tracks), the landlord's agent asked me to drive by a couple of times looking to see if there were any signs of life going on in the main home. Nope. By mid-October, Babs and Seth skipped. The home is now up for rent again. With the landlord looking for someone else who might have an interest in sharing an estate with several other strangers.
The players in question: Babs and Seth--mom and dad--in their early 50s, recently foreclosed upon, self employed in the fledgling construction industry. Joining Babs and Seth were unemployed Daughter 1 who was going through a divorce and had three children of her own. Very Pregnant Daughter 2, her husband (who both worked at a pizza joint) and their toddler and Son 1 who (evidently) had some sort of history of conflicting with law enforcement, was going to the local junior college and was in-between jobs. If you do the math, you should have counted 10 people with an 11th on the way.
A landlord's dream come true.
The only home big enough for this extended family, in their price range, was found. The landlord bought it sight unseen at an auction a month earlier. The 2 acre property included a 2 bedroom apartment, a guest home and a barn. Someone was already renting the apartment. The landlord was planning on keeping the guest home to use as an "office" and he was planning on renting out the barn to a third party. The house was built in one of Mesa's orange groves in the 1980s and hadn't been updated since. Though it was spacious enough, a coat of paint alone would have done wonders.
I explained to Babs and Seth early on, they have no control over who rents the other building--so if the tenant uses the barn to store explosives or makes it into a grow house, that isn't anything they will have control over. If the owner decides to keep a mistress in his office/guest home or if he decides to throw wild parties back there on a Tuesday night, there isn't much Babs and Seth can do about it. If the tenants in the apartment next door aren't their cup of tea, they are stuck. Essentially, this is communal living with Babs, Seth and the gang getting a 7,000 square foot piece of the pie.
If it had been me, the cost of air conditioning a 7,000 square foot home through an Arizona summer would have been enough for me to run in the opposite direction. But, I also explained to them up front about the living conditions, the risks in renting, given they had all this space but had to share the estate with their landlord who may or may not have a style of living they were comfortable with. Babs and Seth could only see big home and extended family all cozying up under one roof.
As far as Babs and Seth went, I could see about 16 zillion red flags renting to them. But, it was my job--as their agent--to present this family in the best light. So, I did what I am supposed to. I explained to them how to best fill out the application to sound the most appealing--without lying mind you. I like my license. I suggested they write a letter to the landlord, explaining how the living situation would be going. I wanted the landlord to get an idea of who they were on a personal level.
Perhaps Seth and Babs' attempt to dazzle the landlord with brilliance worked, or perhaps the landlord was desperate (he should have been), either way, Babs, Seth and the whole brood were approved. Part of me felt bad for the landlord. But, the landlord wasn't going to get a 650 credit score living in his quirky seriously outdated mega mansion.
I got word in October that Babs and Seth stopped paying the rent. Because I live nearby (on the other side of the tracks), the landlord's agent asked me to drive by a couple of times looking to see if there were any signs of life going on in the main home. Nope. By mid-October, Babs and Seth skipped. The home is now up for rent again. With the landlord looking for someone else who might have an interest in sharing an estate with several other strangers.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving
We start our family prayer every night by saying what one thing we are grateful for. Buckaroo is often grateful for playing his DS. Polly is generally grateful she got to play with friends. It is the simple things that make them happy. I am grateful for that.
I am also grateful for bigger things. The last two years we have been as much a victim of the economy as everyone else. We weren't prepared for things to go downhill. And, even if we were, we certainly weren't as prepared as we would have needed to be.
But we have survived. And--I am knocking on wood here--if the worst is over, or if this is as bad as it gets, I think my accidental business will stay in tact. It is going to change, evolve. I have some changes on the horizon that will be happening one way or another. Change isn't always bad. Except when "change" involves a trashed home.
My list of gratitude this Thanksgiving is longer and more personal than I wish to get into in this simple blog. But I can tell you this. I am grateful to have had this adventure. This journey may not last forever, but in the end I hope to look back and know I did my best and acted in a way that my children can benefit from. I am grateful I have my blog. And, I am also very grateful I have a few readers who follow along on my adventures.
Thank you all.
I am also grateful for bigger things. The last two years we have been as much a victim of the economy as everyone else. We weren't prepared for things to go downhill. And, even if we were, we certainly weren't as prepared as we would have needed to be.
But we have survived. And--I am knocking on wood here--if the worst is over, or if this is as bad as it gets, I think my accidental business will stay in tact. It is going to change, evolve. I have some changes on the horizon that will be happening one way or another. Change isn't always bad. Except when "change" involves a trashed home.
My list of gratitude this Thanksgiving is longer and more personal than I wish to get into in this simple blog. But I can tell you this. I am grateful to have had this adventure. This journey may not last forever, but in the end I hope to look back and know I did my best and acted in a way that my children can benefit from. I am grateful I have my blog. And, I am also very grateful I have a few readers who follow along on my adventures.
Thank you all.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
You've Been Warned
With the exception of a few choice tenants, rent is due on the 15th. So far this month all but two have paid on time. You know things aren't looking all that cheery when one of those two is Ms. Kathy--and she is missing a portion of her total rent owed. Even Kirby hasn't sent me the rent checks of the three properties he manages--but he told me he would be sending them out this week.
