Flunky, the Property Management's Maintenance Manager texted me at 5:21 a.m. today. It was simply, "I need you to call me as soon as possible." My first biggest annoyance was the phone woke me up. The second was that I was starting my day with some sort of Alabama drama, that probably I couldn't solve, but would be required to partake in nonetheless.
And for those of you who wish to point out my phone could be elsewhere, or that I could turn my ringer off, I would like to point out that only polite people with true emergencies or crazy, rude idiots call at unholy hours of the day. So, yes, I keep my ringer on. And though I certainly don't want it to make any sort of noise at that particular hour, we are currently on alert. When you get to a certain age, your extended family tends call with tragic news. And sadly we are currently waiting for this call from my cousin back East.
When I was woken up, I did what any good passive-aggressive Landlord would do. I muttered something that meant, "bless his heart, " and did my darnedest to go back to sleep. Unfortunately, that wasn't in the cards. So, about 30 minutes later, before any type of caffeine was coursing through my veins, I was checking my e-mail, and guess what? Because I didn't call this dude back right away, he did the sensible thing and e-mailed me.
Flunky's e-mail said the home on Moody is having something dubbed, "moisture issues". For some reason that has yet to be explained to me, the only vendor in the greater Birmingham metropolitan area qualified to caulk a shower (because that is what it sounds like) was only available at 6:30 that morning and if I could please authorize this right then and there--even though I was not given a price--everyone could go on with their day.
If I did not authorize this, it would be at least another week before this moisture vendor could get into the home. And, according to Flunky, that would be detrimental because the "moisture issues" would then turn into "toxic mold". So, get back with him immediately, Ok?
Of course, this e-mail was sent to me at 7:45 a.m. Alabama time. So, I don't know if this might be a home I have in a time zone west of me, or if one of Flunky's major deficiencies includes not being able to tell time. Or both.
Sleep deprived, annoyed and on the verge of plotting revenge on this jerk's sorry ass, I wrote him back. "Please give me a quote. Also it seems as if someone could probably go out there at some other time of day if the vendor isn't available to take care of this urgent matter."
And wouldn't you know, Flunky immediately wrote me back: "I never said this was urgent."
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
They Take This Stuff Too Seriously (But Don't Tell Them I Said So)
I happen to be a fan of Jeanne Robertson. She is funny and is one of my "go-to" folks when I am looking for a bit of levity. In an effort to brighten my mood yesterday, I looked on Youtube to see if she had any new (to me) material. I found the following clips.
War Eagle
Roll Tide
But more to the point, I have written many times about the Alabama/Auburn rivalry. It is real. And, it is a bit freakishly weird how absorbed somewhat normal people can be about their college teams.
Anyway, in case you aren't convinced the rivalry is real, here is an old blog about such things:
True Story
Enjoy Jeanne.
War Eagle
Roll Tide
But more to the point, I have written many times about the Alabama/Auburn rivalry. It is real. And, it is a bit freakishly weird how absorbed somewhat normal people can be about their college teams.
Anyway, in case you aren't convinced the rivalry is real, here is an old blog about such things:
True Story
Enjoy Jeanne.
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
Random Whining
I had kind of an icky, teary day. So much of my life is upside down right now. Not just Alabama, but other things. I have some physical issues and some life issues that are taking precedence to all that is Yucky in the South. I will be fine of course. But today It.Just.Got.To.Me.
Then I saw this.
"What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise." ~Oscar Wilde
Great accomplishments come from failures. Look at Post-Its, penicillin and vulcanized rubber. They all stemmed from the hope and ingenuity of other creations. However, right now, my biggest hope (other than being completely out of physical pain) is that I can look back on this in a year, month or even a day and laugh. But today, not so much.
Diamond Jim told me today that our tax implications aren't as disastrous as I expected them to be. There's a silver lining.
Then I saw this.
"What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise." ~Oscar Wilde
________________________________________
Great accomplishments come from failures. Look at Post-Its, penicillin and vulcanized rubber. They all stemmed from the hope and ingenuity of other creations. However, right now, my biggest hope (other than being completely out of physical pain) is that I can look back on this in a year, month or even a day and laugh. But today, not so much.
