My Entrepreneurial Spirit

A long while ago, I declared that the next business I would be starting in Birmingham would be a charm school for plumbers. This was after I went through four plumbers in 24 hours--all of whom displayed varying degrees of competence and no manners whatsoever. It isn't that I want someone to be super-nice to me, but I would like some basics: not to be barked at is pretty high on the list.

Currently

Me: Can you fix the broken pipe?
Plumber: (growling) Why? You think you can fix it? If you can do a better job Lady, you go right ahead.

After Charm School

Me: Can you fix the broken pipe?
Plumber: Yes Ma'am, that will be an exorbitant amount of money. Sign here please.

Before it took me several months to pay off the only decent plumber in Birmingham, I had forgotten about this business concept. Now that I am not certain I have a preferred plumber any more (and fortunately haven't had an occasion to find out), I am back to tinkering with the whole charm school thing.

There's a market for this. Trust me.

Additionally, I have also decided once I made my millions from plumbing charm school, I plan to start a process serving training company. I maintain that any process server who can correctly serve someone within a 48 hour period of time is good in my book. And, that is after lowering my standards.

Imagine if you will, the process server who actually served a deadbeat right away! Just think about how much business they could get? (ok, yes I know sometimes it is hard to catch the person being served... I get that).

Currently

Me: Have they been served yet?
Process Server: Who?

After Process Server Training

Me: Wow! You went to their work, immediately gave them a summons and had the rest of your day to live your life or get more work?
Process Server: Yes Ma'am (read that as: "Of course, time is valuable, and you--the customer--are paying me to do a very important job.")

I am thinking what I need to do is start some sort of educational designation for process servers--the way real estate agents get all sorts of initials after their names that nobody cares about.

Legal Eagle pointed out though, the problem is they aren't the move quickly types to begin with. They just aren't high-strung Type-A personalities. If they were, they wouldn't be process servers, they would be real estate agents.

Behind the Scenes

Not every day can be a crazy who-stole-the-rafters kind of day. Fortunately. Every so often, thankfully, my accidental Southern business takes a turn for the mundane. This week was more (or less) banal. If you are truly curious, please feel free to read on. If you are my bookkeeper, you may definitely want to read on, as some of this might eventually affect you.

1. There has been a flurry of e-mails between me and the tenant who is moving out. She is asking if I am interested in selling the home to her neighbor's boss's best friend's mother. I might be. But first Dear Tenant who is abandoning me, what kind of condition is the house in? That of course, is a trick question. If she tells me the carpet is missing, she sold the copper piping and there is a hole where the upstairs floor used to be, I might take issue with my soon-to-be former tenant.

2. Mrs. Martin sent me a token rent check of 1/8 of what she owes me. The check is (begrudgingly) being sent to Legal Eagle. By the way, rumor has it, Mrs. Martin was served yesterday. Of course she was...

3. I haven't heard from Ms. Betty since last Friday. This is a record.

4. One of my tenants' dog had puppies. I found this out via Twitter. It turns out she didn't mention she had a dog when she moved in.

5. I am working with banks trying to restructure four mortgages. This requires a lot of paper work, jumping through hoops and a great sob story letter as to why I feel (as an investor) there is hardship. There is hardship. But banks don't look at investment properties the same way they look at regular home mortgages.

6. I still have the dead tree/air conditioner/lawn mower saga going on, with no particular outcome. I need evidence before I can move forward. The same person I asked to take pictures and provide me evidence is also serving Mrs. Martin today (Red--who, by the way, is now walking without the aid of crutches or cast).

7. I keep telling Marty Sunshine it is time for me to head over to Bama. I don't really have much to do there unless Mrs. Martin moves out. It isn't that I don't have things to do, I just don't really have enough to do that warrants finding child care for my kids for a week, paying for a hotel and rental car. Most of my errands are easily accomplished through a series of networking, driven by Carolsue. Sometimes showing up has an intrinsic value, like just checking on things for myself so I can keep my sanity in check.

Those Who Don't Study History...

For those of you who took part in yesterday's quiz, if you answered that I would keep Mrs. Martin's money and play again next month, you would be mistaken. And, no. It wasn't a trick question. As experience is the best teacher, it would make sense that you would naturally assume this would be the outcome.

However, experience is the best teacher which is why I won't (hypothetically) accept her payment any more.

Of course, Mrs. Martin hasn't sent a payment in. Nor have I heard from her since her promise to pay. That doesn't mean Mrs. Martin doesn't think she and I are gold. It means 1) Mr. H. hasn't served her yet (because nothing ever happens on time...yada yada) or 2) Mrs. Martin knows the gig is up.

I would like to believe Legal Eagle's attached letter to her termination notice convinced her I was serious. I will pursue legal damages if the house is trashed. I will garnish her wages. I would like to believe she will just leave. But, experience is a nasty teacher at times.

Experience also tells me this house is in a highly desirable school district (Pinson Schools--for those who know the area). People move in the summer. Getting her out now is ideal. Currently there is a shortage of rental homes in Birmingham. If Legal Eagle has sufficiently scared her into leaving, now is the prime opportunity for me.

Marty Sunshine and I own two properties without partners. We have one hundred percent of the risk and reward. One of these homes will be the vacant one I have coming up at the end of the month. The other belongs to Mrs. Martin. No, this is not ideal financially. In fact, I suspect I might have a lot of upcoming blog-therapy in my future. But, experience tells me it will all work out in the end.

How Much Have You Been Paying Attention?

In honor of collegiate finals week, here is today's post, in multiple-choice fashion.

Title:

A. Choose Your Own Adventure
B. These Blogs Practically Write Themselves

Mrs. Martin's 10 day notice has expired and the next part of the eviction process has not occurred because

A. nothing ever happens on time in the South.
B. Mrs. Martin has paid me and this is a moot point.

Mrs. Martin is on notice and is

A. shaking in her shoes.
B. is unaware she has a landlord.

Once served, Mrs. Martin will

A. send out an incoherant text message saying she will send money some time next week.
B. move out.

If indeed Mrs. Martin does send money, Legal Eagle will advise me to:

A. cash the check and sock it in the bank until we do this again next month.
B. return it to Mrs. Martin and kick her out anyway.

Heart Breaking

One of my long time program mortgagees is in failing health. She is in her 60s and is no longer able to work. She lost her job a year ago and is trying like anything to get disability. I have never personally met her, with the few times I put in an overture years earlier, she dismissd me. The funny thing is, for the past year she has been telling me to please call her when I am in town so we can meet.

Mrs. C. called me last October in dire need of assistance. She had been paying me out of her savings and now the money was gone. She couldn't afford her COBRA payment and the mortgage payment at the same time. She assured me it would be just a few months before disability came through. Is there something that could be done?

Mr. Partner, Marty Sunshine and I discussed this at length. If you recall, last October we were at the worst time in our company's history. We had two vacant homes and a Mr. Smith. We were not in a position to help.

However, Mr. Partner didn't blink when I brought up her situation. Our plan was that we would forgo the cash flow for additional money when her loan came due next year. Even if she didn't perform, the house had enough equity that the risk could be mitigated.

But, that isn't the reason we helped her. Mr. Partner simply said, "We help people. That is why we started this company." We have been allowing Mrs. C. to pay a significantly reduced payment ever since.

This past week I wrote a letter to her Social Security attorney, in hopes of expediting her disability. The theory is, if I can help her establish hardship the Federal Government might move faster. After all, the medical professionals agree she has an issue. It is just some clerk who needs to put their stamp of approval on her file.

The letter I wrote made me cry. I hated writing the words that solidified the realities she and I are facing. I wrote, "We understand this is an unfortunate situation. However it has become a financial burden we are unable to take on any longer. Per the terms of our agreement if Mrs. C. does not perform we will be forced to begin foreclosure proceedings."

Mrs. C. has never caused me any problems. Even though I wrote the letter, for now, as long as we possibly can, we will continue carrying Mrs. C. But she even said, "I know you can't do much else and I know you can't do this much longer. Thank you for your help."

Connections

We have a potential renter for the home Jack and I own. Jack and I are licensed agents and have a lot riding on our screening process. There is a strict set of Federal Fair Housing guidelines Jack and I must follow. Ignoring these set criteria can land us in a lot of hot water down the road (not to mention a nasty fine and possible jail time).

Additionally, there is another set of written criteria Jack and I have in place for our renters. They must make a certain amount of money and have a certain minimum debt ratio before we will even talk to them. This ensures we will get rent.

On top of that, I personally don't take tenants who have had an eviction or have been arrested for manufacturing or selling illegal substances. Nor do I accept tenants who have been arrested for a violent crime or sexual misconduct. You know, the basics.

Even with this kind of screening process in place, there is another level of screening that sometimes takes place. Networking. This is generally the best way to get quality tenants.

Jack got a call from someone who saw his sign outside our home. Both Jack and the potential tenant recognized each other's names and spent a few minutes reminiscing. They aren't friends. But, they do travel in social circles which at times overlaps. They hear about each other. Apparently our potential tenant sent his condolences about Jack's mother's passing, while Jack inquired about a medical situation our potential tenant has experienced. Neither have seen each other in years.

This level of familiarity boosted this potential tenant up on the "we want you, please rent from us" scale considerably. In the South (and I am sure it happens in other places as well, I don't see it as much here), if you burn someone, you are going to be shunned by their entire social network. You just don't do that.

For example, Jack introduced me to Burt the handyman. Burt stopped doing work for me. He didn't call. He just dropped off the face of the Earth in mid-project. Jack won't use him any more for handyman projects. Neither will any of Jack's associates. Burt lost this connection (and a lot of potential future work).

Strangely, I had to explain to Jack why this potential renter guy was exciting to me. It is so ingrained in his nature, apparently nobody ever spelled it out. When I finished, Jack agreed.

We wouldn't have any trouble with this guy.