So on Tuesday I started making phone calls and e-mails. Mrs. Sherwood had told me on Monday that she had mailed the rent last week. Ms. Angie also sent the rent last week. I have no reason not to believe her. I did call Haroldine and I wasn't too nice, suggesting that she had taxed my good nature to the breaking point. I wasn't very nice in my note to Ms. Shirley either--but I left the message rather vague.
I bypassed everyone else, figuring rent was in various states of delivery. Besides, after making Haroldine cry, I didn't have the energy to spend another hour on the phone hunting down every single renter who probably sent their rent last week. I will save that task for Friday. Maybe by then the mail will have caught up with me, or at least I will be in a better mood.
So on Tuesday I started making phone calls and e-mails. Mrs. Sherwood had told me on Monday that she had mailed the rent last week. Ms. Angie also sent the rent last week. I have no reason not to believe her. I did call Haroldine and I wasn't too nice, suggesting that she had taxed my good nature to the breaking point. I wasn't very nice in my note to Ms. Shirley either--but I left the message rather vague.
I bypassed everyone else, figuring rent was in various states of delivery. Besides, after making Haroldine cry, I didn't have the energy to spend another hour on the phone hunting down every single renter who probably sent their rent last week. I will save that task for Friday. Maybe by then the mail will have caught up with me, or at least I will be in a better mood.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
Just a Burner or Two
Mrs. Sherwood went to full extremes to make sure last weekend was just ducky for me. That's because she waited until 5 p.m. Monday to call me to tell me:
1. Her 47+ year old stove caught fire on Sunday.
2. She looked on Craig's List and couldn't find anything decent and you-would-think-someone-selling-a-stove-on-Craig's-List-would-take-the-time-to-clean-it, wouldn't you?
3. She spent Monday shopping around and found a new one for a reasonable price.
I luv Mrs. Sherwood. Have I ever mentioned that?
And, if we could just take a moment here: some landlords are afraid of the cliche'd "the toilet overflowed at 2 a.m." phone call. I have to tell you, I would prefer it to any form of phone call involving flames. This wasn't my first (or my second) fire call.
Even as I processed Mrs. Sherwood's news, I realized I was horror-stuck with a terrible dilemma. Once we established nobody or other item in the home was injured, I pointed out to her, "You told me if you ever asked for a stove, I was to remind you that you didn't want one and then you instructed me to refuse to buy one. And, you also told me that if I ever did buy you you a stove, you would move out. "
Thankfully, Mrs. Sherwood did agree she had made such assertions before. But, that was before the 47+ year old stove caught fire. And, as much as she hated to cook, she really did need at a burner or two in order to get by.
I also addressed the issue of delivery. You see, I don't feel like being groped by a TSA agent, two days before Thanksgiving just because the delivery charges will exceed the cost of the federal debt. (and by the way, here's a tip for anyone who has had skin cancer, courtesy of my dermatologist last week: it is NOT safe for skin cancer patients to through the airport scanners.). Mrs. Sherwood didn't blink twice. She assured me she would find a truck and get her stove delivered. But, if I did want to come on over to see the new stove, she would be happy to cook me a meal.
She then told me she has no plans on moving. Especially now that she has a new burner or two.
Monday, November 22, 2010
The Good, The Better, The Bad and The Ugly
The Good: Carolsue was gracious to spend part of her Sunday hanging out at the Leeds home in hopes that someone--anyone--might come by and nudge their significant other in the ribs and say, "Elmer! Don't you think this place is perfect for us?" Or, any other such wonderfulness. No luck.
The Bad: The neighbor directly to the North is still there. I believe he got another shipment in of oiled crosses last week.
The Ugly: My very cute little cottage in Leeds is still vacant and I have to break the news to Mr. Partner. As far as I am concerned, I have done every earthly thing I can think of to find a renter. It is time for some drastic measures.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
No Leads on Leeds
It appears not wanting two unmarried couples who were marginally qualified to begin with renting my Leeds home has afforded me a vacant home a bit longer than expected.
Tomorrow Carolsue is holding an open house. I advertised it in the newspaper and on Craig's list. Yes, this property is in Kirby's care. But Kirby doesn't do open houses. I need this place rented.
I did receive a phone call on Friday from my ad. The woman in question was articulate and polite. She was looking for a place for her older parents. I immediately sent her to Kirby. Why wait until a silly little open house? She can see it now.
So far she hasn't called him.
I also got an e-mail from a woman who wants to move early next year. She said she is having a tough time finding a "decent rental" through Craig's list. It might not be Craig's list that is the problem. It could be:
1. She is looking three months early and landlords don't like to leave a house vacant for three additional months because she might want to live in it.
2. The amount of rent she wants to pay (what the Leeds home is renting for) does not afford her the mega-mansion she is looking for. But, it isn't my place to give her a lesson in basic economics.
What I did do was suggest she call Kirby. He has more homes than just mine available. Hopefully he can help her.
In the mean time, I am guessing this home will probably be vacant a bit longer. It is getting dangerously close to the holidays now. I am not discouraged.
Just yet.
Tomorrow Carolsue is holding an open house. I advertised it in the newspaper and on Craig's list. Yes, this property is in Kirby's care. But Kirby doesn't do open houses. I need this place rented.
I did receive a phone call on Friday from my ad. The woman in question was articulate and polite. She was looking for a place for her older parents. I immediately sent her to Kirby. Why wait until a silly little open house? She can see it now.
So far she hasn't called him.
