No Thanks

So, someone called Ms. Amy about Hysteria Lane. She is moving next week from some unknown city. Apparently she loves the area and loves the pictures of my competitively priced home. However, she hasn't seen the home, much less put an application in just yet.

Apparently this woman has watched one too many cable real estate shows. That's the only reason I can possibly think of that she would offer me this deal: I would have the honor of her being my tenant for two years as long as I took a rent reduction of $200 per month--or $4,800 for the duration of the lease. In all fairness, that isn't exactly how Ms. Amy phrased it, but when I said it back to her, she admitted it was the gist.

It seems to me that these potential tenants want me to know upfront they don't value me, my property or the social conventions related to renting a home. Rules are really mere suggestions. And for that matter, these mere suggestions are made for commoners--not for people who are moving to Birmingham next week from across country. Years of experience tell me it is fair to say one can easily translate this to "We are a complete pain in the ass. We just wanted you to know."

August 24th

For you three long-time readers, you might know that August 24th is our celebrated National Holiday around here in this patch of cyber space.

Today happens to be my dear friend and bookkeeper's birthday. So, Happy Birthday dear Bliz. I hope you had a wonderful time in Vegas. I didn't even go with you but I have the pictures to prove you were three shee... had a lovely time with your girlfriends.

Thank you for being such a beacon of light, truth and laughter for the past 29.9999999+ years. I love you dearly and glad you are in my life.

Random Bama---The Property Management Edition

Not to jinx it or anything, but it turns out I might, possibly, have a tenant for my Grayson Valley home. Ms. Amy has told the said potential tenant that I am a no-nonsense owner and not to apply if there was any reason she would feel the need to pay late on a regular basis. Or at least that's what Ms. Amy told me.

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So far, in the past 21 days Luigi and his crew have shown the Hysteria Lane more attention than Mario and his minions did in the three years they had the home. For that matter, the rental price has been raised and they have had more showings this month than Mario had in July (which was a total of one).

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Kirby--remember him?

For those of you who are fuzzy on the details  Kirby was my property manager for years. Then he sold out to Mario while I was on vacation last year. Before the transaction could go through (Kirby was selling his entire portfolio of homes he was managing, not just mine), I pulled out and sent my gazillion (minus three homes) to Luigi. That has caused the subsequent drama for this blog for the past several months. In all fairness, I am sorry I didn't meet Luigi in 2008 when I started looking for a property management company. He rocks.

Anyway, back to Kirby. Kirby is still a licensed agent. He also has become my handyman. We talk about twice a week--generally about maintenance issues. But sometimes it is personal, like "how are you and how is the wife?' Kirby thinks Ray (the guy selling my rental in Leeds) is a dumbass. Actually, I am paraphrasing. Kirby really said Ray seemed "inexperienced", but I can read between the lines.

Going, Going, Gone

There was pandering in the past 48 hours.

Lots of pandering.

The pandering started Saturday when Mario finally got around to responding to my e-mail from last week. It was the e-mail where I pointed out I had no idea this Willy guy was my primary contact at his office. Mario's reply was highly professional, and he even threw in a bit of self-deprecating humor as well, suggesting anyone who works for a property management company for 10 years must be crazy. I guess he didn't see my resume because, though true, he probably wouldn't have added that last part if he wanted to be on my good side.

Then Mario told me nobody more than him wanted to get my home rented out. I didn't respond telling him if that was the case, why did the listing on his Web site say it wasn't ready until July 28? Or, why has it had one showing in 30 days? And why--when they manage a home, slightly smaller, one block away for more money and I have always gotten top dollar for my home--should I take a reduction in rent when they haven't even shown the place?

And there was more pandering today when Mario got my e-mail this morning. I sent it right after someone named Greg e-mailed me to tell me once again, I had only had one showing in the past 30 days. My note to Mario was that it was time for us to part ways. I left it polite, keeping out all my personal feelings. It was even more polite than I really cared to. Hopefully that will count for something when I meet the Almighty.

Mario, the King of Pandering, wrote me back saying he wished I would reconsider. If nothing else, would I please have enough mercy to allow him to follow up with the one potential applicant who saw the place this weekend. Now, I know nobody saw it this weekend. But, what the heck! If Mario can pull a renter out of thin air and have them move in tomorrow, that's fine. So, I told him that would be ok, but the tenant must have no pets, reasonable credit, no evictions or felonies. He had until close of business today to make it happen. It didn't happen.

At 5:23 p.m. Alabama time I sent Mario another note. I told him I was sorry we couldn't make it work and someone would be by to pick up the keys.

