Retiring My Wand

Though I am certain he doesn't mean it the way it is landing, Mr. Partner is for some reason getting cold feet about the dissolution. I mean it is happening whether or not he likes it, but he has recently dug in and reacted in the most maddening manner. His excuses are worse than a toddler who does not want to go to sleep and is looking for another reason to stay awake.

However, in all fairness to Mr. Partner, I am very anxious for this to be done. It is something I have wanted for years. There is a certain element of freedom that comes with ending this particular season of our lives. I am done with the entire partnership thing. The sooner the better. It isn't anything against Mr. Partner, et. al., it is me. All me. I am ready to move on.

Probably partially because of my frenzy to finish this in the next few days and partially because I feel like any trained monkey with administrative and people skills could do what I am doing, I am frustrated at Mr. Partner's cold feet.

Today, Mr. Partner gave Marty and I a litany of reasons why this is happening "too fast." First he mentioned he "didn't know how" to use the bill payer on the bank's online program. Easily countered. I set everything up already for him. Then it was he didn't have the mortgage account numbers. I am pleased to say I didn't send out a slew of swear words when he threw this at me. I just reminded him I know Bliz has given him this information once in the past three weeks. I have given it to him three times. There were all sorts of other lame (LAME) excuses too, all boiling down to "I don't like change."

That's when it hit me. Mr. Partner just realized there is no Magic Alabama Fairy. Because, after all, for the last 14 years he knows the Magic Alabama Fairy has taken care of everything. Poof! The bills are paid. Poof! Repairs are made. Poof! Tenant negotiations are done. In his eyes, it has just been that that simple.

If it were truly that simple of course, there would be no accidental business blog. The truth is, just like everything, this was all work. Lots of work. And now he will need to be responsible for said work. He will need to handle bills (sorta--he's got an online bank ap and Bliz), he will have to make nice with strangers who will reply with "Bless your heart..."--which he will quickly realize is not a compliment. He will have to decipher Ms. Angie's thick southern drawl, which is worse when she is upset--and that's the only time she calls. Mr. Partner is about to discover Leeds Alabama is the bigot capitol of the world (though I have mentioned this a few times to him). It is also the most backwards, redneck place I have ever been. Hollywood's central casting would have a field day with the stereotypes they would find at Boo's Key Shop, which uses Augie's Bar for a storefront.

Not only is there no Magic Alabama Fairy, but there are a lot of steps I cannot teach him. I learned them through trial and error. I learned them through Carolsue's tutelage. I learned them through stumbling on the right (and wrong) people here and there who made my life easy or difficult. I cannot teach Mr. Partner how to get the plumber on the phone and move my home to the top of the day's list. I cannot teach Mr. Partner how to find the right electrician, garage door repairman or process server. I know all of these people, but at one time I didn't. I learned. He will learn too. He has to. The Magic Alabama Fairy is retiring (hopefully) around June 30.

Prexit

Just like the people of the UK who are now saying they, "had no idea what they were voting for/against" the Friendly Divorce is kind of taking that turn. Not on my end. I know exactly what I am voting for.

You see, Mr. Partner did not realize there would be money and rules involved. That was a bit of a shock to him. Yesterday, I sent him a list of outstanding bills and his first comment was (and WHY this was the first thing to got through his head, I will never know) when were Marty and I going to reimburse him for the outstanding bills--outstanding bills that haven't been paid by him, or anyone for that matter. That's why they are "outstanding." Nowhere in the e-mail did I say he was paying them or responsible at all for them. Nowhere.

Since then, I have sent him two more renditions of the outstanding bills. I have also sent him my proposed split, which actually goes along the lines of the Sunshines pay what they owe for "their" homes and the Partners take on the liabilities for the properties they are getting. Additionally, as this was the Sunshine's decision, we will cover attorney fees, dissolution costs and 2016 accounting fees. It is a rock-star of a deal for Mr. Partner. However, he has been eerily silent, which probably means something isn't sitting right. I know him. Somewhere he sees this as him getting the shaft. You know, because that is the kind of person I have proved myself to be for the past 14 years.

In addition to that, I am now cc'ing Mr. Partner on every e-mail I send out, sharing with him the decisions I made. I am not sure Mr. Partner realized how many decisions I make on a regular basis on his behalf. Then again, perhaps if I consulted with him on every decision I made for the past 14 years, we wouldn't have a gazillion homes and this entire prexit wouldn't be happening (or, it could have happened sooner).

One of Mr. Partner's big concerns from the get-go was that he wanted my help transitioning everything for next few months, as he doesn't have the relationships established over there. I know the tenants (and I don't see Ms. Angie and Mr. Partner being fast friends). I have the credibility. Though I was willing to a few weeks ago, it suddenly became clear to me during a conversation yesterday that he was not planning on paying me for my assistance. So, he may be in for a rude awakening (and he darn well better be nice to Ms. Angie!).

Our goal is to get this done prior to June 30. As I recall, in the UK, they have a two year transition plan. We are looking at a 5 day prexit.

