Insert Swearing and Sound Effects Here

My Cyber-Pal Lori, has mentioned from time to time that I need my own reality show. The other day I explained that if the public wanted to see a crazed woman swearing they could watch "Jersey Shore." They don't need me.

My life is not set up for a reality show. But even if I didn't mind camera crews following me around and my face out for the masses to view, this wouldn't work for a variety of reasons.

1. I am actually painfully shy. So, right there it blows the idea out of the water. Camera crews would see more closed doors or get more footage of Buckaroo sparring with his stuffed bear than they would of me.

2. Logistics. I am over here. My homes are over there. Viewers would see me staring dumbly at my phone waiting for text messages to never arrive. Viewers would see me getting stupid e-mails at midnight (which is about when I check my e-mail these days). The producers would probably add sound effects just to point out to the four viewers (my brothers and my parents) that the e-mail was bad news, though my viewers would probably figure this out from the string of obscenities that would leave my mouth.

Which reminds me, anyone else find it utterly annoying in Pawn Stars when sound effects are added right after Rick tells someone they aren't getting the $50,000 for their grandmother's autographed picture of some B-list celebrity?

3. If everyone did pay on time it would be jumping the shark don't you think? After all, where's the drama in that?

4. My marriage is functional. My kids are normal. We lead a dull, pedestrian life (outside of rental homes in Alabama), complete with scouts and karate. We would have to manufacture family drama. And we all know that doesn't happen in reality shows (insert lame sound effect here). 

5. I doubt the camera crews would be allowed into the insurance adjuster's office to see an empty desk and a ringing phone (which reminds me, I still owe a blog about Ms. Green's roof. Trust me. Even after two weeks all you are missing out on is a string of obscenities.).

6. The camera crews would still be waiting for Kirby to call them back to film last week's episode. For that matter, I am still waiting for Kirby to call me back.

7. Nobody, and I mean nobody, North of the Tennessee River and West of the Mississippi River could possibly understand Ms. Angie. Even when she isn't upset.

8. There will not be camera crews in my home filming me at 5 a.m. when the phone rings from some perky Alabama tenant, proudly wanting to let me know they just mailed the rent on time, but yet can't comprehend Daylight Savings Time and is utterly confused as to why I am still sleeping.

9. The juicy stuff that happens can't be filmed (or blogged). Just saying...

Though I don't think a reality show is in my immediate future, I can tell you this, my tenants make great story and blog fodder. And someday they will all be prominently featured in the Great American Novel.