All Better

My self-infliced PO Box crisis has been resolved. The Post Office has their money for another year. I have access to my box, with the Post Office's answer to a car boot, taken off. Everything is groovy. In fact, Mr. Richardson's check was even in the box. Just like he said it would be.

The Post Office Box

The Post Office called today. In their one true gesture of customer service, they wanted to let me know that I wrote the check for the wrong amount. It should have been for $56. I wrote it for $638.38.

I have no idea why I wrote the wrong amount and am truly grateful they caught my mistake. Anyway, they called to tell me it was the wrong amount and did I want them to cash the check or did I want to go ahead and write another check to them?

Seriously, they asked if I wanted them to cash my check!

Meanwhile, the PO Box is locked and I do not have access to it until this is straightened out. Then, it will take another couple of days for the locksmith to put my old lock back on the box.

Ironically, now I have to stand in line for an hour to get it unlocked and this situation resolved. Somewhere Mr. Richards has a magic mirror, is watching this, and laughing hysterically.

Mr. Richards

Well, I broke down and called Mr. Richards. Partially because he didn't follow is usually MO and call me immediately after being served. Because it was so odd, I just wanted to know what was up. But if the truth be told the other reason I called him was Mr. Partner and I currently have enough drama without another vacant home. Illegal activity moved up significantly over flaky tenants on the what-is driving-me-the-nuttiest now scale.

In the past when I have called Mr. Richards, I am very polite and business-like. Today I let him have it, in a crisp, seriously pissed off, business-like sort of way. I don't remember the word-for-word, but apparently my voice mail made a significant impact. It is truly amazing how fast he can remember to dial my number when he thinks he is going to have to pay legal fees and have his wages garnished.

Mr. Richards managed to call me in three minutes flat. The first words out of his mouth weren't a greeting but, "I really don't want to move, Mrs. Landlord." I can appreciate that. I would rather not deal with him moving either right now. I believe he means it too. One of the things I happen to know about Mr. Richards situation is he was granted custody of his son a few years ago. It is very important to him that Junior have a stable home. The real trick is if Mr. Richards can do what it takes to keep that stable home.

Today's excuse consisted of someone dying and Mr. Richards offering to fax over the death certificate obituary and anything else that might prove he has been out of town for a few weeks taking care of the untimely passing of his relative. I actually believe him--not that I told him that. He never leaves his grass long and according to my sources, it had been looking a bit shaggy. Additionally, his termination notice was on his door for a few days.

Again Mr. Richards gave me a payment plan, with money going out today. I should have it by Thursday--which coincidentally is the day Legal Eagle is planning on springing into action on her part and starting the eviction.

There are two things I stressed to Mr. Richards: I told him if he deviated from his payment--even one day--we were through. And, if he sends me one more payment with a signature required, making me stand in line at the post office for an hour, we were through with no turning back. He would no longer hear from me. The next person he talked to would be Legal Eagle.

Mr. Richards is a flake. But he has proven in the past to be a flake of his word. Right now I can live with that. At least until Thursday.

Of All The Nerve

I got an e-mail today from Ashley, my insurance agent wanting to know who was in charge of my properties. My insurance company apparently is "questioning" how responsible I was with my homes, why I am out of state and how my tenants are screened.

Because I have so many properties, my homes are insured under two different companies. What really got me in a snit was the company "questioning" this was not the company I recently submitted claims with. Instead, it was Alpha Boss's company--whom I have had no dealings with in about six months.

In the event you hadn't heard of Alpha Boss, he is the most patronizing pile of garbage I have ever met. He has a minion, Alpha Adjuster, who only works on Tuesdays and is the second biggest pile I ever met. Alpha Boss even had the nerve last year to suggest I was lying and manufactured the claim I submitted.

Not only is there no reason why Alpha Boss should be asking anything about the claims I put in and who is "managing" these homes, but nobody should. Additionally, I have no idea why on earth anyone should question how I screen my tenants.

Even being close by, I could not have stopped a strong wind from blowing off roof tiles. Nor could I have stopped whomever it was who cut the water pipe under the house in Leeds. It has nothing to do with criminal background. Stuff happens. April was my "stuff happens" month.

In the case of the claims I put in for last month, I rescinded them, once I found out how small they were. The insurance company was not out any money. And, it wasn't even Alpha Boss's properties.

I sent a scathing note to Ashley, outlining what I thought of the unprofessionalism of Alpha Boss and asking why he was involved with these claims in the first place.

However, in any event, how I choose my tenants should be immaterial to an insurance policy. I am not the only out of state landlord managing properties. And, given the number of years I have been doing this, the number of claims I have submitted (one) and the number of homes I have this should not even be topic for discussion.

Tomorrow's task: find a new insurance agent and new insurance companies.

This Would Be An Issue Only If She Really Sent the Money

This morning I woke up super-early. Somewhere in the world it was daylight, but nowhere near Arizona. There were days in years gone past when this would have been my bedtime. But now with kids and responsibilities, those days are a fleeting memory.

Normally, when I have insomnia, I read or do something mindless. Today I took the time to do laundry and clean off my desk. The laundry was self-preservation, because Marty Sunshine was about to loose his good humor if he didn't have clean socks. He does now. In the dryer.

The desk cleaning just sounded like a good idea. Isn't it amazing what sounds great when you are sleep deprived? I would like to make this very clear: if you are a real estate client and reading this: your file was not on my desk, but in my filing cabinet in my closet. If you are a tenant and reading this, your personal information is safely locked in my fire-proof strong box, nowhere near my office. If you gave me a scrap piece of paper with a phone number on it, it was on my desk.

If the Americans With Disabilities Act is ever amended, I will be the first to champion paper-phobia as a true disorder. There are those of us who suffer with it. We live, survive and do our best to get along day to day (until a sadistic bookkeeper sees fit to send another batch of papers--stop the madness Bliz!). But, we are incapable of filing. It is a disease. I promise.

While cleaning off my desk I did come across one gem. The check for the PO Box hadn't been paid. It is now late. So, Mrs. Martin's check that she said she sent last week is now residing peacefully in my locked PO Box with no way to get it until the Post Office sees fit to release the box back to me. But, no matter, none of us really believe Mrs. Martin sent the check anyway.

I May Really Need Therapy When All Is Said and Done

At the risk of being accused of teasing, I have a situation I cannot write about at this time. I sure wish I could. I could use a new spin on it. I could use some humor. What I really could use a glass of wine and what is left of the toffee Bliz sweetly sent me earlier this month.

I know Carolsue, who is beyond suspicious, is just chomping at the bit to give her ten cent's worth of invaluable wisdom. But she won't, not while I have issued a gag order.

This is one of those situations that make my stomach lining burn. I am looking every other day at air fare, wondering if I would be better off going over now, or waiting until the situation hits the fan.

There is an air conditioner. A lawn mower. A dead tree. And probably a whole lot of other stuff I don't know about just yet. Legal Eagle even had to recuse herself, so I am currently without legal counsel on this particular situation.

I am sure it will make a great story. Eventually.

The Broken Water Pipe Again

This is truly one of the most bizarre things I have experienced as a landlord. Ok, not the most bizarre. But in the top 20.

Ms. Betty sweetly said to me yesterday, "I hope y'all don't think we cut that pipe!" She brought it up. I didn't. Perhaps I have two tenants reading my blog?

And now Mr. Betty is offering to fix the mess--which they tell me isn't as bad as they suggested the other day. This will save me filing an insurance claim.

Two Hours I Can't Get Back

The dishwasher was delivered to Ms. Shirley on Friday. It was the wrong color. I spent two hours resolving this, with Home Depot finally saying, "oops."

Ms. Shirley is getting her dishwasher. On Wednesday.

The Smell Test

Yesterday I posted about the water pipe being cut under Ms. Betty's house. I would like to go on record here: It smells funny.

I have a hard time believing this is random. Nothing is missing. Someone left the hacksaw behind. The cut is pretty far under the house. So, the pipe probably wasn't cut at night without any light available. Ms. Betty is very good friends with a retired woman who lives across the street. Nobody saw anything. Even if the neighbors don't like me--the landlord--that would be a lot of work. They have done other things to the home. This isn't their style. This would take too much work.

Something isn't right about the whole thing. Was there a disgruntled tenant who decided to come over, crawl UNDER the house with a hacksaw, cut the water line and then leave the hacksaw?

Was Mr. Smith seeking revenge? Certainly he would be right at home under the house with the rest of the rats (which are dead by the way). But, I can't see him doing it. Why seek revenge on that house. It was for sale for four months. He doesn't know if we even own it any more.

Is someone mad at Mr. and Mrs. Betty and decided to go to this much effort to mess with them? I don't think so. This doesn't affect them as much as it affects me.

My theory is this: Mr. and Ms. Betty aren't telling me the whole story. Perhaps Mr. Betty was under there doing something. Perhaps he accidentally messed with the pipes and when it got out of control, to save face, they called me and manufactured the story. Ms. Betty did not want to call the police. In fact, it was when I offered that she finally agreed. I am not calling them liars. But this just doesn't smell right.

This Stuff Used to Make Me Crazy

When I saw Ms. Betty's number on my caller ID, my first inclination was to let it go to voice mail. I didn't follow my instinct.

Instead, Ms. Betty was keen to start niceties, such as inquiring about my health, my children and my day. When I didn't reciprocate, she got to the point. While she and Mr. Betty were out of town this week, some thug wormed his way under the house, into the crawl space and cut the water pipe. They even left the hack saw.

I don't know what type of reaction I was supposed to have for this circumstance, but I chose to ask what I considered the obvious.

Me: What did the police say?
Ms. Betty: Do you want me to call the police?
Me: Yes, it isn't normal that someone would crawl under the house and purposely cut the water pipe. This is vandalism.
Ms. Betty: Well, I suppose it would be a good idea. Are you sure?

After we went through this for a few minutes, she got around to telling me about the damage. I hadn't even thought about damage. I figured a cut water pipe was pretty much the worst it would get.

