Our Own National Holiday

The Most Charming Little Town in America

As you three readers may be aware, August 24 is a special holiday around these parts. It is the birthday of my dear friend and bookkeeper Bliz.

Happy Birthday!

Bliz and I have been friends since our hair was its natural color. We have laughed together, cried together and have even gone on some fabulous trips through various corners of the United States together. Not only that, she willingly holds my hand during take-off and landings when we travel (because I am not a good airline passenger). And--to tell you what a great friend she truly is--she patiently waited, without one complaint, while I played street chess with an Israeli-Spaniard named Levi last year when we went to New England.

In the time I have known her, Bliz has introduced me to Imagine Dragons, eye liner and amaretto sours. She keeps me laughing and offers sage advice when I am at my lowest. I have never known someone so thoughtful, patient and caring as Bliz. Ever. I honestly don't think I would have survived this accidental business without her.

Bliz, Congratulations on your recent trip around the sun. Here's to many more.

S--

Rejected

Well now, I thought we were done. I turned in the former LLC's dissolution form to the Arizona Secretary of State's office back in June. And wouldn't you know it? They sent it back with the word, "Rejected" on it. That hardly seems fair. I am done. Done with partnerships. Done with LLCs, and yet the Arizona Secretary of State's office feels otherwise.

In their pre-printed letter, they said--and I am not making this up: "The document must be signed by a member of the LLC." Frankly, I thought I might actually be qualified under their definition. In fact, I am pretty sure I have the Articles of Organization to show I was not only a member, but the Managing Member. You would think that would give me some street cred, but nope. Not with a government bureaucracy.

Today I spent 29 minutes and 42 seconds on hold to ask someone in the Arizona Secretary of State's office what exactly they mean by rejecting this dissolution. Perhaps they simply didn't understand what "dissolution" meant?

The very nice lady on the phone looked up my file. She then told me I have to check some box in the corner of this document that says I am a member of this LLC and just re-send it. I don't need to provide a photo ID. I don't need to give them a blood sample. By checking the box, they will just take my word for it. When I asked her exactly why was the box on the form to begin with, as there is some sort of verbiage that says, "By signing this document you ensure you are a member of this LLC," she didn't have an answer. No matter. As soon as I get those documents to the Arizona Secretary of State's office, we will then be done. I hope.

Speaking of Property Management

Legal Owl sent me an e-mail this morning. She has a client who is looking for a good property management company. Who could I recommend? I am wondering which one of us is supposed to charge the other $200 an hour for this information.

We Assume This Means We Are Keeping Buckaroo, Too

You may remember, this past week I wrote about the bank that called our second mortgage due and refused to work with us? Months ago they threatened all sorts of shenanigans, including a wage garnishment and selling my first born for slave labor if we didn't play by their rules. And oh yes. They would be foreclosing.

Two events happened this week that kind of threw us for a loop. First, we received a letter from some law firm in Birmingham offering to do a deed in lieu of foreclosure. All they needed was "our cooperation," but didn't elaborate. However, they are asking us to sign a deed in lieu of foreclosure. For those of you who aren't familiar with a deed in lieu, it means the bank gets the house back and we walk away with only our credit destroyed. No liens. No garnishments. No take-backs. And, I even get to keep Polly, which works for me.

Once we received the letter, we scratched our heads for an hour or so and then sent it to my Arizona lawyer for her opinion. After all, we aren't completely sure of their terms. The lawyer said if they are truly willing to do a deed in lieu, we should--which is a no-brainer for us. However, this is complete 180 from the treatment we have been getting from them for the past two years. And pardon me for saying so, I'm suspicious.

Which brings me to today. Because I have my gazillion rental homes registered on Zillow to watch, I got an e-mail alert. Apparently, this home was sold at auction a month ago. And, it was sold for about what we owed. Now, I don't know exactly how Zillow's database works, but if someone really bought that property for anywhere near what Zillow is saying they purchased it for, they were ripped off. And, I think I know a few things about pricing homes.

