The Funk Has Lifted

"If you go to the grocery store and count out 10 people, eight of them will have bruised credit." I said last week to some really nice folks, who didn't think any landlord would consider renting to them. And then I finished with the same line I have been saying--and meaning--for the past 13+ years, "Your credit score is just a number. You are not your credit score any more than you are your street address."

A credit "score" is just a number. It is a benchmark of where you are in your life right now. It goes up and goes down. But it doesn't look you in the mirror and say, "Hey, today you are a 583!" In fact, it is a complete pain in the butt to try to find your credit score if you really want to.

I have never judged folks based on their credit score. Life happens. I have people in my life with amazing credit scores. I have people in my life with crummy credit scores. And I have people in my life with no credit scores. In fact, for the most part, I probably can't tell you who is who. And I really don't care.

That said, I have been identifying myself by my crummy credit for the past six months. I called myself a failure. I've shamed myself. I beat myself up over our choices--logical choices. Choices I still stand by. Choices that in hindsight were inevitable. And frankly, if I had my way, they would have happened sooner. I started lobbying Marty and Mr. Partner years ago to thin the heard. (Actually, I lobbied them heavily in 2006 not to buy any more homes... and lost.)

But here we are. I have been in a profound funk for most of the year over this. I have processed my funk with you three readers. Sometimes sitting across from you. Sometimes in this blog. Thank you all for listening and reading along. And thank you for reaching out when you thought I needed you. Your calls, e-mails, pep-talks, hugs and friendship mean more than you know.

Two events happened on Monday. The first was Buckaroo came up to me in a quiet moment and asked if we were moving into an apartment. It took me by surprise. I hadn't realized how much he had processed our situation and what kinds of conclusions his limited life experience had brought him to. The other was dinner with a friend who reminded me how I have never judged others of their situation and how harshly I have judged mine.

Our situation is what it is. Times are lean, but not impossible. Buckaroo and Polly still have a roof over their head. We have our health. We have each other. We have friends and family who love us and support us. They loved us and supported us when our credit score was higher too. We have friends and family who love us and don't support us. They loved us and didn't support us when our credit score was higher. In fact, when I got to thinking about it on my drive home after dinner I realized, other than unburdening ourselves with the inevitable, nothing has really changed because it is just a number.