Empty Nest

I hate to sound paranoid, but my dear Legal Eagle is MIA. She went on vacation last month. She returned. We talked in early August. But suddenly my e-mails are going unanswered. Her voicemail at her office seems to be broken as well. My voicemails to her cell and texts aren't being returned either.

I have found Mr. Smith and I have no way to celebrate with her. Before one jumps to the conclusion that she is really hiding from me, I would like to point out, that finding Mr. Smith financially benefits her too. So maybe she is hiding, but not for this.

Then, there is this thing I can't write about (yet). I am looking at taking matters into my own hands. I really, really, really want her input before I dig any deeper into it. I never feel comfortable doing anything big, scary and different over there without her or Attorney Jon's blessing. This is definitely one for her--even if it costs me $285 an hour.

I am at the point now where I am more concerned about her safety and welfare as well as that of her firm's. Is she ok? Is her firm a product of Birmingham's crummy economy? All sorts of scenarios have been playing into my head. I have done a quick search in the Birmingham business paper, as well as the Birmingham News looking to see if her name, or the name of her company pops up. Nothing. That's good.

I have done all the sane things one wants to do when looking for someone. I am now toying with the bizarre. For example, a cousin (whom I have never personally met, but have spoken with on the phone on a few occasions and have e-mailed back and forth through the course of the year) of a former tenant is my Facebook friend. This cousin works at Legal Eagle's son's school. I have thought about giving the cousin a message for Legal Eagle. This idea seems to gravitate somewhere between completely tacky and outrageously out-of-line.

I have also looked Legal Eagle up on Facebook. But it appears she has one of those ultra-high privacy settings on. You know, maybe it is time to Friend her when I find her--just so this doesn't happen again. I haven't seen anything from Emily Post discussing if it is highly inappropriate to Friend your legal counsel if they were your lawyer before they were your real friend. Somehow this just seems taboo.

I have tried other social media searches too. She isn't on Linkedin. She isn't on Twitter--at least not using the e-mail address I have for her. My guess, knowing her, is Legal Eagle isn't going near anything that digitally tweets.

Sometimes she reads my blog--but that usually happens when I tell her I wrote about her. I would tell her I wrote about her right now if I could contact her.

I suppose if I am really desperate I could send a letter to her office... That sounds so civilized. I am not desperate yet. Maybe after Labor Day. Right now I am somewhere between a worried furrowed brow and contacting a perfect stranger who might teach Legal Eagle's son. Essentially, I am just blogging.

Last time Legal Eagle changed law firms she found me. She actually assumed she was going to represent me in the future and took my files with her when she moved. She called me about a month later to tell me where she was. I was ok with that. I am guessing if she moved, she will eventually do it again when she settles in.

I know there is some point where I can go to the Alabama BAR Association and look up her information. I might do that if I don't hear from her.

And though I appreciate her legal advice, a million times more than that, I consider her my friend. I really want to make sure she, those important to her, her job and anything else that might be suseptiable to ickiness into her life is protected. I am really just hoping she has gotten busy, all is ok and I am just being extra paranoid.

The Best Worst Renter

Mrs. Sherwood sent her rent check to me. Except she pre-dated it until December. I truly believe--and did so from the second I saw the check--it was an accident. (I recently accidentally wrote a check for Aug. 14, 2000. It happens.)

When I called her, Mrs. Sherwood went into crisis mode. Did I want the money immediately deposited in my account? Did I want to change the date on the check and fake her initials? Did I want her to wire the money to me? Or, did I want her to hop on a plane, fly out to Phoenix and personally deliver cash to me?

She then apologized for being my "worst renter." Mind you, this is the same woman who made me swear I would never buy her an oven--because her family would then expect her to cook. So, if I ever thought about replacing the broken oven, she was moving out.

I love Mrs. Sherwood blogs. They have happy endings.

I'm Not Getting the "Confused" Vibe from Her

Great Lies Through History:

Apples are good for you.
No, your butt doesn't look fat.
It's not you, it's me.

Ms. Shirley's Great Lies:

The Roof Is Leaking

I Mailed the Check

I am Not a Liar

And the one below:

The latest came on Wednesday when Ms. Shirley called me responding to my e-mail.

You might remember, Ms Shirley's check got "lost in the mail" in May. She was quick to offer me solutions on how to fix her situation, so I let her. In this case, her solution was to pay me the additional $500 by August. She even sent me an e-mail saying as much.

August has come and is almost gone, and I haven't seen my money. So, I e-mailed her--with her e-mail to me from two months ago still attached.

Ms. Shirley then telephoned me and called me by my first name. I responded by calling her by her last name. To her credit, she immediately caught the subtext and jumped to the purpose for her call.

And I quote, "I am confused by your e-mail. Was I supposed to pay that $500?"

The reason I cut Ms. Shirley some slack to begin with was because at the time, I was shooting for a stress-free summer. I was willing to work with a tenant of two years, with a guaranteed income instead of sending her to the curb. Besides, I am not too keen on taking a chance Mr. 114 won't like his new next door neighbor. And if he doesn't like who is living next door, I probably won't either.

During our call, completely bypassing the fact, I wasn't confused and re-read her e-mail she sent me from months ago, Ms. Shirley went on to tell me her electric bill has been high, she needs dental work and her son is back in school so there are extra expenses with that.

I explained we have a contract, and I am disappointed that there seems to be some miscommunication about honoring the contract. I explained this puts me in a precarious position with my business partner, who does not take kindly to folks who don't do what they say they are going to do. Not that he knows anything about this particular issue.

That got her. In fact, Ms. Shirley has since sent me another e-mail stating the $500 is coming by the end of September. I would be really pleased if there is no confusion on this one.

In Perspective

Ms. Angie sent me an e-mail on Monday. She is selling Mary Kay Cosmetics. Her concern is the lease states she can't operate a business out of her house. She wanted me to know there is some sort of building on the other side of Birmingham where she is conducting her transactions, so she isn't working from home.

I explained my definition of a "home based business" is manufacturing bullets in the garage or arc welding metal furniture in the basement. Yes, I know of both first hand (though neither were my tenants). Those things scare me.

Stockpiling mascara, not so much.

Today's Shout Out

There are great friends throughout history:

Laverne and Shirley
Lucy and Ethel
Thelma and Louise
Bliz and Me
Long ago, while sitting on the bleachers at a high school football game, this pretty girl with brown eyes and perfect poofy 1980s hair, turned around and said, "You are in my chemistry class."

I guessed so. It was my second week of school, and my third high school in as many years. I didn't really know anyone.

She then said, "You just moved in down the street from me."

I guessed so too.

So, Bliz, left the people she was sitting with, scooted up one bleacher to talk to me and offered me a ride to school on Monday.

And thus, a great friendship was born.

Happy Birthday my dear friend. I hope you have a great day and many more birthdays to come.

Clean, Move-In Ready, Poor Credit Considered, 4 Bedrooms, 2 Baths, Fireplace, Den, AC/Heater 1 Year Old, New Carpeting

I did the math. And, as much as it pained me to do so, I lowered the rent on the home in Fultondale.

And, though a move-in special might have been the way to attract lots of potential tenants, because I have to pay Kirby a leasing fee, retainer fee and his property management fee I actually loose more money with a move-in special. Lowering the rent means--if I get a tenant soon--I will actually get some money in my pocket before October. A move-in special means I see something perhaps by November.

For now, we have the money to cover September's mortgage. So, I guess I am not officially super desperate. Just moderately desperate.

Kirby is getting calls, but no bites. Because he is too Southern, he hasn't said he is sick of this. But, I am guessing he is. Friday he suggested I lower the rent to about $200 less than it has been rented for in the past two years. I might get a long-term renter that way. However, I might just break even if everything works properly. The first thing that broke would put us over budget.

With the management fee, taxes going up next year and whatever other challenges, I would have to raise the rent next year anyway. Kirby's $200/month reduction would mean I skate this year and pay for it next year. Besides, I want a long-term renter who is willing to pay more now. It is a nice home. In a nice area. I can't believe I am having so much trouble finding this lovely person who thinks my house is as charming as I do.

So, I went ahead and lowered it $100 instead. I can live at $100 a month less for a few years.

That said, Marty and I have talked. We know the gamble. If all else fails, in two weeks, we will have a rent reduction and a move-in special.

But I hope not.

A Tenant In Hand

So, Jeff and Alyson are short selling their home. For those who don't know what that means: a short sale is when you are selling it for less than you owe. The bank has to agree. Also, there has to be a legitimate reason: like a hardship related to loss of income, illness or something equally icky. Jeff and Alyson aren't late-late on their payments and have been keeping the auction at bay. However, they are struggling with their personal issues and a short sale was the answer they were looking for.

In walk my clients: Mitch and Tonya. Mitch and Tonya are buying Jeff and Alyson's town home as an investment property for cash. They were thrilled when Jeff and Alyson asked if they could stay and re-rent the home back. It meant Mitch and Tonya don't have to scramble to find a tenant in mid-September. In fact, not only do my clients have a built-in tenant, but Jeff and Alyson are super-duper clean, responsible and have demonstrated they take care of their home. Even if they are in the process of loosing it.

And of course, if things were just this simple, I wouldn't be writing.

Here is where it got a bit sketchy. Jeff and Alyson say they don't really have the money for the deposits and first month's rent. If they move somewhere else, they will have to come up with it. But, with Mitch and Tonya out of state, who is to say Jeff and Alyson will actually vacate the home mid-September when the home closes? And, who is to say they won't take everything nailed down with them?

Jeff and Alyson don't seem to be the type. But, there is always that risk.

Mitch would like above market rent, a deposit and a litany of other things from these guys. Tonya just wants renters. Mitch called me, appealing to my inner landlord, saying "It's just a simple business decision, right?"

I sided with Tonya.