Additionally, and this is kind of minor under the circumstances, but we weren't notified that the foreclosure was taking place at all. In our experience (of the one home this happened with prior) we were actually told via certified letter, US Post Office letter, carrier pigeon and hologram. There was no word this time. In fact, I just checked on the Jefferson County's tax assessor site. Yep, it sold. So it looks like Polly is sticking around for sure.

Six Weeks

Mr. Ex-Partner made it six weeks. I am about to write an into letter to Mario for him. When Mr. Ex-Partner contacted me this morning, he said, "I will follow your rules."

Sweetie. These aren't my rules.

Yes, Yes He Did

Mr. Ex-Partner sent me an e-mail this morning asking for my advice.

It was early. I didn't have my reading glasses on. I only glanced at the e-mail on my phone. But the words were unmistakable, "Your assistance in helping me with this matter would be greatly appreciated."

The matter at hand, was his own doing. I already knew the ins and outs, but did not tell him so. You see, Mrs. Roebuck, who has been living at one of our homes (with Mr. Ex-Partner's blessing) was paying less-than-market rent.

Once he went solo, he wrote Mrs. Roebuck an abrupt e-mail saying something along the lines of "I expect you to cough up more money if you want to live here." Of course he didn't call her, introduce himself, ask her to explain her situation, show any amount of interest at all in why she was paying less-than-market rent (which he knew why, but still!). Nope. Six days into being my ex-partner, he pushed. I know this because it was Mrs. Roebuck who immediately contacted me. What was going on? There was an agreement in place?? Why was he doing this?

Fast forward a month. Mrs. Roebuck and Mr. Ex-Partner had another disagreement last week. Fortunately, I only heard about it second hand from Mrs. Roebuck (who apparently called him a coward for not actually picking up the phone and calling her if he has a problem, but whatever). Anyway, Mrs. Roebuck told Mr. Ex-Partner, she was moving. She would be gone by next week and she would leave the key.

When Mr. Ex-Partner contacted me this morning in a mild panic, he told me basically he was bluffing. He would be willing to let Mrs. Roebuck stay if she would just pay a teensy bit more (which he never mentioned to her this expectation). Heck! He said he would even let her stay for what she was paying now. I honestly was not sure what I could do at this point. He just lost a good tenant for a hard-to-rent home. And he didn't have to.

What I did do was tell Mr. Ex-Partner, contact Mario (he has already burned the bridge with Luigi, and there are so few reasonable property management companies in Birmingham). I offered again to send an introduction e-mail for him if he was interested. I told Mr. Ex-Partner Mario will shoot straight. He will tell the truth. And even if he doesn't hire Mario, they can at least have a conversation so Mr. Ex-Partner will know what is what (and hear it from someone other than me).

In addition--and only because he asked for my help--I told him if I make this introduction, Mario's name is "Mr. Property Management Owner" until Mr. Ex-Partner is told otherwise. I also said Mr. Ex-Partner is to mind his Ps and Qs and realize not all money is created equal, especially Yankee money. In fact, until he has some credibility, consider himself an outsider--because he is one.

If I were to wager, I would say that Mr. Ex-Partner will completely ignore the advice he asked for. And a month later we will have the same conversation again.

Pam and Murray

So Murray and Pam, a retired couple, have rented a home from Mitch and Tanya--the world's most fabulous landlords and friends. The house is located in Gilbert, a suburb of the greater Phoenix area. Frankly, they are lucky to have this place. Rentals right now in the area, especially in Gilbert, are scooped up the day they go on the market. This one included. If I had listed it for rent, there would have been ten applications on this super-clean, well-cared for place in the first 24 hours.

When Murray and Pam looked at the home, they chatted merrily with Mitch, Tanya and me. They mentioned how handy they are. How they will take great care of the place. How responsive they are and rent will never be late. They also looked good on paper, so a lease was created.