________________________________________
Diamond Jim told me today that our tax implications aren't as disastrous as I expected them to be. There's a silver lining.
Thursday, June 11, 2015
The Letting Go Process
So the Second Mortgage Relationship Manager called today just as they promised. What confused us, is that according to all of the documentation we have received, our Relationship Manager was someone named "Laury." But it was a dude named Mohammad who called us.
Though we had been told--and obeyed--it turns out we didn't really need to provide the second mortgage company with enough documentation to wipe out the Boreal Forest. Instead, we just had to talk with Mohammad who said what we needed to do was just ask for a simple piece of paper that we can give to the first mortgage company. And now we have.
Our next step is waiting while the first mortgage company decides if they will allow us to do a deed in lieu of foreclosure. Because they don't have to. However, the alternative is them spending the money, hassle and court time to foreclose.
Mohammad did ask why we weren't doing a short sale. I didn't answer him because 1) the call was recorded and 2) he wouldn't like the answer. We don't want the liability of holding on to the house any longer than we have to. The house is vacant in the country. It isn't in great shape thanks to those awful tenants who didn't do us any favors. Holding on to it longer can attract squatters, more vandals and other undesirables. We are liable for anyone getting hurt on the property. We are liable for any more damage. We are ready to be out of this. Or, as a friend explained, we just want to rip the band-aid off as quickly as possible.
One of the most positive moments of this particular conversation was that I managed to get him to take my cell phone off of their records so that I don't get any more calls. Actually, Mohammad said he put a note in my file that says, "Do not call." But I am not foolish to believe that will really be the case. But at least they won't be calling my cell any more.
We did update LegalOwl today what was going on, as there will come a time when the dust settles that we will need her to negotiate the final judgments against us--that will be the next step. You see, getting rid of the house and trashing one's FICO score is just the tip of the iceberg. We can expect, especially with our track record, the banks aren't going to go away quietly. We expect there will be judgments against us and probably a bankruptcy in the next year or so.
And that brings up an interesting issue. As much as I would like to sell the Leeds house, we need to keep it through 2015 now. You see, we would prefer not to loose all the houses in the same year, as that causes one massive tax consequence we don't want to deal with. As it is Diamond Jim has warned me, with the losses we are facing (and subsequent tax issues), for me not to make too much money this year. Yes, loosing houses isn't clean. The IRS considers the difference between what the house ends up appraising for and what we owe as "income."
All of this I have learned in the past few months. I have gotten used to sighing loudly and rolling my eyes as the news just comes at us. Marty Sunshine pointed out that the only person who calls me a looser, failure, thief and deadbeat is me. And in my defense, I am calming down about this. I know there are other circumstances that have brought us to this point. And eventually I will sit back and do a lessons learned on this particular home and how it could have gone better. And I will also eventually work through my burning sense of abject failure. Someday.
Though we had been told--and obeyed--it turns out we didn't really need to provide the second mortgage company with enough documentation to wipe out the Boreal Forest. Instead, we just had to talk with Mohammad who said what we needed to do was just ask for a simple piece of paper that we can give to the first mortgage company. And now we have.
Our next step is waiting while the first mortgage company decides if they will allow us to do a deed in lieu of foreclosure. Because they don't have to. However, the alternative is them spending the money, hassle and court time to foreclose.
Mohammad did ask why we weren't doing a short sale. I didn't answer him because 1) the call was recorded and 2) he wouldn't like the answer. We don't want the liability of holding on to the house any longer than we have to. The house is vacant in the country. It isn't in great shape thanks to those awful tenants who didn't do us any favors. Holding on to it longer can attract squatters, more vandals and other undesirables. We are liable for anyone getting hurt on the property. We are liable for any more damage. We are ready to be out of this. Or, as a friend explained, we just want to rip the band-aid off as quickly as possible.