Oh no. They had been gone a few days. So, this incident could have happened days earlier. The water had seeped into the house. Into the walls. The floor was rotting. James, the Hell's Angels-turned-carpet-guy's carpet was moldy.

Lona at the insurance office has been alerted. I will let her call the insurance company and we will go from there.

Sanity still intact.

Up Up and Away

Today was update day for Mr. Partner. I generally wait until I have a whole bunch of stuff to say and then throw in a few minor things on top of the heavy duty stuff and end it with some gobbledy gook about how things are looking up.

And, for the record, things are looking up. I don't think I could handle any other reality right now.

Of course, looking up has nothing to do with landlord issues. We don't have any meth labs. We don't have anyone renting from me the FBI and the IRS are looking for (yes, it has happened). When you manage more than zero rental homes, there are always issues.

Ms. Shirley's dishwasher has been ordered. Mr. 114 was given a handyman list today, including taking the dishwasher out of Ms. Shirley's home and installing the new one later this week. Piece of cake.

Then there is Mr. Richards. He hasn't called me full of excuses or payment plans just yet. Last year he was in the hospital for a period of time. I didn't believe him so he sent me hospital receipts, notes from his doctor and other evidence to assure me he wasn't looking for an out. I have wondered if this was the case this time.

However, the eviction notice is still sitting on the door, suggesting nobody (like his son) is there. So Carolsue theorizes he has a girlfriend. In any case, I have an abandonment clause in my lease. If he doesn't contact me, things will really be looking up.

The Eviction Game

Mrs. Martin just sent me a flabbergasted note saying she "had no idea" she owed rent. Didn't I get the March rent payment she made?

Dear Ms. Martin. Please check the calendar: It is the end of April.

The way evictions work in Alabama is like this (have no fear, Carolsue or Legal Eagle will correct me if I am wrong):

A lease termination notice must be delivered saying rent is 10 days late. I add in late fees and the cost to serve them as well. So, the amount is always more than the rent.

This notice is usually done more than 10 days after rent is late because NOTHING EVER HAPPENS ON TIME IN THE SOUTH. The notice gives them 10 more days to get their act together and send in the rent payment.

If they don't do that, or preferably move out, then we defer to Legal Eagle, who files in the court, saying we have a deadbeat on our hands. There is some hoops to jump through here. Lots of waiting. If the tenant doesn't respond to the court filing, then the sheriff comes out in a few weeks.

If the tenant does respond to the court filing, then we go to court and they can explain to the judge why they decided to steal from me. They also owe me more money if they stay in the house that long too. Legal Eagle is happy to garnish.

These deadlines are generally arbitrary. Last year I started Wayward's eviction process with Legal Eagle on May 1. She was escorted out August 1. Mr. Smith decided to fight me. I started his process on Aug. 1 and we went to court November 3.

Marty Sunshine keeps reminding me it wouldn't take any less time if we lived there and handled this ourselves. It doesn't make me feel any better.

Incidently, Mrs. Martin just e-mailed me. She says the check is in the mail. Uh huh. Of course it is.

Mr. 114

In the event you don't remember Mr. 114, he and his lovely wife have a beautiful manicured yard and live next door to one of my rental homes. We connected because he offered to show my then-vacant home last year.

Sadly, That didn't work out too well. Mr. 114--whether he realized it or not--is a bit selective in who he wanted living next door. Because of that, I suspect he didn't shed the best light on the house to prospective tenants, turning them off to him, the house and the neighborhood. When I took him out of the picture, all of the sudden prospective tenants came out of the woodwork. I don't think he was being malicious. He really doesn't want a rental home next door to him under any circumstances.

That said, he has found peace with Ms. Shirley, my current tenant. And, he is currently taking care of her yard. This happened through a strange bit of circumstance. As the story goes, he went over to borrow a cup of sugar/borrow an egg/because was curious, and saw a bid from a lawn service on her door. He left a hasty note, telling Ms. Shirley that he would be happy to mow the lawn for less. Ms. Shirley hired him.

Mr. 114 and I have stayed in touch for the past year for a variety of reasons. Mainly he and I share a vested interest in home values. Jack regularly sends me updates on the values of my homes. Once in a while something comes up in Mr. 114's neighborhood and I share it with him. We then have a "Gasp! Can you believe it. Wow! What the heck is happening to the home values in the area??" e-mail exchange. Actually, in the particular area where Mr. 114 and Ms. Shirley live, the values aren't too bad.

Anyway, the last time this exchange took place, Mr. 114 told me he was laid off from his job. I asked what he was planning on doing and he naively responded by telling me he is starting his own lawn service/handyman service.

There are very few things that bring joy to a landlord the way hearing the words "handyman" does. I sent him a quick list of things to bid out for me. I assured him, if his price was good and he didn't mind driving I would probably be a steady customer.

Meanwhile, Ms. Shirley's dishwasher went out. As it is 15 years old, and the part is $250, it isn't worth repairing. Home Depot still will deliver but won't install. So, Mr. 114 to the rescue!

To the Wolves

Tomorrow morning, armed with lots of attitude, Carolsue is going to serve Mr. Richards and Mrs. Martin. Most likely I will get partial payments from Mrs. Martin before all is said and done. Mr. Richards will probably just send me some excuse and rent a few days afterwards.

If I can actually talk to either of them, I think it is time for a heart-to-heart. They need to move. They need to figure out a way to live within their means. Let me sell the homes or find renters who want to pay. But more importantly, they need to get the heck out of my life. They are sucking out the positive energy from my very being.

There is a fine line between my lack of patience and my willingness to put money in the bank. With Legal Eagle's recent wisdom burned into my frontal lobes, I will probably consider taking the payments. Even if I don't want to.

Just an Observation

Sometimes owning an accidental small business is like channeling a manic toddler.

Earlier this week I was poised for my monthly temper tantrum. Everything was not going as I planned. Not that anything really ever goes as planned in life. But there is a small faction of society who seems to think I happen to have control issues.

Later in the week, after my long nap, I was pretty even keeled. The annoying things were on the back burner. The good things consisted of rent checks and a suspicious lack of e-mails from my problem children.

Then, after talking with Diamond Jim and Jack yesterday I am ready to take on the world. All the weird and annoying stuff heaping around me is settling down. (Mind you, it is still there.) I have focus. And at this moment I can play well with others.

I Just Want to Make Sure I Clearly Understood

So, Mr. Partner called this afternoon. During our conversation, I told him I wanted to start eviction proceedings on Mr. Richards. I was bracing myself, knowing he was doing the mental calculations of what this means to us. Knowing there would be money to spend.

Instead he said, "Go for it. I trust you."

Now I am sitting back, analyzing "I trust you" and every possible scenario. I am looking for the hidden meaning and wondering what he really meant.

Ugh. I am such a girl.

Another Vacant Home

The family that bounced a check to me earlier this month dutifully sent a cashier's check. The wife also sent me a very sweet e-mail. In it she said she keeps "forgetting to pay the rent" so they are moving out at the end of next month.

The green landlord would have written back and said, "Why don't I send you a reminder each month and you can stay." The sage landlord says, "Hate to see you go, good luck."

Because, let's face it, if you are "forgetting" to pay for a place to live, you have bigger issues in your life. I wish I would have figured this one out earlier in my landlording career.

There are a few logistics to her e-mail that I need to address. Such as her move-out date. Such as the fact she is breaking her lease. Such as the fact I don't want her to leave her garbage when she goes and would appreciate if she would clean up on her way out the door. All of these things need to be addressed. But not today. That is tomorrow's task.

Gratitude

A friend is running a 20 day gratitude blog, mentioning each day what she is grateful for. Just for fun, I have been doing this on paper, applying it to my personal life. I decided maybe it was time to look at adding a few gratitude items to my company life. After all, gratitude comes from attitude. Attitude is what drives the rest of the game.

1. The people, past and present, who have supported me in this endeavor and enriched my life.

2. The ability to (hopefully) help and serve others. I am providing a service: a place to live with the potential for my tenants to purchase if they are in a position to do so. Even if they do not, it at least gives them a chance to explore the idea and see if home ownership is for them.

3. A business plan. It is my road map. Sometimes I forget where I am going and all I have to do is dust off the business plan and say "oh yes... we bought a few homes. Now why did we do that?"

4. Tenants who move out because their situation is no longer conducive to where they live. I am grateful for those folks. They tell it like it is and generally don't leave too much of a mess. Most of the time their homes are easier to clean and get re-rented.

5. A business partner who understands property management is work. And, that would be work he doesn't have to do. It makes things easier knowing we aren't going to go head to head over the minor things. And the ability to learn and grow from Mr. Partner's experience because he has been doing this much longer than I. His input is valued.

Sigh

You know that friend who calls you once a month because the sky is falling? They fill your ears will all sorts of scenarios of the imaginary disasters that are probably going to befall upon them. And you, caught between "she a good friend" and "could she please get a grip already!" tolerate it as much as you can until thankfully you have the lamest of excuses to get you off the phone. "Um... I have to go now... I am overdue from balancing my check book." That kind of thing.

Well, today your drama queen friend would be me. For whatever reason, my imagination was in overdrive. The drama was overwhelming. Nothing was calming me--not even my old standby friends who endure the once a month drama. And frankly, I didn't need the drama. It only made the reality worse.

It didn't help today that I heard from Mrs. 508 and Ms. Betty. Both of whom have their own drama going on and opted to share it with me, whether or not I really wanted to hear it (and Ms. Betty cried).

Nor did it help that Mr. Richards is still being a flake and Mrs. Martin is nowhere to be found.

Or that the people who sent me the hot check last week now tell me they are moving out--NEXT MONTH (it would take just as long to evict them and cost more money as it will to wait for them to just leave).

And, it doesn't help that I have another vacant home as of today.

Today was one of those days that just made me want to say "uncle," crawl back in bed and wait until November to peek back out and see if the coast is clear.