Breathing

Legal Owl sent me an e-mail today saying, "Breathe" and then she put a smiley face next to it. I wanted to write her and ask if she just billed me $200, but decided if I did, she would probably reply and charge me an additional $200. So instead, I just took her advice.

Crinkling Numbers is Much Nicer

I have spent the last few days crunching numbers and looking at comps and all sorts of things that just make my head swim into five different directions. I don't like spreadsheets. I don't like crunching numbers. I am more of a crinkling numbers kind of girl.

Part of what I was tasked in doing was figuring out what each one of our gazillion properties are worth. I do this kind of thing for a living and I have a thumb in the wind of what the value in of the Alabama homes might be under the right circumstances. However, my best guess isn't scientific enough to satisfy even the kindest of critics.

So, I ran comps on a gazillion homes using a super-secret computer program that is only available to real estate professionals. I also ran comps on a gazillion homes with Zillow--the world's most inaccurate comparable home program. Kirby, bless him, looked at my numbers and ran comps through Birmingham's MLS. And by the way, may I just say, it looks like my numbers and Kirby's were pretty darn close most of the time, thankyouverymuch. Much to nobody's surprise, Zillow's numbers were all over the place.

Then, because I had lots of free time today, I took the three sets of numbers, averaged them and took off a few dollars here and there for deferred maintenance on any of the homes that have such things. For example, one property needs a roof and an AC unit. That's about a $10,000 subtraction. Also, if Zillow was unrealistic, I automatically just yanked it out of the analysis. The lawyer can figure this out later.

All of this is just an estimate of value--you know that comps always are, right? But it gives everyone a basic picture of what the values are going to be and who will end up with the best end of the deal when the Sunshines and the Partners part ways. So far, it looks like it will be the lawyers.

The sweetest part of the last two days was the call I got late this afternoon from Diamond Jim. He offered to let me come to his office and I could work on everything there while he provided me moral support. It wouldn't have made the process go faster and I do my darnedest not to swear in front of him. So, I passed.

The next two big projects on my list are to make sure the mortgagees are paid out of the right bank accounts this next month and get an accounting of what bills are left that need to be paid. But, that can wait until tomorrow.

The Friendly Divorce

Mr. and Mrs. Partner and I sat at our Arizona attorney's office today discussing how to dissolve our LLC. It was surreally peaceful, as we all told the attorney we loved each other and then joined hands to a rousing chorus of Kumbayha.

Ok, we really didn't sing.

This LLC Divorce process is not done. But at least now we have a game plan in place. After today's meeting, I went home and tried to figure out what our gazillion properties are worth. Diamond Jim and the lawyers want to know. Our target deadline for the LLC Divorce is June 30, but realistically July 31. Though, to be fair, we don't have to wait until the end of any specific month to make this happen.

Oh yes, I should probably mention. There is no real "divorce." Marty and I are married; so are the Partners. It is just the LLC we are divorcing. Marty didn't come to the meeting today because he was at work and the meeting with the attorney was in North Phoenix. But I digress...

So far, I have tasked Legal Owl, Diamond Jim and Kirby with a variety of tasks. Waiting for everyone else to do their jobs is maddening. And, as I say this, I just envisioned Bliz snorting Starbucks through her nose, because I vaguely remember I probably owe her a few items to make this happen too.

Speaking of Bliz, my next meeting is Friday with her. Mr. Partner is coming along, which is too bad because I would rather just hang out with her than talk business.

Divorcing an LLC is not as easy as one would think. I actually have three pages of checklists and notes, all with deadlines coming up soon--especially if we want to pay our mortgages. On top of all this, there is still the every day Accidental Business stuff to handle. There is also my regular job, household duties and Mom duties (Buckaroo is in the second of his two golf camp this week. Seriously? Two golf camps?! Who could possibly like golf this much??).

Normally I am not this organized about things I hate doing--and crunching numbers and schmoozing lawyers is never high on my list (unless you happen to be the attorney who happens to be one of my three readers--I like you.). But right now, it is necessary.

Last week my stress level was at an all-time high, as I tried maneuvering through this chaos. On Thursday, I actually wrote a letter to tenants and then realized Friday I sent them the wrong information so I had to send out a second letter. This week, however, with our LLC Divorce action plan in place, I am a lot more peaceful. Part of this I credit to Mr. and Mrs. Partner who have broken their backs and offered us lots of love and support, which is pretty great especially because Marty and I did not give them a lot of choice in the matter. That alone has made a huge difference. Hopefully it was stay this amiable.

Or, He Could Have Just Called At a Reasonable Time

As a rule, my phone is off between the hours of 8 p.m. and 8 a.m. Those aren't business hours and I don't have a reason to take calls during those hours anyway. These personal boundaries were set months ago, and it has been a sanity saver. This way, I won't get the the, "Mrs. Landlord, my sprinklers didn't go off last night and my grass might turn yellow," calls at 6 a.m. I just wished I had figured out how to do this much sooner in life.

