The Jumping Cow

Flowers from Reader #3.
They are so beautiful,
I wanted to share. 

The five stages of grief aren't linear. As far as this accidental business goes, there have been many times I have been stuck on anger and bargaining. And, like the old-fashioned LP record players some of you might remember, my needle gets stuck. Much to the detriment of anyone who will listen I would repeat, and repeat, and well, repeat my frustrations.

Lately, I have been vacillating between indifference and peace. I would like to transition completely to peace. It might be after we are all said and done, but eventually I will be there.

Today I read a snippet from a priest I follow. He said his great grandfather was supposed to have been on the Titanic. He worked on it and was granted free passage on the maiden voyage. On April 10, 1912, he was riding his bike on the way to start his new life in America. Instead, he wound up hitting a cow and missed the ship. The man who tells this story said he wouldn't have even been around if that cow hadn't jumped in his great grandfather's way. Imagine, how Great-Grandpa's  world changed with that one event.

A few years ago, a rinky-dink bank in Birmingham--for no discernible reason--called a second mortgage due on one of our homes. After fighting with them for six months the downfall began. The bank probably regrets their decision. Sometimes I regret their decision too. But today, after reading about Father's Great Grandfather I took a different look. What if the bank was the cow that got in our way? Maybe this is the beginning of something new and wonderful? For the first time in a very long time I felt hope.

It may sound silly to you three, but it has taken me a long time to see something good on the horizon. "Oh course life will go on!" you may say. But you may not understand! I have defined myself by this failure. It has eaten at me. It probably will again sometime in the future (remember the 5 stages of grief). But today, all I see is a cow that jumped in my way.