Many years ago, while having dinner with Attorney Jon, Mrs. Jon, Jack and Mrs. Jack, the inevitable happened.
Located in Birmingham, it was one of those stereo-typical loud family Italian restaurants, the kind the Hollywood props department would design for the warm-hearted scene of the family gathering before a wedding. All was going well. Mrs. Jack and Mrs. Jon where politely inquiring about my lack of Southern lineage and how I managed to own rental properties in Birmingham. Then Mrs. Jon asked the question.
"Are you an Alabama or an Auburn fan?"
"Neither" I replied.
In a split second, the only sound in the entire restaurant was forks hitting plates as the room quieted and every eye stared at me in disbelief. At that moment I would have been more welcome with my guests if I had stood up and cheered how happy I was that the North won the Civil War 140 years earlier.
Mrs. Jon, the consummate Southern Belle, realizing my ignorance, took pity on me. She patted my hand and said, "Well, you are an Alabama fan now. Aren't you?"
I obediently nodded and festive noises were heard through the restaurant again.
So, now I am an Alabama fan.
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The single most important thing to learn if you are going to travel, live or do business in the south is the fine art of side stepping. It is far more socially acceptable to side step a question than to answer it "incorrectly" down here. When next asked if you are an Auburn or Bama fan, simply say "Where ever did you find that bag?" The other person will know exactly what you mean and will promptly change the subject - IF they were properly raised southern.
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