Since then, these folks have driven me batty and I am not even involved. First, they wanted to move in early. That doesn't work when the tenants who ARE LIVING THERE aren't moving out until the end of the month. That didn't stop Murray and Pam from asking. And asking. And hinting. And asking again. Somehow they could not fully comprehend THERE IS SOMEONE LIVING IN THIS HOUSE WHO HAS EVERY LEGAL RIGHT TO DO SO EVEN THOUGH YOU WANT TO MOVE. Ask all they wanted, they had to wait. And wait they did. In fact, the keys went to my office and Murray and Pam had to pick them up there.

I would like to tell you that wasn't an ordeal, but no. I was in San Diego and I got a call from Pam. Where exactly is my office? I gave her the address. However, she explained, as if I was a toddler needing to be told for the third time I cannot have a cookie, she has my address. She simply can't find my office. It turns out she didn't bother to drive another mile--as she admitted the GPS told her to do so. It was at that point, I decided these folks are too helpless for their own good. What would they have done if I hadn't answered my phone? I would hope they would have followed the GPS, but I suspect they would have called Mitch and Tanya (who don't live in Arizona) and asked them for directions.

This past week, Tanya asked me where she could find a washer repair person for Murray and Pam. That struck me as strange for two reasons. First, I was pretty sure Pam mentioned they were bringing in their own appliances and second Pam and Murray made a complete episode about the fact Murray was super-handy and they would never need to ask for anything.

But that's not all. Not only did they want the washing machine fixed, they wanted it fixed that day. Therefore, could Tanya stop everything she is doing and find someone right now. Why? Because they were leaving for vacation (ah... the reason for an early move-in) and didn't want anyone going into "their home" while they are gone. Tough. With a two-day notice Mitch and Tanya can have anyone they like go into that property and Pam and Murray would just have to deal.

Tanya has indicated they have asked for a few other things too. I don't know how much of this bugs Mitch and Tanya, but it bothers me a lot. Tenants who have a sense of entitlement are high on my pet peeve list. I understand it is stressful to move. I understand there are schedules, and deadlines. But come on tenants! Figure some of this out yourself. You aren't the only ones out there who have jobs (which Pam and Murray do not), a life or deadlines. I fully understand there is a contract in place too. But nowhere in this contract does is say Mitch and Tanya have to kowtow to a tenant's whims. Additionally, this isn't an inclusive resort. It is a home.

My experience is that those who squawk up front tend to calm down and be wonderful tenants. The other kind are those who squawk and can't figure things out for themselves up front also tend to whine and use up all of their goodwill in the first few weeks of the lease. I am hoping for everyone's sake, Pam and Murray calm down.

Let the Fun Begin

You three readers may recall, I have a home in some state of foreclosure limbo. Two years ago the bank called the second mortgage due (was it two years ago, really?) and then played games with us when we tried to renegotiate. This went on for six months, with them making empty promises and us begging them to fix this.

There was no reason to call the loan due. Everything was always paid on time. I still do not understand why the did it. While we were negotiating they would ask for updated financial statements once a week. They would want Bliz and Diamond Jim to sign these financial statements (which was silly because our books change once a month when we pay the bills). They asked for mountains of redundant paperwork. And then, they asked for my daughter's bank account information. That's where we drew the line.

Halfway through this nightmare, the tenant in the home moved out. She left it in reasonable shape, but to make it ready to move in always has a cost. We didn't' want to make it ready, not knowing whether or not the bank would work with us. After all, why paint and spiffy just to have the bank snatch it from us.

By the time we ran out of money and patience was precisely the same moment the Asset Manager called me and said, "Guess what! We approved your loan" (that you didn't need to disapprove six months earlier). it was too bad. his timing couldn't have been worse. For the first time ever, we didn't have a mortgage payment. I told him so too. Sadly, he didn't believe us. During that phone call he actually pulled up Marty's credit and said to me, "If your credit is so good, why are you telling me you can't pay this loan." Guess what, it is more than a year later, and Marty's credit isn't so good now.

That was April 2015. Through some negotiation, the Asset Manager did agree to let us short sell. By July we had brought him six full price cash offers, all of which the bank rejected. We then asked if we could do a deed in lieu of foreclosure. This guy actually responded with, "I don't know how to do this," and then sent us a letter saying no.