I also got an e-mail from a woman who wants to move early next year. She said she is having a tough time finding a "decent rental" through Craig's list. It might not be Craig's list that is the problem. It could be:
1. She is looking three months early and landlords don't like to leave a house vacant for three additional months because she might want to live in it.
2. The amount of rent she wants to pay (what the Leeds home is renting for) does not afford her the mega-mansion she is looking for. But, it isn't my place to give her a lesson in basic economics.
What I did do was suggest she call Kirby. He has more homes than just mine available. Hopefully he can help her.
In the mean time, I am guessing this home will probably be vacant a bit longer. It is getting dangerously close to the holidays now. I am not discouraged.
Just yet.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Things Tenants Do to Annoy Me (or Make Sure I Won't be Granting Them Any Favors).
1. Lie. What really gets me about this particular item is the tenants know I am 1,700 miles away. So, if they tell me the ugly truth, not much is really going to happen. At least not right away. But, by telling me a stupid lie, not only are they guaranteeing something will happen. But, it won't be pretty.
Case in point: if you don't have the rent money until next Wednesday. Just say so. Telling me you just stuck the check in the mail last Friday when I will actually be receiving it next week, only bugs me--especially after I repeatedly go to the post office to check. You are then officially branded a liar. I don't trust liars. I don't bend over to keep liars living in my home. In fact, I encourage them to leave.
2. Ignore me. If I am trying to get in touch with tenants, and they don't return phone calls, letters or e-mails, I will go to more extreme measures. This includes (but isn't limited to) hiring people (such as Red the process server) to check out if the tenant has moved. If they haven't he will then slap a legal-looking notice on their door.
I have also been known to call the local police department and ask for a welfare check on an unresponsive tenant. That got a return phone call from the wayward tenant pretty quickly.
3. Not give me a way to contact you. I prefer three methods of contact with tenants. Mail, phone and e-mail.
In fact, I have a new unwritten rule: I don't rent to people who won't give me their e-mail address. If you have a Facebook account (and I now check), you have an e-mail address. I promise not to pepper you with chain letters, urban myths and jokes that have been recycled cyberly for the past 10 years (though the one titled "You know you live in Arizona when..." is pretty entertaining). In fact, I promise not to contact you at all if I don't need to. All I am asking for is a way to have a discussion if something breaks or there is a problem.
4. Don't expect me to solve your problems. Dear tenants who have lots of bad stuff happening to you: It IS your fault. You are responsible for your own mess. You are the foremost expert on your life. Figure it out and get back to me.
Ms. Betty's comment, asking me how she was supposed to pay the electricity and the rent is classic. Or even more outrageous, Mrs. Spring's comment asking how she could possibly pay her security deposit when she had to buy her 4 year old granddaughter a present was beyond bizarre. Sadly these aren't the only ones to burden me with their conundrums.
5. And speaking of burdening, dear tenant, don't. I don't want to hear how all your bills are due on the same day and that's why rent is late. I don't want to know about how you have to pay for school supplies for your children and that is why you can't come up with a portion of your rent--let alone ALL of your rent.
While we are on this topic, let me ask you this. Would you want me calling you right after you sent in your rent check and say, "I have a problem, I spent your rent money on a fabulous vacation and now your home is going into foreclosure, so it looks like you have to move next week."?
Let's live by this simple rule; My problems are mine; yours are yours.
6. Bouncing checks. Keeping a check book is simple elementary school math. Addition and subtraction. I understand sometimes we are all human and checks bounce. But it better not happen more than once.
7. Holding my rent hostage. This has happened once. The tenant in question was upset because I didn't make some minor cosmetic repair to the home they wanted made. So, she didn't pay me. I never agreed to the repair (a patch of drywall wasn't repaired expertly and they wanted the whole thing done again--even though it was behind their sofa and had been like that since before I bought the home). This happened in Arizona. In Arizona it is illegal to withhold rent for any reason. Even for a stupid $50 drywall patch. The tenant finally saw the whole thing my way when I sent her the Arizona Landlord-Tenant Act.
I am sure there are other things that irritate me to no end as well. But, these are the biggies. It is amazing how far I will give for someone who can manage to avoid the list above.
Case in point: if you don't have the rent money until next Wednesday. Just say so. Telling me you just stuck the check in the mail last Friday when I will actually be receiving it next week, only bugs me--especially after I repeatedly go to the post office to check. You are then officially branded a liar. I don't trust liars. I don't bend over to keep liars living in my home. In fact, I encourage them to leave.
2. Ignore me. If I am trying to get in touch with tenants, and they don't return phone calls, letters or e-mails, I will go to more extreme measures. This includes (but isn't limited to) hiring people (such as Red the process server) to check out if the tenant has moved. If they haven't he will then slap a legal-looking notice on their door.
I have also been known to call the local police department and ask for a welfare check on an unresponsive tenant. That got a return phone call from the wayward tenant pretty quickly.
3. Not give me a way to contact you. I prefer three methods of contact with tenants. Mail, phone and e-mail.
In fact, I have a new unwritten rule: I don't rent to people who won't give me their e-mail address. If you have a Facebook account (and I now check), you have an e-mail address. I promise not to pepper you with chain letters, urban myths and jokes that have been recycled cyberly for the past 10 years (though the one titled "You know you live in Arizona when..." is pretty entertaining). In fact, I promise not to contact you at all if I don't need to. All I am asking for is a way to have a discussion if something breaks or there is a problem.
