Surviving

Have you ever seen those shows on the sweaty macho cable channels with the guy who is trying to survive in the wilderness? To my knowledge, there are two such programs. One guy goes out into these relatively plausible scenarios: places where it is possible for someone to get lost and survives for seven days without human contact. He films everything himself and talks about real dangers that might exist in the given circumstances.

When he did his show on the Arizona desert, his posted location was about 30 miles north of Phoenix, near the Gila or Verde river and the show was filmed in February. One of his "dangers" was the desert gets down to 40 degrees. He also kept referring to the wild "peccories" (we know them as javalinas--and they are pretty darn harmless).

The other guy takes a location and talks about survival skills for a given scenario. He has a film crew, a catering staff and sleeps in a production trailer at night. On one of his shows he also spent time in the Arizona desert and managed to show footage of him being chased by rattlesnake. The only rattlesnake in existence that actually followed someone for any great distance.

What I really would like to see is a survival show for business travelers. These two guys could have a field day talking about what to do when trapped at the airport with cranky toddlers and weather delays. They could bring up survival situations on how to throw a meal together with leftover Zaxby's chicken wings, an orange and an Otis Spunkmeir oatmeal cookie from the hotel lobby.

If they needed more drama, they could explain how to get out of awkward situations, when at the hotel fitness center, the creepy guy on the treadmill next to yours thinks you are checking him out, when all you are doing is glancing at the clock over his head. And of course, they certainly would want to do a segment on how to wash out the stain on the once cream-colored shirt using a combination of the hotel shampoo and soap.

Most people don't get lost in the Golbi desert, or out to sea, or in the jungles of Borneo. More often than not, they get stuck at some hotel, away from their loved ones and very lonely, wishing they could be home.

That is real survival.