Though I am the first to reject anyone who doesn't have rent and deposits--before they move in--what we have in this case is a tailor-made tenant, ready to stay. Jeff and Alyson already live here. They take great care of the place. To me, that is worth maybe a half-month free. Nope, that is worth a heck of a lot more than a half-month.

The difference between people coming in upfront and saying they are broke, and those who already live there and have demonstrated a standard of care to the property is night and day. If they were ready to move in and did this, I wouldn't play.

Mitch's position is if they don't want to come up with the deposit and rent, let them move out.

Mitch will then get the locks changed, advertise the house for rent, let it sit vacant for a few weeks and then spin the roulette wheel for a tenant who is willing and able to move in the last three months of the year. Also, he will be getting at least $150 less per month.

And, because Mitch does not live here, if these people move, he has to pay for cleaning and maintenance. I don't change locks. I get people in touch with locksmiths. I don't clean client's homes so it can be shown (even if they live out of state), but I can put them in touch with people who do.

I have a job. Staging a rental home for free isn't in my union. And, if you are a real estate agent, I know you are bobbing your head up and down right now, because you know what we have been asked to whore ourselves out to do.

I do advertise and show rental homes. And for that I will get a small stipend when it rents. That's ok. But, this town home is in the far-east part of Mesa, not terribly close to a large portion of the population or major employers. Also, there are 18 other town homes in this complex for rent as well. It isn't going to rent in a week.

All this I explained to Mitch. Yes, he can play hard-ball. He might get Jeff and Alyson to balk, getting them to pay. But Jeff and Alyson can go across the street and rent for less money for the same home for a more desperate landlord.

After a bit of consideration--and probably some marital clarity from Tonya--Mitch has decided to go with a renter in the hand. And, just to add to his comfort level, Jeff and Alyson are getting the air conditioner serviced, and they asked for an 18 month lease.

A wise decision under the circumstances.

Ok, Maybe I Would Mind A Gaping Hole In The Roof

I have to tell you, when my phone rings and the name of some random tenant pops up on the caller ID, before I even answer, my stomach lining rips just a little bit more. And, when that call is from a tenant who traditionally doesn't like to call me, and only calls me two weeks after something bad has happened, there isn't any amount of pink stuff that will soothe me.

Until today.

Ms. Kathy called right as I was recovering from my second week of kick boxing classes. I was tempted not to answer because, in class, I had just gotten beaten up by a multi-pierced, 7 month pregnant woman and I wasn't sure I could stand much more. Marty said go for it. "How bad could it be?" he asked.

As a quick back story, Ms. Kathy lives in the home once rented by Mr. Smith. Mr. Smith refused to pay was kicked out, and moved in across the street to live with his wife and children in his wife's father's home. To put Mr. Smith in perspective: I will gladly be beaten to a pulp by a pierced pregnant woman than spend one minute in the same square mile as Mr. Smith.

Ms. Kathy, who heard from Carolsue, that I wasn't a fan of Mr. Smith and owes me money, noticed a big 18 wheeler sitting in the driveway of Mr. Smith's father-in-law's home the other day. So, with nothing better to do, she moseyed over there and got the name of the company for me.

Her call was to pass on what she had learned. After me gushing "thank you, thank you, thank you," for ten minutes, I, in turn, sent over the info to Legal Eagle for her to do her lawyerly magic.

Of course, then Ms. Kathy sprung the downed tree that wrecked her fence two weeks ago on me. But, I didn't care. She could have had a gaping hole in her roof and I don't think I would have been upset.

I have found Mr. Smith's employer.

Problem Child

There was a time when I ranked my problem children:

Wayward
Mr. Smith
Ms. Betty
Mr. Richards
Whomever else is giving me repetitive grief (you read this blog, I am sure I have missed one or six)

The Mrs. Springs, Ms. Angie and Ms. Robins are low on the list. Always.

However right now, without anyone else to particularly focus on, Ms. Robin has managed to gravitate her way to the top of the list. She didn't stop half-way and gasp for air. Nope. Ms. Robin went straight from "hey, I send you the rent, don't bug me" to "problem child" in three months flat.

I hate this.

Yet, here we are.

For the first 18 months they rented from me, they were golden. Now, not so much. It seems Mr. and Mrs. Robin seem to be having a few issues of late. And, because I like them, I have worked with them for the past few months. And yet, the issues aren't clearing up.

I am back to the Mrs. Sherwood dilemma. Do I coddle a good tenant, or cut the strings and let them hang?

I don't expect this house to be too difficult to rent out if the Robins leave. I expect the Robins have taken decent care and I can turn it over pretty quickly. But, I hate to go there. And, after what Wayward Tenant did to that home, I am thrilled at the tender loving care Mr. and Ms. Robin have provided it.

Is it better to have late paying tenants than take the chance at someone like Wayward coming back? Yea, probably.

I also happen to think if they are dealing with rental payment issues, they sure don't have the money to move. So, if things start to get ugly during the, "I really think you should look at making other accommodations" process, who is to say they won't dig their heels in and make me evict them?

Actually, I don't think they are the type. I hope.

But, I would rather they just straightened out their issues and we went back to the way it was before this summer: "Here's the rent. See you next month."

I Wonder If They Also Bake Brownies In Their Spare Time

I might know more than I care to about meth lab abatement and the Alabama laws pertaining to such pursuits. But, if it all the same with you, I would rather not discuss what led me to this obsure knowledge.

I also may or may not have had someone renting from me who decided to convert the attic into a grow house some time in the past. But, I can tell you that I paid a 16 year old kid $75 to climb in the attic, take a bottle of bleach and scrape every rafter, one by one, until they were clean.

Sometime in the past, I added the following clause to my lease:

Any evidence of the manufacturing or sale of illegal substances on the premises or any arrest and conviction related to the manufacturing or sale of illegal substances will result in immediate termination of this lease. The tenant will be held financially responsible for the abatement (if necessary) of the property if illegal substances are found on the premises.

If you ever need the clause, here it is. Consider it a gift.

There are some places where it is legal to grow pot--for medicinal purposes only, I am sure. Fellow Blogger Suellen May, in Fort Collins, CO recently wrote about this. Suellen has brought up a whole 'nuther set of circumstances we can all learn from.

Her really awesome blog is here and the story is below made me sleep with a night light.

Beware of the Potheads

Recently, I advertised an apt for rent in Fort Collins. I have been a landlord for years but a mere year in Colorado, which presents a new potential liability: the caregivers. As I have recently learned, a caregiver is a person who has a license to grow six marijuana plants.

I was familiar with the term. The last time I rented out the apt an applicant had the honesty to let me know they were a "caregiver" and they would need to grow for their patients. I declined.

My decision to reject this potential tenant has nothing to do with my beliefs about marijuana or whether it should be legal; it is just something I don't want on any of my properties. Perhaps naively, I assumed caregivers represented a very minuscule minority of renters. As I am discovering, however, caregivers are spreading far and wide across the state and present a landmine of liability.

Recently, I showed my apt to a young couple who after a brief showing, eagerly indicated that they were "down with it," and what would it take to secure the property? First, last, security deposit, pet deposit, it was all ok with them. Something seemed amiss with the guy and it wasn't just the body odor that would make milk curdle.

When he submitted his application, I was put in touch with Jon the landlord from Boulder. (Yes Boulder, you see where this is going, don't you?) Have they told you that they are caregivers? Jon asked. Really? Jon the landlord said he confronted the couple when he saw a light on in one of the bedrooms at all hours. Apparently those lights to grow leave some monster holes in the wall as well. One would think a person might be forthcoming given such a scenario, but as a landlord, I realize the responsibility is on me to pre-screen, screen, and now there will be a marijuana addendum, essentially indicating that tenants not grow (or smoke) on premises even if it is legal to do so. The addendum was Jon the landlord's idea. Jon seemed well-versed on the caregiving issue since he has ten rentals in Boulder. He actually told me he has left some rentals vacant a couple months just to forgo the pot growers.

And what's the big deal you might say? It is after all legal. Yes and no. It's ok to grow 6 plants but what happens if your tenant decides to grow the 7th or the 100th? Properties do get seized if there are drugs involved, even if said home is not the property of the drug dealer. And although growing marijuana and even consuming marijuana is legal in certain conditions in Colorado, I'm not sure the federal government is on the same page as the State of Colorado. And, in the end, smoking is smoking, and although I haven't checked the stats, my guess is that growers are likely tokers. In my opinion, a savvy landlord in Colorado would be wary of renting to caregivers.

Posted by Suellen May, Realtor at 8:43 PM

Alabama Ironies

Well, it seems that I may have inadvertently swerved a disaster. You might remember the house where the tree branch fell into rush hour traffic recently?

Well, it turns out Friday night, the 100 year old tree at the house next door to my rental fell, landing on a car. I am now thinking the money I paid to cut that tree down was well spent.
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Not three minutes after Mr. Spring received my check for replacing the potty at Ms. Angie's home, did I receive a note from Mrs. Spring. She sweetly thanked me for my prompt payment. She told me Mr. Spring would be happy to do more odd jobs any time. Just say the word.

And then, in a twist of irony, gave me a long story about why rent would be late. And, she hoped I didn't mind.

I do. I mind the timing of the whole thing.

Note to Mrs. Spring, it is in bad form to "be happy to help" with more odd jobs, expect payment right away and then drop a quick, rent-will-be-late-now-that-I-have-helped-you-out e-mail, whether that was your intention or not.
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Kirby sent me an e-mail Friday. It said:

Just got off the phone if you can believe it with a lady that wants to see the house tomorrow after she gets off “WORK”. Sounds pretty promising as she did not flinch at the price. Hopefully I can get an application out of her to see how she looks.

My response:

If she has mastered the basics of common courtesy, is sane, gainfully employed, seems to be telling the truth but needs a little nudging, feel free to work a "move-in special" deal.