4. Don't expect me to solve your problems. Dear tenants who have lots of bad stuff happening to you: It IS your fault. You are responsible for your own mess. You are the foremost expert on your life. Figure it out and get back to me.
Ms. Betty's comment, asking me how she was supposed to pay the electricity and the rent is classic. Or even more outrageous, Mrs. Spring's comment asking how she could possibly pay her security deposit when she had to buy her 4 year old granddaughter a present was beyond bizarre. Sadly these aren't the only ones to burden me with their conundrums.
5. And speaking of burdening, dear tenant, don't. I don't want to hear how all your bills are due on the same day and that's why rent is late. I don't want to know about how you have to pay for school supplies for your children and that is why you can't come up with a portion of your rent--let alone ALL of your rent.
While we are on this topic, let me ask you this. Would you want me calling you right after you sent in your rent check and say, "I have a problem, I spent your rent money on a fabulous vacation and now your home is going into foreclosure, so it looks like you have to move next week."?
Let's live by this simple rule; My problems are mine; yours are yours.
6. Bouncing checks. Keeping a check book is simple elementary school math. Addition and subtraction. I understand sometimes we are all human and checks bounce. But it better not happen more than once.
7. Holding my rent hostage. This has happened once. The tenant in question was upset because I didn't make some minor cosmetic repair to the home they wanted made. So, she didn't pay me. I never agreed to the repair (a patch of drywall wasn't repaired expertly and they wanted the whole thing done again--even though it was behind their sofa and had been like that since before I bought the home). This happened in Arizona. In Arizona it is illegal to withhold rent for any reason. Even for a stupid $50 drywall patch. The tenant finally saw the whole thing my way when I sent her the Arizona Landlord-Tenant Act.
I am sure there are other things that irritate me to no end as well. But, these are the biggies. It is amazing how far I will give for someone who can manage to avoid the list above.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Well Done
If I could please direct your attention to this post here. Or, if you would rather have the abridged backstory instead, it goes like this:
Alabama Real Estate Guru Jack and I own a rental house together (along with Marty Sunshine, but it gets tedious to write Jack, Marty Sunshine and I own a rental house together, especially when I am pretty much speaking for Marty most of the time. Unless he tells me otherwise. See! This is why you should have clicked on the link above). The month after Harold moved in, his lady friend (Haroldine)'s portion of the rent bounced. I wasn't happy and Haroldine begged me not to tell Mr. Jack.
I did anyway--though she doesn't know it.
Haroldine pays some obscure portion of the rent. Though I have never quite understood it, the amounts range from $137.64 to $486.39 any given month. Harold sends me a money order. Haroldine sends me a check. Or, she used to. Sadly, she bounced another check.
Right after I found out the check bounced, I called her, only to find out all forms of communication between Harold/Haroldine and I were invalid. That irritated me to no end.
Generally in these situations I send a letter or send over Carolsue to make the tenants cry. In this case, because Jack lives in the general area, I sent him over instead. I can do a pretty good bad-ass over the phone. Jack, however can do a better one in person.
Last Monday, Jack hand-delivered the letter I was planning on mailing. Apparently he spoke with Haroldine while he was there. About fifteen nano-seconds after Jack left, she called me. Now, I don't know what was said, but I bet whatever Jack conveyed was as good as anything Carolsue could have thrown out there.
Even with Haroldine's thick drawl, I could tell on my voicemail her voice was quavering. She let me know she was very sorry about the bounced check. All future monies would be in a money order (my mandate) and this wouldn't happen again. (sure, whatever)
And, did she mention she was sorry? Very sorry? By the way, here are all the numbers to get in touch with Harold and Haroldine.
And, one more thing, next time there is a problem, there is no need to involve Mr. Jack. And certainly I didn't need to send him over. I could just call Haroldine myself if that was ok with me.
Jack also sent me an e-mail later in the day. All it said was, "done."
Alabama Real Estate Guru Jack and I own a rental house together (along with Marty Sunshine, but it gets tedious to write Jack, Marty Sunshine and I own a rental house together, especially when I am pretty much speaking for Marty most of the time. Unless he tells me otherwise. See! This is why you should have clicked on the link above). The month after Harold moved in, his lady friend (Haroldine)'s portion of the rent bounced. I wasn't happy and Haroldine begged me not to tell Mr. Jack.
I did anyway--though she doesn't know it.
Haroldine pays some obscure portion of the rent. Though I have never quite understood it, the amounts range from $137.64 to $486.39 any given month. Harold sends me a money order. Haroldine sends me a check. Or, she used to. Sadly, she bounced another check.
Right after I found out the check bounced, I called her, only to find out all forms of communication between Harold/Haroldine and I were invalid. That irritated me to no end.
Generally in these situations I send a letter or send over Carolsue to make the tenants cry. In this case, because Jack lives in the general area, I sent him over instead. I can do a pretty good bad-ass over the phone. Jack, however can do a better one in person.
Last Monday, Jack hand-delivered the letter I was planning on mailing. Apparently he spoke with Haroldine while he was there. About fifteen nano-seconds after Jack left, she called me. Now, I don't know what was said, but I bet whatever Jack conveyed was as good as anything Carolsue could have thrown out there.
Even with Haroldine's thick drawl, I could tell on my voicemail her voice was quavering. She let me know she was very sorry about the bounced check. All future monies would be in a money order (my mandate) and this wouldn't happen again. (sure, whatever)
And, did she mention she was sorry? Very sorry? By the way, here are all the numbers to get in touch with Harold and Haroldine.
