The Miracle

Last Tuesday Ms. Kathy called me. She had two pieces of information for me: first, she was moving out on Friday. No worries. And just in case it came up, she would certainly leave the house in tip-top shape. Yessiree, you could count on her to leave that place prettier than she found it. You bet.

The other item she slipped in was that she was (her words) "confused" as to why Carolsue had called her at all the weekend before. After all, hadn't she and I been talking all along? Well, no. I am talking. She is ignoring.

But instead, I gently reminded her about how I had called, texted and e-mailed her last week. Kirby, the property manager who was taking this house off my plate as soon as Ms. Kathy moved out, also was doing the same. Additionally, I had sent a carrier pigeon over and sent smoke signals. Ms. Kathy had ignored all of the above. So, what was a girl to do but call Carolsue?

Ms. Kathy's feeble answer was simply to say, "Well, I can't text back on my phone. I can only receive texts."

Let us fast forward to last Friday, shall we? Ms. Kathy left a voice mail for me saying she hadn't found a place to live just yet. She hoped it was ok if she just stayed in my home a bit longer--and I am not making this up--just until she found some where she "liked."

It was so totally not ok.

In fact, it was so totally not ok that I may or may not have thrown an icy water bottle at the wall and may or may not have put a nice hole in the said wall. But, I am not admitting to anything. (Did I ever mention that I have an awesome husband who does handy jobs when necessary? Not that this previous statement has anything to do with the above.)

And, may I also say, God bless Carolsue, who actually called Ms. Kathy back and managed to get Ms. Kathy to cry like a baby to commit to leaving by the end of the weekend. I don't know exactly what Carolsue said, but it probably was a little bit nicer than what I wanted to say. And besides, Carolsue doesn't work for me. She can legally say whatever she wants without violating Fair Housing laws. (but in all fairness, if I were to call Ms. Kathy a white trash thief and whore it would not be violating Fair Housing laws specifically. White trash thieves and whores aren't protected. And, I would prefer not to discuss the other legal and ethical violations I might be making here, I am specifically talking about Fair Housing).

But, back to my story... Now Ms. Kathy is supposed to move out over this weekend.

Like today.

Though I am not holding my breath, but I am going to play along because I have nothing else I can do right now. And besides, I am fresh out of wall patch.

However, in the event Ms. Kathy does follow through, I needed a plan. So, Friday night e-mailed Kirby and begged him to drop everything he had going on Monday morning and please meet Ms. Kathy and retrieve my keys. Kirby didn't even flinch. He e-mailed me back at 7 a.m. Saturday morning saying he would be there Monday morning at 9 a.m.

My only step left was to let Ms. Kathy know. And, because I don't really want to talk to her, I was left with few choices. So, I sent her an e-mail. And, I also sent her a text saying Kirby was showing up at 9 a.m. to take possession of my home and take the keys away from her.

And wouldn't you know it! Her phone has been healed. A true miracle. She immediately sent a text back saying, "ok."