Lunatic Fringe

This particular trip came with a variety of twists. One of which was Wednesday night. I had planned to meet Teresa at her place of employment to go over her new lease. Originally, she was planning on moving in this weekend, but because of money reasons we settled for next weekend. She had already given me a non-refundable money-order deposit to hold the place. And, I happen to know, that at least as of Monday, we were clear on the amount of money she needed to rent out the house.

So, I go to meet her. She pops in my car, and we park in the rain. Niceties follow, with her telling me how much she loves the house. She drives by at least twice a day. She has already picked out the flowers for the front yard. And the raving goes on.

We go over the lease. A relatively standard lease with standard clauses, such as the number of people located in the house. What she would be responsible for. What I, as the landlord, am responsible for. You get the idea. But, Teresa is having trouble focusing from page one. I ask her to initial the number of residents. She blanks. I ask her again she complies. We get to the part where she has to pay to have a roof over her head and she hesitates, but eventually moves through it with gusto. Then, we get to the part where she is to actually sign the lease. She pauses for a moment or two, then signs.

Then she gets weird. It turns out she doesn't have the move-in money. You see, because she was so excited to actually have a place to live (she is living with her brother and he is getting married in a week and she needs to be gone by then), she bought a brand-new super-cool washer and dryer. So, she is a bit short.

She tells me this in a rush. Then she then starts humming to herself and rocking back and forth in the passenger seat. (and to think I had suggested we do this in the lobby of her place of employment. Perhaps it really was better this route). But, she really loves the house and can't wait to move in.

All tact and decorum leave me and I say in the stupidest voice possible, "so, are you going to take the house or what?" In my defense, I wasn't exactly sure what was going on. She could have been having an seizure for all I knew. But, she then scratches out her signature and tells me she will take the place in two weeks, not one.

News flash: I am not going to be back in two weeks for her to sign a lease. It isn't that we couldn't change this lease to say June 28. But, why cross out the signature when we could very well cross out the date.

We end this encounter with her telling me she will get back to me by Friday with a decision and for me not to rent out the house to anyone else. Next news flash: I am not waiting for her.

Yesterday Teresa calls me and tells me her brother is very motivated for her to leave, so he gave her the funds she was short. And, when could we sign the lease? Apparently, she wasn't cognizant of the fact she wigged out on me and I was unimpressed.

Here's how I look at it, if you want something from someone--such as a house or a job--you put your best foot forward. You act like you have it together. You don't mention you bought a new-fangled washing machine instead of a craig's list used one.

So, still annoyed about the whole car episode, I say to her something along the lines of I don't want trouble. I don't want to find out she hasn't managed her money accordingly on the date rent is due. Because the one thing that makes me angry is when tenants decide new-fangled appliances are more important than keeping a roof over their head. Ok, I didn't add the new-fangled appliances. But, it was along those lines.

She then tells me it won't be an issue and she will always have the rent money. Then, in the same sentence maybe her brother didn't give her the money after all and could she wait two weeks to move in. She wants the house but thinks she should get an apartment. And, would I hold the place for her until the 28th and when can she get her deposit back? I couldn't follow her. I would have preferred the humming. But, I latched on to the deposit being returned and told her I would get it back (Even though it was non-refundable. She didn't strike me as completely grasping this and I felt it was best to let go). I thought we were finally on the same page when she parted with, "I will talk to you in two weeks. Don't rent out my house." Um, nope, not even the same library.

Fast forward to today. I had had enough of Teresa yesterday. I am usually very patient, even with those who have bizarre personalities. But, this was a bit much. This morning, thrilled she was out of my life, I popped the money orders into the mail with a note wishing her luck (my public relations gene had gotten back from a two-day sabbatical). That means she and I are done right?

Teresa has called no less than 12 times. TWELVE TIMES. In all fairness, I didn't return her call right away, but you think she would at least let me get a chance to get back to her. Also, because I had already taken care of this, I stupidly figured it was done and there really was no reason to talk to her. And, because I stupidly figured this, I got a doozy of a call. I am still laughing about it.

Somewhere around two p.m., I got a call from a blocked number. This woman left a message, telling me she was an attorney and if I did not give the (non-refundable) deposit back she would seek legal action. And, I was to call this person immediately. This brings me to several points:

1. If you really are a lawyer, it is best to leave a name and contact number. It makes you sound more legitimate and not like a friend maquarading as an attorney.
2. Would a lawyer really go after an out-of-state landlord (who only has a published PO Box) for $500?
3. If Teresa really was this worried, why not just cancel the money orders? Geeze.
4. Does anyone out there know what non-refundable means?

I finally did call Teresa back and leave a quick voice mail. Feigning ignorant to the zillions of calls, I said something about having popped the deposits it in the mail that morning. I even said I had been busy and "I haven't checked my voice mail yet, but undoubtedly you have called." I actually feel pretty bad for making her worry about her deposit. Even if she is a bit odd.

Incidentally, I think I rented out the house again today. I told them there would be a non-refundable deposit to hold the place. She replied, "I expected that. No problem."