Minding My Business

I could bore you with all of the latest in Alabama. The property management company moonlights for Ringling Brothers... I have vacancies... I am loosing houses... Yada, yada, yada. But not today. Today I am dealing with silly drama much closer to home.

In my Arizona real estate life, I currently have three listings. Coincidentally, all three happen to be former rentals. This usually isn't the case, but right now it is. Also coincidentally, all three owners happen to live out of town, which means I have my fair-share of extra duties.

Of the three, one is in a neighborhood Marty has implored me not to go into alone even in daylight areas. That's fine with me. However, I was there today, but please don't tell him.

The other two have another issue that is taking way too much of my time. You see, I only get paid if these homes sell. And so far, I can't sell them because the neighbors are driving everyone away. One of my homes is in a waterfront community (we have a few of these in Arizona). It is one of those Stepford communities where the homes and the neighbors are all alike. Heaven forbid one distinguishes themselves by painting a door "pale ecru" instead of the the community approved "light taupe." According to the repeated phone calls I receive from the members of home owner's association, my 79 year old seller is inadvertently breaking rules all the time.

I have had this fall out of escrow twice. The first time was because the next door neighbor on the North chatted merrily with the future buyer. Apparently Ms. Future Buyer wasn't impressed at what a busy-body Ms. North Neighbor happens to be and walked.

Then Mr. Future Buyer wanted to live in my lovely listed home. Until he heard the wild party put on Saturday night by Mr. and Mrs. Southern Neighbor. According to Mr. Future Buyer he wanted a "safe and quiet neighborhood" his children. Frankly, Mr. Future Buyer sounds like a bigger stick in the mud than the neighbors.

But none of this compares to the drama at my other listing. The next door neighbor has anger management issues. My broker (who also moonlights as my handyman) went over to take care of the yard one day. The neighbor stormed out, started screaming and threatened to call the police if my broker/handyman didn't leave at once. On what grounds? I have no idea.

Then there was Tuesday. I have a buyer for this home. Or, I probably did have a buyer. But instead, the neighbor came out and got into some sort of altercation with the home inspector and gas company representative. And then someone called my office demanding to speak to me--though I represent the seller and don't know any of these people, but my name is on the sign. Fortunately, someone at my office had the presence of mind to say I was busy. Instead I got an e-mail and I still had to manage it.

I am expecting the buyer has heard about these crazies by now. I know his agent knows what happened. I expect this will not bode well for my seller and we will probably have it back on the market again by tomorrow.

Meanwhile, I sent Marty Sunshine an e-mail today. I told him I was giving up real estate. Instead, I would be applying for a job at the local day care. Two year olds have less drama than these neighbors.