Mrs. Martin is leaving. She expects to be out by next week. In her e-mails to me, she kept saying how sorry she is for disappointing me. I thought that was interesting.
I happen to think Mrs. Martin is a good, hardworking, ethical person who is doing the best with what she has been handed. When she moved in, there was a Mr. Martin. He has since voluntarily left the picture. She isn't a victim. She fully admits to her choices. And, instead of asking for help, she is just dealing with it. She flat out told me once, she is setting an example to her daughters of what not to do. She tells them often, "Don't make these kinds of mistakes. Don't do this to your children."
It floored me to think that perhaps Mrs. Martin felt she needed to break her back not to disappoint me--a perfect stranger. Maybe I am reading more into this than is really there. But, she has brought up the not wanting to disappoint me thing about six times. I think she means it.
I am not disappointed. I am pleased she won't be working extra hard for to keep afloat any more. I am pleased she won't be a slave to her home anymore. She won't be struggling to raise for children while working overtime and handling all the responsibilities for two parents and life in general throw at her.
Yes, I want her to succeed. But I want her to succeed in her life, not in where she lives. I can get new tenants. Her kids can't get a new mother. They need her more than I need an unreliable, stressed out tenant.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
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2 comments:
when i ran my private school, i made decisions again and again and again out of a feeling of responsibility toward my staff and my parents -- and again, and again, and again x infinity, i had staff and parents demonstrate they felt *zero* responsibility toward me. it was an interesting experience, to say the least.
not all staff! not all parents! but the ratio was stunning.
When I was a therapist, I found that people who worried about disappointing virtual strangers and those who held authoritative positions over them (i.e. landlord) oftentimes were transferring their own deep seated feelings of self disgust into that situation. She is not afraid that she is disappointing YOU per se, this is an attempt to repress, and thus transfer, her disappointment in herself.
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