How To Not Rent A Home

There are days I want to scream from the rooftops: if you want to rent a home, act the part.

Ok, I have that out of my system... thank you.

My friend's home is still for rent. It won't be for long. But the no pets requirement seem to have stupified many. Yes, "no pets" means the three pound dustmop dog can't live in the house or even outside in the back yard. Really. Please don't argue about it. She won't change her mind. She doesn't have to. It is her house.

And, if you casually joke about how you plan on telling the landlord you don't have pets because, "they will never know," think again. The landlord hired me to work in her best intersts. I won't keep your secret.

Aside from the pets thing, there are the weirdos. Like the guy who was dumbfounded the landlord wouldn't hold the house for him for five weeks until he was reaedy to move in. For ten minutes, the guy gave me the, "The house has been advertised for two weeks now. There is something wrong with it. Yes. They will hold it for me. And who do you think you are to tell me otherwise?" And so it went, with me shooting every ounce of outrage I had through my pores as I seethed in a voice that Marty swore sounded a bit nicer than I felt, "Look, if you don't believe me, call the landlord yourself." Which the guy did. The answer didn't change.

The clownfest on Wednesday was from an agent who sent me a cryptic e-mail from her phone. I don't know her name or her phone number. The message said her tenant could only afford the rent, not the additional $22.50 in sales tax the owner was asking for. What should they (the tenant) do?

The landlord came to the same conclusion I did: if this potential tenant can't scrape together an additional $22.50 a month, then this isn't the house for them.

The agent, undeterred by my response to her of, "the landlord has had a lot of interest in the property and is not interested in making a reduction at this time," sent me a second e-mail, this time asking for a reduction in the deposits. The agent still didn't sign her name or give me a phone number.

When I e-mailed the agent back, I pointed out how I wanted this to be a mutually pleasing transaction. For that reason, I was hesitant to suggest to the landlord that the future tenant couldn't pay a bit extra for the deposits when she had already told us the additional $22.50 was a hassle. It certainly wouldn't put her client in the best light. I did suggest, before she sent me any more questions, perhaps the tenant in question could view the home and fill out an application if they were truly interested.

I haven't heard back.