And, one more thing, next time there is a problem, there is no need to involve Mr. Jack. And certainly I didn't need to send him over. I could just call Haroldine myself if that was ok with me.
Jack also sent me an e-mail later in the day. All it said was, "done."
Monday, November 15, 2010
I Was Thisclose to a Ms. Kathy-Free Zone
As I left the post office Friday, cursing Ms. Kathy's name, my wise Polly asked, "But she paid you? Why are you mad?"
Yes. It is true. I was holding an envelope with a return address of Ms. Kathy. It appears she gets to spend Thanksgiving in my home. She paid just enough to keep me from throwing in the towel. It isn't everything, mind you. After all, paying what she actually owes would be such a novel concept.
The fact is, I already had Saturday's blog written. It talked about how happy I was Carolsue was finally going to serve Ms. Kathy. Ms. Kathy would soon be out of my life. I had psyched myself up for a Ms. Kathy-less existence. I was doing my Ms. Kathy-free dance. But no! Ms. Kathy had to go and be all annoying and pay just enough.
Dang her anyway!
I am going to stay mum with Ms. Kathy and see what happens in the short term. Her lease is almost up. I will figure out then what I wish to do about her. But, I don't really wish to talk to her in the mean-time. At least until next month, when we get to play the Ms. Kathy game all over again.
Yes. It is true. I was holding an envelope with a return address of Ms. Kathy. It appears she gets to spend Thanksgiving in my home. She paid just enough to keep me from throwing in the towel. It isn't everything, mind you. After all, paying what she actually owes would be such a novel concept.
The fact is, I already had Saturday's blog written. It talked about how happy I was Carolsue was finally going to serve Ms. Kathy. Ms. Kathy would soon be out of my life. I had psyched myself up for a Ms. Kathy-less existence. I was doing my Ms. Kathy-free dance. But no! Ms. Kathy had to go and be all annoying and pay just enough.
Dang her anyway!
I am going to stay mum with Ms. Kathy and see what happens in the short term. Her lease is almost up. I will figure out then what I wish to do about her. But, I don't really wish to talk to her in the mean-time. At least until next month, when we get to play the Ms. Kathy game all over again.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
A Bit of Bizarreness
The next home on my list of Kirby's to do list is Ms. Kathy's home. Formerly Mr. Smith's home. Oddly enough, Mr. Smith lives across the street and Ms. Kathy will most likely be moving in next door with her sister.
I have already told Kirby to be on the lookout for another neighbor to move in.
I have already told Kirby to be on the lookout for another neighbor to move in.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Tapped
Friday I got a cryptic e-mail out of the blue from Mr. Partner. For whatever reason, he wrote us saying if the company needed money, that was too bad. He was tapped out.
I have never asked Mr. Partner to contribute a penny more than Marty or myself. And, we have only done so during dire emergencies--like multiple tenants have upped and trashed our homes. Nor have I given Mr. Partner any indication we were at some sort of critical juncture where we needed an influx of capital.
This was a random e-mail.
More to the point, all I could think about was what must be going on in Mr. Partner's life that he needed to write us. Just because we are business partners, doesn't mean I would feel proper about asking him about something so personal. Besides, if there is one thing this accidental business has taught me is that listening for the message comes from what isn't said more than what is.
All the best to Mr. Partner. I hope whatever dragons he is fighting proves to be a victorious battle.
I have never asked Mr. Partner to contribute a penny more than Marty or myself. And, we have only done so during dire emergencies--like multiple tenants have upped and trashed our homes. Nor have I given Mr. Partner any indication we were at some sort of critical juncture where we needed an influx of capital.
This was a random e-mail.
More to the point, all I could think about was what must be going on in Mr. Partner's life that he needed to write us. Just because we are business partners, doesn't mean I would feel proper about asking him about something so personal. Besides, if there is one thing this accidental business has taught me is that listening for the message comes from what isn't said more than what is.
All the best to Mr. Partner. I hope whatever dragons he is fighting proves to be a victorious battle.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
The Tenants Not Taken
Last week, Kirby informed me he had potential tenants for the house in Leeds. Two unmarried couples (one with a small child), wanted to share the home. The folks in question were in their early 20s and didn't have rental history. However, all of them worked retail jobs and could manage their end of the rent.
"How well will they fit into the neighborhood?" I asked Kirby after searching for a nice way to ask what I really wanted to know.
"Perfectly," Kirby answered and my heart sank.
There were so many things wrong with this scenario. But it boiled down to my stomach lining was seizing and I was really, really unhappy with this.
I don't like to rent to people who aren't used to renting. They don't know how to handle the basics of home management and are cutting their teeth on my asset. Newly mandated household chores, like taking out the garbage without a parent telling one to do so, doesn't always come naturally. People who haven't really done much renting don't always have the basics: lawn mowers, brooms and vacuums.
I really hate to rent to unmarried couples. I have done so before and have had mixed results. But, essentially, you can have the happiest couple in the world, and one of them decides to go to Helsinki for a semester of school. What then? If the one who remains behind can't make their end of the rent, they might leave. Or, they might take it upon themselves to find another roommate. Someone I didn't want in the first place. (As a disclaimer: there are circumstances when I would be ok with this--but they would be along the lines of me having known the person since they were four and trusting them with my child-type circumstances.).
