Leave it to Ms. Shirley, on a Saturday night, on the eve of my vacation, to be in semi-desperate need of a plumber.
I suggested Draino--which she could pick up right down the road at the Home Depot on Highway 31. And though I did not think it really needed any explanation, I did have to tell her anyway that I am not right down the road on Highway 31 to pick it up for her.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Awesomeness
Awesome is running rampant today. Just thought I would share.
1. I talked briefly to Uncle Sunshine, who lifted my spirits just because he is wonderful. I can't wait to see him. I don't know if I mentioned this, but I am going on vacation soon.
2. My sinus infection is on the mend. I am so grateful for the massive antibiotic and steroid I am on. I can almost breathe again. I am crossing my fingers I can sleep somewhere other than the couch tonight. Do I dare dream?
3. Kirby took loosing the house on Hysteria Lane like a man. And, he tells me he rented my home in Futondale--quick back story: tenant didn't pay; tenant got kicked out. Be happy you missed the drama. Because Kirby doesn't keep in touch like he should, I missed the drama too.
4. I got word on Friday that my loan modification is being approved. I haven't seen it yet. Nor, have I ever heard of anyone who has gotten a loan modification approved. But, that is what I am told. So, this is a first. And a relief.
5. And finally, a special shout-out to Bliz and Baseball Guy (who sent me a celebratory text) for their Saint Louis Cardinals--the World Series champs.
1. I talked briefly to Uncle Sunshine, who lifted my spirits just because he is wonderful. I can't wait to see him. I don't know if I mentioned this, but I am going on vacation soon.
2. My sinus infection is on the mend. I am so grateful for the massive antibiotic and steroid I am on. I can almost breathe again. I am crossing my fingers I can sleep somewhere other than the couch tonight. Do I dare dream?
3. Kirby took loosing the house on Hysteria Lane like a man. And, he tells me he rented my home in Futondale--quick back story: tenant didn't pay; tenant got kicked out. Be happy you missed the drama. Because Kirby doesn't keep in touch like he should, I missed the drama too.
4. I got word on Friday that my loan modification is being approved. I haven't seen it yet. Nor, have I ever heard of anyone who has gotten a loan modification approved. But, that is what I am told. So, this is a first. And a relief.
5. And finally, a special shout-out to Bliz and Baseball Guy (who sent me a celebratory text) for their Saint Louis Cardinals--the World Series champs.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Why Yes, I am a Total Pain in the Neck
In one of life's crueler ironies, I have a bad-ass sinus infection and I am scheduled to be on an airplane in mere days. In case you haven't heard, I am going here:
Provided I can breathe well enough to board the plane.
This sinus infection has kept me up nights, with me propped up on the couch. At 2 a.m., there really isn't much to do but think and decide. So, in the wee hours Wednesday morning, I made two decisions: 1) It was time to break down, see a doctor and get an antibiotic; and 2) It was time to take away at least Hysteria Lane from Kirby.
It is actually probably time to take away more than just the house on Hysteria Lane from Kirby, but I am not sure about my new guy, Mario, just yet. So, I am beta-testing him to see what he can do with one home before I go gung-ho.
This morning I wrote Kirby and told him Hysteria Lane wasn't his concern any more. Hopefully he just says, "ok" and recognizes he still is in charge of many more of my homes. Or he can say, "I need a 30 day notice," and then proceed to lose the rest of my homes (in 30 days). Or he can say, "You are a total pain in the neck, here are the rest of your properties. Go away!" I am comfortable with any of the above, though the second choice has more drama and I would prefer not to have drama.
I did put a blatant veiled threat in my e-mail. It said something like, "I will be out of town soon. It would be great to hear that the rest of our homes are rented by then."
In typical Kirby fashion, I haven't heard back just yet. I will give him a few hours, and then this time, I will take Kirby's silence as consent.
Provided I can breathe well enough to board the plane.
This sinus infection has kept me up nights, with me propped up on the couch. At 2 a.m., there really isn't much to do but think and decide. So, in the wee hours Wednesday morning, I made two decisions: 1) It was time to break down, see a doctor and get an antibiotic; and 2) It was time to take away at least Hysteria Lane from Kirby.
It is actually probably time to take away more than just the house on Hysteria Lane from Kirby, but I am not sure about my new guy, Mario, just yet. So, I am beta-testing him to see what he can do with one home before I go gung-ho.