Preparing Band-Aid Extraction

Experience tells me (with a few exceptions) the first two weeks of the month tend to net the following types of renters:

1. Those who are looking three months before they need to move, figuring they should start early and expect a landlord to be willing to hold a home for them.
2. Those desperate because they were supposed to be out of their home at the end of last month.
3. Nobody else.

The reason most renters tend to start looking into homes around mid-month because they have a paycheck to cover deposits. Also, traditionally, if people move out on the 31st, landlords don't have their homes cleaned and ready to rent until around the 10th, so inventory tends to be thin until mid-month anyway.

In my case, my tenants in Fultondale moved out mid-month, but truly, my home wasn't ready to even show until the 10th of August. Mr. 114 didn't finish all of his tasks until then. However, it didn't stop me from peppering my own Craig's List ads for the past two weeks. Nor did it stop me from pacing the floor, wondering what the hell Kirby was doing with all of his spare time. Why wasn't he spending it on my house?

Finally on Thursday I broke down and called him. Yes, I really waited 12 days. Kirby had no news for me, other than a few Section 8 folks. He respectfully declined on my behalf.

Kirby and I did bandy around a "move in special" or lowering the rent. But, opted to wait until next weekend and see what kind of results we got. Kirby also knows most people don't look to move the first two weeks of the month.

In a gigantic leap of faith, I gave Kirby the following directive: if you need to lower the rental price next week, do so. If you need a move-in special, do so. If he calls and asks me, I will waffle, sniffle and groan. So, just make it happen.

Think of it like pulling off a band-aid. There really is only one way to successfully accomplish a rent reduction--quickly. It only stings for a moment.

Of course, knowing this is "the" weekend most people will be looking, I am crossing my fingers and toes we won't have to go that rent reduction route. Maybe, just maybe, the sane, gainfully employed prospective tenant is out there looking. But if not, it is better to take $100 less than let it sit vacant another month.

I am Never Visiting Carolsue's Mother

The other day a tenant got a violation from the Birmingham police for their lawn being in disarray. Apparently it hadn't been mowed in a month and needed attention. What happens is if the lawn is not mowed in seven days, I get a nasty-gram and a fine from the City. My lease actually addresses this particular scenario. So, the lawn darn well better get mowed.

As Carolsue and I were discussing this particular issue, Carolsue tells me she heard there is a "snake problem" in Birmingham right now. Just so we are clear, I can handle just about any problem, as long as the modifier "snake" is not in front of it. Roof caving in? No problem! Osama bin Laden taking refuge next door to my my Leeds home? No problem. Snakes? Problem.

The Phoenix metro area tends to be a concrete jungle of streets fashioned in an asphalt grid. The neighborhoods are uniform. The terrain is mostly flat. We are urban. Even in the suburbs. Birmingham however, has rolling hills through three counties, with winding roads and woods. Yes, patches of trees and kudzu are interspersed in random areas. Hence, they have wildlife.

I live in the desert. I have scorpions. My wildlife lives in desert parks, in specific destinations of the city. I am good with that. I am one who firmly believes I can coexist with nature, as long as it is over there.

Carolsue however, burst my blissful bubble with her rendition of a "snake problem." In fact, just to drive the point home, she then told me this bedtime story. A home a few doors down from Carolsue's mother, has a warning sign on the window. Carolsue never really thought much about it until recently.

Apparently the home was repossessed by the bank. And, when the bank's representative went into the home, they found two copperhead snake nests. Not two single snakes, but (shudder) nests.

Of course, the exterminators came. But if a snake just happened to be, I don't know..., taking a nap in the attic, playing hide and go seek inside the walls, lounging in the basement or if it just slithered outside for a quick bite at the particular moment the exterminator was there, I am guessing the snake got away. And, according to Carolsue, snakes tend to go back to where they nested year after year. So, the poor person who buys that home, might have a bit of a challenge.

Carolsue's bit of news has prompted me to send out a note to the tenants this week, reminding my tenants to make sure their grass is cut. I can deal with an awful lot, but snakes are my breaking point.

Tapped Out

Why, oh why do All Bad Things Plumbing seem to happen from May through September? It seems to be a yearly phenomena. Potties never seem to break in February.

Thus far, The Marginally Best Plumber in Birmingham, some guy Harold randomly called, Mr. Spring and a random septic guy have all been out to my homes this summer. And, these are only the ones I know about. For all I know, there have been others and the tenants haven't gotten around to saying, "by the way."

And, while I am on this rant, I just got a bill from The Marginally Best Plumber in Birmingham, who charged me $9.15 for a "korky."

I am not sure what a "korky" happens to be. A small, perky cork? And, if so, I have leftover wine bottles with something akin to "korky" that I could have shipped to them. At the rate the plumbing bills are coming in, I will have lots of these things laying around.

A Zen Kind of Day

"There is no reason to have a Plan B because it distracts from Plan A" --Will Smith

Ok. I am calling it in today. I am totally blessed with no drama right now. That may change in a day or so if Ms. Kathy doesn't return my e-mail or phone call, but right now, everything is peaceful.

Peaceful isn't the same as on track. My "Plan A" has a few serious flaws that haven't been rectified. But, Mr. Partner is still on board. We are working on our undercapitalized issues. But that isn't new. I am thinking about starting a blog to describe entertaining real estate clients I am running into along my undercapitalized issue way (Like the 81 year old woman with neck tattoos... but, I digress).

But, today, all I got is a quote.

So, dear reader(s), please join me as I bask in this peaceful moment of my life and soak up the mundane.

I'm loving it.

Dream a Little Dream

A friend sent me this to me. I admit I have had this fantasy.


Fed-up North Carolina landlord spray paints 'deadbeat tenants' on home for unpaid rent
Associated Press


CHARLOTTE, N.C. - A North Carolina landlord fed up with tenants who didn't pay their rent painted her criticism on the garage for all to see.

WBTV reports that landlord Vanessa McCants spray painted the words "deadbeat tenants" on a Charlotte house she rents to Shanae Jackson.

McCants says she hasn't been paid the $1,300 monthly rent for two months and she's losing the home to foreclosure.

Jackson admits she's not paying the rent but says she can't afford both the rent and moving expenses.

Jackson called police after painting over the critique on the side of the home's garage. Police refused to charge McCants because spray painting your own property is not a crime.

Random Bama

Legal Eagle and I are working to figure out where Mr. Smith happens to be employed. We know the name of the company, the type (trucking), but not the employer. There is one such company with a similar name in Alabama. But, according to these folks, no Mr. Smith. There is another in New York. I believe last time the trucking company he worked for was out of New York or New Jersey.

So, we aren't done.

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Carolsue called me earlier this week. Through her connections she was able to find yet, another person to handle the installation of Ms. Angie's potty. This person happens to be Mr. Spring. The same Mr. Spring renting a home from me.

Apparently Mrs. Spring and Carolsue have gotten to be very chummy. Note to Carolsue: please don't give Mrs. Spring this blog address. I am still miffed about Mr. Spring's antics with Legal Eagle (which I paid for!) last October. But, I am grateful Ms. Angie has a functioning bathroom.

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Ms. Angie reminded me her lease is up. She said she was hesitant to say anything because she didn't want me to raise her rent. I have a few people who are renting from me where there lease is up. I haven't bothered to tell them because I like the freedom of having them go month to month. Fortunately, they aren't the ones who give me grief.

That said, I am just thrilled Ms. Angie has no plans of leaving after the year of water issues this poor woman has tolerated. And yes, because she asked, I am writing her a new lease when I get around to it.

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Speaking of Mrs. Spring, Carolsue said to me the other day, "You would not believe what the Springs have done to that yard." Depending upon where you put the emphasis, that sentence reads very differently.

I heard it as, "Dear Heavens! You would not believe what the Springs have done to that yard! You now need a retinal eye screening and a dental imprint to get passed the security system and barbed wire fence. But no worries, the neighbors across the street can't make it through the dental imprint and the gators in the moat the Springs have put around the front of the home have taken care of them."

What she meant was, "You would not believe what the Springs have done to that fabulous, adorable yard. There is now a charming French-Quarter-like patio, complete with wrought iron railings, cobblestone and fountain off the sun room."

It sounds wonderful. I hope they have no intentions of moving.

Drumming My Fingers, Pacing the Floor

There is nothing more desperate than a landlord with a vacant home.

I'm just saying...

Kirby has been ever-so-patient with me and the whole vacant home thing in Fultondale. This property is owned wholly by Marty Sunshine and I, so we don't have a partner we can turn to if times are lean. Which they aren't. They are moderately low-fat. They will be lean in about four weeks.

Last year, I recall this home being vacant about six weeks before I got Artie and Candy. And, I wasn't excited about them. I took them because they looked a bit better than those who had called before them. And frankly, I am not sorry I took them over the others. I suspect the other applicant I had would have made for great blog fodder and serious migraines.

But, now Artie and Candy are kind of gone. I am still holding their security deposit until they get their yard clippings and broken washing machine out of my shed. When I told Kirby Candy is requiring me to return her deposit in 30 days (per her e-mail) he got a chuckle. In Arizona I am required to return it within 14 days. I think Alabama is somewhat similar. So, if Candy wants to wait 30 days, I am good with that.

Given what I know about rents in the area, we aren't asking too much. But I have to find someone willing to pay it. And, I have a bit of wiggle room if I need to lower it. But I would rather not.

Kirby is getting calls, but nobody chomping at the bit to see the house. And, given Mr. 114 needs to get over there and paint the ceiling where there was a water leak some time ago, it is probably for the best.

What Kirby told me was that he is asking potential tenants to make an offer and see what they are wiling to pay. It is an interesting approach, but it is better than a direct, "no thank you." I am willing to lower the rent if I can find a clone of Mr. Noble or Mrs. Sherwood Forest. And for that matter, I am willing to lower the rent if I just can't find anyone.

Kirby's theory is that those who would normally like that home can't afford it--no matter what the price. That may be. Unemployment is at 12 percent in Jefferson County. That doesn't bode well for any of my homes. I am grateful to only have one (and a half) vacant home(s).