One of the most positive moments of this particular conversation was that I managed to get him to take my cell phone off of their records so that I don't get any more calls. Actually, Mohammad said he put a note in my file that says, "Do not call." But I am not foolish to believe that will really be the case. But at least they won't be calling my cell any more.
We did update LegalOwl today what was going on, as there will come a time when the dust settles that we will need her to negotiate the final judgments against us--that will be the next step. You see, getting rid of the house and trashing one's FICO score is just the tip of the iceberg. We can expect, especially with our track record, the banks aren't going to go away quietly. We expect there will be judgments against us and probably a bankruptcy in the next year or so.
And that brings up an interesting issue. As much as I would like to sell the Leeds house, we need to keep it through 2015 now. You see, we would prefer not to loose all the houses in the same year, as that causes one massive tax consequence we don't want to deal with. As it is Diamond Jim has warned me, with the losses we are facing (and subsequent tax issues), for me not to make too much money this year. Yes, loosing houses isn't clean. The IRS considers the difference between what the house ends up appraising for and what we owe as "income."
All of this I have learned in the past few months. I have gotten used to sighing loudly and rolling my eyes as the news just comes at us. Marty Sunshine pointed out that the only person who calls me a looser, failure, thief and deadbeat is me. And in my defense, I am calming down about this. I know there are other circumstances that have brought us to this point. And eventually I will sit back and do a lessons learned on this particular home and how it could have gone better. And I will also eventually work through my burning sense of abject failure. Someday.
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
Yippee?
We have an offer on our short sale home in North Centerpoint. $40,000.
Yes, you read that right.
But here is how the game works for Short Sales. The bank--who ultimately makes the decision--tells the real estate agent to price it any way they want. Once an offer comes in, the bank will then make their determination of how much they really want to sell the home for. The sellers (Marty and I) just sign papers and don't really have a say.
But none of this will happen until there is a true offer. Which we have now.
I am under the impression nobody thinks it will sell for $40k--including the person who put the offer in. I suspect Kirby had an investor friend do this so the bank will move on this. The investor friend would be happy to have the house--especially at $40k. Heck! I might even want to buy this house for that price! But realistically it will sell for more than that. Will the investor stay and find out? I have no idea.
But at least now we have an offer the bank can either accept, counter or reject. If the bank accepts. Awesome. Good bye house.
If the bank counters, the buyer can decide what they want to do. But at least a decision was made by the bank. That's a step in the right direction.
If the bank rejects, I think we will just wrap this up and go the foreclosure route.
Yes, you read that right.
But here is how the game works for Short Sales. The bank--who ultimately makes the decision--tells the real estate agent to price it any way they want. Once an offer comes in, the bank will then make their determination of how much they really want to sell the home for. The sellers (Marty and I) just sign papers and don't really have a say.
But none of this will happen until there is a true offer. Which we have now.
I am under the impression nobody thinks it will sell for $40k--including the person who put the offer in. I suspect Kirby had an investor friend do this so the bank will move on this. The investor friend would be happy to have the house--especially at $40k. Heck! I might even want to buy this house for that price! But realistically it will sell for more than that. Will the investor stay and find out? I have no idea.
But at least now we have an offer the bank can either accept, counter or reject. If the bank accepts. Awesome. Good bye house.
If the bank counters, the buyer can decide what they want to do. But at least a decision was made by the bank. That's a step in the right direction.
If the bank rejects, I think we will just wrap this up and go the foreclosure route.
Tuesday, June 09, 2015
Let the Deforestation Begin
We are working diligently to give my home in Pinson back to the bank. I would like to tell you it is going swimmingly, but let's face it, if it were, it wouldn't be blog fodder. Instead, my once-favorite home sits on the mountain, presumably empty and reasonably trashed by the last tenants who I hope are the recipients of Karmic retribution.
This particular home has a first and second mortgage. The first mortgage company told us early on they wouldn't discuss anything until we were more than 90 days late. However, a gentleman by the name of "Mr. King" did send me a packet of information and said I can call him at any time. He was there to help. He gave me specific instructions to send in these papers to him around the beginning of June and he would get this party started.