This morning I wrote Kirby and told him Hysteria Lane wasn't his concern any more. Hopefully he just says, "ok" and recognizes he still is in charge of many more of my homes. Or he can say, "I need a 30 day notice," and then proceed to lose the rest of my homes (in 30 days). Or he can say, "You are a total pain in the neck, here are the rest of your properties. Go away!" I am comfortable with any of the above, though the second choice has more drama and I would prefer not to have drama.
I did put a blatant veiled threat in my e-mail. It said something like, "I will be out of town soon. It would be great to hear that the rest of our homes are rented by then."
In typical Kirby fashion, I haven't heard back just yet. I will give him a few hours, and then this time, I will take Kirby's silence as consent.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
It Was a Rhetorical Question
I don't work on Monday--which means I get to sleep in past 4 a.m. Unfortunately, Milt at some pest control company in Birmingham didn't get that memo.
When I answered my phone at some heinous hour, he only managed to get out "Good morning Mrs. Landlord, this is Milt at some pest control company in Birmingham, how are you today?"
"Milt," I growled, "It is some heinous hour of the morning. Why are you calling? Is my home on fire?"
Milt gasped, "Oh no ma'am. Your home isn't on fire. You know what, I'll just call back later today."
Note to Milt: it is ok not to call back.
When I answered my phone at some heinous hour, he only managed to get out "Good morning Mrs. Landlord, this is Milt at some pest control company in Birmingham, how are you today?"
"Milt," I growled, "It is some heinous hour of the morning. Why are you calling? Is my home on fire?"
Milt gasped, "Oh no ma'am. Your home isn't on fire. You know what, I'll just call back later today."
Note to Milt: it is ok not to call back.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Securing a Loan Modification
There is nothing so humbling as doing a loan modification. The one I am working on is no exception.
Last July we contacted the bank, asked if there was something they would be willing to do for our situation. You see, we had a balloon payment due August 1 on a second mortgage. We were happy to continue paying on a regular basis, but we just didn't have the money in reserves at that time to pay a huge chunk. So, would they be willing to work with us.
Part of the initial process was to write a letter, explaining our circumstances. The bank responded in kind asking for substantial paperwork, akin to a small Bavarian forest.
And just to make life interesting, they communicated what they were looking for using their super-secure method that made me tear my hair out. The password had to be at least 10 characters, use capital letters, lower case letters, non-alpha numeric characters and a number. Not in that order.
My password was something like !3thisBiTez. Once I opened up the super-secure messages, I would have only a set amount of time to handle the task on hand. That would be great if I had the endless amounts of time available. But in July, you might remember, I went to two funerals, mourned three friends and worked one full-time job and another part-time job (along with rearing children and other such necessities). I also found out, if I let the e-mails sit until I had a moment or three to read them, they would still expire, leaving me to beg the very nice person at the bank and ask them to send those tasks again, via their super-secure methodology.
Just to be fair, I did ask them if we could act like reasonable people and bypass the super-secure method of communicating--and, I know I am going out on a limb here--talk via e-mail or phone. I was told no. But, that didn't stop me from being passive aggressive and ignoring their process.
By the way, in case it ever comes up, it is never a good idea to be passive aggressive and ignore the super-secure method of communicating when you are dealing with a bank who is offering to do a loan modification with you. I'm just saying...
A typical loan modification requires tax forms, w2s, a letter of explanation and a few ancillaries. A loan modification for an investment home requires all of the above and a few other ancillaries. A loan modification in an LLC, owned by four people requires all of the above, financial statements, bank statements (from every bank account we have) and several other documents. When I was done with the initial paperwork, I had 84 sheets of paper. And no, that is not an exaggeration. I counted.
In order to get the bank their paperwork, they required I play by their rules (see above mentioned passive-aggressive failure). Everything had to be scanned. I will not bore you with my scanner issues, only to say I am married to a computer geek who does all sorts of computery thingys in his job. I own a scanner. However, it hasn't worked since the last presidential administration.
"My" scanner has been my real estate office, which was just down the road. In July, my real estate office relocated 20 miles from my home. The UPS store across the street charges $1 a page to scan. I did find sympathy and a scanner to use in Diamond Jim's office. And at this point, I am there so often, I am shocked nobody in Diamond Jim's office is charging me rent.
The bank has been just great--that is, in a asking politely for me to give them more and more answers to questions I can't believe they thought of. However, every time I turn in one item, they ask for three others. Most recently, they asked for updated financial statements, requiring Bliz and Diamond Jim to both sign and return using their super-secure methodologies. They are also asking for explanations for things that happened two years ago. I don't remember two days ago, much less two years ago. But luckily I can BS with the best of them.
