How Not To Rent A Home

It's been a while since I covered this particular topic, but apparently it bears repeating. Unfortunately, the people who need to hear it the most don't read this blog.

If you are looking for a rental property, it is in your best interest to make a positive first impression. When I show homes, I coach prospective tenants on this. It is amazing how many of them need a quick charm-school lesson. But, that is for another blog.

Currently, I have two rental homes listed for rent for Arizona clients. They are--and I am not making this up--80 miles apart and still in the same county. Both homes are fantastic and have a lot of pluses, especially as far as rentals go. Both owners are requiring the same from prospective tenants: no evictions, no felonies, must currently earn three times the monthly rent and finally, no pets.

Let me repeat that last part: no pets. Frankly--as much as I like animals--I don't see why any landlord would allow pets. Ever. I also know there may come a time sooner than later where I have to rent and my cat comes with me. Hopefully, I can find the one landlord who will be so gracious as to make an exception. But it won't be my two clients. And I don't blame them a bit. And for that matter, I don't allow pets in my rental homes either.

That said, the number of calls and e-mails I get daily is increasing as I get closer to the middle of the month. "Will you allow section 8" (That was for the 3,500 square foot $1,900 rental I have in the West Valley). No. And your Section 8 voucher will only give you $1100.

"I have an eviction but it wasn't my fault?" Was your name on the lease? Then you have an eviction.

"My husband and I are both felons." Was it for drunk driving? "No." Let's see... the main types of felonies are drugs, crimes against people, crimes against property. If it wasn't for a DUI, it was probably for one of the three formerly mentioned. I understand you have done your time. But do your former (or current?) felon friends understand you have done your time and will they come looking for you in my client's home? For that matter, though you may have paid your debt to society, how do my clients know you have changed your lifestyle?

"Currently making three times the rent--gross" isn't really that crazy of a requirement. It is even for the the tenant's own protection. If they make that much, they can afford the house, if they don't, they will probably end up with an eviction on their record. I am floored at the number of folks calling me lately who can't multiply times three. I am even more floored at the number of unemployed folks calling me saying they don't have a job, but need somewhere to live and will the owner just give them a chance. I often give them the name of a few charities to help people in their situation until they get back on their feet. My owners have assets. They want them protected. They aren't running a homeless shelter.

And of course, back to the pets. "It is a little dog." "It is a sweet cat." yep. But they are still furry critters and the owners said no. "But if you would just ask....?" I asked. They said no to the last six people who have four legged family members. No.

While we are on the subject or prospective tenants, please don't call me at 8 a.m. on a Sunday, using big flowery words instead of the usual cultural vernacular. It tries my patience.

Today's call went like this:

"Would you be willing to take it upon yourself to allow us access into your rental at some time of mutual convenience so that we may ascertain whether or not it would be suitable habitation for us?" (barf).

Me: The owner is not allowing pets, felons, evictions and you must make three times the rent. Do you fit this criteria?

Tenant: Will the owner make an exception, as we have a charming American Bulldog.

Me: So, you have have a pitbull.

 In all fairness, the woman sort of gasped when I suggested no felons too. But either way, there wouldn't be a time of mutual convenience where they could see the house.