So Kirby got inside my now-vacant home. He tells me the good news is the tenants left it in reasonable condition. The bad news is they didn't leave it the way they found it. Then he sent me a bunch of pictures to prove what he was talking about.
I hate it when tenants think the home they used to live in is their own personal dumpster. Now I am responsible for hauling off their junk--including a mattress. This means I have to find someone who is willing and able to haul off the junk and doesn't charge me crazy prices.
There is a bit of wood rot that also needs to be addressed. Kirby says this won't be too costly. The deck needs to be stained and the home needs a good cleaning. This is in addition to painting the exterior--which will happen once it stops raining over there.
Kirby also thinks I should replace the counter tops because they aren't granite (I am not a fan of granite, but that is for a different blog post). But that was just real estate speak for "the house is outdated," which is fine when it is a rental. It is not fine when it is for sale. I am either going to lower the price $10k--which I really can't do or I am going to have to do more work than I budgeted.
As someone who is in the business, I have a tough time with other's versions of "outdated." I am currently showing homes to a buyer who mentioned a home was outdated because whomever had lived in the home had decorated it about five years ago. I would like to point out, when this buyer moves in and redecorates to make the home "modern," five years from now it will be outdated again. It happens. It is called "time."
Additionally, as a seller, I am not very excited about paying for a buyer's dream. I am selling a home right now, not what the buyer wants the home to look like by next Christmas. If they want wood floors, they should put them in, not the person who is leaving the home. Buyers blow me away when they want to offer less because they want to change things around, "Our price is because we will need to paint the kitchen chartreuse and add a sun porch. I can't believe the seller overlooked this."
This is a voice of experience. I convinced a seller once to change the counter tops and flooring. The home sold immediately. I drove by this home two weeks later to find the new buyer had taken out the flooring and counter tops. (Though it has been a couple of years, I have not told this seller--who happens to be related to me--about this yet. Maybe it will come up at Sunday's family Easter brunch.) I understand every buyer's taste is different. What is considered "needing work" by one buyer could be a palace to another. I am not sure I want to roll the dice, put in new everything and then find out the buyer didn't want my renovations anyway.
As it stands now, Kirby is taking care of the wood rot and painting the exterior. Carolsue is cleaning the interior. I asked Kirby to get me a quote on a few other items, just in case I decide I need to do more. I also have James the Hell's Angels carpet installer on stand-by, just in case I need to put in new flooring as well. But I hope I won't need to.
Friday, March 25, 2016
Tuesday, March 22, 2016
Design By Committee
Carolsue gave me a pretty blue pallet she selected from somewhere. It was lovely but I have no idea if it will work. I sent it to Kirby and said "Something like this is fine if you think it is fine." Hopefully he doesn't decide neon green works better.
Monday, March 21, 2016
Kindred Spirits
So I got a note from Kirby, he says the tenant has moved out of my home. He has no idea what kind of condition the place is in but from the kitchen, "it looks fine." So, now the fun begins. He expects to have the keys this week.
Also, I reminded him I am a terrible seller. He said, "I know. But I am a terrible agent. I ignore sellers like you."
Also, I reminded him I am a terrible seller. He said, "I know. But I am a terrible agent. I ignore sellers like you."
Saturday, March 19, 2016
Buyer Wanted
We are entering a new phase in the o'le accidental business. I am selling a house. This isn't like the short-sale selling, where the bank played games. Nor is it like the house in Leeds I have tried selling for years to an underwhelmed audience. Nope. I am really putting a house on the market. Sadly, I doubt I will make anything. In fact, I really don't want to sell it. The house cash flows. The tenant is questionable but clean. However, our lawyer has strongly advised us--and the bank who has the mortgage (and another home in foreclosure) is threatening us. So, we are selling.
Last I heard the tenant hadn't moved out just yet. I am so not surprised by this. Her sense of entitlement was high last winter when I suggested she get caught up on her rent or be evicted. I also know she had been asking to buy the house from me. That would have been just ducky on my part but the property management company seemed allergic to representing me in a sale. So, at this very moment, she isn't buying the house. I am going with the optimistic outlook that she really will be gone by the end of the month.
Who will be representing me in this sale, as of April 1 when the house is (hopefully) out of management is Kirby. For those of you who aren't in the loop, Kirby was my property manager for a long time. Then he wisely sold his company and pursued other lucrative adventures. Now he is my HVAC guy and realtor. He is also a quick text away when I need a referral Carolsue can't help me with.
This house--which is shaped like a barn, isn't in the worst neighborhood in the world. I would live there. And I guarantee there are houses I own I wouldn't live in. It will probably sit on the market for several months--despite being in (what I hope is) reasonable shape. Because that is what homes in Birmingham do. They sit for several months until an unsuspecting buyer comes along and makes a low-ball offer.
The house itself, has a lot to offer. It has a young roof. It has a six month old AC system. It is also a four bedroom, which is a rarity in the area. I expect to walk away when all is said and done paying off my loan and nothing else. The good news is I will have a great tax loss next year, because I am pretty much selling for what I owe, plus my expenses. That doesn't make me happy, but that is the free market. I bought at the wrong time.
The bad news is I am a terrible seller. Just like lawyers should never represent themselves and doctors should never diagnose themselves, real estate agents should never, ever, be sellers. We aren't good at it. Especially me.
Every showing that doesn't result in a sale is a personal rejection. With me way over here and Kirby way over there, I am sure I will want daily updates on what he is doing. Additionally, Kirby is one to sugar-coat. He and I have gone round and round about this for years: tell it like it is. It isn't a character flaw, it is a bad habit on his part (though he, being from the South, doesn't agree). And please add to the fact I am a somewhathigh strung Type B, moderately uptight Type A wildly micromanaging Type A and Kirby is about as Type B as one can get and still be on this spectrum. He knows this about me. He is currently willing to work with me. Though perhaps as I write this post, he may be rethinking this.
Last I heard the tenant hadn't moved out just yet. I am so not surprised by this. Her sense of entitlement was high last winter when I suggested she get caught up on her rent or be evicted. I also know she had been asking to buy the house from me. That would have been just ducky on my part but the property management company seemed allergic to representing me in a sale. So, at this very moment, she isn't buying the house. I am going with the optimistic outlook that she really will be gone by the end of the month.
Who will be representing me in this sale, as of April 1 when the house is (hopefully) out of management is Kirby. For those of you who aren't in the loop, Kirby was my property manager for a long time. Then he wisely sold his company and pursued other lucrative adventures. Now he is my HVAC guy and realtor. He is also a quick text away when I need a referral Carolsue can't help me with.
This house--which is shaped like a barn, isn't in the worst neighborhood in the world. I would live there. And I guarantee there are houses I own I wouldn't live in. It will probably sit on the market for several months--despite being in (what I hope is) reasonable shape. Because that is what homes in Birmingham do. They sit for several months until an unsuspecting buyer comes along and makes a low-ball offer.
The house itself, has a lot to offer. It has a young roof. It has a six month old AC system. It is also a four bedroom, which is a rarity in the area. I expect to walk away when all is said and done paying off my loan and nothing else. The good news is I will have a great tax loss next year, because I am pretty much selling for what I owe, plus my expenses. That doesn't make me happy, but that is the free market. I bought at the wrong time.
The bad news is I am a terrible seller. Just like lawyers should never represent themselves and doctors should never diagnose themselves, real estate agents should never, ever, be sellers. We aren't good at it. Especially me.
