Empty Tank Of Gas and No Patience Left

So, this week two random people found me and wanted me to help them rent homes.

In case you are unaware of how much I hate using my real estate license for leasing homes... Never mind. It is close to the Holidays. I have a gaping hole where a dishwasher might someday again go (I really miss my dishwasher) and I can sure use the money--even if it works out to less per hour than I pay Buckaroo and Polly to wash the dishes (which is nothing).  

Anyway, I had nothing but time and a full tank of gas this past week as I agreed to show homes.

Sam and Diane were an interesting couple. I spoke with Sam on the phone and he told me what he was looking for. The good news is he wanted Mesa. The bad news is the only places one can find homes in his price range are in neighborhoods I don't normally frequent in the daylight. And, in the event you think I am exaggerating, our first rental home was a block away from the house he and Diane fell in love with.

This ordeal bled into Friday morning at 7:45 a.m., when I met Diane at the bank parking lot near my home to exchange her application and credit check money for my smile. She and Sam had dutifully filled out the the entire application and all of the various questions such as, "is there anything that would keep us from renting to you such as a felony or eviction?" They had put "no" on both.

The other couple, Dan and Sandy, also called me about the same time this past week. They were moving here from out of state and Sandy was going to be in town for precisely 18 hours to find a home. They wanted anywhere but Mesa (they had heard how bad some of the neighborhoods are). The catch: they wanted a three month lease.

There is an expense involved with a tenant moving out. No matter how clean they may leave the home, there is turnover cost for landlords. Also, there is the cost of marketing the home and having it vacant once again. No sane landlord ever takes three month leases. And if they are desperate to do so, it is for a serious premium.

So, Friday afternoon, Sandy shows up with her mother--bless her heart. I am sure her mother is a lovely person. Her mother has never lived in Arizona, also just flew in for this excursion, is a self-professed negotiating maven and doesn't really have any interest in social graces. Momma was careful to let me know how things would be going down with her daughter's home hunting adventure--completely bypassing the me and reality of the East Valley rental market.

Given that I found precisely four landlords in a metropolitan area of two million who were desperate enough to buy my sales pitch about three month leases ("This way you will have a tenant through the Holidays!"), I didn't think there was much hope in securing a home for Sandy. Plus, three of these homes were in Arizona's second (or third, depending upon who you ask) largest city: Mesa.

It was the third home Sandy fell in love with. It was in the Mesa. It was cute. There was no negotiating price or terms. Sandy filled out the application, we sent it to Dan back at home for him to sign and we waited.

Meanwhile, back to Sam and Diane... Sadly, their credit check did not agree with them, there was an eviction reported. And, when I called them Friday afternoon to tell them there seems to be a bump in the road, and perhaps we could get to the bottom of this whole eviction thing, as it was certainly an error? Sam's answer was to fly off the handle, jump in his car and let the poor leasing agent at the apartment he used to live at hear how they have messed with his life by falsely filing an eviction against him.

Of course, I only heard snippets--all from Sam, who was very proud of his actions. The challenge was, he needed these folks at his former apartment to fix this error, and they weren't inclined to jump through any major hoops at 4:17 p.m. on a Friday after he had just read them the riot act. Go figure?

At the same time I was fielding calls from the property management company handling Sam and Diane, I was also politely chatting with Sandy and trying to stay on Momma's good side, while waiting for Dan to return the lease application. At one point, I just looked Sandy in the eye and said, "You've never had an eviction, right?" Sandy seemed somewhat shocked anyone would think such a thing.

The long and the short of this is Sandy and Dan were approved in mere hours. It was the easiest $1.28 per hour I ever made. Sam and Diane are enraged and don't know what to do. Hopefully they can channel their energies to stay out of jail long enough to find a home. At this time they are out of people to abuse, as it is the weekend and the property manager who has their application won't be available until Monday to field their calls.

I know what to do: get busy enough selling homes to fix our undercapitalized issues so that I can finally retire from rentals. I'm thinking these tenants are crazy.