Not Lost In The Translation

All in the past two weeks.


Me: Your rent check hasn't arrived.
Ms. Betty: What! I sent the cashier's check last week.
Translation: I am not the least bit outraged that a sizable amount of money is missing because I didn't send it.

Me: You owe me money
Mrs. Martin: I will see you in court.
Translation: I owe the money and I am putting off the inevitable, hoping you won't show up.

Potential Tenant: We have a verbal offer on the house we are selling so we want to move as soon as possible.
Translation: We are in foreclosure and the auction is at the end of the month.

Me: I have a job for you.
Legal Eagle: I am on it.
Translation: I need to pay for the food for the pony you bought Eaglet last year.

Handyman: Look over the quote I gave you and let me know what you think.
Translation: I am freaked out about how much this is going to cost and I expect you will hyperventilate when you see this.

Carolsue: I talked to Ester and she seemed really nice. I am going to meet her at the house on Monday.
Translation: Damn! I have to go back out there again!

Potential Tenant: Is your yard fenced?
Me: No it is not.
Potential Tenant: When are y'all putting in a fence?
Me: We aren't.
Potential Tenant: You have to! That's discrimination.
Me: No it isn't.
Potential Tenant: I am going to sue you for discrimination.
Translation: I am an idiot.