The Care and Feeding of Handymen

Good
Fast
Cheap

When working with vendors, in this case, repairmen, I find that I set my standards pretty low. I will take two of the three. If I can get good and fast, or fast and cheap, it is a bonus. There might be handymen out there who can delivery all three: good, fast AND cheap, but they are in such hot demand, they will eventually raise their price, thus offering two out of three.

Because I am so far away, I ask a lot of questions when I talk to these contractors. The one that seems to floor them every time is, "how much does it cost and what do I get for my money." This often causes a lot of stammering on the other end, with the poor guy feeling the need to justify his price. It isn't that I am offended by their pricing. It is just that I want to know what I am paying for.

I have also found there seems to be some sort of genetic make necessary to be an effective handyman. Yes, knowing how to slap on a coat of paint is quite useful. But that is not what I mean. Anyone can learn how to install a ceiling fan. There are certain qualities you will see in just about every handyman:

1) They talk a LOT. In fact, the more cell minutes they can use up on your phone call, the longer they have been in business. I think I would drop dead from astonishment if a handyman called me and said, "The job is done, have a nice day." Click.

2) They underestimate and over promise. It isn't personal. And, this has nothing to do with good, fast and cheap. If you think it should take a day to paint a room, and your handyman tells you it will take a week, expect ten days and thank your lucky stars if they actually can do it within two weeks. Also, be sure to budget a bit extra for that $300 job. But, in all fairness, have you ever budgeted $300 for a $300 job, went to Home Depot and returned with just $300 worth of supplies? Nope, it doesn't happen.

3) They are only somewhat reliable for a maximum of six weeks. I have yet to have a handyman last more than six weeks at a stretch. Don't count on the same person you hired being reliable seven weeks later. It just doesn't happen. There is a fishing hole/vacation/drinking bender calling their name. It doesn't mean they are slackers. They are just ready to move on.

4) They know everything. Well, they do. That is why you hired them. And, their time is worth something, so pay them according. Otherwise get out there and install that tile flooring yourself--and make it look just as good.

With all that I do in two different states, I have yet to meet a handyman I didn't like. And, I have met many. But, know what you are getting into when you go there. They require a bit more maintenance than your average vendor. Frustration only leads to more problems, so give them their space and give them a job that should take no longer than four weeks.