I haven't talked to Kirby this week about potential renters. I am afraid to pester him too much. My experience is he won't get many calls until towards the middle of the month anyway. That's when people start looking.

For now, I am sitting tight for a spell, waiting for the right tenant to come along. They must be sane (Kirby's requirement) and employed (my requirement). I keep reminding myself, it has happened before, this is a nice, spacious house and the right/sane/employed person is out there.

Wanted: One Homeless, Gainfully Employed, Sane, Night Owl

Please understand, this is not a reflection of Kirby's management style. I fret. I stress. I micro-manage. I am aware of these aspects of my personality. But, it is my money on the line.

So, even if it is 12:13 a.m., I am scouring Craig's List, looking to see what is available for rent. Is my rent too high? What is my competition? And Kirby, where the hell is my ad?

Wait! There it is. I found it. Not bad Kirby.

I am also searching the "housing wanted" section as well, looking to see if anyone is desperately searching at 12:13 a.m. (or 2:13 a.m. Alabama time) for a home to live in. If so, I can accommodate them.

I found three ads from such people. One is moving in February, 2011 (note to optimistic Craig's List patron: nobody is going to hold a home for you for six months.). Another is moving from Florida, but they want to be in the Southern part of the Birmingham area--like say, near Hysteria Lane. I am happy to oblige. And, one is asking if there was a landlord out there who would take a co-signer. Um... maybe. Given the circumstances, Kirby might not consider this person to fall under his definition of "sane."

Everyone got an e-mail back, with a blind copy to Kirby.

I also went ahead and posted my own Craig's List ad too. Just a quickie, to hopefully make Kirby's phone ring. Who knows, maybe there are "sane" people reading the ad. Even at 12:13 a.m.

You Know Your Thinking Is Warped When...

Not to get too dramatic--because I am totally fine and it was a fluke thing--I fainted on Saturday. My blood pressure dropped to 92/51. As Marty was giving me fluids and nursing me back to health, all I could think of was, "Now is definitely the time for some bad news to come in from Alabama because right now I don't have to worry about having a stroke."

No bad news came in either. I can live with that as well.

Non-Drama

Well now, summer is two-thirds over and I am peeking out of my hidey hole again to check the status of our fledgling accidental business. I am going out on a limb here: this is nothing like the last two summers.

There I said it. Hopefully putting it out in the universe won't jinx anything.

Of course, this summer has had its challenges. But, the challenges aren't summer-related. And they don't even measure on the Ricketier Scale compared to evictions, stolen air conditioners, freezer fulls of meat left rotting in a home for 30 days because I couldn't gain access, or tenants filing bankruptcy and not leaving. Not to mention the other things I just can't write about because of emotional trauma to my psyche, legalities or I just plain forgot about. And whatever I forgot about, I am sure Carolsue will be happy to remind us all.

And as far as fledgling goes, we are weathering the economic downturn as well as to be expected. Mr. Partner seems to think the business should be able to sustain itself. When I met him for pizza on Wednesday, I explained that won't be the case, so please stop expecting this. Not for at least another year or two. But, let's be grateful we have tenants who want to stay, take reasonable care of our homes and we haven't seen a drug lab or two in quite a while.

That really isn't too much to ask, is it?

Insurance Assurance

Carolsue's news last week about Mamma Quincy's home got me to thinking. I have two vacant homes. Well, technically, I have one. The house in Fultondale.

As I am currently between tenants, I am fully aware insurance companies don't really care for this scenario. It means the home is vulnerable to vandalism and whatever else one might come up with to keep me awake at night. My goal is not to borrow trouble, and I certainly don't need it looking for me.

So, just to make sure I have my bases covered during my Summer 2010 of Non-Drama, I e-mailed my insurance agent, admitting my dark little secret: Artie and Candy moved out. It turns out vacant homes are indeed an issue. According to the insurance agent,

If the dwelling is vacant for more than 30 days vandalism/theft is excluded under the policy. I also have to notify the company dwelling is vacant and write a vacant policy.

I have to tell you, that sounds like a lot of work on her part. Nor do I want a vacant dwelling policy--though I don't know exactly what that means. It just sounds ominous. Actually, what I really prefer is a tenant. A sane, stable, employed tenant. And I am hoping that isn't as tough to find as I am starting to think.

The other "vacant" home is on Hysteria Lane. The non-tenant still has about three articles of clothing and beer in the refrigerator. And for that, she dutifully pays the rent each month. After reading over my agent's e-mail, I forwarded it to Kirby explaining I didn't want trouble there either.

Kirby responded with promising to contact the tenant after her check rent clears. His take on this "vacancy" was simply,

I am not sure how the insurance company looks at this but technically it is not vacant because the tenant still has their remains in the house and paying the rent. They are just not physically living there all of the time. I would look at it as her having a job where she travels a lot, and is living somewhere else 6 months out of the year.

Kirby was pretty sure the house should be covered under those circumstances. I am just hoping I don't have to find out.

The Fix-It Club

I don't mean to nit-pick, but it seems to me tenants can tell me they have repair issues at more opportune times. It isn't like I don't get things fixed. In fact, I often work extra hard for the comfort of my tenants--when their demands are reasonable.

Last time I was in Birmingham, I brought Ms. Kathy some mortar so she could fix her front steps. Of course, in the entire time she had lived in this home, she never mentioned the loose front steps. The reason I knew about them is because I almost cracked my skull on the loose bricks. And worse, apparently this had been an issue for the first year she lived there. Instead of telling me about it or fixing it herself, she had just trained her kids to avoid the top step of the porch. For $6.99 her steps are now safe.

Ms. Kathy also didn't bother to tell me about her septic back-up until a holiday weekend--two weeks after the mess started. Might you remember, Ms. Kathy only has one bathroom. I wasn't paying holiday weekend prices to have the system drained. I have no idea how Ms. Kathy resolved that one, but the septic guy didn't show up until Wednesday the following week.

Earlier this month, sweet Ms. Angie sent me an e-mail. She asked when I was going to fix the water leak at her house. My answer, "What water leak?"

It turns out, her water leak had been going on for months. I would have been happy to have fixed it--long before it became the going concern it was at that particular moment. The bizarre part was: it isn't as if Ms. Angie doesn't contact me twice a month anyway to say hello. How did this slip her mind?

Tuesday night, I sent Ms. Robin a new lease. Wednesday she wrote me back and asked what I was planning on doing about repairs for the air conditioner and roof. After Marty administered the smelling salts, I wrote her back a quick note. All it said was, "What is wrong with the air conditioner and roof??" It turns out there is nothing wrong with either. She just wanted to make sure. Note to Ms. Robin. I am not amused.

Ms. Robin did ask what maintenance she was responsible for. I found this interesting, as she has lived in the same place for almost two years. My reply: anything that a handyman will charge me a ridiculous amount of money to take care of, please fix yourself. If you have expenses, call me first for approval and then send me the receipts for reimbursal. And please! Don't tell me afterwards expecting me to be happy to write a check. Ok. I didn't add that part. But my lease says something to that affect.

Part of what bugs me about repairs after the fact is finding out a tenant lived with something small, yet unsatisfactory. I expect to maintain my homes. I know issues come up. However, I expect my tenants to handle the little things--screw the outlet plate on tight, change the battery in the smoke detector and make sure the towel bar is on the wall. Generally, bigger repairs aren't too terrible and fixing them upfront is a heck of a lot cheaper than finding out the little water leak is now a geyser.

Are you listening Ms. Angie?

Off the Deep End

Ray is looking for a home. The house in question he will live in for a few years and then convert into a rental. A swell plan if I do say so myself.

Because of this mission, Ray is looking at what he is buying with the eyes of an investor. Thankfully, he is not doing "the paint is the wrong color and just won't match my sofa," emotional home rejection we agents see again and again. (And let me just say to you buyers--and you know who you are--YOU CAN ALWAYS PAINT! But, I digress...).

One of the items Ray is debating about is whether or not to buy a home with a pool. On one hand, a pool is mighty nice this time of year. And, given where he is looking and his overall criteria, we are running into a tremendous amount of homes that have said pool.

His innocent question to me the other day was, if I were to have a rental home, would I pick one with a pool?

As it turns out, I have actually put some thought into this one. For my homes in Alabama, the answer is No!, with a capital N. And, if you took it upon yourself to add any modifiers in front of no, you would even have a more accurate assessment of my thoughts on the topic.

In Arizona, I am mixed, but leaning towards no. Out here, a pool is a way of life. Homes in the Phoenix metro area rent better with a pool. Landlords get a bit more money for a home with a pool. Last year, when Marty Sunshine was facing whether he wanted to move us to Seattle or face unemployment, we discussed renting out our home. And yes, we have a pool. Thankfully, an offer came into the Mesa division and we were let off the hook, because we never reached a verdict.

In my line of work, as well as through my own experiences, I have seen how some tenants treat homes. A pool is one more expense for the tenant and landlord. There is some training that needs to go into effectively maintaining a pool. If a tenant is short on cash, it is the first item to be neglected. It is one more thing to break. It is also somewhat delicate. If I had a rental home with a pool, I would hire a pool service, only because I want to be absolutely certain I am not getting back a big black mosquito-breeding hole in the ground at the end of the lease.

As an agent, I don't wish to project my personal values on another's purchase decision. Ray's vision for what is important needs to be kept in check. This is Ray's money. I can show him statistics of what rents better in the city he is shopping in. I can provide him with pool barrier guidelines. I can direct him to his local city council so that he knows what zoning restrictions might need to be in place. But, I can't say, "don't buy this house because of what may or may not come into play later."

Think of it this way, if you go shopping with someone you have met only a few times, and they fall in love with a ghastly pair of neon orange and green shoes, it isn't really up to you to stop them from buying. You can voice your opinion. Agents can't do that. We can only give the facts. Or, at least agents who wish to keep their licenses can't voice opinions. It isn't our purchase decision. We are there to facilitate a transaction.

