The Winter of My Discontent

I absolutely believe the most I will ever learn about a tenant is from the time they decide they want the home until they sign the lease. This has certainly been the case with the Springs.

When Mrs. Spring told me they wanted the home, I figured this would be such a simple process. She would fill out the application. She would fax me the application. She would put down a modest deposit to hold the home so I would stop advertising it. She would then fill out the lease, return it to me, bring me the rest of the security deposit and the first month's rent. At that point Carolsue would meet Mrs. Spring out at the home and hand her the keys. How hard could this be?

The big monkey wrench is that Mr. Spring wants to continue living in his 700 square foot broken down trailer 40 miles from the outskirts of Birmingham. He owns it free and clear. He really doesn't understand Mrs. Spring's obsessive need to move closer to her job, civilization and have a functioning home. After all, it is free.

This week I have witnessed the behind the scenes dynamics of this marriage. They originally were interested in the home. Then Mr. Spring called Carolsue saying they changed their mind. Then Mrs. Spring called me saying "we changed our minds again." I suspect in this case, "we" really is Mrs. Spring and Mr. Spring happens to enjoy being married.

Of course, it would help her case if Mrs. Spring was a bit more cooperative as well. On Friday morning, I hadn't received the application. Before I went out on my errand, I called her. Yes, she was going to send it in. However, she needed Mr. Spring's signature. She would be getting it at lunch. And, by the way, could she give a modest deposit to Legal Eagle so I would stop advertising? Of course, that would be fine. And remember, it has to be certified funds, not a personal check.

Mrs. Spring was thrilled. They could handle that. And, great! Then they could move in right? Um. No. I would need a lease--which comes after the application, which I hadn't received yet--the remainder of the security deposit and the rent. At that point they can have the keys.

"Oh." Mrs. Spring said, with disappointment resonating through the phone line. "I was hoping to move in this weekend. I might have to break the deposits down."

"I don't do that." I said.

"Oh. That might be a problem."

Yes, I can see that. In fact, I see several problems.

Though this issue hadn't been resolved, Mrs. Spring opted to help secure her chances by getting Legal Eagle a deposit to hold the home. While having lunch with Mr. Spring, she called Legal Eagle and asked for directions to Legal's office. She was then going to send Mr. Spring out to drop off this money. She assured Legal Eagle he would be there by 3 p.m. That worked out well. Legal Eagle was leaving at 3 p.m.

At 3 p.m. Mr. Spring called Legal Eagle's office and asked who he should make the check out to. Legal Eagle explained it had to be certified funds. I didn't tell her to say this, she knew.

At 3:30 Mr. Spring called asking for directions to Legal Eagle's office. Apparently he didn't understand the ones given to him earlier or threw the earlier directions out. According to Legal Eagle, he was under some sort of mistaken impression this lawyer was waiting for him while standing on a street corner waving a sign saying, "I am Legal Eagle."

At 4 p.m. Mrs. Spring called. Mr. Spring was on his way. Wanna bet Mr. Spring said he wasn't coming and Mrs. Spring changed his mind?

At 4:30, Legal Eagle had graciously waited an hour and a half longer than she should have. She was pulling out of her office parking lot when Mr. Spring called. He was in the area but couldn't find her office. "No problem. I am in my car. I can come to you," she offered. Mr. Spring stammered and made up some sort of lame excuse before dropping this bombshell: he hadn't bothered to get a money order or cashier's check. And, by the way, he wasn't as close as he thought to her office.

Legal Eagle told him, try again Monday. Bring certified funds, get it right and cross your fingers I still have the house available because this was unacceptable. I am guessing Mr. Spring isn't very good at exercising his passive-aggressive tendencies.

When she told me this I stammered, "You scared away a potential tenant!"

"Have you gotten the application yet?"

"Well, no," I replied.

"So you don't really have a potential tenant," She said. "And, he obviously doesn't want the house." She had me there.

After getting bawled out from Legal Eagle who wasted longer than necessary in the office waiting for this guy, he called Carolsue. Apparently he was unaware Carolsue knew anything about this. Carolsue told him she wasn't planning on showing the home this weekend, but if anyone came along, she would. So, if they want the place, it might be a good idea to step it up. The first part would be to turn in the application.

I did get the application late Friday. And, Carolsue got a call at 7:30 Saturday morning from Mrs. Spring. She was terribly sorry for all of this confusion. It is no reflection upon their competence and ability to rent the property. Would it be possible to drive the 40 miles into town and bring a cashier's check to Carolsue? Pretty please?

From what I understand, Mr. Spring came along as well, being metaphorically dragged by his ear. Poor guy. I am guessing Mr. Spring isn't having a very good weekend.