We have an issue at Mrs. Sherwood Forest's home. It is kinda ugly and there were rumors it would require insurance. So, we called the insurance company and sent an adjuster out there. Of course, the adjuster was on Southern Time, and didn't bother to contact me at a reasonable schedule. Then he couldn't "remember what he did with Mrs. Sherwood's phone number" and called me back four days later to ask for it again. Meanwhile, Mrs. Sherwood was strumming her fingers impatiently, wishing her home would be fixed.

This past week, Mr. Adjuster called me on Monday at 6 a.m. He left a message, ordering me to call him right away. I called him back at a reasonable and mutually win-win business hour and got voice mail. In my message, I also pointed out there is a two hour time difference and it would be best to call me after 10 a.m. his time.

Tuesday he called me at 6:30 my time, leaving me a message that it was urgent to talk with me and to call him back. And, because my phone is on do not disturb, I didn't get the message until later in the day. What did I do? I called him back, left another message saying that unfortunately, there is a two hour time difference, and it would be beneficial for both of us if he could call me after 10 a.m. his time and I was anxious to get moving on this particular issue, as the tenant has waited long enough.

Wednesday he called me at 6:17 a.m., and left me a message, yada, yada, yada. I returned his call yada, yada, yada... and said, "I will expect your return call on Thursday morning at 10:05 your time. I will be waiting by the phone so we can get this resolved."

Today, at 8:01 a.m. Mr. Adjuster called me. He wanted to let me know the insurance company had denied my claim. "You could have left that in a voice mail earlier in the week." I replied. His retort was that I should have answered my phone earlier in the week.

Breaking Up The Band

We met with Mr. and Mrs. Partner today who said a lot of really great things. They thanked me for everything I have done for the past 14 years. They acknowledged I have "kept things together" and managed juggled all things Alabama. They realized I have built relationships over there that they hadn't. And I even heard, "You've done good." Which was worth a lot to my sorry ego.

These well earned (and very late--but extremely grateful) kudos was courtesy of the fact Marty and I made the monumental decision to break up this LLC. And, like all monumental decisions, our lunch today will the first of several conversations the Partners and the Sunshines will be having. There will be other meetings too. In fact, because Bliz will be coming to town next week just in time for her, er... 20++ high school reunion (I have yet to commit to going), she will be having lunch with us too. She has never met Mr. Partner--who looks like a Hell's Angel's biker or a big scary teddy bear when he is showing me pictures of his grand kids.

There are lots of next steps that are happening now. For example, today I have written a boat-load of e-mails that require other people to work on our behalf (Sorry Bliz). Mr. Partner and I are also meeting on Wednesday to talk to the bank about opening a new account for him. As an added bonus, I am meeting with Diamond Jim later in the week to crunch tax numbers. And I have sent a note to Legal Owl giving her the news and a few tasks.

Now in the event you think: 1) these Alabama homes won't need to be managed or 2) this blog is going away, nope. Right now it is just our business structure is changing. By the way, this was Mr. Partner's single biggest issue too: would he have to handle all this on his own? And to be honest, how I wished I could have said, "Yes. Yes you do." But alas. That isn't part of our current changes.

There are more changes to come. Some good, some bad, some inevitable. But today was step one.

Idiocy

So last month I paid off the ridiculous loan for an HVAC that our partner Jack insisted we take out. And today I got a utility bill with a significant credit because they didn't apply it to the loan. They applied it to an imaginary electric bill we (don't) have.

When I called their "customer service" person, she started scolding me, telling me this was somehow my fault because I didn't tell them I was paying off the loan. Not true, I called last month and told them I was paying it off and asked for the payoff amount.

She then told me I owed an additional $2.31 because the loan now "wasn't paid off in time." I told her I wasn't paying it. I didn't cause this issue. They did. They can fix it.

Apparently, according to the charming representative, I am now going to be sued, and lien will be added to the property and my cat will be taken away and sold as a slave in Mongolia. She also chided me for sending an electronic payment, which in her opinion started the whole mess to begin with. When I pointed out I have been sending electronic payments all along, she was stumped and started lecturing me again. At which point, I hung up on her.

A New Season

We have a lot of changes going on here at the old Accidental Business. Some of them will eventually be positive. Hopefully. As far as the business goes, there will be more blogs coming in the future. However, Mr. Partner needs to be filled in before all'y'all. We also need to discuss a few things with Bliz and  Legal Owl as well.

These changes are part of larger and more complex shift in our lives. For one thing, much to my consternation, I am not homeschooling next year. Of all the aspects that are changing in our family, I think this one is hitting me the hardest--though the kids are ok with it. For now. I think. Marty is also possibly looking at involuntary job changes. I am just looking at involuntary jobs, so there is a lot to digest.

I keep thinking, one year from now what will life look like. I can't even fathom. Hopefully it will be bright and sunny and the rain will be behind us.

A Special Shout-Out To One of My Three Readers

Congrats!!!! I am so happy for you two. May this be the next phase in your beautiful lives.

--S

History Punnys and Funnys

I will be back in town next week. For now, this is all I've got. Did I mention, I like history?










Ok, last one.

Yea, I'm A History Geek

I happen to be driving somewhere through the Southwest as you read this. I am on my way to see some special people in a different state. So, you are stuck with this silliness. See you next week.