Every showing that doesn't result in a sale is a personal rejection. With me way over here and Kirby way over there, I am sure I will want daily updates on what he is doing. Additionally, Kirby is one to sugar-coat. He and I have gone round and round about this for years: tell it like it is. It isn't a character flaw, it is a bad habit on his part (though he, being from the South, doesn't agree). And please add to the fact I am a somewhat
Saturday, March 12, 2016
The Hard-Hearted Landlord
A couple of weeks ago, Flunky sent me an e-mail saying there was water on the floor of my home in Alabaster. And, what should he do? There was no other information involved to help me make an informed decision, so I went with the obvious: "wipe it up." That netted me a glimmer more data, which was "there is water leaking on to the floor" and what should I--the landlord--do about it? The first thought that came to mind was find more competent people who could think for themselves, but I kept that to myself. When I suggested HIRING A PLUMBER, it was only then did Flunky admit the water in question was actually several days old and a result of rains from earlier in the week. When push came to shove, it turns out the back door's weather stripping had rotted.
Which bring me to yesterday's e-mail. Flunky wrote me to tell me the hardwood in that house is actually laminate. And now it is ruined by the back door. The tenant's "short term" solution was to put a small area rug down over it because the floor was coming up. The tenant is "terribly afraid" her son is going stub his toe. So Flunky wanted to know, wait for it..., what I was going to do about it?
The answer is nothing. I am going to do nothing. The tenant wasn't afraid of her son running in the water on the floor, slipping and cracking open his head. That sounds a heck of a lot scarier to me. Nor is the tenant concerned that perhaps she could have: 1) cleaned up the water immediately and prior to the floor getting into this condition or 2) letting Flunky know the weatherstripping had gone from under the door months ago.
The tenant is not loosing sleep about the fact the hardwood floors (yes, hardwood, they are not laminate any more than I am a size 2) are ruined and they extend seamlessly throughout the entire bottom floor. Granted, this happened by the dining area, so I can tile the kitchen and eating area to remedy the problem instead of putting brand new hardwood flooring in 1,500 square feet. The tenant isn't crying about that. Instead she is complaining her son may hurt his foot. And you know what, he might. She may want to watch him carefully.
I also told Flunky that this will be coming off the tenant's security deposit. She was negligent for not wiping up the water--or he was negligent for not taking care of the problem sooner. So, either the tenant or Flunky would be paying for this. I gave them a home with hardwoods in great condition. I expect to be given back a home with hardwood floors in great condition. I don't want tile. That's not what I paid for when I bought the home. So, figure it out.
There has already been behind the scenes stuff going on with this house long before I ever heard about the condition of the floor. Unaware of potential issues with the tenant's son's toes, I contacted Elsie earlier this week and told her come the beginning of May, let the tenant know I will not be renewing the lease. Instead, I will be selling the house. I have to. It belongs to the same bank as the home currently in foreclosure. So, I know the flooring will be fixed. But I am not doing it right now--just in case there is another water spill she can't be bothered to take care of.
Which bring me to yesterday's e-mail. Flunky wrote me to tell me the hardwood in that house is actually laminate. And now it is ruined by the back door. The tenant's "short term" solution was to put a small area rug down over it because the floor was coming up. The tenant is "terribly afraid" her son is going stub his toe. So Flunky wanted to know, wait for it..., what I was going to do about it?
The answer is nothing. I am going to do nothing. The tenant wasn't afraid of her son running in the water on the floor, slipping and cracking open his head. That sounds a heck of a lot scarier to me. Nor is the tenant concerned that perhaps she could have: 1) cleaned up the water immediately and prior to the floor getting into this condition or 2) letting Flunky know the weatherstripping had gone from under the door months ago.
The tenant is not loosing sleep about the fact the hardwood floors (yes, hardwood, they are not laminate any more than I am a size 2) are ruined and they extend seamlessly throughout the entire bottom floor. Granted, this happened by the dining area, so I can tile the kitchen and eating area to remedy the problem instead of putting brand new hardwood flooring in 1,500 square feet. The tenant isn't crying about that. Instead she is complaining her son may hurt his foot. And you know what, he might. She may want to watch him carefully.
I also told Flunky that this will be coming off the tenant's security deposit. She was negligent for not wiping up the water--or he was negligent for not taking care of the problem sooner. So, either the tenant or Flunky would be paying for this. I gave them a home with hardwoods in great condition. I expect to be given back a home with hardwood floors in great condition. I don't want tile. That's not what I paid for when I bought the home. So, figure it out.
There has already been behind the scenes stuff going on with this house long before I ever heard about the condition of the floor. Unaware of potential issues with the tenant's son's toes, I contacted Elsie earlier this week and told her come the beginning of May, let the tenant know I will not be renewing the lease. Instead, I will be selling the house. I have to. It belongs to the same bank as the home currently in foreclosure. So, I know the flooring will be fixed. But I am not doing it right now--just in case there is another water spill she can't be bothered to take care of.
Friday, March 11, 2016
The Invisible House
So, last week I sent Ms. Amy an e-mail telling her I was taking my vacant home out of their clutches. My reason to her was that there were issues with the home. Actually, my issues were with Ms. Amy's bizarrely weird behavior and the house. But that is for another blog that I must eventually write. Anyway, I heard nothing back.
By Friday I had sent Elsie, my new contact there (whom I have never once had any communication with from her at that point), a note. I let her know I had written Ms. Amy earlier in the week. I said that I wanted to make sure the home was taken out of management and off their books.
Instead of even acknowledging my e-mail, this past Monday, Elsie sent me a random e-mail saying that if Mrs. Martin hasn't moved out like she is supposed to, Elise would be happy to send out Late Rent notice. There is no reason to tell me this. Sending out a Late Rent notice should be automatic.
Please note. These two issues are not even remotely related. Mrs. Martin not paying rent has nothing to do with ANOTHER home being taken out of management. By the way, Mrs. Martin's home is also being taken out of management. But that is because I am selling it.
By Wednesday, I hadn't heard from Elise or Amy about my request to take the home out of management. I mean, there really isn't much to do but just reply with an "Ok," but I didn't even get that. And because it had been days since Flunky's emails had graced my specific area of cyber-space. I let him know that, as far as I was concerned, the home was officially out of management last week. Please stop the lawn service.
Today I heard from Flunky about something completely blog-worthy and unrelated to my former e-mail. But once again, there was no mention of my vacant home.
By Friday I had sent Elsie, my new contact there (whom I have never once had any communication with from her at that point), a note. I let her know I had written Ms. Amy earlier in the week. I said that I wanted to make sure the home was taken out of management and off their books.
Instead of even acknowledging my e-mail, this past Monday, Elsie sent me a random e-mail saying that if Mrs. Martin hasn't moved out like she is supposed to, Elise would be happy to send out Late Rent notice. There is no reason to tell me this. Sending out a Late Rent notice should be automatic.
Please note. These two issues are not even remotely related. Mrs. Martin not paying rent has nothing to do with ANOTHER home being taken out of management. By the way, Mrs. Martin's home is also being taken out of management. But that is because I am selling it.
By Wednesday, I hadn't heard from Elise or Amy about my request to take the home out of management. I mean, there really isn't much to do but just reply with an "Ok," but I didn't even get that. And because it had been days since Flunky's emails had graced my specific area of cyber-space. I let him know that, as far as I was concerned, the home was officially out of management last week. Please stop the lawn service.
