Consider THIS Your Notice

The reason I have property management companies taking care of my gazillion rental homes is so that I don't have to be intimately involved. DO YOU HEAR THAT MARIO, DAISY AND LUIGI????

Apparently they didn't.

This week has been one of those weeks that make me question why I give a percentage of my rental income to these folks. In fact, in the past four days, the drama has gotten intense enough that even Marty Sunshine is taking it upon himself to randomly say things like, "You know, you probably do need to book a ticket..." At which point I give him a dirty look and then my phone lights up with texts and phone calls from Birmingham and I provide some colorful commentary to my buzzing phone.

One of the biggest (but not THE biggest) issues this week has been the flood in my home in Calera that Mario and his minion, Bruce, manage. The flood was caused by a tenant who did not open the tap as the pipes thawed, and therefore the pipes exploded. I should also say the tenant in question teaches middle school science. Surely the science common core covers water expanding and contracting.

The tenant is also furious with me for not giving her money for her inconvenience. An inconvenience she caused. Apparently she has had a lot to say about me, my lineage and abilities to manage my home based on the fact I am not forking over a sizable amount of loot to make her forget that he kitchen is in disarray. Mind you, she has water now. But apparently the cabinetry is away from the wall and everything needs to dry out.

Did I mention the tenant caused this issue? Please don't forget that.

Just like everything in the South, the insurance adjuster is taking his sweet time getting this resolved. Today (Thursday), a week after the Great Calera Flood began, I heard from from him and then ten minutes later, I heard from Bruce. Apparently Bruce didn't have time today to meet the adjuster out at the house but he wanted me to know that it wasn't a problem. He would just have the tenant meet the adjuster instead. "Its all covered." Bruce said happily.

I wasn't impressed. "Just so I understand this, you are letting the tenant--who is extremely upset with me--meet the insurance adjuster without a chaperone?" I asked Bruce. "Does that sound like a good plan to you?"

Bruce,who really does seem like a nice guy, even if he is always acting afraid of me, stammered for a moment, assuring me it was fine. "What could go wrong?" He asked.

Plenty. How do we know the tenant will tell the truth? How do we know the tenant won't take it upon herself to tell the adjuster that something caused by the flood was "always broken"? And I gave Bruce a few other scenarios that came to mind. In the end, Bruce was back-pedaling, suggesting the adjuster probably could just wait until next week to see the house when Bruce was available.

"You know, when I come to town I will want to see the house," I said.

And that's when Bruce lost it. Going a full octave higher, he said, "You are coming to town?! You have to give me notice when you are doing that!"

As sweetly as possible, I explained to Bruce that I come to town often, and it really is no big deal. And of course I will let him know when I come.

However, Bruce could not be calmed. He continued to stammer about how I had to give him notice. And I couldn't "just show up," and went along in this vein for more of my cell minutes than I expected. To get the poor guy off the phone, I did promise him I would let him know, and I also told him I had no intention of meeting the tenant--who apparently hates me anyway. He agreed it would be a good idea not to let on I own the home when we inspect it. But, he added with all the authority he could muster in the end, "you must give us notice."