But, more to the point in this case: There would be two (that would be more than one for those of you paying attention), young twenty-something females sharing a home. Marty Sunshine tells me the Chinese symbol for war is two women under one roof.
Then, I was thinking about the circumstances of the lease. Four people responsible for only a couple hundred dollars each still brings issues. Say Tenant number 1 couldn't pay one month. Would the other Tenants pitch in to cover Tenant 1? Or, would they send in what they had with a note saying, "Go after Tenant 1 if you want the rest?"
And, if Tenant 2 helped pay Tenant 1's remaining rent, would Tenant 2 be short on their portion of the electric?
All these thoughts, and plenty more were going through my head as I sorta agreed to this. Except, because they had no rental history, I asked Kirby to increase the deposit amount.
The tenants balked at that. And, in two short days, managed to find anotherchump landlord who is willing to rent to them.
Yes, I have a vacant home. Yes, I feel like I let poor Kirby down (I can't imagine he enjoys showing this house given how long it has been vacant). But, I don't believe Mr. Partner would have chosen them either. I had such a bad feeling about approving them to begin with, that I am thinking my gut was telling me I was bringing in trouble.
I feel bad for Kirby. Part of me feels like I undermined Kirby's judgement. I don't want to hurt that relationship. My bank balance isn't going to be happy either. My stomach lining however is feeling better than it has in the past week.
"How well will they fit into the neighborhood?" I asked Kirby after searching for a nice way to ask what I really wanted to know.
"Perfectly," Kirby answered and my heart sank.
There were so many things wrong with this scenario. But it boiled down to my stomach lining was seizing and I was really, really unhappy with this.
I don't like to rent to people who aren't used to renting. They don't know how to handle the basics of home management and are cutting their teeth on my asset. Newly mandated household chores, like taking out the garbage without a parent telling one to do so, doesn't always come naturally. People who haven't really done much renting don't always have the basics: lawn mowers, brooms and vacuums.
I really hate to rent to unmarried couples. I have done so before and have had mixed results. But, essentially, you can have the happiest couple in the world, and one of them decides to go to Helsinki for a semester of school. What then? If the one who remains behind can't make their end of the rent, they might leave. Or, they might take it upon themselves to find another roommate. Someone I didn't want in the first place. (As a disclaimer: there are circumstances when I would be ok with this--but they would be along the lines of me having known the person since they were four and trusting them with my child-type circumstances.).
But, more to the point in this case: There would be two (that would be more than one for those of you paying attention), young twenty-something females sharing a home. Marty Sunshine tells me the Chinese symbol for war is two women under one roof.
Then, I was thinking about the circumstances of the lease. Four people responsible for only a couple hundred dollars each still brings issues. Say Tenant number 1 couldn't pay one month. Would the other Tenants pitch in to cover Tenant 1? Or, would they send in what they had with a note saying, "Go after Tenant 1 if you want the rest?"
And, if Tenant 2 helped pay Tenant 1's remaining rent, would Tenant 2 be short on their portion of the electric?
All these thoughts, and plenty more were going through my head as I sorta agreed to this. Except, because they had no rental history, I asked Kirby to increase the deposit amount.
The tenants balked at that. And, in two short days, managed to find another
Yes, I have a vacant home. Yes, I feel like I let poor Kirby down (I can't imagine he enjoys showing this house given how long it has been vacant). But, I don't believe Mr. Partner would have chosen them either. I had such a bad feeling about approving them to begin with, that I am thinking my gut was telling me I was bringing in trouble.
I feel bad for Kirby. Part of me feels like I undermined Kirby's judgement. I don't want to hurt that relationship. My bank balance isn't going to be happy either. My stomach lining however is feeling better than it has in the past week.
Monday, November 08, 2010
The Thelma Dilema
All apparently seems to be eerily quiet on the Daphne front.
Nothing has happened for days. Even the dogs have disappeared from Daphne's house next door. I would be relieved except, Thelma e-mailed me on Friday with her police report info, telling me I should have it "just in case anything happens to her or the house."
The only thing more disturbing than the e-mail was that the police detective last week suggested she buy a handgun. Thelma said no. She had a shot gun. And, she doesn't have to aim with a shot gun.
Nothing has happened for days. Even the dogs have disappeared from Daphne's house next door. I would be relieved except, Thelma e-mailed me on Friday with her police report info, telling me I should have it "just in case anything happens to her or the house."
The only thing more disturbing than the e-mail was that the police detective last week suggested she buy a handgun. Thelma said no. She had a shot gun. And, she doesn't have to aim with a shot gun.
Friday, November 05, 2010
It Appears She Wants to Go
Ms. Robin got back to me. Apparently offering to lower the rent didn't really make that much of an impact on her. She tells me they are in the early stages of looking for another place to live. Though, she doesn't know when or where she is going.
If I had to figure this out, it looks like this. Because of life circumstances, the Robins are behind on some bills. The are fervently working on catching up. Because that's how they roll.
Mr. Robin says--quite accurately--they can save a few bucks by finding a cheaper place to live. However, Ms. Robin doesn't think of where she lives in terms of her rent payment. She defines her residence this way: it is a four bedroom, two bath home, with a few extra perks. It is a rather large home and she once told me it is one of the nicest she has ever lived in.
In order for the Robins to move, they will need to 1) find a place 2) cough up the deposit and first month's rent. Given where they are with their bills, I am guessing the second part is going to be a bit more challenging.
