The Top Five in What?

This past week, I have tried to get the water turned off at the Fox property, as my tenant has moved in. This brings up a couple of burning questions:

1) Why hasn't the tenants gotten the water turned on to their name immediately?
2) The water was on at this house? I never got a bill.

The first issue is one for Kirby to deal with (and trust me, he has heard plenty about it).

The second one was a bit more unnerving. You see, I do not recall turning on the water at this house. I remember turning on the electricity. I remember Marty Sunshine turning on the gas. But I do not recollect ever spending an hour of my life to make sure there was water on at this house.

But no matter, I want it turned off anyway. So, I did what any reasonable person would do who wants utilities cut off: I call called the company responsible. In this case, the Birmingham Water Works.

The Birmingham Water Works boasts they are "one of the top five water companies in the country." The top five in what, I don't know. Neither did the woman I spoke with on Tuesday of this week when I specifically questioned why "one of the top five water companies in the country" cannot handle my simple request.

You see, when I called to turn off the water, I was asked to verify I really indeed was the account holder, and not some manipulative witch trying to wreck havoc on the poor person living in this home. And, for the record, oddly enough, the last time I went to the Leeds Water Board, I almost had the leader of the redneck mafia's water turned off accidentally and nobody at the Leeds Water Board blinked. And they aren't even in the top 10 water companies in the country.

But, I digress. Back to the Birmingham Water Board...

This particular incident has been going on a week. With me giving the name the account is under but not being able to provide the correct sequence of numbers that coincide with the name on the account. According to the customer service advocate at one of the top five water companies in the country, the number on the account is not the last four digits of my social security number, nor Marty Sunshine's, nor any of the four tax ID numbers in my possession. So, they refused to turn off the water.

"Is it possible somebody made a mistake on your end and entered the information incorrectly in your system and that what I am telling you is correct?" I asked, utterly exasperated. The customer service advocate sort of grunted. Apparently they teach grunting in the charm school offered for all employees of Birmingham Water Works.

After the 10 minutes of the, "It is really me, now turn off the *%$#^&%! water" and her answering me with a, "Not unless you know the social security number or tax ID number on the account," I gave in. As a parting question the customer service advocate asked me if there was something else she could do for me. I chose to answer with only, "Turn off the water." Which she didn't do.

Nor did she recognize the sarcasm.

Somehow Kirby did get the water turned off this week. However, I am still waiting for a call back from the supervisor of the Birmingham Water Board. Perhaps she will be interested in taking a page from one of the country's top four water companies on customer service. But I am not holding my breath.