Today I heard from Flunky about something completely blog-worthy and unrelated to my former e-mail. But once again, there was no mention of my vacant home.
Tuesday, March 08, 2016
Random Bama--The Disclaimer Edition
I got a cryptic e-mail from someone at my property management company last Friday. It said "I have reason to believe" Mrs. Martin moved out in the middle of the night. She ended it with, "But don't quote me on that." Not a problem. I don't know who this person who wrote me is anyway.
By the way, I do have reason to believe the tenant is still there. You may quote me on that.
It is tax season. For those of you who don't own an accidental business or two, you probably don't completely understand the significance of this. Essentially, Bliz, my bookkeeper, wonderful friend of 20+++ years and terrific travel companion handles our companies' financial statements, which I then give to Diamond Jim so he can figure out what the IRS gets from me.
This past week Bliz has been sending me e-mails and texts along the lines of, "There was a deposit on July 8th for $1437.28. Do you know what it is for?" I am answering as promptly as possible with my best guess. Hopefully I am close to correct. Because Uncle Sam gets a bit persnickety when I am wrong.
And finally, it occurred to me that I may sound pissy about the property management company, especially Flunky. Truth be told, I am pissy about them, especially Flunky. They may be the best property management Birmingham has to offer, but they have slid way down the hill from wonderful. For the most part I am polite and professional to them. Even when I don't want to be. I leave most of my sarcasm for this blog instead.
I thought you should know, I really am a nice person. Most of the time.
By the way, I do have reason to believe the tenant is still there. You may quote me on that.
____________________________________________
It is tax season. For those of you who don't own an accidental business or two, you probably don't completely understand the significance of this. Essentially, Bliz, my bookkeeper, wonderful friend of 20+++ years and terrific travel companion handles our companies' financial statements, which I then give to Diamond Jim so he can figure out what the IRS gets from me.
This past week Bliz has been sending me e-mails and texts along the lines of, "There was a deposit on July 8th for $1437.28. Do you know what it is for?" I am answering as promptly as possible with my best guess. Hopefully I am close to correct. Because Uncle Sam gets a bit persnickety when I am wrong.
____________________________________________
And finally, it occurred to me that I may sound pissy about the property management company, especially Flunky. Truth be told, I am pissy about them, especially Flunky. They may be the best property management Birmingham has to offer, but they have slid way down the hill from wonderful. For the most part I am polite and professional to them. Even when I don't want to be. I leave most of my sarcasm for this blog instead.
I thought you should know, I really am a nice person. Most of the time.
Monday, March 07, 2016
Agent Purgatory
If you are one of the three people who read this blog and know who I am, you have found this site one of two ways:
1. I have sent you the link
2. You have stalked me, figured it out and have nothing better to do
If you are my other reader and just follow along because you happen to enjoy my train wreck, well, hello. Welcome. I am pleased you are here. You increased my readership by 25 percent. My ego and I thank you.
But, back to the three of you I know. Disclaimer: There is a good chance I have helped you in some capacity rent out a home or find a rental home. Please understand, this post isn't about you. I know you. I like you (otherwise I wouldn't have given you the link for this site).
If you fall into category number 2, I probably have also helped you find a rental home, rented out your home or you have been a current or past tenant. This post probably is about you.
So, lately I have managed to get back into finding rental homes for folks. This disturbing trend started in December when someone on a Facebook forum asked "does anyone know how to rent a house?" She just happened to post this on the one day in December I was on Facebook. And, silly me, I responded.
To give you a quick backstory, currently rental homes in the Phoenix are are going sight unseen. There are multiple applications for even the most junked out rentals. If a home is on the multiple listing for more than two days, there is either a good chance it is missing roof or a busy property manager hasn't had time to change the listing in the MLS because he or she is busy answering 5000 phone calls from potential tenants and real estate agents asking if their listed home is available. Even properties in the outskirts of town, like Florence AZ, are going sight unseen for absurd prices.
I surmise the reason for this is because investors bought properties around 2009-2010 for seriously low prices, and sold in the past two years, doubling their investment. Good for them. I am pleased. I probably helped some of those investors buy or sell. However, when they sold, they left me and every other crazy agent out there scrambling to find rental properties for the soon-to-be-homeless.
The good part of this trend is rents are going up. People who can afford to pay $1500 a month for rent, are finding out (from me) that they may want to consider buying instead. It will net them a cheaper payment and there are more homes for sale right now than for rent. And frankly, I prefer buyers over renters.
But back to my tenant tales. So, I responded to the woman on Facebook who never rented a home before. And voila! I got a client. Unfortunately, she ended up renting a home without me showing it to her (she didn't look at it at all, actually) so I didn't get paid.
The woman in question could afford $850 a month and had a FICO score lower than my post-foreclosure score. So, she wasn't exactly a landlord's dream. But somehow she decided I was a rock star and has referred me to all of her other friends who can afford $850 a month and have crummy credit. And apparently she knows a lot of these folks. And they are all calling me. Please don't consider me ungrateful. I am pleased to have the work. My son, who just happens to have a healthy grocery addiction, is also grateful. I am showing these potential tenants homes, and selling them as the greatest folks ever to owners just to have them repeatedly rejected. This is a scary pattern that probably will continue in the near future.
I always have a script I say before I take out a tenant to show rentals. I ask the basics, how many people living in the home? Pets? Do they want a pool? What is their budget? Where do they want to live (they always say $900 a month in Gilbert or Scottsdale, which is thoroughly unrealistic). Then, from years of experience I ask the following: Do you make three times the rent? Do you have any evictions, convictions or bruised credit that we will need to sell a landlord on? I always explain we need to be proactive in this market. And then I explain the market conditions.
In the past two weeks I have managed to have some interesting folks. In addition to the ones the Facebook woman has sent me, I have had the guy who admitted to me after I drove all over Creation that he told me a teensy lie. He really only made one and a half times the rent. And would an owner mind this? And by the way, he insisted on hardwood floors.
Today I got a call from a guy who wants to see a specific home on Friday of this week. When I explained the home wouldn't be there by Friday, and if he wanted to see it, I was available today, he got pissy and accused me of "pressuring" him. By the way, the home got three applications on it between the time he called and the time I left work. Also, as a point of interest, I had him on speaker phone at the office. When I asked about the credit/convictions/evictions, he hesitated, stuttered and didn't answer. Everyone in earshot caught it.
Last week I had the couple who had great credit, answered negatively to the eviction and conviction question. I thought for sure they were a shoe-in, as they were the only application that came in on a Tempe town home at the time. The owner passed on them because the couple seemed to completely forget they both had felony DUIs.
Oh, but that's not all they forgot to mention. One had a paraphernalia charge. The other had a possession charge. When I explained to them the owner felt they had a lot of history and he was uncomfortable renting to them, my (now former) client texted me the following, "I fail to see how this is 'A LOT of history'!!!! It is just four convictions!"
But this call today pretty much tops them all. A gentleman called me today. He wanted to live either on the very Southeast side of the Phoenix area or the very Northern side. There is a 70 mile span between the two. When I gave him my spiel, he replied, "Well, 19 years ago, I was convicted of murder. But it was only once and it was an accident." I will let some other frantic real estate agent try to help him find a rental.