What I did share with Ray was this: A few years ago, my 70 year old father called me around 9 p.m. It is one of the two times in my life I have heard my father sob. The home across the street from him was a rental. The toddler living there managed to find his way out the back door and into the pool. The boy's parents didn't find the child until hours later because the pool was dark green. The tenants weren't taking care of the pool. My father was beside himself over the senseless death.

Even though the landlord had a pool fence that complied with city ordinance, the tenants eventually took their grief out on the landlord and sued. In this case, because the tenants didn't maintain the pool I doubt they won. In the event the landlord lost, he would have home owner's insurance, or perhaps an umbrella policy, to financially cover this kind of a loss. Either way, it still doesn't bring the child back to his mother.

If I were Ray and I bought a home with a pool to rent out, I would take my time and make sure I carefully picked my tenants. I would invest in an hour of a lawyer's time to make sure my lease spelled out everything and anything pertaining to a swimming pool. I would find a reputable pool service and add the cost of maintenance on to the lease. And hopefully, whomever rented the home would take care of my pool. And more importantly, take care of thier children.

Down the Drain

Joe the plumber called me on Monday. Yes. His name is Joe. He works for the Best Plumber in Birmingham--who are the only plumbers in Birmingham that I can half-way stand. So, being the "best" in this case is debatable.

Joe called because Friday he had just done some work at Ms. Angie's home. And, just to show what a great company they are, they wanted to provide some value-added service. In this case, there is a cracked potty at Ms. Angie's home. Now, they didn't fix it while they were there, but they wanted to know if I wanted it fixed. If so, they can squeeze me in this week. Would Thursday work? And by the way, it will cost $385?

And, in all fairness, I didn't exactly hear the price the first time he said it. I was focusing on a bigger issue: keeping Ms. Angie happy. Her lease is up soon. I don't want her leaving.

I did some mental calculations in my head. If they already did the work over there, and didn't call me for authorization, that means they spent less than $200 (my authorization limit), so perhaps this can work. Just to be sure, I ask Joe how much I am currently on the hook for already at Ms. Angie's home.

Now then, being the "best" plumber in Birmingham, you might imagine Joe simply told me some number under $200. But of course, if that were the case, I wouldn't be writing this blog. I would like to go on record here, the only reason I didn't engage Joe was because I was with a real estate client. So, Joe got a "Bless your heart. I will call you back," instead.

It turns out the lack of authorization cost me slightly more--but I am not paying it without a fight and a darn good explanation. However, I am torn. What he fixed needed to be fixed and I would have authorized it (had they asked). But, they didn't call like they were supposed to. And, that particular issue I will be taking up with Ms. Suzy--who will be in on Wednesday.

They may be the best plumber in Birmingham, but they aren't the only ones. It seems it is time to find the second-best plumber in Birmingham. Maybe a plumber who can can follow directions.

But, back to Joe and Ms. Angie's toilet. By the time I got around to calling Joe back, I had time to let the cost of the potty sink in. $385!!! At my first break, I called around to a local plumber friend I know for a reality check. "Is it a diamond-encrusted toilet?" he asked. Nope.

My friend did give me a bit of a reality check. I got off pretty easy on the rest of the repairs. Apparently Joe's children will be going to college on the toilet-replacement racket he is running.

My next several calls were to everyone I could find in Birmingham who might be able to replace a potty. When I got to Carolsue--who wasn't my first choice, only because I can't envision her with a wrench and low-low rise jeans--she said something a bit more colorful than my plumber friend. However, she knows people. Why I didn't call her first is beyond me.

Carolsue is on this. She called Baseball Guy, who knows some guy who installs toilets. My cost: $100 plus the cost of materials.

Perhaps if this guy is any good, he can be the new Best Plumber in Birmingham.

Mother of the Year

So... Carolsue calls me on Friday afternoon.

As you may remember, last year my air conditioner was stolen from the 508 house. Everyone--from the police to Carolsue--knew who stole it. The thief, Quincy, actually admitted to it to some of the folks in the neighborhood, but nobody had proof. And the police, did not feel there was sufficient evidence to go after him.

After all, it wasn't like Quincy was walking around with an air conditioner in his arms. At least my air conditioner. I have it on good authority, Quincy has managed to lift several air conditioners. And lots of other valuables from hard-working people.

Quincy's mother, who never taught her boy right from wrong, knew what her adult son was doing. She turned a blind eye. She lied to the police. She never made her son be accountable.

A few months ago, Quincy and his mother moved out of town. I'm guessing the wave of crime got to be too much for her. Ironically, the crime stats went down after Quincy left town too. In an enterprising move, Quincy's mom decided to rent out her house. The tenant was to move in on Saturday.

Sometime last week, someone managed to break into Mama Quincy's home. The "thief" didn't jimmy a door, break a window or do anything to suggest forced entry. However, the air conditioner was mysteriously removed. As a matter of coincidence--because I am just sure this is the case--Quincy happened to be in town the day the AC was stolen.

Mama Quincy did not manage to tell her home owner's insurance company she 1) had a vacant home and 2) was converting into a rental. Therefore, the home owner's policy is not covering a vacant home and a missing air conditioner.

Additionally, Mama Quincy signed a deal with the Veteran's Administration, renting out the home to a convalescing veteran. Now, because the home is missing an air conditioning unit, Mama Quincy is in violation of her agreement with the VA. Additionally, the Veteran cannot move in. And, the VA is pursuing Mama Quincy for the terms of the agreement (six month's rent they paid and the deposit). Additionally, the contract the VA has with Mama Quincy says she is now financially responsible for housing for the Veteran until he can find another landlord willing to take him in under the circumstances.

If I am adding right, she is into this for more than $10,000 (six month's rent, deposit and an air conditioner). I'm thinking it might have been in Mama Quincy's best interests to teach her adult son right from wrong 20 years earlier.

Empowerment Quote(s) Day

"No plan of battle ever survives contact with the enemy."

--Helmuth von Moltke

Thanks Freedom for this.

So... I have this grandiose plan to fix our undercapitalized issues and then life stepped in. No matter. We can work around a tenant of five years moving out with no notice. We can work around lots of things.

Challenges are just opportunities in disguse, right? In fact, the people at the Waterford home told us they wanted to buy. What a break!

Except they have been bizarrely silent since we responded to their offer. Not even a "thank you for playing, now buzz off." Nothing. That's fine too. They stay, the house is rented. Eventually the prices will go back up. Thankfully, they aren't as low as I was anticipating.

Then, we looked at getting a mortgage refinanced to some rate around at an historic low. We were moving forward. I was ready to roll. Then Matt, the loan officer, broke the news to me this past week. Banks aren't loaning for refinancing for properties in the name of an LLC. The home has to be in the name of the lien holder (Marty Sunshine and I) for six months, before they will touch this.

I ask you, who the hell made up this rule?

A Limited Liability Corporation (LLC for short), in this case, it is a pass through entity which holds title to a property. The people on the LLC are the ones wholy responsible for the property. Like me. Like Mr. Partner. Essentially, this is how we put on Mr. and Mrs.s Partners' names on title.

And even though I can prove I own the home (as we are part of the LLC), or conversely, if it really is this big a deal, ask Mr. Partner to cough up his financials to get this covered as well (though Marty and I are capable on our own), the banks aren't playing. Apparently every bank.

Matt called me Friday to give me the news. He promised to check a few more places, but I am getting the overall impression it won't matter if he checks The First National Bank of Guido and Vinnie. We aren't getting a refinance. Right now.

This brings up an interesting scenario. Can I somehow convince Mr. Partner to allow these properties to be re-titled back into Marty's name? Thus, acting as if Mr. Partner isn't really a partner in the LLC? And if I do that, what kinds of liabilities do Marty and I take on (or what kinds of liabilities does Mr. Partner get out of).

The government bailed out the banks with our tax money, making it possible for the banks to do their job. But, the banks aren't lending--even to taxpayers with A+ credit. Oh, yay us.

Off to plan B, C and D.

"I have not yet begun to fight!"

--John Paul Jones

Random Bama

Harold's lady friend called Monday. She overnighted the check to me. I hate it when tenants overnight checks to me. In this case, it meant Marty Sunshine stood in line at the post office forever to pick up the check. I feel for him.

Ms. Harold mentioned again that the account was "only" seven dollars overdrafted and started another round of "can you believe it?" This time she ended with her seven dollars cost her another $35 for the overnight fees. Last I checked, it was only $16 to send something overnight from Alabama. Perhaps her math skills have something to do with the reason she was off seven dollars to begin with.
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With regard to Ms. Harold asking if I was planning on tattling to Jack, Carolsue told me on Monday that she was pretty sure she (Carolsue) could stand down Jack if he was mad.

She wasn't sure if she could handle me though.
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Artie and Candy have been gone for four days and I am already feeling desperate. I wrote Kirby a note telling him he could offer a potentially sane prospective tenant a "move-in" special. Then I realized I should wait until he finds the potentially sane prospective tenant before we head that direction and quickly erased the e-mail.

Mr. 114 is heading out there to take care of a few odds and ends in the next week. So, there is no reason to think this place can be rented until then anyway.
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And finally, I am sure we all have contemplated this burning question: Just how many Alabamans does it take to wrestle an alligator? As a corollary, just what is the single best use for duct tape?

Here's the answers. The rest of the story is here.

The Drama Diva

Last week, I was under the impression Artie and Candy moved out. Actually, as of Saturday, I was sure Candy had. She called me to say Artie still had a very large television left in the home and--here's a shock--they had broken up.

Her other issue was that she couldn't get in touch with Kirby, the property manager, who was now handling this house. And, what should she do with the keys? Given I had no clue what she should do with the keys, I thought of the only thing that vaguely made sense: I told Candy to call Carolsue, swing by her house and drop the keys off.

