Bad Cop, Bad Cop

So... Marty Sunshine calls me Friday afternoon, to dish up his own vinegar pie. He says, "I hate to upset you, but..."

We had a rent check bounce. Given the amount, it had to be from Mr. Noble or from Harold. I guessed Harold. And, thanks to the ever-so-awesome Gina at the bank, she pulled up the image and broke the obvious news: it wasn't Mr. Noble.

Harold, as you may remember, is renting the home Jack and I own. Jack happens to be in Alaska right now with Mrs. Jack, escaping the heat, Alabama humidity and stupid renter issues.

However, I am perfectly capable of channeling Jack. Which I did right into Harold's voice mail. My totally furious message was thus, call me within 6 hours or face an eviction. And by the way, I garnish (sorta--it might not be worth it for one month's rent, but I didn't tell him that).

I then called the other, mystery number, I happened to have for Harold. This isn't the number he put on his application, but it is a number he called me from once and I saved in my phone. It turns out, the mystery number is his cell phone. His initial comments vacillated between being astonished to find out I had his cell phone number and how could his rent check possibly happen to bounce?

I have to tell you, my end of our chat wasn't very Southernly. I said something along the lines of this was his first rent check since he moved in and he has now left me with a lasting bad taste for the way he does business that will haunt him the rest of the lease. I got a few "yes, ma'ams, I am so sorry ma'am" and a promise I would get a call back in two minutes.

Ten minutes later, Harold's lady friend called me. She wanted me to know Harold was at work and he was very sorry. It turns out the account was short $7. "Can you believe it? Seven dollars!" she gasped. Let me get this straight: can I believe a check bounced because it was written for more than the account balance? Seriously? Can I believe it? What was this world coming to?

I barked, "That $7, cost me $50. So, now I want a cashier's check, including the extra $50 sent to me immediately. if I don't have it by Wednesday, I am taking legal action."

I thought my threat got her attention with that one, until she brought me down a notch or two. She said, "Yes ma'am. We will take care of it. But, you won't tell Mr. Jack will you?"