Return to Sender?

Dear Home Owner's Association for my Waterford Home:

Thank you so much for sending me a bill for the first time since I have owned this home. I appreciate you letting me know the fees for the HOA are due in two weeks if I do not want to be penalized. Though I would have preferred this knowledge earlier, the fact that I got a bill in the first place is a significant step forward.

I would be happy to pay this bill--even if you have given me only two weeks to come up with the money. However, my problem is a simple one: nowhere on your bill, or on the return envelope for that matter, have you given me an address to send the payment to.

As a reasonable person, I have made obvious inquiries to resolve my issue, though these actions now are being handled in between spurts of uncontrollable swearing and shots of amaretto. The woman I spoke with this past summer does not seem to be involved in your board any more. Her number is disconnected. Her e-mail no longer works. Thus, it appears I will be spending a good portion of the next two weeks (as to ensure my payment won't be late) finding a highly intelligent carrier pigeon who will be able to precisely send my check to the correct entity.

In conclusion: bless your collective hearts.

Always,

 Your Frustrated Landlord