Candy, somehow interpreted this as call Carolsue, ask her to stop whatever she was doing and drive directly to Fultondale to pick up the keys. When Carolsue said, no, Candy could drop them off, Candy, through her sobs, mentioned she and Artie broke up. Fortunately, Carolsue is as cold-hearted as I am and didn't find Candy's episode any more compelling than I did.

Carolsue did tell Candy to hide the key in the shed. That worked for me. I wish I would have thought of that.

Later Saturday, I heard from Candy again, it turns out the subtext of all this drama was that she wanted me to mail her half of the security deposit to her as soon as humanly possible. Of course, that wasn't going to be possible until I heard what kind of condition the home was left in and where Artie's key happened to be.

But no matter, Artie also called me Saturday afteroon. His big TV was now out of the house and could he please call Kirby on Monday to turn in the key? He didn't want to disturb him over the weekend.

Oh, by the way, he and Candy broke up. But, he didn't add that last part through tears.

Gobbledy Goop

So... it appears Alec is going to grad school and has a super-cute place to live.

He sent me his lease the other day and asked me what I thought of it. My first and foremost thought was there needed to be a drinking game to go along with all the "henceforth", "herewith," and "thuslys" that were bandied about in this particular lease. And, I must say, Kudos to Alec for trudging through that lease. I know my head was spinning after I read it.

There were a few things he and I questioned, one being the clause stating how the landlord isn't liable for bodily harm done to tenants under the following circumstances:

Landlord shall not be liable for any damage or injury of or to the Tenant, Tenant's family, guests, invitees, agents or employees or to any person entering the Premises or the building of which the Premises are a part or to goods or equipment, or in the structure or equipment of the structure of which the Premises are a part, and Tenant hereby agrees to indemnify, defend and hold Landlord harmless from any and all claims or assertions of every kind and nature.

Um... ya... I don't see this holding up in court if the roof collapses.

Then there was this piece of prose that made me scratch my head. I read it to a couple of agents in the office and none of them had any idea what this meant either:

Tenant shall not record this Agreement on the Public Records of any public office. In the event that Tenant shall record this Agreement, this Agreement shall, at Landlord's option, terminate immediately and Landlord shall be entitled to all rights and remedies that it has at law or in equity.

Marty Sunshine suggested it meant don't put the lease on the Internet. So, Alec, you might not want to post this. But then again, that might not be what it means either.

Other than a few weird items, the lease looked pretty standard. Though there were two clause number 21 and 22s. That really isn't all that peculiar. I think my lease had two item 12s for a while too.

Bad Cop, Bad Cop

So... Marty Sunshine calls me Friday afternoon, to dish up his own vinegar pie. He says, "I hate to upset you, but..."

We had a rent check bounce. Given the amount, it had to be from Mr. Noble or from Harold. I guessed Harold. And, thanks to the ever-so-awesome Gina at the bank, she pulled up the image and broke the obvious news: it wasn't Mr. Noble.

Harold, as you may remember, is renting the home Jack and I own. Jack happens to be in Alaska right now with Mrs. Jack, escaping the heat, Alabama humidity and stupid renter issues.

However, I am perfectly capable of channeling Jack. Which I did right into Harold's voice mail. My totally furious message was thus, call me within 6 hours or face an eviction. And by the way, I garnish (sorta--it might not be worth it for one month's rent, but I didn't tell him that).

I then called the other, mystery number, I happened to have for Harold. This isn't the number he put on his application, but it is a number he called me from once and I saved in my phone. It turns out, the mystery number is his cell phone. His initial comments vacillated between being astonished to find out I had his cell phone number and how could his rent check possibly happen to bounce?

I have to tell you, my end of our chat wasn't very Southernly. I said something along the lines of this was his first rent check since he moved in and he has now left me with a lasting bad taste for the way he does business that will haunt him the rest of the lease. I got a few "yes, ma'ams, I am so sorry ma'am" and a promise I would get a call back in two minutes.

Ten minutes later, Harold's lady friend called me. She wanted me to know Harold was at work and he was very sorry. It turns out the account was short $7. "Can you believe it? Seven dollars!" she gasped. Let me get this straight: can I believe a check bounced because it was written for more than the account balance? Seriously? Can I believe it? What was this world coming to?

I barked, "That $7, cost me $50. So, now I want a cashier's check, including the extra $50 sent to me immediately. if I don't have it by Wednesday, I am taking legal action."

I thought my threat got her attention with that one, until she brought me down a notch or two. She said, "Yes ma'am. We will take care of it. But, you won't tell Mr. Jack will you?"

You Can't Hide

Hypothetically speaking, let's say you owe money/committed a crime and don't want to be found. Well then, may I suggest staying off all social media? Even the most innocent of connections might be enough for those who are looking to find enough of what they need.

I had a (now former) tenant once friend me on Twitter. I wasn't excited about it and instinctively went to block her. And then I read a few things she had to say and decided it might be in my best interest to have access to her posts. When she moved out, I wasn't shocked. Her marriage had been in trouble. I knew this because of Twitter.

I have a tenant who owes me a bit of money. Currently she is unemployed. I check on Linked In every so often to see if she is working. At the moment, no. But given her pattern, she will be.

Then there is the biggie. The mother of all social media. Our friends are on it. Even my brother--Mr. Anti 20th century (as in 1901 to 2000) has an account.

But, let's say you aren't my friend. In fact, you don't want to be found, so there is no way will you consider friending me if I asked. Might I suggest it can happen? Yes. It can. It does.

For example, a few months ago I set up a fake account. I found some photos, created a name and e-mail address and went to town. I started by randomly friending anyone in the Birmingham area who went to certain high schools and colleges. Then I started looking for church affiliations. Then I started by looking at employers in the area. I friended anyone who asked.

In 30 days, I had 1,000 friends. I never updated my status. I never poked or built a farm. I did find Ms. Betty and went to work friending the people on her list. Several said yes. So, then I friended Ms. Betty. Incidently, she writes an awful lot about her preschoolers passing gas.

For the past few weeks, I have been watching Mr. Smith. Yesterday I found out where he is working. What a treat! Legal Eagle is already aware and promised she would do her magic as soon as she gets back from her vacation.

The amazing part of this is that only two people ever asked who I was and how I knew them. Two! In one case I told the woman I didn't know her and she still friended me. The other one opted against us connecting.

My goal isn't to spy on my tenants. In fact, for ethical reasons I have no desire to look for them. For that matter, I don't have any compunction to find former tenants who left and fulfilled their end of the lease.

But there are those who felt their trash could stay and they didn't need to pay the last month's rent. Those are the ones I am looking for.

And it is easier than one might think.

Man With Horns Runs Down Landlord

This gem came from The Smoking Gun.

Haven't we all wanted to run down a landlord or two in our day?

Alec

Alec is moving. I am not ok with that. When he was about 12, his family moved to Singapore. I cried, inconsolably, for what seemed like days. In this case, he and his sweet girlfriend are going to graduate school in the Midwest where they are going to learn how to be even more awesome architects.

Nope. I'm totally not ok.

This past week, Alec has called me asking for landlord and apartment advice. From what I understand, he has done pretty well on his own. This is a brand-new city, and his experiences there have been limited to a trip in April to check out the campus, lots of Googling and a trip last week to find a place to live.

During his trip, Alec looked at 10 apartments in less than 48 hours. He didn't say so, but I am guessing his head was spinning. He checked out crime rates for the area, accessibility to campus and a litany of tangible and intangible attributes to each home. What it boiled down to was he liked two places: a condo near campus and a duplex (I believe) where the landlord didn't accept pets.

Though he didn't have to be a reader of this blog to know how to handle this (his mother is a master-negotiator), he did pursue the duplex. He managed to make a good enough impression on the landlord, that the guy was willing to let Alec keep his 10 year old cat. Not that Alec would be a hard sell. A well-mannered, polite grad student was probably a welcome change from the guy who had the tin-foil hat. No offense Alec.

Alec has called asking about the application, wondering if he should send a letter attached in the interest of full disclosure specifically stating he didn't have a job. Alec will be a starving student, living on his life savings and financial aid. He won't have a steady income right away.

I said, "no!" Let the landlord figure this one out on his own. It turns out the application asked these questions anyway. But there is no reason to bring this to the forefront of the landlord's attention.

My guess is the landlord has already made up his mind about Alec, long before he ever saw Alec's application. Most of the time I know who I want to rent to long before I see the application. I use the application as a litmus test to see if my potential tenants are as attractive on paper as they are on the phone or in real life. I want to see what potential tenants omit on the application as well as what they answer. Omissions speak loud and clear.

Last I heard, the landlord was showing the house again (hopefully to some crazed, tinfoil hat type). However, he told Alec if everything looked good and his credit was decent, it would probably be his. That said, the landlord hasn't asked for a security deposit yet.

I would like to tell you Alec has found a place to live. But, I can only speak from my experiences. Hopefully he has. Hopefully the landlord is as accountable as Alec happens to be and is now holding the duplex for him for a couple more weeks.

If not, maybe Alec will change his mind about the whole graduate school thing and stay here just a little longer.

But, probably not.

Waterford Update

No word from the tenants at the Waterford Home. Last I heard, they wanted to buy. So, they threw out a number and we caught it, threw it back and thought we might possibly have a deal in the works.

However, since then, they have been oddly silent. From what I understand, Mrs. Tenant told Kirby there is a home with the exact same floor plan for sale in that subdivision for $30,000 less than my price.

Kirby can't find that particular home listed--not that it changes my price. Besides, I am asking market price, not distressed foreclosure price. If that is Mrs. Tenant's bargaining position, it really didn't move me. I will be willing to come in writing a small check to sell this home and cover a future headache, not a $30,000 check.

When Kirby and I were talking on Tuesday, he was beginning to think they weren't as serious as he first thought. That seems to be the case. No matter. We will survive if we don't sell the home. And who knows! Maybe they will stay a bit longer than they expected to anyway.