1. I have sent you the link
2. You have stalked me, figured it out and have nothing better to do
If you are my other reader and just follow along because you happen to enjoy my train wreck, well, hello. Welcome. I am pleased you are here. You increased my readership by 25 percent. My ego and I thank you.
But, back to the three of you I know. Disclaimer: There is a good chance I have helped you in some capacity rent out a home or find a rental home. Please understand, this post isn't about you. I know you. I like you (otherwise I wouldn't have given you the link for this site).
If you fall into category number 2, I probably have also helped you find a rental home, rented out your home or you have been a current or past tenant. This post probably is about you.
So, lately I have managed to get back into finding rental homes for folks. This disturbing trend started in December when someone on a Facebook forum asked "does anyone know how to rent a house?" She just happened to post this on the one day in December I was on Facebook. And, silly me, I responded.
To give you a quick backstory, currently rental homes in the Phoenix are are going sight unseen. There are multiple applications for even the most junked out rentals. If a home is on the multiple listing for more than two days, there is either a good chance it is missing roof or a busy property manager hasn't had time to change the listing in the MLS because he or she is busy answering 5000 phone calls from potential tenants and real estate agents asking if their listed home is available. Even properties in the outskirts of town, like Florence AZ, are going sight unseen for absurd prices.
I surmise the reason for this is because investors bought properties around 2009-2010 for seriously low prices, and sold in the past two years, doubling their investment. Good for them. I am pleased. I probably helped some of those investors buy or sell. However, when they sold, they left me and every other crazy agent out there scrambling to find rental properties for the soon-to-be-homeless.
The good part of this trend is rents are going up. People who can afford to pay $1500 a month for rent, are finding out (from me) that they may want to consider buying instead. It will net them a cheaper payment and there are more homes for sale right now than for rent. And frankly, I prefer buyers over renters.
But back to my tenant tales. So, I responded to the woman on Facebook who never rented a home before. And voila! I got a client. Unfortunately, she ended up renting a home without me showing it to her (she didn't look at it at all, actually) so I didn't get paid.
The woman in question could afford $850 a month and had a FICO score lower than my post-foreclosure score. So, she wasn't exactly a landlord's dream. But somehow she decided I was a rock star and has referred me to all of her other friends who can afford $850 a month and have crummy credit. And apparently she knows a lot of these folks. And they are all calling me. Please don't consider me ungrateful. I am pleased to have the work. My son, who just happens to have a healthy grocery addiction, is also grateful. I am showing these potential tenants homes, and selling them as the greatest folks ever to owners just to have them repeatedly rejected. This is a scary pattern that probably will continue in the near future.
I always have a script I say before I take out a tenant to show rentals. I ask the basics, how many people living in the home? Pets? Do they want a pool? What is their budget? Where do they want to live (they always say $900 a month in Gilbert or Scottsdale, which is thoroughly unrealistic). Then, from years of experience I ask the following: Do you make three times the rent? Do you have any evictions, convictions or bruised credit that we will need to sell a landlord on? I always explain we need to be proactive in this market. And then I explain the market conditions.
In the past two weeks I have managed to have some interesting folks. In addition to the ones the Facebook woman has sent me, I have had the guy who admitted to me after I drove all over Creation that he told me a teensy lie. He really only made one and a half times the rent. And would an owner mind this? And by the way, he insisted on hardwood floors.
Today I got a call from a guy who wants to see a specific home on Friday of this week. When I explained the home wouldn't be there by Friday, and if he wanted to see it, I was available today, he got pissy and accused me of "pressuring" him. By the way, the home got three applications on it between the time he called and the time I left work. Also, as a point of interest, I had him on speaker phone at the office. When I asked about the credit/convictions/evictions, he hesitated, stuttered and didn't answer. Everyone in earshot caught it.
Last week I had the couple who had great credit, answered negatively to the eviction and conviction question. I thought for sure they were a shoe-in, as they were the only application that came in on a Tempe town home at the time. The owner passed on them because the couple seemed to completely forget they both had felony DUIs.
Oh, but that's not all they forgot to mention. One had a paraphernalia charge. The other had a possession charge. When I explained to them the owner felt they had a lot of history and he was uncomfortable renting to them, my (now former) client texted me the following, "I fail to see how this is 'A LOT of history'!!!! It is just four convictions!"
But this call today pretty much tops them all. A gentleman called me today. He wanted to live either on the very Southeast side of the Phoenix area or the very Northern side. There is a 70 mile span between the two. When I gave him my spiel, he replied, "Well, 19 years ago, I was convicted of murder. But it was only once and it was an accident." I will let some other frantic real estate agent try to help him find a rental.
Wednesday, March 02, 2016
The Antics of A Passive Aggressive Property Management Maintenance Manager
I want to give up my fabulous life and become a maintenance flunky for a property management company. Why? Because all I would have to do all day is write e-mails. I wouldn't have to think--I promise, that is definitely not part of the job description. And, if I felt the need (and I often do) I could be totally passive aggressive and feign ignorance.
Example A:
Last week I got a work order for my home in Alabaster: Flunky sent me the following: "Water is leaking and the wood is wet. It is getting worse" Flunky wanted to know what I wanted to do about it.
I have exhaustively covered the topic of giving me enough of the scope of work so I know what is going on with him. I give up. He just isn't going to do that. I originally thought it was personal. Now I think he is just stupid.
My first response was, "Call a plumber," because when I see "water leaking," that's exactly where my brain goes.
Flunky wrote back and finally told me that water was leaking from under the back door because it had rained and the hardwood floors were wet.
Me: "Is it still raining?"
Flunky: "No it stopped raining three days ago."
Me: "Why are the floors still wet? Does the tenant not own a towel?"
I was missing something in this, because it seemed 100% obvious to me that any idiot would see if this were what was being portrayed to me, that the weather stripping needed to be replaced. And it did. However, it took six hours of e-mails and four voice mails to find this out. As I have explained numerous times, I am not In Alabama. I don't have a background in house maintenance. Why should I have to say, "Well then, fix the weather stripping." But I had to.
Example B:
The folks in Moody--who swear every year they will be moving out--want to replace the floor in one of the bedrooms. I am ok with that. I even agreed to reimburse them.
So, Flunky sends me an e-mail yesterday saying the tenant is waiting for a check to buy supplies and when will I send it?
Let me get this straight: the work hasn't been done and I am supposed to send them money randomly?
Instead, I wrote, "Let them take it off the rent when they provide you with a receipt."
Situation managed, right?
Dear Lord, this man will not go away. He responded, "That's not how we do it here."
How the hell should I know the policies of his company? I don't work there. But I do know I am not writing a check and mailing it to these tenants in hopes they will spend it on the floor. Because if they blow it on a birthday party for their kid, I just financed that.
I once again wrote back: "Ok, find out how your company handles this. Inspect the work when it is done and either cut them a check out of the rent or send me pictures of completed, inspected work and I will cut them a check."
Marty Sunshine asked me to take out the final part which was, "Please stop making me do your job. Try thinking for yourself for a change."
But in both cases we are talking about fixes under $150 (hopefully much less than that for weather stripping). We are also talking about a day's worth of back and forth nebulous emails. Or, if I call, I get some sort of runaround with him--if he bothers to answer the phone at all.
