Due Dates

Somewhere East of the Mississippi River and South of the Mason-Dixon line the Roman calendar is something of an unknown. The locals whisper among themselves at night while sitting on their front porch rockers about those of us in the City who know about such things, like calendars, clocks, deadlines and due dates. They have heard stories, passed down from generation to generation, like scary campfire tales, meant to make your skin crawl. But, deep down, they know in their hearts, it is only a legend. Surly the world cannot possibly be that rigid.

For Christmas one year, I got every one of my tenants an Arizona Highways wall calendar (I didn't have as many tenants at the time). Keeping in true Southern form, they all thanked me profusely, admired the fabulous pictures and made some idle comment about how facinating Arizona must be. It never occurred to me at the time, that none of these people had probably ever seen a calendar before, let alone know how to use one. There is only one time in the South: Due Time.

"Due time" is the Southern phrase for someday-I-give-you-my-word-as-a-Southerner-that-I-will-take-care-of-this-now-just-sit-tight-and-I-will-call-you-when-I-am-ready. This used to drive me batty. Now I just find it mildly annoying that due time exists at all. Tenants live on due time when the rent is due. Process servers only exist on due time. Attornies bill thier hours by due time. Resturants serve in due time. Traffic flows in due time. Everything in the South is on due time.

For example: On April 30, I sent my file for my wayward tenant to my attorney so she could serve Wayward on May 2. Wayward got served on May 17. The process server got to it. Eventually. Wayward is still living there as I write this. I figured the sheriff would be escorting her out by now. But no, because of a grand FUBAR with the courts she is living comfortably as a deadbeat in my home.

I know she is still there, because on Monday I called one of the two process servers I use and asked him to check on Wayward. He got to it on Wednesday. It doesn't work well for a city girl who abides by the Roman calendar. But, it IS how things are done. In due time.