I am Thinking About Putting This in My Craigslist Ad

It seems every un-articulate self-righteous bum has my Birmingham phone number. And, what's worse, they want more information about my home.

My screening process is not as stringent as some companies I have seen. I have some basic rules:

1. CLEARLY state your name, number and your purpose for calling.
2. If I call you back, don't answer your phone (because you are--presumably--expecting my call) with "Hey baby, watz up?"
3. Don't ask me for a reduction in the rent before you have seen the home and before you have qualified yourself as the world's best tenant.
4. A quick tip: Gainful employment is a bonus.
5. NO YOU MAY NOT PAINT THE WALLS RED.
6. It is ok for me to discriminate against rude people, people who are not legally allowed to work in the United States (see Tip 4) and those who can't complete a full sentance without swearing.
7. My religion may not be your religion. My political beliefs might not be your political beliefs. It might be in your best interest not to bring up either.

And this is just the calls in the past two days.