I hope tomorrow looks better.

Legal Advice

Yesterday, I got a check from Mrs. Martin for the remainder of her March rent. My first call was to Legal Eagle wanting to know if she had filed with the court just yet. She hadn't.

Let's back up here. Yes, I sent Legal Eagle Mrs. Martin's file more than a week ago. However, in the event I haven't fully explained this, the culture in the South is to take their time with just about everything. And, in all fairness to Legal Eagle, she had been out sick for a couple of days too. (But it doesn't change the slow Southern culture that drives me out of my mind.)

I really didn't want to take Mrs. Martin's money. I would much rather kick her out. I so want her out of my home, and more importantly out of my life. I realize if I accept her rent I will have to go through this same stupidity in a few weeks.

I also realize if I evict her I will have to go without rent for a few months, while either Mrs. Martin 1) hangs out in my home waiting for the sheriff to kick her out or 2) finds another place to live but leaves me a mess to clean up and walls to paint. Neither idea appeals to me.

Legal Eagle offered me her best lawyerly advice, "Honey, a half a loaf of bread is better than no loaf of bread. Take the money and evict her next month."

Oh No! Not Another Learning Experience!

Several years ago, Bliz introduced me to the Law of Attraction. Essentially, if you can think it, you can be it. I unconsciously tried out this concept last year. I thought "disaster" and that's about what I got.

In January, I started really focusing on the idea of the Law of Attraction and what potential I could get from it. Before I got out of bed every day, I would envision what I wanted to see happen--in this case it was a peaceful and profitable existence with my Alabama business. And, I was getting it.

Yes, I had the overall annoyances with broken air conditioners and the maddening tenants, but for the most part, these challenges didn't have the same emotional impact I felt last summer. Nor did they really have a tremendous impact on my internal peace and prospective prosperity.

About two weeks ago, I stopped my daily mantra. I didn't realize I stopped it right away. However, I did notice a lot of general annoyances starting to add up. Mrs. Martin. Mrs. 508. This week's check that bounced. Ms. Betty. Wind damage to one of my homes. That kind of thing.

Yesterday I reached my brink. My day started and ended with the word "cluster." Marty Sunshine did what any good husband would do when faced with a crazed wife on the verge of a breakdown: he left me alone with the TV remote so I could watch baseball, all the while saying a prayer the Diamondbacks might possibly win and my mood would improve. (The Diamondbacks did miraculously pull off a win--just for the record).

My mood didn't improve until today. This morning I realized my drama was building inside my head. Oh yes, these latest annoyances are no different than the annoyances last month or the month before. There are always annoyances. The difference being how I was instantly reacting. When I thought of my challenges as individual issues, I had peace. I could handle it.

When I started adding up everything going on and all the drama (real or imaginary), looking for evidence about how we were drowning, I started seeing failure everywhere. This morning, I immediately started my mantra again. And all of the sudden it really doesn't seem so bad.

Doubled Over

Before a reasonable hour Monday, Bliz sent me an e-mail telling me one of my rental checks bounced. I said a slew of unrepeatable words, proving once again I am NOT from the South were manners are the forefront of society. In the South, the same sentiment boils down to "bless their hearts."

I am not surprised this check bounced. This tenant has been acting funny for a few weeks. She sends me cryptic notes saying she will call me to "touch base about something" and then doesn't. When her check was late I called her, asking about the missing money. She assured me husband sent it, phrasing her words in such a way to make me wonder if her husband was on his way to the post office right there and then.

Now before we go off the deep end here, let's take a moment to give the benefit of the doubt. Perhaps she didn't subtract properly. Perhaps there is a mistake at the bank. Perhaps she was getting paid and didn't get the money in the account soon enough. Perhaps it was just one of those things. Yes, bounced checks happen. I get that.

But even before I cashed it I had some sort of suspicion. In fact, I told Carolsue a couple of weeks ago to be on the lookout for another termination letter I was sending her way for her to process serve. So, this bounced check may be an accident, but I doubt it.

To me, an inexcusable bounced check is one of the worst kinds of breaches. I am not talking about any of the above disclaimers or the tenant who calls and says "my check bounced. I am sending a new one" (that happens).

I can handle the tenants who don't pay or pay late much better than I can handle the one who sends me a hot check. In the landlord-tenant dynamic, a bounced check is a sucker punch. Everything will be going along fine then BAM, they knock all trust and tolerance out of me. A purposeful bounced check changes the relationship on a dime. Everything from here on out will be a cashier's check. It ruins relationship and any future goodwill. There is no going back.

My True Enemy

Kryptonite is to Superman what paper is to me. Paper makes me incapacitated, paralyzed, unable to regain my senses. Bliz--who knows this--blitzes me with papers to file on a monthly basis. Yes, I know it is her job to look at the papers I send her, pay the bills and then send it to me to file. But come on! Isn't there some sort of unrealistic environmental movement to become a paperless society?

At this point, I think it is fair to say, I am doing my level best to ensure I won't be weakened by my kryptonite. Just like Superman, I am avoiding.

Many years ago, I hired a file clerk. A sweet young woman with a heart of gold who taught me filing is not an inherently obvious skill. After some degree of coaching, I gave up. She just didn't get it.

Because Marty is now working in an office and I am starting to sell real estate more, I have hired a local homeschooled teenager to come over and help me with the kids a couple afternoons a week. The other day while she was over and the kids were preoccupied, I asked her if she would be interested in trying her hand at filing.

The dear girl actually caught on very quickly. And she liked it! With any luck I may have found a part time file clerk who can withstand the power of my arch nemesis.

Hello and Welcome to My Therapy

Although I have no proof, I have a very strong suspicion one of my tenants found my blog. Even with pseudonyms, there is a very good chance I have been outed. After all, how many of us are out there who have similar circumstances to mine?

Yea, there are other landlords. Yea, there are other landlords who live remotely and manage properties, but for whatever reason the uniquely weird seems to go my way. And, if I didn't look at what was going on as unusual and weird, then I would probably look at is as downright freaky at times. So, my interpretation of "weird" is like thinking the glass is half-full.

My new readers who may--or maybe not--have found me have had a mention in here a time or two, but not because they caused me grief. And no, it isn't Ms. Betty (if it was, maybe the phone would stop ringing as much). The person who found me is one of the low maintenance folks peacefully existing in their own little patch of Bama.

When I first figured this out, I was having one of those internal awkward moments about acknowledging the whole thing. "Um... hello. Yep, Good to see you... Um... Goodbye." In a moment of embarrassed panic it occurred to me to cancel this blog, but that seems so drastic. Now that the initial shock has worn off, I decided I was here first. This is MY therapy. I write to keep my sanity.

What I write about is true. Even if at times I wish it wasn't. So, if you have found me out, hello and enjoy the glimpse into my world.

Not Feeling the Love

I sent Legal Eagle my file on Mrs. Martin Wednesday. I followed up with a note yesterday. I told her to please let Mrs. Martin know I plan to garnish her wages. I will file criminal charges if the house is damaged. I will no longer negotiate, she is being evicted. There is no more love. On top of that, Legal Eagle will tell her not to call me.

I would be willing to bet my stash of Starburst jelly beans (and you can only get those once a year) that I will get a text message, phone call, fax or e-mail from Mrs. Martin as soon as she is served. After she explains she doesn't owe me as much as I say she does (because she has conveniently forgotten), she will then ask for mercy and tell me when she is next sending money in.

If Mrs. Martin just moves out instead, it will be worth loosing my jelly beans.

Landlording Basics

Today's Landlord Primer has to do with college students. When I say "college student" I am referring to someone in the 18 to 23 year old range who attends an institution of higher learning as their primary vocation. I am not referring to someone taking night school classes and working full time or someone (generally over 30) who has already had a career and a family and is going back to school.

I happen to think college students need a place to live just like anyone else. In fact, they have many options available to them that the average family doesn't have, including mom and dad and a dorm room. But, usually those aren't choices the student is looking for.

I understand everyone is different and there are probably wonderful people in this age bracket--some I would even consider renting to under the right circumstance. But the idea of six young people living under one roof with no other commitments does not bode well with me.

Let's say for a moment a college student wants to rent my home with three of his buddies. Between the four of them they can break up the rent to a small, manageable chunk each. This would give them left over money for the electricity, water, gas bills and beer. I am afraid they still wouldn't be renting from me. There are many landlords who don't mind students. I just don't happen to be one of them.

Students generally stay for a year or less. Despite their best of intentions, students really don't know what will be going on from one semester to the next. What if one of the residents on the lease wants to change schools? If that person bails, the other three are still responsible for the lease. And what if this person moves out and the enterprising roommates get another person to occupy that empty room. And, if the new tenant (who is not on the lease) doesn't work out and does considerable damage to the home, the other three are still liable for the damage.

That said, if a collage student only stays for a year, this puts the landlord in the predicament of having to revamp the property at the end of the lease and start the process over. Repairs, renovations and loss of rent are costly. I might have mentioned that a time or two.

As a whole, college students aren't domestic. When my brother was about 19 or so, he once roomed with three of his closest buddies. I went to visit once and found the trash piled high in the corner. My brother explained that it was Patrick's turn to take it out, so nobody else was touching it. Patrick had been out of town for two weeks.

College students don't generally have tools available to make minor repairs. So, if the door knob falls off, there is a greater probability of them letting the door knob stay off and just nudging the door open with their knee or foot. This action will eventually lead to a hole in the door. So, an $8.00 door knob repair becomes a $250 door replacement.

That said, once the door has been damaged, what is the motivation for them keeping the place up? They already know they aren't getting their deposit back. Why not play catch with a shot put and juggle the flame thrower in the living room?

What a student lacks in domestic, they probably make up for in social. As a landlord, it isn't comforting to hear from one of the neighbors because the tenants threw a wild party the night before. The police came. People were bungie jumping from the roof. There was underage drinking. And someone left their zebra on the front lawn.