If I had never had experience with property management companies before, I might find this normal. However, I have had multiple experiences with property management companies in two states. This is not how business is done. Maintenance in a property management company is normally done by competent people who realize the owner doesn't want to be bothered or spend an entire day managing a situation they employ others to manage. I mean, I can understand if it is a roof, or something of a major caliber, but these are easy fixes.
And, in case you think there is actually work involved in this man's job beyond the scope of what I am suggesting:
Example C:
Flunky sent me an e-mail a few weeks ago: "When was the house in Pinson foreclosed?"
I saw no reason why this was his business. He did not give any indication as to why he needed to know. Was he settling a bet? Was he closing out his books for the year?
And because I don't feel he needed a major explanation, I promptly replied: "2015."
Flunky never got back to me asking me to clarify, so I figure he really was just finding a reason to send me an e-mail.
Example A:
Last week I got a work order for my home in Alabaster: Flunky sent me the following: "Water is leaking and the wood is wet. It is getting worse" Flunky wanted to know what I wanted to do about it.
I have exhaustively covered the topic of giving me enough of the scope of work so I know what is going on with him. I give up. He just isn't going to do that. I originally thought it was personal. Now I think he is just stupid.
My first response was, "Call a plumber," because when I see "water leaking," that's exactly where my brain goes.
Flunky wrote back and finally told me that water was leaking from under the back door because it had rained and the hardwood floors were wet.
Me: "Is it still raining?"
Flunky: "No it stopped raining three days ago."
Me: "Why are the floors still wet? Does the tenant not own a towel?"
I was missing something in this, because it seemed 100% obvious to me that any idiot would see if this were what was being portrayed to me, that the weather stripping needed to be replaced. And it did. However, it took six hours of e-mails and four voice mails to find this out. As I have explained numerous times, I am not In Alabama. I don't have a background in house maintenance. Why should I have to say, "Well then, fix the weather stripping." But I had to.
Example B:
The folks in Moody--who swear every year they will be moving out--want to replace the floor in one of the bedrooms. I am ok with that. I even agreed to reimburse them.
So, Flunky sends me an e-mail yesterday saying the tenant is waiting for a check to buy supplies and when will I send it?
Let me get this straight: the work hasn't been done and I am supposed to send them money randomly?
Instead, I wrote, "Let them take it off the rent when they provide you with a receipt."
Situation managed, right?
Dear Lord, this man will not go away. He responded, "That's not how we do it here."
How the hell should I know the policies of his company? I don't work there. But I do know I am not writing a check and mailing it to these tenants in hopes they will spend it on the floor. Because if they blow it on a birthday party for their kid, I just financed that.
I once again wrote back: "Ok, find out how your company handles this. Inspect the work when it is done and either cut them a check out of the rent or send me pictures of completed, inspected work and I will cut them a check."
Marty Sunshine asked me to take out the final part which was, "Please stop making me do your job. Try thinking for yourself for a change."
But in both cases we are talking about fixes under $150 (hopefully much less than that for weather stripping). We are also talking about a day's worth of back and forth nebulous emails. Or, if I call, I get some sort of runaround with him--if he bothers to answer the phone at all.
If I had never had experience with property management companies before, I might find this normal. However, I have had multiple experiences with property management companies in two states. This is not how business is done. Maintenance in a property management company is normally done by competent people who realize the owner doesn't want to be bothered or spend an entire day managing a situation they employ others to manage. I mean, I can understand if it is a roof, or something of a major caliber, but these are easy fixes.
And, in case you think there is actually work involved in this man's job beyond the scope of what I am suggesting:
Example C:
Flunky sent me an e-mail a few weeks ago: "When was the house in Pinson foreclosed?"
I saw no reason why this was his business. He did not give any indication as to why he needed to know. Was he settling a bet? Was he closing out his books for the year?
And because I don't feel he needed a major explanation, I promptly replied: "2015."
Flunky never got back to me asking me to clarify, so I figure he really was just finding a reason to send me an e-mail.
Saturday, February 27, 2016
The Yankee
Carolsue once advised me to act like a "rich white Yankee bitch" if I wanted to garner any respect in Birmingham. Because I wasn't Southern, this was the only way the Southern Men I have to deal with would notice me. At the time I thought it was a bit wacked, but as time has progressed, I am finding she is right.
Most of the time, common courtesy works just fine when I have to deal with those in the South. Just yesterday, I had a lovely conversation with Mr. 114, who always makes me smile. There were the usual "pleases," "thank yous," and his standard, "you betcha girl, I'm always happy to help you," which always goes far with me. And, for you feminists out there, in this case, Mr. 114 means "girl" here as a term of endearment.
Unfortunately, Carolsue is right about the rich white Yankee bitch thing when it comes to Flunky. Flunky is a southern redneck who has no use for me. He looks like--and I am not making this up--the comic book store character from The Simpsons. He acts like Napoleon. Except when he talks to Marty Sunshine. To Marty Sunshine he says things like, "Yes Sir," and "Mr. Landlord, I am happy to help you," and all sorts of other things that make me pull my hair out.
Flunky and I are having a difference of opinions on a few items. Recently, he suggested that it really is too much to ask for a tenant to maintain the yard. He and I already had this conversation a dozen times, and I had gotten nowhere with the, "bless your heart. Yes tenants can maintain a yard." So, I tried Carolsue's approach. After going back and forth with him yesterday about this particular issue, I finally wrote:
Most of the time, common courtesy works just fine when I have to deal with those in the South. Just yesterday, I had a lovely conversation with Mr. 114, who always makes me smile. There were the usual "pleases," "thank yous," and his standard, "you betcha girl, I'm always happy to help you," which always goes far with me. And, for you feminists out there, in this case, Mr. 114 means "girl" here as a term of endearment.
Flunky and I are having a difference of opinions on a few items. Recently, he suggested that it really is too much to ask for a tenant to maintain the yard. He and I already had this conversation a dozen times, and I had gotten nowhere with the, "bless your heart. Yes tenants can maintain a yard." So, I tried Carolsue's approach. After going back and forth with him yesterday about this particular issue, I finally wrote:
"It is reasonable to expect ANY tenant--regardless of whether or not the Third Reich HOA is managing the neighborhood or not--to maintain their yard. So, yes, the tenant can throw down grass seed. They signed up for a home with a yard. They have a yard. They maintain it. Just like they signed up to have a home with a kitchen, they get to clean the kitchen. If they didn't want a yard, they should have an apartment. And if they wish to move because it is too much of a burden, they may move and be in violation of their lease. I promise grass seed costs much less than legal action. Or, if it is too much of a burden for you to convey this to them, let me know and I will do your job."
And what do you know? This time Flunky got the message.
Friday, February 26, 2016
HOA-SS
A long, long time ago we bought an investment home in the small bedroom community of Calera, nestled half way between Montgomery and Birmingham. To be fair, we bought two homes there. But the one in question is on Hysteria Lane--which is living up to its name.
Again.
For the past several years, this community existed quite nicely. I never had too much trouble keeping the place rented. I had a few weird experiences, like the time the tenant's kid thought he was sexting his girlfriend, but instead it was going to my Alabama phone line. And he didn't believe me at first when I said he was sending these solicitations to his mother's landlord. But, that was years past.
Anyway, apparently some homeowners in the vicinity got it in their heads that this neighborhood would be better served if it was under the guidance of a home owner's association. Because that is what makes the neighborhood valuable. Right? "Value" doesn't come from desirability and personal responsibility. Never! (By the way, my most "valuable" home in Alabama doesn't have an HOA.) Sadly, because I wasn't there, I didn't get to say, "NO!" I am stuck with an HOA. Albeit, a stupid HOA.