The ugly truth is, if they don't approve the second mortgage refinance, we are going to be in a world of hurt. And actually, so will the bank, because they also own the first mortgage on the property. It truly is in their best interest to grant a modification. If they don't they may just end up with a foreclosed property on their books--sent to them in a super-secure method.
Last July we contacted the bank, asked if there was something they would be willing to do for our situation. You see, we had a balloon payment due August 1 on a second mortgage. We were happy to continue paying on a regular basis, but we just didn't have the money in reserves at that time to pay a huge chunk. So, would they be willing to work with us.
Part of the initial process was to write a letter, explaining our circumstances. The bank responded in kind asking for substantial paperwork, akin to a small Bavarian forest.
And just to make life interesting, they communicated what they were looking for using their super-secure method that made me tear my hair out. The password had to be at least 10 characters, use capital letters, lower case letters, non-alpha numeric characters and a number. Not in that order.
My password was something like !3thisBiTez. Once I opened up the super-secure messages, I would have only a set amount of time to handle the task on hand. That would be great if I had the endless amounts of time available. But in July, you might remember, I went to two funerals, mourned three friends and worked one full-time job and another part-time job (along with rearing children and other such necessities). I also found out, if I let the e-mails sit until I had a moment or three to read them, they would still expire, leaving me to beg the very nice person at the bank and ask them to send those tasks again, via their super-secure methodology.
Just to be fair, I did ask them if we could act like reasonable people and bypass the super-secure method of communicating--and, I know I am going out on a limb here--talk via e-mail or phone. I was told no. But, that didn't stop me from being passive aggressive and ignoring their process.
By the way, in case it ever comes up, it is never a good idea to be passive aggressive and ignore the super-secure method of communicating when you are dealing with a bank who is offering to do a loan modification with you. I'm just saying...
A typical loan modification requires tax forms, w2s, a letter of explanation and a few ancillaries. A loan modification for an investment home requires all of the above and a few other ancillaries. A loan modification in an LLC, owned by four people requires all of the above, financial statements, bank statements (from every bank account we have) and several other documents. When I was done with the initial paperwork, I had 84 sheets of paper. And no, that is not an exaggeration. I counted.
In order to get the bank their paperwork, they required I play by their rules (see above mentioned passive-aggressive failure). Everything had to be scanned. I will not bore you with my scanner issues, only to say I am married to a computer geek who does all sorts of computery thingys in his job. I own a scanner. However, it hasn't worked since the last presidential administration.
"My" scanner has been my real estate office, which was just down the road. In July, my real estate office relocated 20 miles from my home. The UPS store across the street charges $1 a page to scan. I did find sympathy and a scanner to use in Diamond Jim's office. And at this point, I am there so often, I am shocked nobody in Diamond Jim's office is charging me rent.
The bank has been just great--that is, in a asking politely for me to give them more and more answers to questions I can't believe they thought of. However, every time I turn in one item, they ask for three others. Most recently, they asked for updated financial statements, requiring Bliz and Diamond Jim to both sign and return using their super-secure methodologies. They are also asking for explanations for things that happened two years ago. I don't remember two days ago, much less two years ago. But luckily I can BS with the best of them.
The ugly truth is, if they don't approve the second mortgage refinance, we are going to be in a world of hurt. And actually, so will the bank, because they also own the first mortgage on the property. It truly is in their best interest to grant a modification. If they don't they may just end up with a foreclosed property on their books--sent to them in a super-secure method.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
An Analogy
There is this TV show that us in the Sunshine homestead watch with great anticipation and regularity. It is a cross between a game show and a cooking show.
In it, four professional chefs (or anyone who managed to pass the screen test for Food Network) have a set time to whip together four mystery ingredients into something palatable. The winner gets a cash prize. The ingredients are never anything like vanilla, eggs, milk and flour. Instead, they are given items such as squid ink, fava beans, buffalo tongue and kumquat juice and told they have 30 minutes to make an original meal.
Then there is the judging section. Threepretentious asses judges scrutinize each meal, saying things like, "I find your use of fried duck feet to be uninspiring," or "I was hoping there would be more crunch in your tomato puree," or (I hear this often) "I was sorely disappointed because your dessert was sweet."
The contestants, in turn respond in one of two ways. Those who have never watched a single episode of this show, are offended by the judges disregard for their culinary creation. Those who apparently have watched the show once or twice just smile politely as they are told by the alphapretentious ass judge that his or her dish needed salt. Those who smile politely live to see another round and compete for the prize. Those who don't talk smack into the camera as they make the walk out the door, thus ending their participation in the show.
And just to let you know, getting a loan modification is a lot like this game show.
