Agent Purgatory

If you are one of the three people who read this blog and know who I am, you have found this site one of two ways:

1. I have sent you the link
2. You have stalked me, figured it out and have nothing better to do

If you are my other reader and just follow along because you happen to enjoy my train wreck, well, hello. Welcome. I am pleased you are here. You increased my readership by 25 percent. My ego and I thank you.

But, back to the three of you I know. Disclaimer: There is a good chance I have helped you in some capacity rent out a home or find a rental home. Please understand, this post isn't about you. I know you. I like you (otherwise I wouldn't have given you the link for this site). 

If you fall into category number 2, I probably have also helped you find a rental home, rented out your home or you have been a current or past tenant. This post probably is about you.

So, lately I have managed to get back into finding rental homes for folks. This disturbing trend started in December when someone on a Facebook forum asked "does anyone know how to rent a house?" She just happened to post this on the one day in December I was on Facebook. And, silly me, I responded.

To give you a quick backstory, currently rental homes in the Phoenix are are going sight unseen. There are multiple applications for even the most junked out rentals. If a home is on the multiple listing for more than two days, there is either a good chance it is missing roof or a busy property manager hasn't had time to change the listing in the MLS because he or she is busy answering 5000 phone calls from potential tenants and real estate agents asking if their listed home is available. Even properties in the outskirts of town, like Florence AZ, are going sight unseen for absurd prices.

I surmise the reason for this is because investors bought properties around 2009-2010 for seriously low prices, and sold in the past two years, doubling their investment. Good for them. I am pleased. I probably helped some of those investors buy or sell. However, when they sold, they left me and every other crazy agent out there scrambling to find rental properties for the soon-to-be-homeless.

The good part of this trend is rents are going up. People who can afford to pay $1500 a month for rent, are finding out (from me) that they may want to consider buying instead. It will net them a cheaper payment and there are more homes for sale right now than for rent. And frankly, I prefer buyers over renters.

But back to my tenant tales. So, I responded to the woman on Facebook who never rented a home before. And voila! I got a client. Unfortunately, she ended up renting a home without me showing it to her (she didn't look at it at all, actually) so I didn't get paid.

The woman in question could afford $850 a month and had a FICO score lower than my post-foreclosure score. So, she wasn't exactly a landlord's dream. But somehow she decided I was a rock star and has referred me to all of her other friends who can afford $850 a month and have crummy credit. And apparently she knows a lot of these folks. And they are all calling me. Please don't consider me ungrateful. I am pleased to have the work. My son, who just happens to have a healthy grocery addiction, is also grateful. I am showing these potential tenants homes, and selling them as the greatest folks ever to owners just to have them repeatedly rejected. This is a scary pattern that probably will continue in the near future.

I always have a script I say before I take out a tenant to show rentals. I ask the basics, how many people living in the home? Pets? Do they want a pool? What is their budget? Where do they want to live (they always say $900 a month in Gilbert or Scottsdale, which is thoroughly unrealistic). Then, from years of experience I ask the following: Do you make three times the rent? Do you have any evictions, convictions or bruised credit that we will need to sell a landlord on? I always explain we need to be proactive in this market. And then I explain the market conditions.

In the past two weeks I have managed to have some interesting folks. In addition to the ones the Facebook woman has sent me, I have had the guy who admitted to me after I drove all over Creation that he told me a teensy lie. He really only made one and a half times the rent. And would an owner mind this? And by the way, he insisted on hardwood floors.

Today I got a call from a guy who wants to see a specific home on Friday of this week. When I explained the home wouldn't be there by Friday, and if he wanted to see it, I was available today, he got pissy and accused me of "pressuring" him. By the way, the home got three applications on it between the time he called and the time I left work. Also, as a point of interest, I had him on speaker phone at the office. When I asked about the credit/convictions/evictions, he hesitated, stuttered and didn't answer. Everyone in earshot caught it.

Last week I had the couple who had great credit, answered negatively to the eviction and conviction question. I thought for sure they were a shoe-in, as they were the only application that came in on a Tempe town home at the time. The owner passed on them because the couple seemed to completely forget they both had felony DUIs.

Oh, but that's not all they forgot to mention. One had a paraphernalia charge. The other had a possession charge. When I explained to them the owner felt they had a lot of history and he was uncomfortable renting to them, my (now former) client texted me the following, "I fail to see how this is 'A LOT of history'!!!! It is just four convictions!"

But this call today pretty much tops them all. A gentleman called me today. He wanted to live either on the very Southeast side of the Phoenix area or the very Northern side. There is a 70 mile span between the two. When I gave him my spiel, he replied, "Well, 19 years ago, I was convicted of murder. But it was only once and it was an accident." I will let some other frantic real estate agent try to help him find a rental.