The VP of Marketing

The former air conditioning company has been calling me. Often.

They keep telling me I have a service agreement with them. And, it is time for my home's annual air conditioning tune-up. They are right on one account: it is time for my home's annual tune-up.

Ronnie seems to be my new contact over there. He tells me he works in the "marketing department" of this air conditioning company. Maybe it is a Southern thing, but I know of no HVAC company here with a "marketing department." But then again, HVAC companies out here don't really need one. And, with all due respect to Ronnie, he has led me to believe that his stellar accomplishment of completing the fifth grade in three years was the highlight of his life.

Ronnie calls me once every few days to remind me of my service agreement and tune-up. What disturbs me more than anything is that Ronnie doesn't seem to remember he and I have had the same conversation for the past five months.

Our conversation usually goes like this:

Ronnie: "Y'all got a service agreement with us. It is time for your annual air conditioning maintenance."

Me: "I believe you are mistaken. I don't have a service agreement with you."

Ronnie: "Yes ma'am. I am holding it in my hand as we speak."

Me: "I don't have a copy of this. Would you fax it over?"

We then go through this, "Yes ma'am. What is your fax number" type thing--which amazes me, because I have given him the number about 12 times. Ronnie will then tell me he is faxing it. I will hang up, because experience tells me otherwise he will put me on hold for 23 minutes, wasting my cell minutes and my patience. When he calls back we start up again.

Ronnie: "I think we got cut off."

Me: "No I hung up. Are you going to be faxing me the agreement?"

Ronnie: (with--I swear--mock surprise): "Y'all haven't gotten it? I just faxed it. I have the confirmation slip in my hand."

Me: "Nope. I am sitting right here next to the fax machine. Nothing has come through."

Ronnie: "Do you want to check again?"

Me: "I am sitting right next to the fax machine. I can turn my head and see there is nothing on it. Besides, the line hasn't rung."

Ronnie (who at this point pauses for a bit of drama, I think he is expecting to come across as confused): "Well, I will send it again. Can you hold?"

We then part ways, and, next time I choose to answer the phone, we will do it all over again.

Neither Ronnie and I have yet to figure out which home Ronnie is referring to. Like most of our chats, everything seems to fall on the esoteric side of the fence. I have asked which home many times before, but he always threatens to put me on hold if I really want any concrete answers.

Last time Ronnie called, I told him if he was having such problems faxing my service agreement to me, perhaps he could just stick it in the mail? Frankly, Ronnie seemed relieved with that idea, but didn't ask me for an address. So far, nothing has shown up. Or, maybe he sent it to a random rental home--in which case, I may never see it.

That said, if I discover I did pay for a service agreement, I will be getting my money back. But I doubt I did. I suspect this is just a way to get out to any random rental home and find something wrong with my AC unit.

For now, I find the entire incident amusing. But, if Ronnie annoys me too much, I may just tell him the sad truth: I ended up buying three air conditioning units last summer. Ronnie's company didn't install any of them.