In it, four professional chefs (or anyone who managed to pass the screen test for Food Network) have a set time to whip together four mystery ingredients into something palatable. The winner gets a cash prize. The ingredients are never anything like vanilla, eggs, milk and flour. Instead, they are given items such as squid ink, fava beans, buffalo tongue and kumquat juice and told they have 30 minutes to make an original meal.
Then there is the judging section. Three
The contestants, in turn respond in one of two ways. Those who have never watched a single episode of this show, are offended by the judges disregard for their culinary creation. Those who apparently have watched the show once or twice just smile politely as they are told by the alpha
And just to let you know, getting a loan modification is a lot like this game show.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Solutions, Not Problems
I will spare you the ugly details of the past couple months, instead giving your the Reader's Digest version. But first, let me just say this: My vacation is weeks away. I am thisclose to:
We have vacant homes. This has caused a tremendous financial hardship. And even "tremendous financial hardship" does not seem to really drive the point home enough. Kirby is still currently our property manager. However, Kirby doesn't seem to really grasp the enormity of the situation, even though it has been explained to him, using one syllable words and 8 x 10 color glossy photos.
Kirby also doesn't understand that he isn't the only game in town. Well, he might get that now, given his conversation with Marty Sunshine Monday. You see, I am no longer able to speak civilly to Kirby. So, that leaves Marty Sunshine to filter what I am thinking to a more pleasant and professional demeanor.
And Monday, Marty Sunshine told Kirby we were going to pull a couple of homes and give them to the other property manager we have courting. The new guy, Mario, is offering up everything from promising to call us back to "great customer service" in order to get our business. He had me at calling me back.
When Marty conveyed this to Kirby, Kirby was floored. Don't ask me why. It seems obvious to me that having three homes vacant, one for four months, is something akin to not doing his job. But, that's just me. Kirby is asking for "a little while longer," whatever that means. Marty is handling this and I am doing my level best to stay away from it, as a string of profanity seems to escape my mouth when the topic comes up.
But, I did get Marty to agree to one particular item: If Kirby doesn't have a tenant for our Calera home by Thursday, he can just go ahead and get a key to Legal Eagle. Then he and Mario can both look for tenants. Whoever finds a tenant first can rent and manage it. And, once we have handled that, we will start working on giving Mario the next vacant house.
We have vacant homes. This has caused a tremendous financial hardship. And even "tremendous financial hardship" does not seem to really drive the point home enough. Kirby is still currently our property manager. However, Kirby doesn't seem to really grasp the enormity of the situation, even though it has been explained to him, using one syllable words and 8 x 10 color glossy photos.
Kirby also doesn't understand that he isn't the only game in town. Well, he might get that now, given his conversation with Marty Sunshine Monday. You see, I am no longer able to speak civilly to Kirby. So, that leaves Marty Sunshine to filter what I am thinking to a more pleasant and professional demeanor.
And Monday, Marty Sunshine told Kirby we were going to pull a couple of homes and give them to the other property manager we have courting. The new guy, Mario, is offering up everything from promising to call us back to "great customer service" in order to get our business. He had me at calling me back.
When Marty conveyed this to Kirby, Kirby was floored. Don't ask me why. It seems obvious to me that having three homes vacant, one for four months, is something akin to not doing his job. But, that's just me. Kirby is asking for "a little while longer," whatever that means. Marty is handling this and I am doing my level best to stay away from it, as a string of profanity seems to escape my mouth when the topic comes up.
But, I did get Marty to agree to one particular item: If Kirby doesn't have a tenant for our Calera home by Thursday, he can just go ahead and get a key to Legal Eagle. Then he and Mario can both look for tenants. Whoever finds a tenant first can rent and manage it. And, once we have handled that, we will start working on giving Mario the next vacant house.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Still Here
Nothing, I repeat, nothing, about our situation in Alabama has changed. There are still vacancies. There is still a deadbeat. And yes, it depresses the heck out of me. Writing about it makes it feel more real. And more scary.
I realized today, with vacation inching upon us, that I have been relying heavily from inspiration from Marty's Uncle Sunshine. He always is a source of inspiration when I see him. But that doesn't mean that I should 1) wait to see him to elicit change and 2) expect him to be my catalyst.
Change is coming one way or another. I am just hoping it is going to be in the right direction.
I realized today, with vacation inching upon us, that I have been relying heavily from inspiration from Marty's Uncle Sunshine. He always is a source of inspiration when I see him. But that doesn't mean that I should 1) wait to see him to elicit change and 2) expect him to be my catalyst.
Change is coming one way or another. I am just hoping it is going to be in the right direction.
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