Inertia

Well dear reader, it certainly has been a while.

I once heard that satan tempts us when we are at our weakest. I am finding that to be true. In all honesty, I have lost my nerve. It isn't so much that I don't want to continue with what I am doing, I am just feeling like I don't know how.

For example, we lost one of our business partners this summer. I knew he was bailing our, but it didn't change the fact I wasn't able to inspire him. In many ways, it was a good thing he left. This isn't a business for him. He wasn't a good fit and we weren't savvy enough to know it. Another business partner seems to be pulling back. Not good or bad. It is just what is.

Our most avid partner is having trouble letting go of things he has no understanding and experience with. Essentially it isn't that he doesn't know his place, he doesn't like his "place" and wants more control of the minor details. It doesn't change the outward appearance of the company, but it exhausts time, money and resources to have to explain owner's equity doesn't show on an income statement and the debits he is seeing on the bank statement are good thing. It is money coming into the bank account--not out of it. No, there really isn't any animosity. I think what is really going on is he sees this as managing homes. We see it as building a business. His part is minimal compared to the big picture and he wants a larger role in the process. However, he doesn't know enough to do so. This just hit me. Maybe he senses my reluctance to grow and this is his way of showing concern.

This year has been a year of change for our company. I have improved processes, created systems and streamlined our product. I have replaced most of my vendors who didn't deliver what needed to be delivered. I am currently noodling ways to find better tenants and better prospects. I don't have an answer to this one just yet. There are other vendor changes on the horizon--a major one--I see that need to be made too. But, I am not ready to go there.

One of the most interesting aspects to my company is that even though I have not put in tons of time in the past several months, it is still moving forward. The momentum from my prior work is helping keep it moving. I know that I need to step it up again if I wish to have continued success. So, now is the time to find my heart. Denounce the evil that holds me back. Work around the set backs and other challenges and step up and head this company.

My summer was tragic. We lost a dear family member. We came darn close to loosing a second one. But that isn't what caused our setbacks. It was my ultimate fear of failure. After all, if I don't do anything, I have not failed. I have just prolonged the final outcome--good or bad. The only way truly not to fail is just to do something. I have people counting on me. I have people who I have promised many things. Things I CAN deliver. It is time for action.