Wow. Gosh. Thank You For Letting Me Know...

So Monday, I get to the office, wearing my Real Estate Ninja suit and packing a burrito which is supposed to be my lunch, when I get a call from Brandie.

Brandie's timing was pretty amazing. I understand she didn't realize I had a house closing in an hour and I was representing the seller. My dilemma was that the seller's adult children had decided they weren't moving out--even though the house would not belong to dad in a few hours. So, I was a bit busy threatening all sorts of legalities to the seller and cajoling the buyer in hopes of getting this resolved without significant bloodshed.

Brandie called to ask if I own a home in Calera and promptly rattled off the address. Yes, I do happen to be part-owner of that home. But the home isn't in my name. So, anyone who knows I own this home must have inside information. Well, it turned out she did.

Brandie had spent the better part of the day playing junior sleuth, hunting me down. She had called around to the Calera Water Board, who had my name and state. She also apparently knew I was a real estate agent and then spent the better part figuring out how to find me. She was pleased as punch that she had managed to track me down. And she wanted me to know this.

She also wanted me to know that the tenants I had living in the house next door to hers were common trash. She said a lot of other things about them too, finally getting to the gist of her call. The common trash moved out a couple of months ago, leaving behind a huge mess. This is an amazing situation, because the "common trash" tenants actually paid rent for the month of May.

Also, according to Brandie, the power was off, so all the (presumable) food in the refrigerator was now rotting. And, while she was at it, Brandie wanted me to know she has been mowing the lawn. Only the front lawn. The back grass is too high, and she can't manage it.

As I am trying to get a word in edge-wise, uttering things like, "gosh," "wow," and (my personal favorite) "thank you for letting me know. I will let you go so I can take care of this...." several thousand times, Brandie informed me she was pretty sure the blinds were broken, the interior was trashed, the tenants painted the inside walls black and did Brandie mention she single-handedly mowed the grass for me? Only the front grass, mind you.

I also had to listen to what a respectable neighborhood Brandie lived in until "those people" arrived. This elicited the "thank you for letting me know. I will let you go so I can take care of this..." response, yet again.

Meanwhile, I was pretty sure I piqued the curiosity of some of the agents in the office. I was half expecting them, who were only hearing my comments--and had absolutely no idea what was going on--to hold up cue cards saying things like, "wow," and "I appreciate you telling me this," and "that's just aweful," at randomly appropriate intervals.

Once detangled from Brandie, I immediately called Kirby and said something akin to "Holy cow! What on Earth is going on??" Of course, this is news to Kirby too. Even property managers don't have crystal balls (and in this case, I found the tenant, so I can't really condemn Kirby for his choice in people babysitting my home).

And, if that wasn't enough drama. While on the phone with Brandie, I had a voice mail from Krissy. She lives on the same street as Brandie and my home. And would I please call her? She needs to speak with me immediately.

Perhaps if my seller's adult children need a place to live I can accommodate them.