Succesfully Conducting Business In the South

If one is not from the South, and one wants to successfully do business in the South, there are certain hoops to jump through. It is reasonable--and people don't find it the least bit intrusive or personal--to expect to be questioned fully about one's lineage. "Where are you from? Is there anyone in your family who is from the South? Who gave you permission to step foot in the South?" Are all fair game.

I had this particular conversation with Opal, Kirby's administrative assistant, when I was in town last week. She also happens to be from Mesa. I asked her if, when she first moved to Birmingham if people regarded her as some sort of circus freak show because she wasn't from the South.

This elicited a "Hey now!" from Kirby, with Opal giving him a dismissive wave and to me a knowing, "Oh yes!" (complete with her head wildly bobbing up and down).

Kirby may have taken offense to my line of questioning, but Opal understood immediately. Nobody, is welcome in the South unless they are there for a darn good reason. Relocating for employment is not a darn good reason.

If one cannot prove Southern pedigree, the only other way I have seen to gain ground is to have pat answers ready to go on a variety sports topics. One can expect a question about Alabama football. In case it comes up, the current coach is Nick Saban, they have claimed 14 national titles, with the most recent being in 2012. The championship came last January was, "Quite a game." (note the pat answer).

Also, be expected to know something random about any professional sport from NASCAR to golf and everything in between. I always cross my fingers for a baseball question. However, if it isn't, pat answers come in handy.

Also, it is best for one to be prepared to follow up later with an expanded conversation--just to prove one has a slight clue. For example, Steve Nash signed with the Los Angeles Lakers yesterday. In the note I sent to Flip, I was able to say, "To local Sun's fans, Steve Nash going to the Lakers is like Nick Saban deciding to coach for Auburn."

If all of the above doesn't work, you are on your own.