This past week we did just that. However, Mr. King doesn't work for this particular company any more. When I called them Monday afternoon, I was told there is no record of my paperwork anywhere. And then I got transferred to about six different people. Twice the phone line went dead and I had to start over. Finally I found a guy who sounded friendly and told me what to do. Unfortunately he told me I should have done this six weeks ago and I shouldn't have waited so long. It doesn't really matter at this point. They were taking the house back either way as far as I am concerned.
The second mortgage company hasn't been as wonderful to work with. For starters, they haven't really let me talk to anyone past the person who calls me at all hours of the day in broken English to demand my social security number.
And, generally when the second mortgage company calls me, I am not in the mood for them and the call never ends well. Last time they called I said, "may I speak to an asset manager please?" The person on the other said they had nobody with that tile--something I had heard before. But this time I added,. "And you expect me to believe you have called me, demanded I give you ultra personal information because you say you are a 'mortgage company' but don't have asset managers? What kind of mortgage company doesn't have an asset manager?"
Of course, this was at 10:15 p.m. last Friday night. So, the timing wasn't good for anyone. My bad. It turns out that this particular company doesn't call their asset managers by that name. They are called "relationship managers."
On Monday Marty called the company and asked to speak with one of these relationship manager-type folks. Apparently they said they can spare on of their "relationship managers" this coming Wednesday and they will call him back then.
What I am finding fascinating is the amount of paperwork necessary to hand over keys. According to at least Mortgage Company 1 (and Mortgage Company 2), I am to provide profit and loss statements, balance statements (sorry Bliz, I need those too. I didn't know until today), tax returns for the past two years, pay stubs, a hardship letter and several more reams of paper that I may have or not have at my disposal.
When the mortgage company (or companies) are done reviewing my paperwork, they then have their own agenda. I am supposed to negotiate with the second mortgage company on my own behalf upfront (hence the whole relationship manager meeting). And then the first mortgage company needs to a title search (fair enough) to make sure nobody else has claim to this property.
Then there is the whole matter of us proving we can't pay the mortgage. For whatever reason, this concept seems to confound everyone I have spoken with. During one of my phone calls to the first mortgage company Monday (who was actually was very nice about the whole thing) said that their records show that we can pay it. Oh how I wish that were true. In fact, it might have saved a lot of heartburn and a trashed FICO score if that were really the case.
This particular home has a first and second mortgage. The first mortgage company told us early on they wouldn't discuss anything until we were more than 90 days late. However, a gentleman by the name of "Mr. King" did send me a packet of information and said I can call him at any time. He was there to help. He gave me specific instructions to send in these papers to him around the beginning of June and he would get this party started.
This past week we did just that. However, Mr. King doesn't work for this particular company any more. When I called them Monday afternoon, I was told there is no record of my paperwork anywhere. And then I got transferred to about six different people. Twice the phone line went dead and I had to start over. Finally I found a guy who sounded friendly and told me what to do. Unfortunately he told me I should have done this six weeks ago and I shouldn't have waited so long. It doesn't really matter at this point. They were taking the house back either way as far as I am concerned.
The second mortgage company hasn't been as wonderful to work with. For starters, they haven't really let me talk to anyone past the person who calls me at all hours of the day in broken English to demand my social security number.
And, generally when the second mortgage company calls me, I am not in the mood for them and the call never ends well. Last time they called I said, "may I speak to an asset manager please?" The person on the other said they had nobody with that tile--something I had heard before. But this time I added,. "And you expect me to believe you have called me, demanded I give you ultra personal information because you say you are a 'mortgage company' but don't have asset managers? What kind of mortgage company doesn't have an asset manager?"
Of course, this was at 10:15 p.m. last Friday night. So, the timing wasn't good for anyone. My bad. It turns out that this particular company doesn't call their asset managers by that name. They are called "relationship managers."
On Monday Marty called the company and asked to speak with one of these relationship manager-type folks. Apparently they said they can spare on of their "relationship managers" this coming Wednesday and they will call him back then.
