Not Teaching an Ex-Partner New Tricks

Once upon a time, I visited relatives in the South (next to the swamp, no less). This was in the early 1980s, where I was indoctrinated in Southern Culture. Since that time, I have also traveled to Atlanta on business several times, which also included side-trips of five hours to the same relatives and, at least once (as a small mercy offered by my cousin), a midnight four-wheeling drive through that same swamp to search for alligators--which, by the way we found in droves. It was better than the alternative, which was to have my aunt, with her arms crossed and cigarette dangling from her mouth, grill me about why that "Good-For-Nothing Marty Sunshine" had not bothered to marry me because, as far as she was concerned, I was an Old Maid and running out of time.  All this is to tell you, when our accidental business started, I was no stranger on how to address people in the South.

For the most part, I did not grow up in the South, nor did Marty or Mr. Ex-Partner. Here in Yankee territory, unless your mother insisted otherwise (I insisted otherwise), children may call adults by their first name. Adults address other adults by their first name. It isn't rude; it is just how things are.

However, the South is not so generous. A person, no matter what status--from Emperor to Hobo, may not call the woman by her first name. If he/she does not know the woman's last name, then it is customary to call the woman something along the lines of Ms. Landlord. If he/she knows the woman's last name it is always Ms. Sunshine. This is a hard-fast rule. Only when one has been given permission or through some sort of unwritten form of body language may you refer to someone by their first name. To do otherwise, would be a gross faux pas and a complete insult.

Now the rules for how women address men ("Mr. Jones," or "Mr. Bubba Roy" until otherwise told) or how men address men ("Bubba Roy") are a bit different in the South, but that's not what this blog is about.

Mr. Ex-Partner, who is having a difficult time letting go, has been cc'ing me on e-mails to tenants. And he seems absolutely shocked that the people he is contacting aren't responding. I could tell right away why this is so. When I saw his note to Ms. Angie where he referred to her as "Angela," I gasped in horror. When I saw his e-mail to Mrs. Sherwood Forest where he started it by saying, "Sherwood," I muttered, "Bless his heart..." and meant it. (Incidentally, when I told Polly this happened, she sucked in a breath of air, had scandalous look on her face and said, "NO!")

I asked for counsel from Bliz and Marty Sunshine if I should gently mention to Mr. Partner that he has committed a serious social sin. Both told me not to bring it up. "He will figure it out," is what Marty said. Independently, Bliz commented, "You learned, he will too." I am just not sure he will learn fast enough.