To be fair, the other house in Calera has had an HOA from day one (they have a community pool--which strikes me as a legitimate reason for an HOA), and all they do is ask me to pay their fees once a year and leave me alone. The HOA for Hysteria Lane has only been around since October and I am already sick of them.
The biggest issue I am having with them is that they keep telling me I have "weeds" in my yard. However, the four nasty-grams I have gotten from them are a bit nondescript when it comes to "weeds." I know for a fact, that one time when I got the compliance letter, the front yard was under four inches of snow,
This latest letter is threatening "Attorney Action" and is telling me once again, there are weeds. Now, you think I would employ a property management company to help me out with these kind of issues. Unfortunately, Flunky is my contact at the property management company for such things. And, he is a bit worthless. For one thing, he sent me pictures showing me how his yard company went out to the home and mowed it. Nope, not a weed. But I am not sure what they mowed, because the spring grass hasn't come in. Hopefully the tenant didn't pay dearly for that. However, another picture he sent me from that batch was of the tenant's junk lined up on the side of the home. The HOA isn't complaining about that. Yet. But I am. And I am sure the HOA will notice it soon.
When I discussed this matter via e-mail with Flunky yesterday, he said, "Is the HOA suggesting the tenant put down grass and maintain it, because I am not sure the tenants will agree to that." My reply was, "Then the tenant can move. Because if they can't afford a bag of grass seed, they certainly can't afford the rent."
When I called the HOA today I spoke with someone who swears she personally drives by and sees the weeds herself. I asked her how that was possible when one of the violation notices was on the day after the first snowfall of the year. She didn't have a reply. I then asked her if she could point out the weeds to the tenant, because we are all kind of befuddled. I also pointed out if they keep sending these nasty-grams, the tenant will move out. Nobody will want to rent the house and that won't help the value either.
I would like to say the conversation stayed professional. But my conscience is clear: I didn't start it. But I did ask if it was her company's policy to mimic the Third Reich, though I am pretty sure she didn't know what that meant.
Where it is left now is she is going to go by herself, take a picture of the weeds and send them to me so we can all verify there are such things growing in this yard. Meanwhile, I am going to e-mail Flunky and tell him to have the tenants move their crap from the side yard before the HOA-SS shows up.
Again.
For the past several years, this community existed quite nicely. I never had too much trouble keeping the place rented. I had a few weird experiences, like the time the tenant's kid thought he was sexting his girlfriend, but instead it was going to my Alabama phone line. And he didn't believe me at first when I said he was sending these solicitations to his mother's landlord. But, that was years past.
Anyway, apparently some homeowners in the vicinity got it in their heads that this neighborhood would be better served if it was under the guidance of a home owner's association. Because that is what makes the neighborhood valuable. Right? "Value" doesn't come from desirability and personal responsibility. Never! (By the way, my most "valuable" home in Alabama doesn't have an HOA.) Sadly, because I wasn't there, I didn't get to say, "NO!" I am stuck with an HOA. Albeit, a stupid HOA.
To be fair, the other house in Calera has had an HOA from day one (they have a community pool--which strikes me as a legitimate reason for an HOA), and all they do is ask me to pay their fees once a year and leave me alone. The HOA for Hysteria Lane has only been around since October and I am already sick of them.
The biggest issue I am having with them is that they keep telling me I have "weeds" in my yard. However, the four nasty-grams I have gotten from them are a bit nondescript when it comes to "weeds." I know for a fact, that one time when I got the compliance letter, the front yard was under four inches of snow,
This latest letter is threatening "Attorney Action" and is telling me once again, there are weeds. Now, you think I would employ a property management company to help me out with these kind of issues. Unfortunately, Flunky is my contact at the property management company for such things. And, he is a bit worthless. For one thing, he sent me pictures showing me how his yard company went out to the home and mowed it. Nope, not a weed. But I am not sure what they mowed, because the spring grass hasn't come in. Hopefully the tenant didn't pay dearly for that. However, another picture he sent me from that batch was of the tenant's junk lined up on the side of the home. The HOA isn't complaining about that. Yet. But I am. And I am sure the HOA will notice it soon.
When I discussed this matter via e-mail with Flunky yesterday, he said, "Is the HOA suggesting the tenant put down grass and maintain it, because I am not sure the tenants will agree to that." My reply was, "Then the tenant can move. Because if they can't afford a bag of grass seed, they certainly can't afford the rent."
When I called the HOA today I spoke with someone who swears she personally drives by and sees the weeds herself. I asked her how that was possible when one of the violation notices was on the day after the first snowfall of the year. She didn't have a reply. I then asked her if she could point out the weeds to the tenant, because we are all kind of befuddled. I also pointed out if they keep sending these nasty-grams, the tenant will move out. Nobody will want to rent the house and that won't help the value either.
I would like to say the conversation stayed professional. But my conscience is clear: I didn't start it. But I did ask if it was her company's policy to mimic the Third Reich, though I am pretty sure she didn't know what that meant.
Where it is left now is she is going to go by herself, take a picture of the weeds and send them to me so we can all verify there are such things growing in this yard. Meanwhile, I am going to e-mail Flunky and tell him to have the tenants move their crap from the side yard before the HOA-SS shows up.
Monday, February 22, 2016
If A Tree Falls In Moody Who Hears About It?
I haven't given the home in Moody the appropriate attention it deserves here on the ol' blog of late. After years of writing about Mr. Smith (who still lives directly across the street) and Ms. Kathy whose sister lives directly next door (I don't know if Ms. Kathy lives with her or just visits her on a daily basis), I have kind of wanted to put this house into the recesses of my mind and just go on with my life.
But I want a lot of things that I want aren't happening these days.
The house in Moody is a three bedroom, one bath, 1,100 square foot home. The yard is about a half acre, probably bigger. Though this house is tiny with one bathroom, I have never had trouble renting this place out. The schools, I hear, in Moody are fantastic and people line up to live in thisredneck dump charming village.*
To give you an idea of how charming Moody is, you have to drive past the--and I am not making this up--tombstone rental store on the way to the town center. The neighborhood where this home is located is behind the police department. The same police station that was flattened after a series of tornadoes went through a few years ago. However, this car is still in the parking lot.
Anyway, the house in Moody has been the source of a lot of consternation lately. First, a tree fell. A very tall tree. I am told it was in the back yard, but for the life of me, I cannot remember a tree in the back yard of this house. Fortunately, the only damage done by the tree was to the tree itself and to the 3 foot high chain link fence that (of course) separated my yard and the yard of Ms. Kathy's sister's house.
I found out about this because Flunky e-mailed me hours after this incident asking what he was supposed to do. His e-mail once again demonstrated that the years of charm school his mother invested into him were a complete waste. In all fairness, he did not know the fence in question was the one between my home and Ms. Kathy's sister, but that is still no reason to be obnoxious.
According to Flunky, the neighbor (who knows darn well who I am) was all up in arms about this. She was threatening all sorts of legal things if the "owner didn't fix it right away". This of course was a huge bluff because 1) I am not quite sure how much fixing is needed. It seems like cutting the wood, straightening out the fence and getting on with our lives would suffice, and 2) I doubt she can find a lawyer who will take on the great "a tree fell on my fence and I am devastated" case or afford the retainer for the one attorney in the greater Birmingham metropolitan area who would agree to this. But, that's just me.