What I am finding fascinating is the amount of paperwork necessary to hand over keys. According to at least Mortgage Company 1 (and Mortgage Company 2), I am to provide profit and loss statements, balance statements (sorry Bliz, I need those too. I didn't know until today), tax returns for the past two years, pay stubs, a hardship letter and several more reams of paper that I may have or not have at my disposal.
When the mortgage company (or companies) are done reviewing my paperwork, they then have their own agenda. I am supposed to negotiate with the second mortgage company on my own behalf upfront (hence the whole relationship manager meeting). And then the first mortgage company needs to a title search (fair enough) to make sure nobody else has claim to this property.
Then there is the whole matter of us proving we can't pay the mortgage. For whatever reason, this concept seems to confound everyone I have spoken with. During one of my phone calls to the first mortgage company Monday (who was actually was very nice about the whole thing) said that their records show that we can pay it. Oh how I wish that were true. In fact, it might have saved a lot of heartburn and a trashed FICO score if that were really the case.
Monday, June 08, 2015
Super Kirby
Kirby just called me. Apparently Flunky didn't feel the need to contact him on a Sunday night to announce one of the air conditioners at one of my homes has bit the dust. Flunky graciously waited until today. Which is reasonable.
And professional.
And polite.
And let me just ask this: why do I have a property management company handling my affairs when 1) I am getting the stupid phone calls on a Sunday night from unpleasant people and 2) I have to resolve the issues myself? I am wondering if Luigi would kindly put me on his payroll and I can manage my own homes.
I might be on to something here...
Anyway, I knew the call wasn't going to go well when Kirby started out with a tentative, "Hey Ms. Landlord... How are you?" Kirby and I have gone too far in the past few years to be addressed as "Mr." or "Ms." anyone. And as soon as he asked about my well-being, I knew he wasn't calling to tell me he had a buyer for my short sale.
"So is the AC dead?" I asked skipping all presumption. And that's where Kirby got upset.
"I tried to save it, I really did," he lamented.
If you had asked me 12 years ago if there would come a time in my life where I would be comforting my former property-manager-turned-AC-technician-and-real-estate-broker (especially a Southern man) I would have been laughing too hysterically to respond. But, yep. Here I am.
Kirby gave me the news. The AC unit isn't salvageable. He also said there was no way the unit had smoke coming out of it. But there was a gizmo causing the issue and that particular part it isn't made anymore. It isn't surprising, given the unit was put on in the early 1980s.
Kirby is also giving me the close friends and family price. Because, I swear, AC units do not cost this little. I didn't even consult with Marty Sunshine when he gave me the price. Frankly, if Kirby says it costs this much, I know I don't have to shop around,
As we were hanging up, I told him it would really make my day if he could find a buyer for my short sale. "Working on it next..." he replied. And I am sure he is.
And professional.
And polite.
And let me just ask this: why do I have a property management company handling my affairs when 1) I am getting the stupid phone calls on a Sunday night from unpleasant people and 2) I have to resolve the issues myself? I am wondering if Luigi would kindly put me on his payroll and I can manage my own homes.
I might be on to something here...
Anyway, I knew the call wasn't going to go well when Kirby started out with a tentative, "Hey Ms. Landlord... How are you?" Kirby and I have gone too far in the past few years to be addressed as "Mr." or "Ms." anyone. And as soon as he asked about my well-being, I knew he wasn't calling to tell me he had a buyer for my short sale.
"So is the AC dead?" I asked skipping all presumption. And that's where Kirby got upset.
"I tried to save it, I really did," he lamented.
If you had asked me 12 years ago if there would come a time in my life where I would be comforting my former property-manager-turned-AC-technician-and-real-estate-broker (especially a Southern man) I would have been laughing too hysterically to respond. But, yep. Here I am.
Kirby gave me the news. The AC unit isn't salvageable. He also said there was no way the unit had smoke coming out of it. But there was a gizmo causing the issue and that particular part it isn't made anymore. It isn't surprising, given the unit was put on in the early 1980s.