College students usually haven't established credit. And, most likely they don't have a long-term job the landlord could garnish if necessary. To make up for this unfortunate situation, landlords find cosigners for the students. The cosigners tend to be the parents. A cosigner is the one who guarantees the rent and the condition of the property if their child doesn't hold up their end of the bargain.

On the occasions I have required a cosigner, I have insisted on having someone who lives in the state my properties are in. It is much harder to go after a cosigner if they are in North Dakota and my tenant is not. I also do my standard credit/background/eviction search on the cosigner. Additionally, I will ask for an employment verification.

As a real estate agent I have seen many properties near Arizona State that have suffered the "student rental" curse. These houses, though repaired, still have battle scars of students past. There are patched walls, low quality fixtures (faucets, towel bars, ceiling fans) that look like they were recently replaced and a bungie rope dangling from the balcony. The landlord is ready to rerent the homes, but the properties don't have an inviting feel.

The landlords I have met who do rent to students charge a premium. The deposits are higher. The rent is higher. I have the utmost respect to any landlord who is willing to go this route. I just don't have the stomach lining to handle it.

Street Cred

"Street Cred" is a term introduced to me by a friend of mine (who happens to be my age--that is, old enough to clearly remember 1978). Although I am not certain, I am under the impression it is a legitimate slang phrase.

Today I met someone else who apparently was familiar with this phrase. Ms. Kathy called because there seems to be some sort of electrical issue in her home. The poor woman was in a panic because she was afraid the entire house would need to be rewired (which, in my estimation, seems to be the overall conclusion people jump to when anything electrical comes up).

At any rate, I told Ms. Kathy to call my favorite Alabama electrician, explain who she rented from (me) and what the problem was. He would be able to help her out. "You have street cred?" she asked. I certainly hoped I still did.

Personally, I wasn't sure how much credibility I still had with them. I am sure my credibility would be much higher if I had been paying a little more quickly in the last quarter of 2008, but nevertheless, I opted to have Ms. Kathy test the waters.

It turns out I am still ok. Mike the Electrician gave Ms. Kathy a quick over the phone diagnosis--most likely a loose wire inside an outlet, causing all of the other outlets not to work too (or something along those lines). Think pulling out a lamp cord too roughly out of the socket and loosening the internal wiring. That was what I had pretty much figured was the case.

Experience tells me a loose wire often is the offending issue when all things electrical come up. Though, I must tell you, there was a time when I thought "rewire" too. But that was before managing a gazillion homes in Alabama. Which brings up another interesting bit of trivia: I never needed an electrician until I started managing a gazillion homes in Alabama and now I am on my fourth. But, I digress...

After confirming with Ms. Kathy Mike and his band of Merry Electricians would be heading over to her home later this week, I called their office. In the past, they have always billed me instead of asking for a credit card over the phone. I was hoping they still thought enough of me to do this again.

It turns out I am still on the electrician's tolerable client list. "Ms. Landlord," Becky the Billing Goddess said, "Your credit is good with us."

Today's Shout Out

Happy Birthday to Carolsue.

Many years ago I got an e-mail from Carolsue, who was helping Baseball Guy find a place to live. Who knew that e-mail would spark a friendship? Carolsue has been a strong advocate. Her assistance and advice is invaluable and I would not have made it through last year's nightmare without her. I am truly blessed.

The Ugly Side

I assure you, nobody has ever accurately accused me of being a bleeding heart. It doesn't mean I don't feel sadness when I have to evict someone. I hate it. I really do. And, it isn't just the isn't just the attorney fees I am talking about. I hate the process. I hate the emotional energy spent on this process.

I hate being put in a position where I have to force someone out on the street. What an awful feeling that is. Even if they deserve it. Even if they owe the money. Even if this experience might be the best thing that happened to them because they now have a chance to start over and live within their means. It doesn't stop me from cringing when I think about it.

I think about their children who need a sense of security. How awful that must be to have to pack up and move. Those kids are probably given little explanation or they are told the mean landlord has it out for them. I hate seeing kids uprooted under these situations. Even more, I hate seeing kids have to live with the poor choices their parents have made.

I think about the energy around that family when they are being evicted. It can't be peaceful in that home. It doesn't matter if it is an extended family situation or a single mom. The stress must be terrible. They probably aren't just loosing their home. Most people make it a priority to pay the rent first. There are probably other bills too. There are probably bill collectors calling. The stress must be terrible.

I think about what kind of Karma someone in this situation leaves behind. Wayward's Karma was so bad she threw a bunch of her nasty Karma my direction. Fortunately, Mr. Smith didn't leave me the headache Wayward left me. Instead, Mr. Smith left me on the financial brink. The Good Pastor left me a messy house. And given his belief system, I suspect there will be Someone taking care of him eventually. I don't want these people to leave their bad Karma in my home for the next person to have to deal with. Nor do I want thier Karma following me around.

When All Bets Are Off

There is a period of time between when I decide I am through and the tenant realizes I am through. Sometimes it is a split second. Sometimes, as in the case of Mr. Smith, it is about six weeks.

Most of the time when I reach this point, the tenant figures it out in a few days. And the reason why is they have received a second notice saying next time I see them will be in front of a judge.

I think the period from when I have decided they will no longer live there and before they realize they are moving is a lull. There is some notion floating through their imagination that I have somehow backed off and am ok with the current arrangement. That by the Grace of all that is Holy, they have gotten an answer to their prayer--a reprieve until the next time I call. Phew. Sadly, what they don't understand is that I won't speak to them any more. The next communication and all communications from this point forward are with Legal Eagle.

Generally as the realization that really-for-true-no-kidding-yep-this-eviction-is-happening hits, they do one of three actions. Either they will contact me asking for mercy, they will move or they will make me evict them. You may ask Wayward how well waiting for the eviction to works. She has a good portion of her paycheck going to Legal Eagle every month.

I am not sure if Mrs. Martin fully realizes I am done. In my text I told her so. She wrote me back, giving me a sob story and sketchy payment plan that she has proven she won't follow. I suspect she really does think I am running a charity.

Hell Hath No Wrath Like a Landlord Scorned

The Liar Mrs. Martin, sent me a pity check. Essentially she sent me half the rent along with an incoherent note saying the rest will come eventually.

Oh, it will come. In a wage garnishment. I already called Legal Eagle.

What are the Odds?

A long time ago, a tenant called me just to inform me her house got struck by lightening. Twice. Within a 24 hour time span. I immediately told her to hang up and go buy a lottery ticket.

Diamond Jim

Many, many years ago, I hired Erin the Unscrupulous Bookkeeper. Two months into our one month business relationship, she had given me three things: a migraine headache, the name of the best CPA this side of the Rockies and enough evidence against her that the Arizona Attorney General's Office had no problem seeing my point of view when it became ugly.

I don't miss Erin or the migraine. I got my money back and now have the ever-so-terrific Bliz handling my books (as long as she will put up with me). I also still have Diamond Jim, my CPA.

Diamond Jim has been handling my taxes and that of our business since the day I met him. My only complaint is last year he and his wife moved to nowhere Oregon to semi-retire. However, his client base rebelled and he opted to spend tax season away from Mrs. Diamond and down here with us Phoenicians instead. It was probably for the best, I don't think Diamond Jim's wife was ready to have all of Jim's clients camping on their front yard waiting for their 1040s to be filled out. And, I don't think Jim's clientele were ready to part to part with him either.

Part of what I don't like about tax season is running interference between Mr. Partner and Diamond Jim--knowing that Jim works much better when he is not getting 2,000 calls a day from Mr. Partner asking for his forms.

This year, like every year, Mr. Partner started asking questions about when he could expect his tax documents from Diamond Jim. Of course, this is a natural question, given Uncle Sam has some pretty tight deadlines coming up. I did what I do every year when faced with this issue, I took Mr. Partner's question and shot it over to Diamond Jim. Jim in turn, gave me an answer. I, in turn, told Mr. Partner Jim's answer but added an extra week. This was credibility insurance. I sometimes find it is better to extend Mr. Partner's expectations.

It is probably a good thing I did. Diamond Jim had to leave town last Thursday morning. And, as of last Wednesday morning, he was still working on our complicated taxes. But he did promise it would be done before he got on the plane.

Through the course of last Wednesday, Diamond Jim called asking for all sorts of additional information. I gladly obliged. Meanwhile, I was dodging Mr. Partner's calls and e-mails. Somewhere in there I offered to bring Jim dinner so he could work straight through. I am sure I am not Jim's biggest client, but I know how to take care of my vendors (and in this case, friends).

Thursday morning, before the chickens were up, I hauled myself out of bed and headed over to Diamond Jim's office to grab Mr. Partner's forms, the returns for the State of Arizona, State of Alabama and the Federal Government's. All polished gems.

The Latest Surreal Phone Call

Mrs. 508's outlook is looking up! Now, before we go any farther, can we all take just a moment to knock on wood that I didn't just jinx it. I am not a superstitious person by nature--or I wasn't one until I met Mrs. 508.

Not only is Mrs. 508 doing much better (she had a lot to share with me--very little was related to the rental home or her rent), but she wanted to know if she could pay me next month's rent in advance! I believe my answer was "yes." Or at least I hope I said that after the smelling salts were administered.

Mrs. 508 also tells me the couch sitting in her yard will be gone sometime soon. I hope so. But, lucky for her, I don't have the energy to deal with non-immaculate tenants who pay early.

Surprise

To say Mrs. Martin was flabbergasted she was served is an understatement.

Because she will only text me, I can't really have a meaningful, insightful conversation with her. Which is fine by me. I don't really have much in the meaningful category to add at this point.

The one major point of her text was that she sent her rent check out on Sunday (insert raised skeptical eye here). If that is the case, Mrs. Martin will get to stay until we go through this maddening game the next time.

