Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore But She Left One Heck of A Mess

There are few things that strike up a heated conversation with members of my family more than one of them deciding they are a better tenant or landlord than me. And, more to the point, any of them telling me about how it is always best to stick it to the greedy landlords.

I would like to go on record right now: I am pretty sure and almost postitive I was adopted. My "real" family is out there somewhere looking for me. These folks--even if they do share my name--do not reflect my opinion about a lot of things. In the interest of fairness, they would also agree I was adopted. And it is probably a great relief to them that there is some sort of logical explanation as to why I we don't see eye-to-eye.

I would also like to go on record: I have a very fun and attentive family. They are great. I love them. And, I really like them. If I had to end up on any doorstep, I am glad it was theirs.

However, Alice seems to have some opinions I just don't get. You see, Alice is moving in a few weeks to a new apartment. She asked me if I thought it was "worth" her cleaning up her mess on her way out the door.

"Yes. Yes I do." I replied.

"Well then, why do they charge a cleaning deposit then if they expect me to clean up after myself?"

Now, one could ask, why call me--a landlord--for the expressed purpose of asking such a question to begin with if Alice's real intention was to leave the place looking like a bombed out war-torn village? I suspect she was looking for permission to do what she was planning to do all along. But then, she should know better than to dial my phone.

There are those of you who would be proud that I held my tongue in the interest of family harmony. Christmas will be a lot nicer because of it. But, just in case Alice finds out about my blog some day, I want to pass this letter along:

Dear Alice,

Renting a home does not give you the right to be a pig. When you move in, you are asked to pay a modest sum for a cleaning deposit. This covers the cost of someone to come in wipe down the mirrors and vacuum the floors when you move out. Presumably these are the types of things one doesn't really have time to do when they are moving. Presumably they have taken care of the big things all along.

Your cleaning deposit does not cover the cost to scrub a year's worth of slime off your bathroom sink. It does not cover the cost to replace your flooring because you decided never to vacuum and now the carpets are matted and now there is more pet dander on the floor than carpet fiber. Nor does it give you the right to never clean your refrigerator.

Nor does paying a modest cleaning deposit give you the right to leave behind everything you decided you don't need ever again. Your landlord should not pay for its removal. We didn't want the 27 melted candles, the clothes that haven't fit you in six years or your old VHS tapes. We didn't ask you to buy a warehouse supply of vitamins and shove them to the back of your cabinet. It costs money and time to remove your garbage. You carted it in, take it out.

Additionally Alice, you must remember we landlords make you pay for this kind of thing. If you move into a home where the last tenant acted so inappropriately and the landlord had to spend extra to get a place ready when they shouldn't have to, the landlord is probably going to raise the rent. Or, raise the deposits. Yes Alice, you pay for the sins of the past renters.

And, don't think landlords don't talk! You will someday move to a place where the future landlord will call for references. Someone will pull up your file and have a few things to say. If you left behind ample evidence that you didn't clean up after your incontinent cat it will be duly noted. I am more likely to tell the truth to a landlord asking for a reference even when the truth hurts. It is the least I can do for a fellow investor.

Alice, landlords aren't rich. We don't really appreciate the damage people like you inflict upon your assets. We understand there is a certain amount of wear and tear that happens. But there is no reason to make it worse. Presumably we give you a reasonable place to live. Presumably we give you a safe environment. The least you can do is leave no trace you were there. A tenant who does that will get their deposits back. I promise.

Sincerely,

The Landlord