*Now to be fair, Leeds is just across I-20 from Moody (think of it like a sister city) and there are many adjectives I would use to describe Leeds, and none of them would be "charming village."
But I want a lot of things that I want aren't happening these days.
The house in Moody is a three bedroom, one bath, 1,100 square foot home. The yard is about a half acre, probably bigger. Though this house is tiny with one bathroom, I have never had trouble renting this place out. The schools, I hear, in Moody are fantastic and people line up to live in this
To give you an idea of how charming Moody is, you have to drive past the--and I am not making this up--tombstone rental store on the way to the town center. The neighborhood where this home is located is behind the police department. The same police station that was flattened after a series of tornadoes went through a few years ago. However, this car is still in the parking lot.Anyway, the house in Moody has been the source of a lot of consternation lately. First, a tree fell. A very tall tree. I am told it was in the back yard, but for the life of me, I cannot remember a tree in the back yard of this house. Fortunately, the only damage done by the tree was to the tree itself and to the 3 foot high chain link fence that (of course) separated my yard and the yard of Ms. Kathy's sister's house.
I found out about this because Flunky e-mailed me hours after this incident asking what he was supposed to do. His e-mail once again demonstrated that the years of charm school his mother invested into him were a complete waste. In all fairness, he did not know the fence in question was the one between my home and Ms. Kathy's sister, but that is still no reason to be obnoxious.
According to Flunky, the neighbor (who knows darn well who I am) was all up in arms about this. She was threatening all sorts of legal things if the "owner didn't fix it right away". This of course was a huge bluff because 1) I am not quite sure how much fixing is needed. It seems like cutting the wood, straightening out the fence and getting on with our lives would suffice, and 2) I doubt she can find a lawyer who will take on the great "a tree fell on my fence and I am devastated" case or afford the retainer for the one attorney in the greater Birmingham metropolitan area who would agree to this. But, that's just me.
*Now to be fair, Leeds is just across I-20 from Moody (think of it like a sister city) and there are many adjectives I would use to describe Leeds, and none of them would be "charming village."
Friday, February 19, 2016
Victory-ish
Well, I passed. I would like to tell you with flying colors or some sort of other platitude, but I can't for two reasons:
1. I don't know my score. The testing center doesn't provide that.
2. The test was as much of a nightmare as last Tuesday's test, except the questions were different and the situations were trickier.
The test was truly, either one knew what they were doing, or they didn't. I guess I know what I am doing. ("You are holding an open house for a listing through your brokerage for another salesperson and a potential buyer comes in and asks you for details about the home, neighborhood and pricing. Your agency is now: an ostensible agent to the seller only, an implied agent to the buyer, a dual agent, or you are not providing any agency." By the way, the answer is dual agent.).
Now that the major component of getting my broker's license is out of the way, I have other tasks to accomplish. First, I don't have my broker's license. I still have to take three more classes--and I cannot stress how little desire I have to sit in a classroom right now. I also have to wait for my criminal clearance card to the State of Arizona to be processed and returned to me. Given I sent my fingerprints in two weeks ago and as of yesterday the check wasn't cashed, I am guessing I have time. Once the criminal clearance comes back, I then submit a bunch of paperwork to the Arizona Department of Real Estate and write them a big fat check.
In the meantime, I can work on our under-capitalized Alabama issues, get around to writing of the joys I am dealing with over in that neck of the woods (and there weird stories) and possibly--but I am not promising anything--do a load of laundry.
1. I don't know my score. The testing center doesn't provide that.
2. The test was as much of a nightmare as last Tuesday's test, except the questions were different and the situations were trickier.
The test was truly, either one knew what they were doing, or they didn't. I guess I know what I am doing. ("You are holding an open house for a listing through your brokerage for another salesperson and a potential buyer comes in and asks you for details about the home, neighborhood and pricing. Your agency is now: an ostensible agent to the seller only, an implied agent to the buyer, a dual agent, or you are not providing any agency." By the way, the answer is dual agent.).
Now that the major component of getting my broker's license is out of the way, I have other tasks to accomplish. First, I don't have my broker's license. I still have to take three more classes--and I cannot stress how little desire I have to sit in a classroom right now. I also have to wait for my criminal clearance card to the State of Arizona to be processed and returned to me. Given I sent my fingerprints in two weeks ago and as of yesterday the check wasn't cashed, I am guessing I have time. Once the criminal clearance comes back, I then submit a bunch of paperwork to the Arizona Department of Real Estate and write them a big fat check.
In the meantime, I can work on our under-capitalized Alabama issues, get around to writing of the joys I am dealing with over in that neck of the woods (and there weird stories) and possibly--but I am not promising anything--do a load of laundry.
Testing Update
First, Thank you for your comment Jeanne.
I passed the school test. It was 400 questions. The first 200 (TWO HUNDRED!) were like this:
"You purchased an improved quarter of a quarter section 15 years ago with a commercial structure with a current assessed value of $374,000 per $100 at $2.43 mil and have been renting it out for five years with $45000 in monthly expenses. What would you need to sell the building for to receive a 25% profit, after depreciation? What are the current taxes? What is the gross rent multiplier? What is the current cap rate, given no vacancies or credit? What is your acreage and how big is the structure given 37% for setbacks and easements? And how much wood, did the woodchuck chuck when its train left the station heading North at 4 p.m. New Zealand time?
It took me three and a half hours (of the five granted to me) to finish those questions.
The other test was two hundred law questions, which seemed like trivia questions by the time I got around to answering them.
I passed those tests, by the way.
Today I take the state test. It is also four hundred questions. These tests are broken into "Arizona-specific" and "national-specific" questions. I am told today's tests are "entirely different." I noticed nobody said "easier." All I am hoping at this point is there are no more train questions.
I passed the school test. It was 400 questions. The first 200 (TWO HUNDRED!) were like this:
"You purchased an improved quarter of a quarter section 15 years ago with a commercial structure with a current assessed value of $374,000 per $100 at $2.43 mil and have been renting it out for five years with $45000 in monthly expenses. What would you need to sell the building for to receive a 25% profit, after depreciation? What are the current taxes? What is the gross rent multiplier? What is the current cap rate, given no vacancies or credit? What is your acreage and how big is the structure given 37% for setbacks and easements? And how much wood, did the woodchuck chuck when its train left the station heading North at 4 p.m. New Zealand time?
It took me three and a half hours (of the five granted to me) to finish those questions.
The other test was two hundred law questions, which seemed like trivia questions by the time I got around to answering them.
I passed those tests, by the way.
Today I take the state test. It is also four hundred questions. These tests are broken into "Arizona-specific" and "national-specific" questions. I am told today's tests are "entirely different." I noticed nobody said "easier." All I am hoping at this point is there are no more train questions.
Thursday, February 18, 2016
It Wasn't Meant To Be
Luigi replied to my e-mail.
The first response was something completely unrelated to the e-mail I forwarded, showing that his company lost out on instant money. Seriously: it was theirs to loose.
Figuring he just skimmed the exchange between Amy and I, I wrote him back, acknowledging his comment and then directed him to the part where I asked for the tenant to be offered the right to buy the home (which she has been asking to purchase for more than a year).
His response: "Oh, ok."