That noise you may hear is rejoicing from Heaven.

Oh... It Is Plausable

So, I was talking to Carolsue on Thursday. And she suggested when I pull my home from Mario, I give it to her friend Adam.

Adam is a real estate agent. He impressed me beyond belief last year when I saw how hard he worked to sell a $25k home. Most agents won't even touch homes where the commission is less than their electric bill, but Adam was the Energizer Bunny.

In all fairness he has done everything he should do to earn my business. The timing has been bad. But it has occurred to me (repeatedly) that if I had given him the home in Leeds to sell it would have been sold by now.

Back to Adam... Carolsue suggested I contact him to handle the property management instead of giving it to Mario. Since my conversation with her, Marty Sunshine and Mr. Partner have nixed the idea, but I had my reasons why it wasn't a place I should go.

Adam is one guy, he isn't a property management company. Most likely we would be in a situation where I had more involvement in the process than I care to have. I don't need that. I lived that for years and I promise, I don't want to go backwards. If you don't believe me when I tell you it was stressful, please feel free to check this blog's archives.

As a corollary to Adam being a one-man show, there are other considerations. And that's where my chat with Carolsue got interesting. "What if Adam got hit by a bus? Who would manage the home then?"

Carolsue replied with some mundane answer which didn't really make me feel any better. So, I continued, "And what if the person driving the bus is the tenant he is managing?"

"Now you are just talking crazy." Carolsue accused. "That just isn't plausible."

Oh really?

At that point I gave her a laundry list of implausible situations that have happened to me since I started this accidental business. Some of them you will never find in this blog (but if you want to know, it will cost you an adult beverage. I can be bought) and many more which are. I even included the story of a guy who once mowed the lawn for me. He accidentally ran over a yellow jacket hive. He is allergic to yellow jackets. As he ran to get away from the yellow jackets, he ran into the street and got hit by a car. If you don't believe me, here is the story.

So you see Carolsue. I want to save Adam's life. This is the easiest way I can think of that will ensure he won't be hit by a bus.

Incompetent Thursday

Yesterday was a bad karma day. My ego was beaten down and I once again wonder why I am involved in anything real estate related. Or conversely yesterday, in a half-full kind of way, it was a good blogging day. You decide.

While Mario was getting pissy at me because I told him I was unhappy with my one showing for the entire month for my move-in ready home--which has had the same rental amount for 10 years (though he insists I was the one who overpriced it), I was also being called all sorts of names including "incompetent" by clients of mine because I can't rent out their home.

The clients wrote a long letter to my broker lying--mind you--about about the rental listing I have. They said (among everything they complained about) that I put in "smokers welcome" in the listing and left that way in MLS for more than a week. Incidentally, I believe the very first time in my entire life I ever wrote "smokers welcome" was in the sentence prior to this. The truth was, I did not check the box that said "non-smoking home" and they caught that. It was changed within an hour of them telling me.

My clients are stressed. They have two vacant homes. Mind you, they had reliable long-term tenants in one home and asked them to leave last month because... well, actually I don't know why. I never understood that one. My broker doesn't either. The long-term reliable tenants were flabbergasted too. But nevertheless, they now have two vacancies.

I have two vacancies as well. Both of my homes have mortgages. Theirs don't. But I digress...

The home in question where my "incompetence" was oozing will be a lovely home once the work is complete. They bought a fixer-upper that needed a ton of work and even more updating. My clients weren't willing to update, so the 1992 gray-blue counter tops and the brass fixtures are staying in this luxury home. We did finally convince them to paint the cabinets but they don't see any reason to replace the 1992 appliances.

However, the work isn't complete, because the clients haven't paid the contractors who are doing the construction. That's kind of a priority. So, the pictures I have on MLS are of the lovely exterior (which looked lovely when the picture was taken--they don't want to pay for landscaping or watering either) and the staircase. There are no kitchen and bath pictures. In fact, I was told (by them) the home was move-in ready and what exactly was the hold-up??

Here is the move-in ready proof:

















What really bothers me is that I was politer than I really wanted to be to Mario and he was his usual self. I was politer than I wanted to be to my abusive clients too. For that matter, I have bent over backwards for my clients and yet I am incompetent. I have shown this home four times this week alone--even looking like the above picture and begging the prospective tenants to use their imagination of what this kitchen could look like.

My home in Alabama I am asking Mario about is quite nice. In fact, it is probably my nicest home. It is move-in ready by their standards and I pay my bills. I know Mario's job is tough. I am doing the exact same job on the other end. However, I am not sure I am the one who is incompetent.