So the home sat vacant. Once in a while we would hear from someone at the bank. Marty Sunshine even talked to their lawyer once who didn't believe our story until she called the Asset Manager for herself and was floored when he confirmed our allegations. The lawyer told Marty in confidence this was all the bank's fault, but there was nothing we could do about it now.

Last February the Asset Manager shluffed us off to some no-nonsense pit bull who told Marty if we didn't pay up immediately they would foreclose, sue us, attach a lien to our rental homes and garnish his wages. That is all standard of course with a foreclosure, but it didn't change matters. Marty told her there was nothing we could do anymore. And that is the absolute truth. The woman promised--promised--we would be sued (and loose) by June. So far, nothing has happened.

And that was the last we heard from her until yesterday. To be fair, my name and contact information is not on this mortgage. Other than the one call to the Asset Manager early on, nobody at this bank has been willing to speak with me in any way, shape or form when I called to negotiate. Only Marty.

So, imagine my surprise when my cell phone rang yesterday and it was that woman from last February. The woman called, told me she had been talking to Marty recently (news to him) and was in the process of telling me all sorts of ugly things about threatening to foreclose when I cut her off. I told her I was with someone (Marty) and I would call her back. And then I hung up and blocked her number like a big fat coward. The woman has not called my home number since nor Marty's cell number.

I am guessing I didn't win any friends with my uncouth move. I panicked, I admit it. Now because I didn't speak to her, we are closer than ever to a foreclosure notice. At least it will come to an end sooner than later.

The Harsh Truth

In the first 26 days of July, and that is when I stopped counting, Mr. Ex-Partner managed to not only annoy six people, he alienated them too. I know this because they all came straight to me. And to be fair, it wasn't six people, it was at least seven if you count myself. Managing a small, accidental business from 1,700 miles away isn't impossible. But it takes a lot of relationship building. It took me years to fine-tune those relationships and him less than a month to undo it all.

Conducting business of any sort in the South it isn't just about finding reliable vendors, it is about finding people who trust outsiders. There were many, many people along the way who questioned my pedigree. The obvious first question was why buy homes in Birmingham (because at the time there was a shortage of rentals in Birmingham and I could get them for less than $100,000 and still get more than 1 percent rent of the sales price in rent and that wasn't possible to do in the Arizona market)? When I managed to satisfy the passing curiosity of even the least intrusive stranger, I was then asked how was I related to the South. At first I answered with I had no ties, only to find out how far my answer took me. Once I was able to say (though it has absolutely no bearing on why I had rental homes in the South), I had family in South Carolina and my Mother-In-Law was from Texas, I was marginally accepted but still had to go through a warped vetting process I still don't quite  understand.

Additionally, to do business in the South, not only does one need to be at least a quasi-Southerner, but they must also know someone who is willing to vouch for them. Think of it as a surreal fraternity/sorority Rush Week. In fact, I once met someone on the airplane on my trip back to Phoenix who knew my then-attorney (Legal Eagle) and that person and I still stay in touch. He is a mortgage banker. I currently don't have a need for a mortgage banker in Birmingham, but I have sent business his way and he has sent renters and referrals my way. Two of my biggest sponsors to-date have been the Late Attorney Jon (whose name can still carry some influence in the right circles) and Kirby.

All of the above is to justify my frustrations with Mr. Ex-Partner. I am vetted. I am accepted. I have passed. I know people who will vouch for my character. Heck, I even know people in Birmingham who will take my money--and believe it or not, that isn't an exaggeration. Not all money is created equal in the South.  Mr. Ex-Partner on the other hand, has managed to throw away a lot of good will and attempted to drag my name down with him. I think I am ok for the most part. Those who have come to me in the first 26 days of July, have asked me about the situation and I have explained him as a once-silent and now ex-partner. That answer seems to be acceptable.

I have asked Marty a few times if I should step in and save Mr. Ex-Partner from himself, because I am watching him implode and he doesn't even know it. Marty Sunshine's answer is constant, let him find out the harsh truth for himself.