Kirby is also giving me the close friends and family price. Because, I swear, AC units do not cost this little. I didn't even consult with Marty Sunshine when he gave me the price. Frankly, if Kirby says it costs this much, I know I don't have to shop around,
As we were hanging up, I told him it would really make my day if he could find a buyer for my short sale. "Working on it next..." he replied. And I am sure he is.
Sunday, June 07, 2015
Another Day in The Jaded Empire
To his credit, Flunky the Maintenance Manager actually seemed conciliatory when he called me at 6 p.m. tonight. And today is Sunday.
Flunky's conciliatory nature was such a far cry from the nasty confrontation he and I had while on vacation. I am not sure I blogged about it, but let's just say I was standing in a Wal-Mart parking lot in Fort Stockton, Texas angrily saying things like, "I don't know who you think you are..." and "When you said you physically saw the property and the damage, you were actually lying. Is this correct? Because I have better things to do than deal with liars.... And, you have proven you will lie on all occasions to cover your own incompetence..."
And, then there was last week's grouch-fest where the tenant is (rightly) complaining about a flood in the basement, I told him to speak immediately with Marty Sunshine. And, I told Marty the same. Marty completely understands I don't want anything to do with Flunky. And, I thought Flunky was on board with this when I got an e-mail from him Saturday morning asking how he was supposed to reach Marty in the first place (call him perhaps?).
Anyway, I guess this didn't completely sink in, because about 36 minutes ago, Flunky called me. You see, one of our tenants heard a big "bang" and then "smoke started coming up." It took me a few exasperating minutes to find out that smoke was coming up from the air conditioning unit. I guess I was supposed to know this automatically, because it took me asking Flunky "where was the smoke coming from?" three times before he narrowed it down for me. I personally think this is a little power trip game of his.
But then again, I think the entire phone call was a little power game. because in his next breath, Flunky told me "Obviously, we can't do anything about this tonight." Which, I figured out in the first three seconds of the phone call. And, it made me wonder why he didn't just call me tomorrow to give me the news, but I didn't say so because it would have kept me on the phone with this guy longer.
Sadly, not only did I have to endure talking to Flunky on my day off (and why do I have a property management company anyway when they are calling me on a Sunday night to tell me something happened but there is nothing that can be done?), but I also had to come up with a reasonable solution--something I pay these yahoos for. My response was simply, "Call Kirby."
You see, Kirby, who ran screaming from the property management business 18 months ago is now making loads of money off of me in air conditioning work. When Flunky admitted he didn't know who Kirby was, I reminded him that he has worked with Kirby on numerous occasions, as I keep telling him to directly talk to Kirby for AC issues. In fact, I listed off the last three homes Flunky and Kirby have discussed recently. After a few minutes of Flunky feigning ignorance, and me wanting to get back on with my life, I finally told Flunky I would e-mail him Kirby's contact info. Hopefully that will resolve it. However, I bet he doesn't contact him until tomorrow.
The most interesting part of this for me is that I forgot to ask for any relevant details. Heck! I even neglected to find out if everyone was ok (I hope so). In fact, I haven't even told Marty the news yet. My blood pressure isn't even through the roof. And, I am not even hopped up on chocolate or other substances. In essence, it is out of my hands. I have no idea how I am going to pay for this, But experience tells me it will get done.
Flunky's conciliatory nature was such a far cry from the nasty confrontation he and I had while on vacation. I am not sure I blogged about it, but let's just say I was standing in a Wal-Mart parking lot in Fort Stockton, Texas angrily saying things like, "I don't know who you think you are..." and "When you said you physically saw the property and the damage, you were actually lying. Is this correct? Because I have better things to do than deal with liars.... And, you have proven you will lie on all occasions to cover your own incompetence..."
And, then there was last week's grouch-fest where the tenant is (rightly) complaining about a flood in the basement, I told him to speak immediately with Marty Sunshine. And, I told Marty the same. Marty completely understands I don't want anything to do with Flunky. And, I thought Flunky was on board with this when I got an e-mail from him Saturday morning asking how he was supposed to reach Marty in the first place (call him perhaps?).