A Crazy Update

Poor Kirby. He really didn't know what he was getting into when he decided to take me on as a client. Of course, if I let him talk with Bliz, Carolsue or Legal Eagle he probably would have run screaming. Because, I am sure one of them would let slip I might be a tad high strung and have a few minor control issues.

Fortunately for me, Kirby blissfully took my homes and thought nothing else about representing me until about three seconds into our contract when I started calling asking loads of questions. I have no idea where Kirby stands on the whole working with me thing as of today, but I can only guess. As Legal Eagle has pointed out on a few occasions, I "amuse" her. I suspect Kirby might have similar thoughts in between rolling his eyes when my number comes up on caller ID.

When I talked with Kirby on Tuesday, Candy and Artie were expected to be out by Thursday. Kirby had been fielding calls from the homeless for the soon to be vacant Fultondale house and, as he explained, "Most of the callers are just crazy." Sadly, my first instinct was to wonder why Kirby thought that was a black mark against a possible future tenant. But then again, he doesn't read this blog.

I hope.

Kirby did tell me he is showing the home to sane-sounding people this weekend. So, I am crossing my fingers for a short vacancy. Apparently there isn't much for rent in that area. And, the price (which has been raised to cover the property management costs) doesn't seem to be scaring renters away--at least the crazy ones.

On top of that, I spoke with Candy (who called me--No. I wasn't checking up on Kirby). She told me Artie mowed the lawn yesterday. Also, she has cleaned everything they can until the furniture is out. She expects to have it spit-shined by her move-out Thursday. A tenant cleaning on their way out the door? That is crazy!

Donning the Crash Helmet

Was this summer of peaceful tenants too good to be true? Maybe. But, does it count as a disaster if it takes until mid-July for the rocks o'distruction to come crashing down?

Ms. Robin--who has been absolutely fabulous in the almost two years she has rented from me--bounced a check two months ago. Three weeks ago, she said last month's payment was coming last week. As this was unusual for her, I let it go. However, I made a mental note.

This past Friday she said she just didn't have the rent. And, they were happy to move on. She didn't offer tons of excuses. Just that they were behind. Life had gotten crazy--Mr. Robin had surgery two months ago. And, that is where they are.

When I talked to her Friday, I offered her up a few suggestions. Ms. Robin is someone I am willing to work with, if she indeed wants to. I don't want to urge her to stay if it won't work out in the long run. Neither of us benefit from that. But, if there was something that can be done, yep. I will play.

She did get back to me with a somewhat viable solution I will accept. The reasons I will accept it are: 1) they have history with me of being very good tenants 2) they have jobs that are recession-proof (Birmingham's unemployment rate right now is over 12 percent) and 3) them moving out gives me a vacant home. Though I could rent it out again, this seemed significantly easier.

Once Ms. Robin was set in place, Ms. Kathy decided to e-mail me. Mind you, her rent is due on the 3rd. I heard from her on the 12th. She is on widow's social security--which (ideally) is a guaranteed rent check. As anyone who has read this blog for any length of time knows, "guarantee" and "Ms. Kathy" in the same sentence is questionable.

According to Ms. Kathy, Social Security messed up her check this month and should have it fixed by next month. So, could she pay two months on August 3? I would have been so much happier if she had mentioned this to me nine days ago. I might have even believed her.

Now what? Here was the dilemma: Ms. Kathy has been the picture perfect tenant since our encounter in March. No rent problems, with only the occasional septic tank needing to be drained. I can handle that. Truly, it would take longer to kick Ms. Kathy out (who probably doesn't have the money to move anyway--no matter where her "lost" Social Security check might happen to be) than it would be to wait for her to send me two rent checks next month. To her credit--and I mean this sincerely--she offered up a solution instead of making me bring one to the table. This is the only reason I went along her.

Except, I am not sure I believe I will be getting two rent checks. I am expecting I will probably will get one month's worth of rent and tons of excuses. Begrudgingly, I did agree to her silly plan as long as she sent me a token amount--which she swears she put in the mail immediately after she got my e-mail.

All this, plus Artie and Candy are supposed to move out this week. Marty Sunshine tells me if this is the worst it gets, it isn't too bad. Both Ms. Robin and Ms. Kathy's situations are sorta resolved, with me giving in more than I really care for. Kirby is handling Artie and Candy's Fultondale home. So, hopefully this is a momentary rock slide and not an avalanche.

List O'Demands

One of the more exasperating part of being a real estate agent is when a buyer decides they love the home they are looking at and then wants to put an offer in for significantly less than asking price. I can tell them different reasons why it isn't a good idea until the end of time. Rarely do buyers listen.

Most of the time the seller will:

1. ignore the offer
2. wait until something better comes along (in the case of a short sale or bank foreclosure)
3. counter back with something much more reasonable.

In every case, the other agent and I are groaning, knowing what has happened is a colossal waste of time, and will result in either no sale or a sale with ill-will among the parties ("I am selling it for less, so I won't fix the leaky sink...").

My experience shows me buyers need to learn on their own. The ridiculous lowball game benefits nobody. And me telling them repeatedly, or more likely showing them historical trends, doesn't lend to my credibility--even when I am right. No, this is one they will have to learn the hard way. And generally they get the third time around--if I haven't fired them as my clients by then.

I'm working with one right now who fits this pattern. And, if I wasn't on this mad-dash to fix our undercapitalized issues, I would be referring her to someone I immensely dislike. But, I digress...

In general, home sales that do go through tend to done fairly. And, "fair" doesn't always mean the seller and buyer get their price. A reasonable buyer won't necessarily quibble about $2,000 when they are getting some extras thrown in. A seller is more likely to come down $2,000 when they are guaranteed a closing in 30 days. These things make a difference. Experience tells me those willing to look at a transaction as a win-win who are the happiest when the home closes.

I am keeping this in perspective as I sell my Waterford Home. We don't have a formal contract written up just yet. This is not unusual in the South. Generally, everything is done on a handshake and then when all terms are ironed out, then the paperwork is done.

Instead, we are working through Kirby, who is negotiating on our behalf. The tenant/buyer happens to be a licensed agent as well. I have never spoken with the tenant. I do know she is also post-pardum and was very pissy about the whole HOA swimming pool thing. So, I have no idea what kind of buyer I am dealing with.

I do know the buyers don't really want to haul their stuff somewhere else if they don't need to. I have an idea what they want to pay. I also know they wanted/needed closing costs rolled into the loan. I also have to pay Kirby. Those are my costs. However, I want this to go through.

So, we listened to what they wanted. Countered at our our price. We offered up a home warranty. We also offered a termite bond (which I renew every year anyway). I will pay their closing costs, but that will include an appraisal. Also, I am not making repairs. The house was in good shape when they moved in. If they decide they have something they want fixed, they could have asked long before now.

I am also willing to let them use their security deposit as earnest money, with the understanding if the sale doesn't go through, the money is returned to Kirby as a security deposit. And, they must keep their rent current. So, no skipping August's rent payment, unless they are closing by August 1 (which I doubt). I didn't say I wouldn't prorate the rent--but I will if they ask. I am letting them figure that part out.

My only two non-negotiable points are that Kirby must be present for the appraisal. I don't want the tenants bending the appraiser's ear, telling them about defects that might cause the appraisal to come in lower. And, the closing must go through Attorney Jon.


What I don't know is how serious they are. Were they just throwing out the concept to see if we would bite? Do they really want to buy? Are we off so much from their bottom line and my bottom line that there is no room to breathe? When faced with the actual idea of committing money, are they going to balk and back down?

When I last spoke with Kirby on Friday, he said they were planning on getting back to him next week. I am hoping that is serious enough to accept our offer or send us a counter. And, hopefully if they send a counter-offer, it is realistic enough to move forward.

Hopefully Letting Go

The folks at the Waterford home are interested in buying. We are interested in selling. However, we are coming in writing a check. Though, I don't recommend this scenario, this upfront check will be less than the loss we will take if we keep it another year.

One of the main reasons we are selling is that the neighborhood is seeing diminishing rents. The last two years I have noticed this, but managed--in both cases--to find the only tenants in the area who weren't paying attention to what their neighbors were paying in rent.

The first ones had bad credit and worse housekeeping skills. I ended up replacing the carpet and painting walls that shouldn't have needed to be painted when they moved out. The second have better credit and realized their poor shopping skills early on. Essentially, they aren't staying past their lease when they can rent the house down the street, or even buy the house down the street, for much less.

I can keep this house, but I expect to take a $200 gross hit in rent. That would be what I loose before Kirby, the property manager, takes his rightful cut. The way I estimate it, if I ask market rent price for this home, it is about $200 less than I am getting now. With the influx of homes available for rent in the area, it will still take at two months to get it re-rented, maybe even more, as the tenants' lease is up in November.

Then there is the HOA.... The HOA cut out about $900 in late fees and fines off my bill when I paid it last week. I was two years behind (which, if I am doing the math correctly, means the first tenant--the original tenant--I had in place, paid the HOA for a number of years before she moved out). At any rate. The HOA isn't going away. I don't want to write another check to them. Ever.

And, there is the biggie. If you learn anything from this blog, gentle reader, it is this: do as I say, not as I did.

We bought the property with a little down and an adjustable rate mortgage (and for any reader who might likely make a comment about adjustable rate mortages--please don't. I learned my lesson). In theory the loan is going down next month. But, I haven't seen a letter from the bank proving it. That said, I am estimating the payment jumping significantly, at which point this home will be a perpetual loss for us. As a company, we can cover one upside down mortgage if we have to. But, I would rather not.

So, it boils down to this: are the tenants willing to save the moving costs to buy the home they live in? I sure hope so.

The Pizza Pow-Wow

Sitting around at Vitos, in Mesa on Wednesday, Marty, Mr. Partner and I (along with Buckaroo and Polly--who came for the food and because I didn't have a babysitter to watch them), sat down for an impromptu discussion. Essentially, it was a follow up from my e-mail, where I begged for wild amounts of money in exchange for his cooperation.