I am also guessing this process has no time frame. It will really depend more on how adamantly Mr. Robin pushes this and how solid their marriage happens to be.
So for now, I am holding my breath, biding my time. Because pretty soon I am going to get the e-mail I dread.
If I had to figure this out, it looks like this. Because of life circumstances, the Robins are behind on some bills. The are fervently working on catching up. Because that's how they roll.
Mr. Robin says--quite accurately--they can save a few bucks by finding a cheaper place to live. However, Ms. Robin doesn't think of where she lives in terms of her rent payment. She defines her residence this way: it is a four bedroom, two bath home, with a few extra perks. It is a rather large home and she once told me it is one of the nicest she has ever lived in.
In order for the Robins to move, they will need to 1) find a place 2) cough up the deposit and first month's rent. Given where they are with their bills, I am guessing the second part is going to be a bit more challenging.
I am also guessing this process has no time frame. It will really depend more on how adamantly Mr. Robin pushes this and how solid their marriage happens to be.
So for now, I am holding my breath, biding my time. Because pretty soon I am going to get the e-mail I dread.
Thursday, November 04, 2010
Leeds
So, Kirby hasn't rented out the home in Leeds just yet. He lowered the rent a bit. Not that I expect lowering the price to make that much difference. Even frugal renters have standards.
Recently Kirby wrote me that he showed the home to someone, but they didn't like the area. My response to Kirby was, "What's not to like?"
The next door neighbor is an aspiring sculptor, specializing in rusted metal. He doesn't charge admission to admire his works of art. After all, isn't that the way in the Cultural Capital of the eastern part of Jefferson County?
And, if he isn't enough reason to move in, where else can you get a crash course on the civil rights movement than from the neighbor across the street?
Sigh... Maybe it is time Kirby started showing this home in the dark.
Recently Kirby wrote me that he showed the home to someone, but they didn't like the area. My response to Kirby was, "What's not to like?"
The next door neighbor is an aspiring sculptor, specializing in rusted metal. He doesn't charge admission to admire his works of art. After all, isn't that the way in the Cultural Capital of the eastern part of Jefferson County?
And, if he isn't enough reason to move in, where else can you get a crash course on the civil rights movement than from the neighbor across the street?
Sigh... Maybe it is time Kirby started showing this home in the dark.
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
Today's Request
It has been two years today since this young woman disappeared off the face of the Earth, leaving no trace. She left behind a young son and a lot of questions.
If you have a quick moment today, please send a good thought or a prayer her way. Her family could use them.
If you have a quick moment today, please send a good thought or a prayer her way. Her family could use them.
Tuesday, November 02, 2010
All She Wanted Was the Dogs to Stop Barking
Instead, a very big man showed up on Thelma's doorstep on Sunday. He announced he was with the head detective with the Birmingham PD's domestic violence department. He has been personally assigned to Thelma by the chief of police. His job is to check in on her. He even gave her his personal cell and told Thelma to call if there was any suspicious activity at Daphene's home next door.
Additionally, the detective said there are hourly drive-bys and if Thelma needs anything, she is to turn on her porch light if she can't dial 911. This will alert the powers that be Thelma needs helps. Like a Batlight. Only more subtle.
Thelma is a bit concerned that if no other activity happens at Daphene's she will look like a clown. I would prefer her looking like a clown to any other alternative. They also want to make a bust, so could Thelma please tell them when there is something to report--like the dogs or other activity. As if Thelma wasn't doing that in the first place!
In her e-mail to me, Thelma said she is a bit overwhelmed. I can only imagine. I am way over here and I feel helpless. This must be maddening for her.
Additionally, the detective said there are hourly drive-bys and if Thelma needs anything, she is to turn on her porch light if she can't dial 911. This will alert the powers that be Thelma needs helps. Like a Batlight. Only more subtle.
Thelma is a bit concerned that if no other activity happens at Daphene's she will look like a clown. I would prefer her looking like a clown to any other alternative. They also want to make a bust, so could Thelma please tell them when there is something to report--like the dogs or other activity. As if Thelma wasn't doing that in the first place!
In her e-mail to me, Thelma said she is a bit overwhelmed. I can only imagine. I am way over here and I feel helpless. This must be maddening for her.
Monday, November 01, 2010
The Ugly Side
Legal Eagle has made it very clear I amuse her. That's nice. Hopefully that gives me a discount on billable hours.
Or not.
I apparently don't amuse her too much, because last Friday I called her with a conundrum, hoping to hear back and haven't just yet.
You see, I have a bit of a situation. And, before we go any further, Gentle Reader, let's just get this out in the open: this isn't a politically correct blog. So, if you are a bit sensitive, you may not want to read any further. I am not a bigot. I am not stereotyping. I am telling the truth--and the truth today is pretty darn ugly. So, please feel free to call the Political Correct Police and report me. I don't care.
I have a home next door to what my tenant refers to as a "ghetto rat" and a "crack whore." Apparently Thelma is having some issues with Ghetto Rat Daphene. Daphene it seems has allowed her adult daughter and her daughter's two gang-member friends to move in and take over her home. What was a quiet home and quiet neighbors is turning into a very suspicious situation, with unsavory people coming in and out at all hours of the day and night.
