Attorney Flip sweetly sent me a newspaper article about the Late Attorney Jon's family. It is an old story, written several years ago, but it shed some light on the Late Attorney Jon's life. Just when I thought I was putting Jon's death behind me, this stirred up new emotions.
I am sure the Late Attorney Jon would not have defined our relationship as "friends." We were friendly and I would go as far as to say there was a fondness between us. He did non-legal counsel things like setting up up introductions to the likes of Jack--who is now my business partner--and Legal Eagle. Back when we had a very different economy, the Late Attorney Jon helped me get in front of a big-time SEC lawyer and he was crucial in assisting me in fine-tuning the business plan we were promoting. So, though we weren't friends, per se, the Late Attorney Jon went out of his way to make me feel welcome in the South.
For that, I will always be grateful.
However, I have struggled with my right to grieve about Attorney Jon's death. I doubt he would have felt this way about my death if the situation were reversed. But, I do grieve. I think when one leaves this life the way Jon did, there are always unanswered questions for those who are left behind. I think of Mrs. Late Attorney Jon and their daughters and hope they find a way to be whole again. I think of Jack, the Late Attorney Jon's friend of 30+ years and hope he and the very dear Mrs. Jack are coping.
When I was in Birmingham this summer, Jack and Mrs. Jack talked with me about the Late Attorney Jon. At the time, I didn't want to share. I was specifically in Birmingham to take care of some business Jon didn't finish and I found it to be a slippery slope to discuss such things with Jack, as there was no way to do so without suggesting Attorney Jon had dropped the ball on me--big time (and I prefer not to think about the fact that the Late Attorney Jon was remiss with my files).
When I met with Flip last summer, I pointed out that the rest of those in Birmingham who knew Jon had already been given a chance to grieve together. For almost a year, they were able to share stories, smile and cry all in Jon's name. I was all by myself in Arizona. There was nobody for me to share stories, smile and cry with (Though they spoke on the phone once or twice, Marty Sunshine never physically met the Late Attorney Jon.).
In many ways, my trip last summer was to help me deal with my grief. It wasn't intended to be that way, it just happened. One of the more bizarre events that occurred was that I accidentally found Jon's final resting place while I was driving around Birmingham. As I was flying back to Phoenix after that trip, I got a lump in my throat and shed a few tears, probably for the first time in Jon's honor. And though I must have been quite a sight on the plane, I didn't care. The wave of emotions were released.
The article Flip kindly sent me was insightful. It gave me some idea of what kinds of challenges Jon had as a young adult. And in some ways, just the fact that Flip sent it to me, made me feel like I am not grieving alone any more.
Tuesday, October 02, 2012
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No one ever said (or if they did, they were dead wrong) that you can only grieve for the "close" people in your life. Heck, I grieved when Elvis died. My daddy introduced me to Elvis exactly twice in my entire life. Once when I was in the 1st grade and then again when I was in maybe the 5th grade. Had I died first, Elvis never would have even remembered a little girl named Sue, let alone grieve over my passing. When a person touches your heart, you grieve when they pass. You miss them and the lost opportunity to perhaps have become closer to them. It's understandable. It means you are a loving human being.
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