What blows me away is from what I can tell, she never expected me to "turn on her." In fact, that is how she phrased it. I am not sure what that means exactly. Was I supposed to sit back and let her take advantage of me? Was I supposed to accept her excuses? In her text, she told me that she "guesses" she will "stay current" until she can find a place to live. What a novel idea!

Except I think the "find a place to live" comment was a veiled threat that she was planning to move out. Darn! No more games with Mrs. Martin. Well, if she leaves the place clean and I find a renter right away, I may not even garnish her wages. If not, all bets are off.

Imaculate

A friend commented I mention my good tenants keep the exterior of their homes immaculate. I hadn't really thought of the implications to that until she pointed it out.

When I drive by, I check at how the property looks compared to the neighborhood. I don't want my homes looking like the rental abomination on the street. I don't get to see the inside of the property unless I have a contractor go over or I am somehow invited in. So, I can only make guesses based on what I can see from the street.

So, "immaculate" means the yard is well-kept. There aren't dead cars or dead science projects visible in the back yard. The property isn't overrun with weeds two feet high. Rats are an issue in Birmingham and they like to live in tall grass. When they get hungry the move out of the tall grass and into homes. It means the neighbors aren't complaining about an eyesore of a home. From what I can tell, the place doesn't need major repairs from neglect or the tenant running their car into a fence or exterior wall.

If the house is lived-in on the inside, I am totally fine with that. My house is lived-in!

I just don't want the place to look like it is falling apart. I want to keep my investments in good condition.

The Truth Will Set You Free (of a Place to Live)

A few weeks ago Mrs. Martin voluntarily told me she was sending the rent. When it never showed up, she said she was sending a second rent check, because I never received the first.

What are the odds we believe cash-strapped untruthful Mrs. Martin really did just happen to pop a "second check" in the mail? Maybe slightly higher than a blizzard here in Mesa Arizona next August?

On Thursday I texted Mrs. Martin (because she refuses to take my calls or respond to my e-mail) to ask what day she sent the second check. I got a slightly incoherent text back saying she owed someone money so she will send the full rent next week on payday.

Yea she owes someone money. Me! And maybe the only person she should feel a greater responsibility to paying first is maybe Guido the Knee-Breaking Loan Shark. Maybe. As a mother, I have to tell you, I would pay for the roof over my kids' heads first before I paid Guido. But, that is just me.

But no matter, Mrs. Martin sealed her own fate with that note of truthfulness. I am not running a charity. My patience packed its bags and left town months ago. Instead I opted to show her exactly what I thought of her tremendous display of honesty and lack of regard for a place to live. She is being served an eviction notice.

By Alabama law, she has 10 days to get me the rent--which happens to fall into the timeline she has promised it to me. If I don't get it, we all know what happens then.

Whoppers

Very early in my Alabama landlord career, Mr. Smith told me he deposited his rent--in cash--into my bank account. The money didn't show in my account. When I asked him about it, he told me that he couldn't find the receipt but assured me the money was there.

After the bank searched for two days, they couldn't trace that transaction. I brought this to Mr. Smith's attention. He offered to redeposit the money into my account (this time with a cashier's check and he gave me a receipt). He calmly explained when the first rent money he deposited finally showed up, just let him know and I could pay him back.

Now, if the bank lost that kind of money, I wouldn't be that calm. I would be raising all kinds of hell. Not Mr. Smith. He never flinched.

When this happened, I marveled at how someone could blatently lie and expect to get away with it. Knowing him the way I do, I am certain he really thought I believed his story--and still do.

There is no point in questioning the integrity of a liar. You already know the answer. Instead of Mr. Smith just saying, "Hey, I will get you the rent three days later" (which is what this ordeal amounted to), he told a whopper, completely discrediting himself, damaging any future relationship and ensuring I thought him a liar.

Most of my tenants tell the truth about rent. I am more likely to hear, "I will get it to you Tuesday" than I am to hear, "I sent it" when they really didn't. If they just aren't going to pay up, they don't call me back or go to any effort.

I will rarely call someone a liar. And, I am darn sure of this standing before I do. I don't believe for a moment Mrs. Martin sent me a check a couple of weeks ago like she said she did. She may have sent one last week. Or, she may have sent one this week after I suggested in my voice mail that she was a bit lacking on the truth. If I am wrong, I will post it.

The difference between Mr. Smith and Mrs. Martin is that Mrs. Martin didn't start out this way. There was a time when if she said something, it was true. Now her credibiity is gone. She may have the best of intentions. And she may be on the straight and narrow path from this point forward. But, I will never know. She will always be from here on out, a tenant who didn't tell the truth.

I So Need a *^%@* Vacation

Wednesday, I sent an exaggeratedly terse e-mail to a mortgagee I never hear from, accusing them of not being current. Apparently they are. Oops. My bad. Yes, I apologized. Yes I am an idiot. Yes, I need a vacation.

Good Bye to Him and Good Luck to Us

My current favorite tenant is leaving--which looses him favorite tenant status. He rents out the house Jack and I own together. He is one of my favorites because his rent is always early, he doesn't call me when the bathroom towel bar falls off and every time I drive by the place is immaculate.

He is leaving for financial reasons. And, he has been pretty great about the whole thing, offering to clean it before he goes and even offering to show it.

I don't want him showing it to potential tenants. Who knows if I am his favorite landlord. Or, if he has a long-standing personality issue with Jack. Or if the dishwasher never worked right and he forgot to mention it and bothers to tell the new potential tenant. Or if he manipulated me somehow and I didn't know it and here are some potential tips for the next tenant. But the real reason is Jack and I are licensed agents and we want to keep our licenses. That means we show it--or more to the point, Jack shows it. Safer that way.

Jack has already listed the house on Craig's list and put it on our own web site. Hopefully it won't be vacant too long.

The Belligerent Toddlers

I am convinced that my motherhood training has ultimately led me to this moment--dealing with my terrible twosome. Just like my own kids, one needs a stronger hand, one needs a gentler hand, same with Mr. Richards and Mrs. Martin.

I heard from both tenants on Monday. Mr. Richards called to tell me yes, he sent the rent. Here is when I could expect the next installment. As far as he was concered, he was ready for me to give him a gold star.

I also heard from Mrs. Martin, who, like every other month for the past several, can't seem to figure out where the stamp goes on the envelope, what my mailing address happens to be and where a post office is located in her city.

However, yesterday's voice mail apparently scared her enough that she is now going to send me a "second check" which is a loan from her parents. The "second check" is because I didn't get the "first check" that she voluntarily said she sent two weeks ago and I still haven't received. I should get this "second check" later this week. And, would I please call her immediately when this "second check" comes in because she would like to leave the time-out corner.

Ok, This Wasn't Me

Just for the record...

A woman called Dave Ramsey's radio show today. She has 14 properties in Birmingham Alabama and was at the end of her rope. She had a lot of drama around her situation. Things are breaking. Renters are not paying. Property values have dropped. She was ready to "give up" and go bankrupt. Her call to Dave Ramsey was to ask what she should do.

I did not make this call. I have mostly good renters. I am not giving up--even if property values are down. My drama is condensed to Ms. Betty's latest antics. If all else fails, I have my theraputic blog.

I don't know the ins and outs of her situation, but I suspect there is more to her story and her decisions than the two minute call. All the best to her.

Southern Speak

I can't believe I said this.

While speaking to James, the Hell's-Angels-Turned-Carpet-Installer today, I was telling him I want a quote on my soon to be vacant home. I said, "My tenant is moving out in a few weeks. So, sit tight and I will holler at you in due time."

The Terrible Twosome

As I am writing this, it is quite possible my three readers will deem me stupid or naive or both. It isn't that they wouldn't be accurate. Those thoughts certainly have gone through my mind.

However, there is a method to my madness. Essentially: it is easier to threaten, cajole and badger than it is to pay for an eviction. Besides, experience tells me everything seems to work out in the long run. Though not always in my favor.

Last Friday I woke up with the same feeling of dread I always get when I have to deal with Mrs. Martin and Mr. Richards. My real feeling is Mr. Richards will be ok. Only if I nag him to the point he pays up. The jury is out on Mrs. Martin.

Mr. Richards was supposed to pay me the latest installment of rent on the 20th (yes, he has paid me since my last posting about him). On Friday I called to confirm it was coming. I still haven't heard back. I called again today and repeated my message, also reiterating if I did not hear from him I would have him served and that would cost him as well. So, call back and tell me you sent it or give me a ton of excuses as to why not. Just call back.

When I call Mr. Richards, I am always very careful to be polite. Even when I am seriously annoyed, I am polite. My feeling is once the gloves are off with this man, the relationship will immediately deteriorate. So, if I keep it cordial, I have a better chance of accomplishing my goal: get rent or get him out. And, I don't really care which one right now.

Mr. Richards hasn't called me back as of yet. For all I know, there is a check waiting in my PO Box. Which is fine. He isn't my most annoying tenant as of today. So, until he hits that point, he can limp along. But the writing is on the wall. And we all know it.

Mrs. Martin is a whole different story. She was caught up (more or less) and then rent came due again. The day rent was due, she sent me an e-mail saying she was sending half of it and the rest at the end of the month. I haven't gotten the first half. If she hadn't purposely told me she was sending money she wasn't intending to send, I would feel much better about her. But, to intentionally mislead me puts her in the same category as Mr. Smith.

I called Mrs. Martin this morning. Someone picked up and immediately the phone disconnected. Hm... I suspect she has caller ID. I called again and left a voice mail for her. As cordial as I am keeping Mr. Richards, I am not paying Mrs. Martin the same courtesy. Mr. Richards didn't lie to me about sending money. Besides, Mrs. Martin is the type who needs her butt kicked.

In my voice mail (which probably will be deleted without her listening to it) I told Mrs. Martin that I was through "working with" her. And, I would appreciate a call back to find out if she was moving out or if she was going to send the money like she said she would. I am sure I won't hear from her. She is getting served. The writing is on the wall for Mrs. Martin too. And, I am ready for that one to end.

