Monday, September 06, 2010

Keeping the Demons at Bay

I have done the unthinkable. I have started letting the "what-if" thoughts creep into my head. I justify these thoughts by classifying them as back-up plans, or contingencies if I cannot get the home in Fultondale rented.

It is a dangerous game. If I cannot get the home rented, I cannot pay the mortgage. What then? Do I contact the bank? Do I short sell it? I often ask myself, what do I have to loose? A credit score? I can get it back. But, can I face myself in the mirror the next day? And, more to the point, can I live with myself if I just quit?

People do this all the time. Heaven knows they have done it to me without batting an eye. I had a tenant last year file bankruptcy on me and then stay for three more months. Now, according to what I am hearing, they are living a fabulous life, vacationing and don't have a care in the world. Last summer I three tenants trash my homes, without thinking twice about what that does for the person on the other end. In every case, there was no reason for it. Even Mrs. Spring has bought a home, walking away from her obligation to me, all upset I didn't see things her way.

What makes me so special? Why am I holding on? I hold on because I am hoping the future will be brighter. For the past two years I have been weathering this storm frantically searching the horizon for a rainbow. I look at my kids and think of their future. But then again, why not call it quits and start over. At least I won't stay up at night worried about what next disaster will strike us.

The danger in these thoughts are that once one starts weighing exit plans as a possibility, it becomes easier and easier. If I can let one house go, why not more? Why not look at dumping them all and just filing bankruptcy? Wouldn't it be easier to have my credit hit just once--even if it is for a ton of money--than have a hit now and another a year from now? Doesn't it make more sense to just dump everything all at once?

There are other aspects, of course. Is Alabama an anti-deficiency state? That is, if I give a home back to the bank, do I have to pay the difference? And, if I filed bankruptcy, how will it affect our partners? Is there a way to protect them or will they get sucked into this mess too?

No, we aren't at this phase. And, with God's grace I hope never to have to go there. But, what if?

It has been almost two months without a renter for the home in Fultondale. I have lowered the rent $200 from what I normally rent this home for. What's left? Do I throw more money into this to make it look more desirable? It is already clean and in good condition. Do I add a fence for the $3,000 I was quoted (and I don't have that either)? Do I offer a move-in special or lower the rent even more? Do I take a Section 8 renter?

I have ads in Craig's list. I have ads in the newspaper. I am looking for creative solutions. And, above all, I am praying. I don't know what else to do.

The fact is, I don't have the money to cover October's mortgage. I am no longer just vulnerable. I am exposed to the elements. I can honestly say I am scared. At what point do I stop fighting? And, what is the difference between loosing a fight and just giving up?

1 comment:

CarolSue said...

Maybe October's payment gets to the bank a little slow but trust me, IT WILL GET THERE. That is just a dimple on the credit report. You short sale it or give it back and there will be a HUGE dimple in the credit report. You already know this. That house will rent. Look how long Martin was empty? It just takes a little extra time this time of the year. That's all. That is a family oriented house in a family oriented neighborhood & family's don't like to move in the fall if they can keep from it. It'll be fine. The perfect renters are just around the corner! Promise!