Anyway, I guess this didn't completely sink in, because about 36 minutes ago, Flunky called me. You see, one of our tenants heard a big "bang" and then "smoke started coming up." It took me a few exasperating minutes to find out that smoke was coming up from the air conditioning unit. I guess I was supposed to know this automatically, because it took me asking Flunky "where was the smoke coming from?" three times before he narrowed it down for me. I personally think this is a little power trip game of his.
But then again, I think the entire phone call was a little power game. because in his next breath, Flunky told me "Obviously, we can't do anything about this tonight." Which, I figured out in the first three seconds of the phone call. And, it made me wonder why he didn't just call me tomorrow to give me the news, but I didn't say so because it would have kept me on the phone with this guy longer.
Sadly, not only did I have to endure talking to Flunky on my day off (and why do I have a property management company anyway when they are calling me on a Sunday night to tell me something happened but there is nothing that can be done?), but I also had to come up with a reasonable solution--something I pay these yahoos for. My response was simply, "Call Kirby."
You see, Kirby, who ran screaming from the property management business 18 months ago is now making loads of money off of me in air conditioning work. When Flunky admitted he didn't know who Kirby was, I reminded him that he has worked with Kirby on numerous occasions, as I keep telling him to directly talk to Kirby for AC issues. In fact, I listed off the last three homes Flunky and Kirby have discussed recently. After a few minutes of Flunky feigning ignorance, and me wanting to get back on with my life, I finally told Flunky I would e-mail him Kirby's contact info. Hopefully that will resolve it. However, I bet he doesn't contact him until tomorrow.
The most interesting part of this for me is that I forgot to ask for any relevant details. Heck! I even neglected to find out if everyone was ok (I hope so). In fact, I haven't even told Marty the news yet. My blood pressure isn't even through the roof. And, I am not even hopped up on chocolate or other substances. In essence, it is out of my hands. I have no idea how I am going to pay for this, But experience tells me it will get done.
Monday, June 01, 2015
Tenant Urgency
I manage two of the gazillion homes I have. I also quasi-manage another one--which is a long story, but the house is also in management. So, I guess I manage 2.5 houses. I don't miss managing homes. On those occasions where I am feeling sentimental about all the craziness, I just waltz into my office--which happens to be a real estate and a property management office. Three minutes in the door and I have had my fill of bizarre stories and situations to last a while.
I also have the utmost respect for those who do handle property management. I don't miss managing a gazillion homes. And, if I had to pick one, and just one, reason why I was ready for someone else to handle the phone calls it was simply because my tenants do not appreciate the existence of time zones.
I will never, ever get used to people who cannot fully comprehend time zones. And, for those keeping track, currently Alabama is two hours in front of Arizona. So, if it is noon in Arizona, it is 2 p.m. in Alabama. Because we don't celebrate the hoax that is Daylight Savings, our time difference changes part of the year. But, that really should not matter: Alabama isn't the same time as Arizona. No matter what.
Ever.
I will also never fully comprehend those folks who have a strange sense of urgency. Generally, this sense of urgency is directly related to their lack of comprehension that I am two hours away from their emergency. True, when I get calls like, "My gas hot water heater is currently on fire." I can appreciate the emergency, but it seems like managing the fire and making sure it is fully extinguished is much more urgent than immediately telling me.
Conversely, "Last Monday my septic backed up and now--4 p.m. (Alabama time) on the Friday before Labor Day Weekend--I thought I would tell you I have no working water disposal system," is only urgent because the tenant waited a week to tell me.
And by the way, those are real examples. Unfortunately.
I have gotten so many calls from frantic tenants who think I have some magic Landlord Wand(tm) that can make all their troubles disappear. I promise, I cannot fix an air conditioner or repair a hole in a roof from thousands of miles away in the next 20 minutes. No matter who calls or how many times a tenant may call (also real life Alabama examples). And by the way, having one of your friends call and tell me they are an attorney and start quoting make-believe Alabama Landlord-Tenant laws at me will not make the air conditioner get fixed any faster or get me to get on a plane any quicker and buy a tarp at Home Depot.