Additionally, the gang member friends have been breeding pit bulls in Daphene's yard. But, they aren't doing much else to the pit bulls. They chain them in the front yard--or the back--depending upon their mood. They forget to feed and water the dogs. They also hurt the dogs and encourage the dogs to be aggressive to Thelma and Thelma's animals. In exchange, the dogs bark and whine until they are hoarse. And, they do it at all hours of the day and night.
When this started, Thelma politely asked the gang members (Thing 1 and Thing 2) to please take care of the dogs. She also suggested to them some time in the past she didn't appreciate them stealing from her cable box. Thing 1 growled at Thelma something along the lines of "try to create trouble and see what happens."
Undeterred, Thelma called Daphene's landlord and explained the situation. There are thugs next door. There are several dogs next door who do not shut up. The dogs are being treated cruelly. The grass is five feet high. There are rats in the grass. There are health and safety issues related to this entire situation.
The circumstances have escalated to an unreasonable point. The landlord has been out a few times. The police have been called and are now driving by on an hourly basis. However, at one unfathomable point early on, a police officer actually stood on Daphne's door and pointed towards Thelma's home--indicating it was Thelma who called them out. Because of that, the East Precinct, narcotics division and the sheriff's office are now stepping up patrols.
But, that isn't quieting the situation any. Daphene has been walking around the street, talking with neighbors, pulling high school girl games. But the message is clear: she is furious at Thelma for calling the landlord and the police and (according to Daphene), Thelma is going to get it. I don't know if that means her tires slashed or my home firebombed. I hope neither.
Thelma has taken this threat pretty seriously. And, so have I. Everyone with any power has been put on notice. In fact, Daphene is in the Section 8 housing program, and her case worker has been made aware. They are supposed to drop in and say hello this week. That isn't going to make Daphene any happier I suppose.
But evicting Daphene takes some time. Having her or Thing 1 and Thing 2 arrested for drugs takes evidence. It doesn't really help the immediate situation. Thelma doesn't really have the compunction to call the police every time they look cross-eyed at her. Instead, she stays in. And, she keeps her pets inside.
Why I want to talk to Legal Eagle? Well, I am willing to pay for Legal Eagle to write a letter to Daphene's landlord, explaining if anything happens to Thelma or my home, his ass is mine. I want him on notice.
If Thelma is willing to fight to take back her neighborhood, so am I.
Or not.
I apparently don't amuse her too much, because last Friday I called her with a conundrum, hoping to hear back and haven't just yet.
You see, I have a bit of a situation. And, before we go any further, Gentle Reader, let's just get this out in the open: this isn't a politically correct blog. So, if you are a bit sensitive, you may not want to read any further. I am not a bigot. I am not stereotyping. I am telling the truth--and the truth today is pretty darn ugly. So, please feel free to call the Political Correct Police and report me. I don't care.
I have a home next door to what my tenant refers to as a "ghetto rat" and a "crack whore." Apparently Thelma is having some issues with Ghetto Rat Daphene. Daphene it seems has allowed her adult daughter and her daughter's two gang-member friends to move in and take over her home. What was a quiet home and quiet neighbors is turning into a very suspicious situation, with unsavory people coming in and out at all hours of the day and night.
Additionally, the gang member friends have been breeding pit bulls in Daphene's yard. But, they aren't doing much else to the pit bulls. They chain them in the front yard--or the back--depending upon their mood. They forget to feed and water the dogs. They also hurt the dogs and encourage the dogs to be aggressive to Thelma and Thelma's animals. In exchange, the dogs bark and whine until they are hoarse. And, they do it at all hours of the day and night.
When this started, Thelma politely asked the gang members (Thing 1 and Thing 2) to please take care of the dogs. She also suggested to them some time in the past she didn't appreciate them stealing from her cable box. Thing 1 growled at Thelma something along the lines of "try to create trouble and see what happens."
Undeterred, Thelma called Daphene's landlord and explained the situation. There are thugs next door. There are several dogs next door who do not shut up. The dogs are being treated cruelly. The grass is five feet high. There are rats in the grass. There are health and safety issues related to this entire situation.
The circumstances have escalated to an unreasonable point. The landlord has been out a few times. The police have been called and are now driving by on an hourly basis. However, at one unfathomable point early on, a police officer actually stood on Daphne's door and pointed towards Thelma's home--indicating it was Thelma who called them out. Because of that, the East Precinct, narcotics division and the sheriff's office are now stepping up patrols.
But, that isn't quieting the situation any. Daphene has been walking around the street, talking with neighbors, pulling high school girl games. But the message is clear: she is furious at Thelma for calling the landlord and the police and (according to Daphene), Thelma is going to get it. I don't know if that means her tires slashed or my home firebombed. I hope neither.
Thelma has taken this threat pretty seriously. And, so have I. Everyone with any power has been put on notice. In fact, Daphene is in the Section 8 housing program, and her case worker has been made aware. They are supposed to drop in and say hello this week. That isn't going to make Daphene any happier I suppose.
But evicting Daphene takes some time. Having her or Thing 1 and Thing 2 arrested for drugs takes evidence. It doesn't really help the immediate situation. Thelma doesn't really have the compunction to call the police every time they look cross-eyed at her. Instead, she stays in. And, she keeps her pets inside.
Why I want to talk to Legal Eagle? Well, I am willing to pay for Legal Eagle to write a letter to Daphene's landlord, explaining if anything happens to Thelma or my home, his ass is mine. I want him on notice.
If Thelma is willing to fight to take back her neighborhood, so am I.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)