I Always Ask

By the way, one of the great things about having vendors who know you is that they will give you an inside scoop on your tenants.

For example, last week when Clay was working on the air conditioner at Mrs. Waterford's home, he gave me a report. Mrs. Waterford's home is clean, well kept up. The air filter was changed. The dog hasn't destroyed the yard and the carpets are immaculate.

I asked.

Note to Tenants:

Dear Tenants,

Arizona doesn't acknowledge daylight savings. Please understand, when you called in the past few months at 8 a.m. your time, it was 7 a.m. my time. Now when you call at 8 a.m. it is 6 a.m.

At 7 a.m. in my home, only Marty Sunshine is moving around. He isn't always cheerful at that hour. At 6 a.m. Marty is going to make me answer the phone. I guarantee I won't be cheerful. Please consider this your warning.

Thank you,
The Landord

Ms. Popularity

Yesterday morning, I was one popular landlord.

One of my favorite tenants is moving out. Drat! I am sorry to see him go. He wants out of his lease early because essentially he can't afford the rent any more. I like this scenario a lot better than having me hunt him down next month when he is hard on his luck. Or worse, him deciding just to live there indefinitely for free.

Before I gave him an answer, I asked him some basic questions: What kind of condition could I expect to find the house in when they move out? Were there any repairs? Did the dog do any damage I should know about? Were there any unfortunate bathroom fires that were never reported? Was there a meth lab in the garage I need to know about before I re-rent the house? You know, the very basics.

Yes, I will let him out of the lease. But, I won't give him his deposits back. He is breaking the lease.

Also yesterday morning, Mrs. 508 called asking for advice. Apparently she thinks I moonlight as a counselor. She even told me I should. I happen to like Mrs. 508, so talking to her doesn't bother me. However, the real reason for her call was to confirm when the rent was really due (check the lease!).

Mr. Partner once mentioned contracts are for when times aren't good. Not for when times are easy. This is so true.

Incidentally, Mrs. 508 and I are now on the same page about the whole rent thing. Somehow, she was just under the mistaken illusion she had a few extra weeks before the rent came due. I am sure this happens all the time with tenants who have lived in my home for MORE THAN A YEAR. I can see how this can get confusing. Nevertheless, despite her delusions, Mrs. 508 is pretty ok.

I also got my weekly e-mail from Ms. Betty. This time the furnace isn't working right. But, I am sure Clay can handle it. Which is what I told her. Call his company.

The dishwasher delivery folks looking for Ms. Betty also called me from Ms. Betty's home. They couldn't get in touch with her. And, if they didn't hear from her in the next ten minutes they were hauling the dishwasher back to the store. Turns out she was in the house. I am pleased to say Ms. Betty got her dishwasher.

In addition to all this, Mr. Partner e-mailed me with tons of questions. When could he do his taxes? When would he be getting an update? When was the price of coconuts in Madagascar going back up? Ok, maybe not that last question. Maybe.

The PIA Factor

Lately, last week in particular, major home repairs have been the norm. It makes me wonder if I can expect the phone call at 2 a.m. saying the toilet overflowed. Now I would appreciate, before we go any further, if we could just stop for a moment and say a silent prayer that I don't get that phone call. Not that it would matter. It would go to voice mail.

I don't mind home repairs. Especially because I am not being expected to perform them. I can paint a wall or two. But, it is a bit of a stretch to ask me to install a dishwasher. Though I hate to say it, I probably could.

What I find interesting--especially when I talk with people who have thought about dabbling in rental properties--is last week's antics are what freak out potential landlords. I don't always think the panic is about the money they have to put out to fix these things. That, of course, is never fun. But more about the mind set that something is out of their control.

This past week there were a lot of repairs. Usually I have a repair every couple of months. I know it is just part of doing business. Maintenance happens. Just like if it were your own home or car. I would just appreciate if it didn't happen all in one week.

Last week:

Ms. Betty got her white, non-Bosch dishwasher. Except the major retailer I purchased it from won't install the damn thing (give you a hint: the employees wear orange aprons). Mr. Betty volunteered. I am going to let him. After all, if I think I can install it, how hard could it be?

Mrs. Waterford had some problem with the air conditioner that is too long and boring to explain in my patch of cyber space. In girl speak: it stopped working. Her repair took me by a surprise because the home (and air conditioner) wasn't that old. Nevertheless, I was able to call my buddy Clay the AC Guy who came to the rescue. Because I am such a good customer, he cut me a break when I asked him to reduce the price a bit.

The bees are back at Ms. Robin's now home. I haven't heard the overall solution to her dilema yet. I did hear Mr. Robin was stung. Sorry about that. Hopefully I will get some sort of answer of the best course of bee erratication soon.

Getting these repairs done weren't really that expensive in the grand scheme of things. Our rents cover the repairs (though don't leave for much else other than the mortgage payments). I have some expenses (or in the case of the dishwasher, a capital improvements) to deduct from taxes next year. And, because I acted quickly, I have happy tenants.

His Final Offer

Mr. Richards wants a new lease.

He is using an unusual negotiation technique. It is akin to a teen ager telling his partents, ok... I will only borrow your car if I can be home by curfew, drive the speed limit and I insist on filling up the tank before I return the car to you. This is my final offer.

And, me saying, Ok, you will only borrow your car if you are home by curfew, drive the speed limit, fill up the tank and wash it before you return the car to me.

You see, Mr. Richard's lease isn't up. I have never fully grasped why he thinks this is the case. But if he wants a new lease. I am happy to oblidge. Because in his old lease, I didn't have the foresight to include remedies to Mr. Richard's-prone behaviors that drive me out of my mind.

In the mean-time, I am holding his new lease out of arm's reach, telling him I am waiting for the full rent to come in before I give in. As soon as he is caught up (which according to him is in a few weeks and so far he is doing really well with getting caught up), I will pass out his new and improved lease.

What am I Supposed to Do With This?

My quest to have ONE week without Ms. Betty contacting me failed again. On Sunday I got the following e-mail. This was the entire note:

We cleaned the whole building out and went to the dump the yard is clean we will cut the grass next weekend

Never have I had any tenants make a point to tell me when they are doing yard work. Except Mrs. 508--but that was a special circumstance--I asked.

All her grammar issues aside. Seriously, what am I supposed to do with this? Is there a hidden subtext? Is this a test? If I don't write back have I failed?

If I do write back and say something like, "Gee, good to know. Thanks" will that be the right thing to say? Will she feel the need to send me more rude e-mails if I don't say "Wow! Good for you!" with the right amount of enthusiasm?

And, why tell me about the lawn? We don't chat. We aren't friendly. And, I am not sure I even like her any more. I don't contact her when I am doing dishes. I don't see a need to share with her when I am folding laundry. All of this familiarity is weirding me out.

When I asked Marty what the correct thing to do was, he said, "post it on your blog."

News

Although I could bore you with tomes of drama related to Marty Sunshine's layoff and how running an accidental business in Alabama is affected by this, I won't. However, I will give you the highlights.

One highlight was watching the dawn of realization streak across Mr. Partner's face when he started adding up the realities: Business is seriously under capitalized + Marty Sunshine's job going away = HOLY COW! THERE IS NO SAFETY NET IF WE GET HIT WITH ANOTHER SET OF DEADBEATS LIKE WE DID LAST SUMMER.

Mr. Partner catching on was a relief. I didn't have to spell out the possible disaster scenarios to him. I had already gone through these things in my head a dozen times. I didn't want to vocalize them and have Mr. Partner add possible disaster scenarios I hadn't thought of.

The other highlight of our drama was when the company Marty works for offered him a job in Seattle. The one in Washington.

Just so you know, Seattle is MUCH farther from Alabama than Arizona is. Not only would we have the run-of-the mill annoyances that come with moving, we would have the added business related annoyances--like figuring out how to transfer my corporation to another state, changing the PO Box and the fact there are no banks in Seattle that are also located in Birmingham. So, even though Seattle sounds green and a lot cooler in the summer than it is here, it wasn't our first choice.

But, Marty never wavered. He was positive and upbeat. So it wasn't a surprise to him when he got offered another position with his company. This one in Mesa Arizona. We don't have to move. We don't have to uproot our lives. For the next year or so, we are staying put.

A Quick Tip

In the recent months, I added the following clause to my lease:

Any evidence of the manufacturing or sale of illegal substances on the premises or any arrest and conviction related to the manufacturing or sale of illegal substances will result in immediate termination of this lease. The tenant will be held financially responsible for the abatement and any legal costs related to the abatement of the property if illegal substances are found on the premises.

If you are a landlord, I recomend adding this to your lease. Meth labs are bad news. Cover your assets folks.

Stop the Madness

I am not exaggerating when I say Ms. Betty calls, or now e-mails, at least once a week (if I am lucky only once a week). There are a lot of annoying things that happen on a weekly basis. She is the most consistent of the annoying things.

Sometimes she isn't annoying. Sometimes she has legitimate issues. Like needing my address AGAIN today. Or the fact the dishwasher is leaking all over the floor. I can see those items as legit.

In the event you ever think you might want to rent to Ms. Betty, let me give you a snippet of a conversation a couple of months ago:

Ms. Betty: We need to get an electrician out here. The outlet in the bedroom doesn't work.
Me: What's wrong with it?
Ms. B: There is no electricity getting to the lamp.
Me: Have you replaced the bulb in the lamp?
Ms. B: No ma'am. I am sure it is the outlet.
Me: Could you try the bulb anyway just to be sure.
Ms. B: Yes ma'am. Hold on for a moment.
Me: Waiting... Humming to myself and wondering how much money I am spending on cell minutes
Ms. B: (returning to the phone hours later) Well, it looks like it was the bulb after all.