However, my most exasperating example of tenant urgency is the ones who call me at odd hours to announce rent will be late. Now, I am no fool. I suspect I get these calls at 4 a.m. (last week) or at 2 a.m. (a few years ago) because the tenant does not want to speak with me. But let's think about this, what if I do answer? Will I be in the kind of mood that will ingratiate these folks to me? A little forward thinking goes a long way.
Last week, there was one of these calls. The gist was they would like a few extra days to come up with the money. Would that be ok? Now, if we could process this please: You have known for days you weren't going to have rent today, but you waited until 6 a.m. your time to tell me this. Doesn't it stand to reason news like this could wait until a reasonable hour? Hell, I would even settle for a text or an e-mail!
Last week, I ignored the call. If I had answered it, I would have probably said a lot more that was less polite. Instead, I allowed voice mail to do my bidding. When I was fully awake, I text my dear tenant back, explaining there is a two hour time difference. In their defense, they acted apologetic. However, I think next time I manage a home out of state (if I have any left, that is) and write up the application, I am going to give a time zone quiz. Any potential tenant who cannot master this, won't rent from me. It will save us both a headache.
I also have the utmost respect for those who do handle property management. I don't miss managing a gazillion homes. And, if I had to pick one, and just one, reason why I was ready for someone else to handle the phone calls it was simply because my tenants do not appreciate the existence of time zones.
I will never, ever get used to people who cannot fully comprehend time zones. And, for those keeping track, currently Alabama is two hours in front of Arizona. So, if it is noon in Arizona, it is 2 p.m. in Alabama. Because we don't celebrate the hoax that is Daylight Savings, our time difference changes part of the year. But, that really should not matter: Alabama isn't the same time as Arizona. No matter what.
Ever.
I will also never fully comprehend those folks who have a strange sense of urgency. Generally, this sense of urgency is directly related to their lack of comprehension that I am two hours away from their emergency. True, when I get calls like, "My gas hot water heater is currently on fire." I can appreciate the emergency, but it seems like managing the fire and making sure it is fully extinguished is much more urgent than immediately telling me.
Conversely, "Last Monday my septic backed up and now--4 p.m. (Alabama time) on the Friday before Labor Day Weekend--I thought I would tell you I have no working water disposal system," is only urgent because the tenant waited a week to tell me.
And by the way, those are real examples. Unfortunately.
I have gotten so many calls from frantic tenants who think I have some magic Landlord Wand(tm) that can make all their troubles disappear. I promise, I cannot fix an air conditioner or repair a hole in a roof from thousands of miles away in the next 20 minutes. No matter who calls or how many times a tenant may call (also real life Alabama examples). And by the way, having one of your friends call and tell me they are an attorney and start quoting make-believe Alabama Landlord-Tenant laws at me will not make the air conditioner get fixed any faster or get me to get on a plane any quicker and buy a tarp at Home Depot.
However, my most exasperating example of tenant urgency is the ones who call me at odd hours to announce rent will be late. Now, I am no fool. I suspect I get these calls at 4 a.m. (last week) or at 2 a.m. (a few years ago) because the tenant does not want to speak with me. But let's think about this, what if I do answer? Will I be in the kind of mood that will ingratiate these folks to me? A little forward thinking goes a long way.
Last week, there was one of these calls. The gist was they would like a few extra days to come up with the money. Would that be ok? Now, if we could process this please: You have known for days you weren't going to have rent today, but you waited until 6 a.m. your time to tell me this. Doesn't it stand to reason news like this could wait until a reasonable hour? Hell, I would even settle for a text or an e-mail!
Last week, I ignored the call. If I had answered it, I would have probably said a lot more that was less polite. Instead, I allowed voice mail to do my bidding. When I was fully awake, I text my dear tenant back, explaining there is a two hour time difference. In their defense, they acted apologetic. However, I think next time I manage a home out of state (if I have any left, that is) and write up the application, I am going to give a time zone quiz. Any potential tenant who cannot master this, won't rent from me. It will save us both a headache.
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