The How-To-Be-A-Landlord Books Don't Seem to Touch Upon This

Today's public service announcement is for those of you who own rental properties where the Powers-That-Be think the person who lived there before your current tenant may be involved in shady activities with seedy outcomes.

Now, I should preface, in my situation, I did have some notice that the Powers-That-Be had an interest in my home. Because of this, I was able to give this some thought ahead of time to what actions might be necssary. I have also have enough public relations experience to have a decent idea of how this could pan out if there is an undesirable outcome (which is inconclusive at this moment and probably won't be completed for a few more weeks).

But just like the nuclear bomb drills in the 1950s, it just isn't the same as actually having to live through last weekend's ordeal while it is happening. In this case, the notice gave me time to warn those who needed to be warned, but did little else. Nor did the fair warning really have the appropriate impact living through the actual event happening would have.

At any rate, in the event you somehow manage to find yourself in this situation (which I certainly don't wish upon you), here are a few things that might come in handy.

1. Have a Legal Eagle. Give her a prepared statement of "the owners have no comment to make" or something equally innocuous. In my case my "prepared statement" was a quick comment last I spoke with her. She can fill in the blanks if it ever comes up.

2. If you have a Mr. Partner in your life, be sure to tell him about his early on. Especially if the home is in his name. Remind him not to talk to anyone. Remind him to give Legal Eagle's phone number to anyone who may ask.

3. Be prepared to smooth over any wrinkles with your current tenant. Because, I assure you first hand, the tenant will be none-too-happy. I promise. The tenant doesn't have to cooperate with the Powers-That-Be. But, it is nice if they do. Because if they don't, the Powers-That-Be can get a warrant and do what they want anyway.

4. Assume the tenant will talk to the neighbors. There is nothing you can do about it. Just wishing your tenant won't be chatty will do you no good. Begging your tenant not to discuss this won't work either. It is a given fact everyone on your block will know about this. If/when your tenant moves out, your future tenants will know about this too.

5. Realize the Powers-That-Be might be digging a 5 foot deep hole in your back yard. Hopefully the Powers-That-Be will also be willing to put the dirt back when they are done. Hopefully, but it isn't a given. You may be stuck with a 5 foot deep hole and maybe even yellow tape around it.

6. Assume if something is discovered by the Powers-That-Be the press might be interested. If so, see Numbers 1, 2, and 4. So far I haven't had to worry about this one.

7. If the case is high-profile, there might be well meaning people who might want to stop by and drop off teddy bears and flowers in your tenant's front yard, thinking it is some sort of shrine. Be prepared. Though I have to tell you, I haven't mentioned that part to my tenant.

8. Don't expect to feel wonderful about the experience. Helping someone find the answers about a loved one doesn't necessarily have the same altruistic wonderful glow of say, walking a grandmother across the street or saving an orphan from a burning building. In fact, I can say it is more of a feeling of profound sadness coupled by a sickly feeling growing in the pit of my stomach each day that even a fabulous vacation or a winning baseball season just won't fix.