Her e-mail today gave me a chance to let her know that I may not make it to the bank in a timely manner next week, so it might be best to send a money order. She didn't rip my head off for that. Instead she took the liberty to tell me she priced stainless steel high end dishwashers for me. How nice. I was thinking more along the lines of something in the Amana/Kenmore variety. White.

The Real Lessons from Fergie

I have two tenants right now who are teetering. To them, their situations are unique. But, really they aren't. I have seen both types of tenants fail before. And, I have seen both types succeed. Right now, with rent coming in and both being (more or less) upfront with me, I would put them closer to the succeed category. But not by much. All I really want is for them to pay or for them to voluntarily move out and clean up when they go. Either is fine by me.

I should clarify. I have other tenants who are also struggling, but they don't make it my problem.

Both of these people didn't start out teetering. Circumstances changed while they were living under my roof. Because they are my only two troublemakers, I take this as a positive sign that I am getting better at picking tenants.

There are people like Fergie, like Wayward, like the Good Pastor who have helped me along the way. They have made it possible for me to hone my tenant screening process. They have made it possible for me to continually perfect my ideal of what a good tenant looks like. I am sure there will be others who challenge my good tenant ideal, but I am getting much better at weeding the garden.

Through these experiences I have learned to set standards. I do not discriminate on any of the Federal Fair Housing protected classes. I do not know what color, religion or ethnicity my tenants are. Nobody is every going to be able to say I didn't rent to them because they were black, Hispanic or had purple polka-dots on their skin. I just don't know what these folks look like. And, I don't care.

I now have written standards that I use for screening. I look at debt ratios. If you bring home $2500 a month and are currently paying out more than 55 percent of that, you won't be renting to me. Your bills are too high. The likelihood you will be calling me one month telling me rent is late because you had to buy pencils is pretty high.

I look at what you have done to former landlords. If your credit is stellar but you have burned a landlord, you will never rent from me. Ever. This is something I started looking at in the past couple of years. If I had done this sooner, Wayward never would have rented from me. She had three evictions prior to mine. Now she has a monetary judgement against her and her wages are being garnished. I don't feel the least bit sad about this. I do call past landlords. With my most recent tenant, I called all of her past landlords. One said he was impressed at how thorough I was. I explained my logic. He told me he would start calling too. We landlords have to stick together.

I look at their history of paying. I do this by checking credit. A monetary judgement doesn't scare me. One of my best tenants right now has a monetary judgement from a hospital against her for a car accident several years earlier. She is paying it. That's why she is renting.

Of course things happen to put one in this situation. And, yes, I do take into consideration life events that change and cause great strife. I do understand people die, there are divorces and there are job losses. I get that. I have always been sympathetic to this. I am not talking about those folks.

I am talking about the ones who don't have realistic expecations about paying their bills. What I don't like to see is lots of monetary judgements for little things. If you have judgements against you from the cellphone company, the power company and the credit card company, you probably are going to struggle to pay the rent. And, you are telling me your credit score and personal integrity aren't that important to you. You are also telling me I can expect you not to leave if you can't pay your way. I have enough drama in my life right now, thankyouverymuch.

The Fergie Subtext

It isn't that I am self righteous about money. I am just naive. If someone tells me they have to make a decision between a package of pencils or their rent, I take this literally.

It wasn't until very recently I understood what all of my tenants who gave me these kinds of excuses really were saying. These folks didn't want to come out and say, they just didn't have the rent money. But that was the gist.

Now I understand. When they called me with lame excuses, I would make unhelpful suggestions. "Couldn't your kids just use an old pencil or buy one pencil for a quarter from the school's librarian?" I really thought I was being helpful. After all, if they could get this little dilemma resolved, I would have my rent money and all of us would be happy.

If I searched the Internet, I would probably find somewhere a handy guide on how to dodge the landlord when the rent is due. Perhaps there is even a blog such as this one, covering this particular topic.

However, assuming that all of the tenants of the world in Fergie's situation world aren't in cahoots, I think there is a certain amount of predictable human behavior that goes along with being in a situation where you can't pay your rent. Tenants who are short tend to over promise and under deliver. Once they have used that ploy up (because if they follow through, they can use it again), they start avoiding the landlord. I believe the thinking goes like this, if I don't answer the door/phone/telepathic signals, the landlord will just forget all about me. It isn't a character flaw. These tenants just don't feel they have any other recourse.

Most of the ones who struggle are just trying to work their way out of the hole they have dug. Generally they are optimistic--and borderline unrealistic--about their chances. Instead of just cutting their losses, they stay. It is easier to stay and work something out with the landlord than to uproot their family and scrape together new rental and utility deposits.

These particular folks aren't deadbeats in my book until they stop trying and start living in my home for free. The transition happens once the mindset becomes "landlord must be rich and I am going to stay here until the sheriff comes and kicks me out" game. Those folks are the deadbeats.

The Fergie Basics

Fergie was my second bad tenant. The first only lasted two months and I don't remember her being annoying. Even as green as Marty and I were, neither of us expected our first tenant to last. Fortunately, she didn't.

Fergie, however, was a trip. As it was inconceivable to me how someone could put school supplies over a place for their children, I just did not get her. Now of course, I understand better. What she was really saying was she put all her other bills and expenses--including pencils--in front of her ability to pay rent. Essentially, there was a lot of month left over after her pay check.

I am glad Fergie was an Arizona tenant, because I think I would have gone over the emotional edge if this were my first true experience with a bad tenant and I was remote. Bad tenants eat up more of my emotional energy. They require more handholding. More prodding. More phone calls. Essentially, bad tenants really suck. But because Fergie was local, it was easier to get in touch with her. The times I showed up on her doorstep were a shock. It isn't as easy to waltz over to Mr. Richard's house from here and bang on his door.

I learned a lot from Fergie. I learned never to allow a tenant access to my bank account. For example, because Fergie lived about 30 miles away, I thought it would be easier if Fergie could directly deposit her rent money into my bank account once a month than me wait for her to mail the check. We banked at the same place, how much of a pain could this be? Fergie, who understood the system better than I, realized if she put in a portion of her rent payment into my bank account, that was the same as me accepting a partial rent payment.

A quick word to the wise: according to Legal Eagle and the Arizona Landlord Tenant Act, if a landlord deposits a partial payment from a tenant, it is the landlord agreeing to a reduced rent. Essentially, all bets are off. The tenant gets to stay another month.

So, if Fergie was short, she would put in half the rent money into my bank account and then call me at some obscure hour when she knew she would get my voice mail to tell me the rest was coming in two weeks. If it didn't come, there wasn't much I could do about it. In truth, it always came. Fortunately, Fergie was good about that. But, her methods had me over a barrel. Obviously in hind-sight I should have closed the account and stopped this.

I also learned a lot about tenant law. At one point, Fergie left me a voice mail (at the aforementioned obscure hour), telling me she was giving me 30 days notice she was leaving. She informed me she was expecting her deposits back.

After frantically looking up landlord-tenant law, I was able to explain to Fergie that she was in a lease. Therefore, she was obligated to fulfill the terms of the lease and would owe me the rent money if she moved out. She also would not get her deposits back if she broke the lease. Fergie called back at a reasonable hour and threatened to sue me if I didn't let her out of her lease. Of course her lawsuit had no grounds.

Let's have a moment down memory lane, shall we? Awe... Fergie was my first tenant who threatened to sue me. In case it matters, Ms. Betty, upset about her rent check not being cashed as soon as she would like, is the latest person to threaten to sue me. At any rate, I learned a valuable lesson about crazy deadbeat tenants. They threaten to sue. A lot. However, crazy tenants are generally in the wrong and have no money. Fergie was the only tenant I ever took this seriously from. And then only for about an hour.

I learned sometimes it is better just to let go. I eventually did let Fergie out of her lease. I had had enough. The games were getting old. And, I knew the house was worth a lot more than I paid for it. I wanted to sell.

Fergie ended up moving down the street. The landlord called to check out Fergie. I breathed a sigh of releif when the only thing the guy asked was did she leave the house clean. Yes! Yes she did. Three weeks later the new landlord called back to ask if Fergie was a flake. Yes. Yes she is. I remember him saying, "I guess I should have asked that before." Yes! Yes he should have.

Fergie

Fergie was actually one of my early tenants, brought to me through a friend of a friend of my tenant in my first rental home. This was the first home we bought with Vance. Her home, a newish four bedroom stuccoed drab beige home with a pink roof, was in a-then up and coming section of Phoenix, where she wanted to live to be near family and friends.

At the time I hooked up with Fergie, I didn't recognize the signs of a bad renter. I can honestly say, if Fergie and I crossed paths today, I wouldn't need her application to know she would be trouble. Now, I realize warning signs were bright enough to land a 747 on a foggy night.

Fergie was a single mother who wanted the best for her and her children. An opportunity came along for her to live in a home that was in her means--if she budgeted accordingly--and she took it.

I should say, Fergie really tried. That is, tried to keep the roof over her head and more to the point, tried my patience. The real issue was Fergie's lifestyle were much higher than her monthly income. I suspect there are many people I run across who fall into this category. I can spot them better now than I could then.

From about month three, Fergie would call every month some new crisis that would make the rent late. It was always something that, if she had put a roof for her children first in her priorities, would have kept her as a thorn in my side much longer.

My favorite excuse for why her rent was going to be late was when she called me to tell me she was short because she had to buy school supplies for her kids. “What school supplies do you need?” I had asked. Pencils. She replied. A pack of pencils didn’t cost a month’s rent, I pointed out.

Eventually, I let Fergie out of her lease. It saved me a lot of grief later on. And, it probably saved her a lot of heartache too. One of the really great things about her was she left me a clean house. And, it was the one Vance and I turned around with a great profit. That profit gave me other homes in Alabama. So, not only did I learn a considerable amount about property management from Fergie, I also was able to expand my business.

Just for the Record

I had never been to Birmingham Alabama until after I purchased several rental homes there. (Someone recently asked).