The Yankee

Carolsue once advised me to act like a "rich white Yankee bitch" if I wanted to garner any respect in Birmingham. Because I wasn't Southern, this was the only way the Southern Men I have to deal with would notice me. At the time I thought it was a bit wacked, but as time has progressed, I am finding she is right.

Most of the time, common courtesy works just fine when I have to deal with those in the South. Just yesterday, I had a lovely conversation with Mr. 114, who always makes me smile. There were the usual "pleases," "thank yous," and his standard, "you betcha girl, I'm always happy to help you," which always goes far with me. And, for you feminists out there, in this case, Mr. 114 means "girl" here as a term of endearment.

Unfortunately, Carolsue is right about the rich white Yankee bitch thing when it comes to Flunky. Flunky is a southern redneck who has no use for me. He looks like--and I am not making this up--the comic book store character from The Simpsons. He acts like Napoleon. Except when he talks to Marty Sunshine. To Marty Sunshine he says things like, "Yes Sir," and "Mr. Landlord, I am happy to help you," and all sorts of other things that make me pull my hair out.

Flunky and I are having a difference of opinions on a few items. Recently, he suggested that it really is too much to ask for a tenant to maintain the yard. He and I already had this conversation a dozen times, and I had gotten nowhere with the, "bless your heart. Yes tenants can maintain a yard." So, I tried Carolsue's approach. After going back and forth with him yesterday about this particular issue, I finally wrote:

"It is reasonable to expect ANY tenant--regardless of whether or not the Third Reich HOA is managing the neighborhood or not--to maintain their yard. So, yes, the tenant can throw down grass seed. They signed up for a home with a yard. They have a yard. They maintain it. Just like they signed up to have a home with a kitchen, they get to clean the kitchen. If they didn't want a yard, they should have an apartment. And if they wish to move because it is too much of a burden, they may move and be in violation of their lease. I promise grass seed costs much less than legal action. Or, if it is too much of a burden for you to convey this to them, let me know and I will do your job."

And what do you know? This time Flunky got the message.