And, I got it.

All of it.

Mr. Partner did lament this was the third year we have shot an influx of cash into our business account. I happily pointed out, he was correct. However, this was the first year we shot an influx of cash and it was going to better the company, not buy an overgrown band-aid for our company and a vat of wine for me.

And, while I had his attention, I also hit him up with a few other tidbits, like property taxes would be again due in December. And, I wasn't promising we wouldn't have to write a check out of pocket one more time. And, while I was shoveling out the reality, this is a two-year plan and I am only in phase 1. So, it would be best for Mr. Partner not to get too comfortable. We will be doing this again. This is only to fix our poor planning from years earlier.

Mr. Partner agreed to everything without conditions. Although, I think he will draw the line if the house we are selling doesn't appraise for anywhere near what we are asking for it. But, I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

I'm on a high at this moment. The best part is I am not writing about evicting or trashed homes. I am writing about growing and moving forward. We may be along way from our undercapitalized issues being resolved. But we are building momentum.

It can happen.

Good News?

Mr. Partner got back to me. He said:

"I believe that you are on the right track. More later...."

The was the entirety of the note. Nothing more.

Zip.

Nada.

In true girl fashion, I have over-analyzed this, looking for the deep-seated meaning. Does he mean he will be willing to move forward with the sale and the refinance? Does it mean he is willing to fix one but not the other? If so, which one?

Of course (in true girl fashion), I am not willing to call him and ask for clarification. Not yet. That "more later" was not lost on me. It sounds like a major pow-wow is probably going to be in order. Whether I want one or not.

Apparently, I Will Never Rule The World

And, that is fine by me.

I found this article today from the London Evening Standard. Interesting, most of the night owls I know are introverts. Go figure?



Why morning people rule the world
Philip Delves Broughton

We are all morning or evening people. Scientists have established that our genes dictate around half of what they call our “chronotypes” — our natural preference for certain times of the day.

Evolution has produced a range of humans capable of being alert to danger at every hour of the day. Our experience confirms these findings. We all know people who love to be at work bright and early, with a cup of coffee to hand and decisions to make, and others who would rather stumble through the day until reaching a state of relaxed clarity around dusk, when their minds are purring.

The problem is that those with the genetic gift of “morning-ness” tend to be more highly rewarded. Morning-ness is perceived as a sign of activity and zest, whereas evening-ness implies laziness and loafing. How often did we have to see David Cameron on one of his early-morning runs to get the idea that here was a leader of potency and vigour? How different would it have been if he slunk out of bed to work, then exercised at around 8pm? Could a Prime Minister be elected today who worked like Churchill, reading, writing and thinking in bed before getting out of it at noon?

History is full of great bores praising the virtues of early rising, but few have made the case for letting the day drift by until you kick into gear around happy hour.

Yet the research continues to mount, arguing that evening people have qualities which should be nurtured. They tend to be more creative, intelligent, humorous and extroverted. They are the balance to morning people, who are said to be more optimistic, proactive and conscientious.

Evening and morning are the right and left sides of our brain, the creative and the analytical, both of which we need to organise, process and advance our lives.

New research by Christoph Randler, a biology professor at the University of Education at Heidelberg, however, concludes that morning people are more likely to succeed in their careers because they are more proactive than evening people.

He surveyed 367 university students, asking them when they were most energetic and willing to change a situation. It was the morning people who were more likely to agree with statements such as “I feel in charge of making things happen” and “I spend time identifying long-range goals for myself.”

Discussing his research in the Harvard Business Review, Randler says: “When it comes to business success, morning people hold the important cards. My earlier research showed that they tend to get better grades in school, which gets them into better colleges, which then leads to better job opportunities. Morning people also anticipate problems and try to minimise them. They're proactive.”

Christopher Coleridge, the founder of V Water, the fast-growing vitamin-enhanced water brand, has a different view on the advantages of morning-ness. “Morning is always the best time to get people to make decisions because people are full of optimism in the morning. By 9am, nothing really can go wrong. You're full of hope. By 4pm, at least six annoying things will have happened, so by the evening you're slightly annoyed and frustrated. Fortunately, you then have the rest of the evening to pick yourself up.”

Earlier in his career, when Coleridge worked in advertising, he found the culture much more focused on the evenings, when conversations over drinks would lead to creative ideas. But as an entrepreneur, he found mornings were the best time to corral people's energies.

Evening-ness, he says, can be exploited by companies that are full of young people. But mornings appeal more to people with families who want a schedule which allows them to get in early and leave on time. For the growing army of part-time and freelance workers, tight schedules are just as important. “They tend to be very focused because they are moving from project to project and they don't have time to yack away.”

In certain environments, morning-ness is unavoidable. In the City, many of the most significant meetings take place before the markets open. Schools, however, force morning-ness on teenagers at a moment when everything else in their lives — their hormones, their social lives, their working patterns — is drifting towards the evening.

But can one change one's chronotype from evening to morning? Randler says “somewhat”, but it can be hard. He cites one study that showed half of school pupils were able permanently to shift the time they woke up by one hour. Chronotypes, however, do evolve over one's life. Adolescents tend towards evening-ness; from the ages of 30 to 50, people are evenly split between morning and evening; and over-50s are more morning types.

The challenge for companies, Randler says, is to accept that evening-ness is an inherent trait and, rather than battling against it, find ways to “get the best out from their night owls”.

Vinegar Pie

In a moment of universal upheaval last Friday, while eating breakfast at Cindy's cafe at some horrid hour of dawn, I wanted to talk financials. Diamond Jim wanted to talk baseball. Of course, had I known what Diamond Jim wanted to say I probably would have completely ditched the financial conversation to begin with.

Friday morning, bright and cheery from breakfast and Jim's wonderful news (which I predicted--thankyouverymuch), I composted a sales pitch to Mr. Partner. No, that wasn't a typo.

There are many ways to say something. This past week my cyber-friend Lori and I have been having quick chats about "vinegar pie," the ability to serve up a heaping dose of the unpleasant in such a way that, in theory, it goes down smoothly. "Bless your heart..." is a great example.

Or, my favorite, "I mean this in the nicest way..." Now tell me, when have you ever heard this: "I mean this in the nicest way, I am pleased about your totally appropriate and honorable actions."? By including that opening clause, it is a lot easier for the intended audience to be open to your message.

In the report I sent to Mr. Partner, I started with some of the "opportunities" that have been handed to us. For example, one of our tenants wants to buy our home.

Mr. Partner has made it expressly clear, he has no interest in selling at a (perceived) loss. So, I explained that because of depreciation, we actually would be selling the house at a gain--and have to pay capital gains tax--and if we didn't sell this year, that "gain" would go up. But yea, we pretty much were selling it for less than we paid for it. I also gave him some somewhat legitimate numbers showing a significant loss if we chose to keep the house.

In truth, I have done the analysis, it is in our best interest to do this. Now. I don't like selling a home for less than we paid for it, but I don't like the idea of holding on to it for sentimental value either. We have done well by this property, but it is time for it to go.

I also told him I wanted to refinance one of our properties. And, I picked the home. It was the most logical choice in my mind: 1) it has a balloon note coming up in the next few years, 2) it is in a good neighborhood that hasn't seen a wave of foreclosures, thus the value is (presumably) stable, and 3) it is one of the homes with a loan in Marty Sunshine's name.

Not that I think Mr. Partner will question refinancing when we can get a better interest rate or that this house makes the most sense (it does), but we need to come in with some cash to make this happen. Mr. Partner isn't a fan of parting with his cash. For that matter, neither am I. But, I would rather come in with cash for this than because of a toxic chemical spill. This is the first summer in three years where we haven't had a toxic chemical spill.

What I didn't tell Mr. Partner, was if he doesn't agree to the refinance, Marty and I will do it ourselves anyway. We will phrase it like this, "I hope you understand, because I mean this in the nicest way..."

I Hope to Have the Crash Helmet for Sale in September

On the invitation of a very good friend, I went to Prescott this week for three days to bask in the cool 90 degree weather. I hiked. I biked. I got to sit on the floor of the bookstore and look at what I wanted to look at without interruption. It was awesome.

Though the summer is (thankfully) 1/3 over, I am still gun shy about all hell breaking loose the way it did for the past two summers. By now, two years ago, I was in shock as things were crashing down and I just wasn't able to put on a safety helmet in time. Last summer, a similar story, but I thought I was somewhat ready, so I ditched the helmet early on, only to replace three air conditioners, get two trashed homes and a whole litany of blog fodder.

Now that I scoured e-bay for a reinforced crash helmet, I am pleased to say this summer hasn't been like that. In fact, it has been just the opposite. My friend in Prescott gave me some kind words about how it is an attribute to the management of what we do that things have stabilized. I thought about that as I drove home from Prescott, into the searing heat of Phoenix, and teared up. I would like to think I am doing some things right.

On Thursday Candy called me. She left me a message asking if I would mind if she could deposit the rent (due on June 15) and late fees directly into my bank account instead of mailing a check. Seriously? Would I mind??! I have to tell you, I never expected to see Candy's last month's rent. For whatever reason tenants in Alabama think the last month's rent is optional.

When I called her back, she also asked what it would cost to stay until Aug. 1? How much would I charge them?

Why? I asked.

Because they are having a hard time finding a new place to rent. Another beautiful sentiment. I love that there are few rental homes in Birmingham. It makes my nice, spacious home in Fultondale more desirable. For those of you familiar with the basics of economics, less homes means higher rent. I am good with that. Especially now that I am employing Kirby to manage this home.

I agreed, as long as she would allow for Kirby to show the home this month while they looked. Would that be a problem? No, it would not.

I haven't taken off my crash helmet--not just yet. But it looks like--maybe--I won't need it after all.