Meanwhile, I contacted Kirby. We both got a laugh out of this and he said he would have "killed" one of his agents who walked away from an instant commission. It looks like the listing will be his.
The first response was something completely unrelated to the e-mail I forwarded, showing that his company lost out on instant money. Seriously: it was theirs to loose.
Figuring he just skimmed the exchange between Amy and I, I wrote him back, acknowledging his comment and then directed him to the part where I asked for the tenant to be offered the right to buy the home (which she has been asking to purchase for more than a year).
His response: "Oh, ok."
Meanwhile, I contacted Kirby. We both got a laugh out of this and he said he would have "killed" one of his agents who walked away from an instant commission. It looks like the listing will be his.
If I Had Done This Where I Work, I Would Have Been Fired
I would like to tell you I make this stuff up. But, I can't.
So, Mrs. Martin's lease is up at the end of March. I am not renewing it for a myriad of reasons, including the mortgage is owned by the same bank that is foreclosing on another property. They have threatened to attach a lien to one of our homes for the foreclosure. They can only do that if the mortgage is with them.
We bought at the wrong time. We are selling at a time undesirable for us. The home has a two and a half year old roof and a 6 month old HVAC system. The tenant is clean. I would like to tell you she pays on time but, no. I would have let her stay, despite being late, because she didn't want to move and I didn't want to deal with an empty house. But even if she did leave, the house rents easily and I make a profit.
Anyway, because I have to sell the house, it certainly would be ideal to sell it to the tenant. At least that's my line of thinking. And, it would save me some extra fees because I would only have to pay the property management company for their portion (3%). My contract with the property management company is set up so they can sell the house to the tenant if I so desire. And, until about 10 a.m. today, I desired.
I sent an e-mail to Ms. Amy. She works at the property management company. I like her well enough and find her to be responsive when I call. I am told I have an official contact at the office, but that person--who is in charge of managing a gazillion minus two homes--has never once contacted me. So, currently Ms. Amy is my only contact and for the past few weeks she is my current source of stress. But, that is for another, completely unrelated blog.
Back to this nonsense. So, I wrote an e-mail to Ms. Amy and asked her to forward it to the tenant. I offered the home to the tenant for sale at a complete fire-sale price, even if I add in what I would owe the property management company. I said I would like the sale to be completed by April 15 and we can part friends. For this to happen she would need to provide a prequalification letter no later than Feb. 29, 2016 and at that time Legal Owl or a representative from the property management company would write up the agreement. I also put in the e-mail if she wanted representation, I would not pay for it. But, if she wasn't interested in buying, then she needed to get her stuff out by the end of next month.
After I sent this e-mail I heard nothing back. I e-mailed Ms. Amy, who gave me some weird song and dance about how someone else is handling this particular tenant. But didn't answer my question: was my offer delivered to the tenant? I sent a second e-mail to Ms. Amy. This time she wrote me back. She said as a licensed real estate agent I should know better than to "work around" the property management company I am contracted with. So, no. She did not offer it for sale.
Let's get this straight: I have the tenant's email address and phone number. Heck, I even have the tenant's physical address. If I were going to "work around" the property management company, I WOULDN'T HAVE ASKED THE PROPERTY MANAGEMENT COMPANY TO OFFER THE HOME FOR SALE TO THE TENANT ON MY BEHALF.
Instead of pointing out the logic to Ms. Amy, bless her heart, I just told her I would be taking the home out of management April 1st or whenever the tenant moved out. Which ever came first. I would have a representative pick up the keys. And then I turned around and sent my conversation with Ms. Amy to Luigi--so he can see what his employees are doing. All I wrote was, "For the record, I gave your company first rights to sell this house."
So, Mrs. Martin's lease is up at the end of March. I am not renewing it for a myriad of reasons, including the mortgage is owned by the same bank that is foreclosing on another property. They have threatened to attach a lien to one of our homes for the foreclosure. They can only do that if the mortgage is with them.
We bought at the wrong time. We are selling at a time undesirable for us. The home has a two and a half year old roof and a 6 month old HVAC system. The tenant is clean. I would like to tell you she pays on time but, no. I would have let her stay, despite being late, because she didn't want to move and I didn't want to deal with an empty house. But even if she did leave, the house rents easily and I make a profit.
Anyway, because I have to sell the house, it certainly would be ideal to sell it to the tenant. At least that's my line of thinking. And, it would save me some extra fees because I would only have to pay the property management company for their portion (3%). My contract with the property management company is set up so they can sell the house to the tenant if I so desire. And, until about 10 a.m. today, I desired.
I sent an e-mail to Ms. Amy. She works at the property management company. I like her well enough and find her to be responsive when I call. I am told I have an official contact at the office, but that person--who is in charge of managing a gazillion minus two homes--has never once contacted me. So, currently Ms. Amy is my only contact and for the past few weeks she is my current source of stress. But, that is for another, completely unrelated blog.
Back to this nonsense. So, I wrote an e-mail to Ms. Amy and asked her to forward it to the tenant. I offered the home to the tenant for sale at a complete fire-sale price, even if I add in what I would owe the property management company. I said I would like the sale to be completed by April 15 and we can part friends. For this to happen she would need to provide a prequalification letter no later than Feb. 29, 2016 and at that time Legal Owl or a representative from the property management company would write up the agreement. I also put in the e-mail if she wanted representation, I would not pay for it. But, if she wasn't interested in buying, then she needed to get her stuff out by the end of next month.
After I sent this e-mail I heard nothing back. I e-mailed Ms. Amy, who gave me some weird song and dance about how someone else is handling this particular tenant. But didn't answer my question: was my offer delivered to the tenant? I sent a second e-mail to Ms. Amy. This time she wrote me back. She said as a licensed real estate agent I should know better than to "work around" the property management company I am contracted with. So, no. She did not offer it for sale.
Let's get this straight: I have the tenant's email address and phone number. Heck, I even have the tenant's physical address. If I were going to "work around" the property management company, I WOULDN'T HAVE ASKED THE PROPERTY MANAGEMENT COMPANY TO OFFER THE HOME FOR SALE TO THE TENANT ON MY BEHALF.
Instead of pointing out the logic to Ms. Amy, bless her heart, I just told her I would be taking the home out of management April 1st or whenever the tenant moved out. Which ever came first. I would have a representative pick up the keys. And then I turned around and sent my conversation with Ms. Amy to Luigi--so he can see what his employees are doing. All I wrote was, "For the record, I gave your company first rights to sell this house."
Sunday, February 14, 2016
A Random Posting from a Very Tired Student
So, I have spent the weekend studying for my broker's test. And at this point, I am confident I can pass the owner financing and property management section of the test (which happen to make up the two major components of we somewhat unsuccessfully did in Birmingham). My knowledge of everything else on the test is still questionable, though Marty Sunshine assures me I will be fine.
Studying has reminded me of a lot of Accidental Business aspects I have chosen to bury. Like how Jack and Late Attorney Jon approached us in 2007 about starting a Real Investment Trust and offered to bring in investors, using my business model and other people's money. They liked what I had to offer. They knew people who also liked what they heard about my accidental business. In fact, they had already been pitching the idea on our behalf long before they came to me.
Late Attorney Jon also got me in front of an SEC attorney in early 2008 so I could sell my idea and start the ball rolling. The attorneys bought off and were willing to work with us. All they needed in January of 2008 was commitment from us that we were ready to go forward. Then, the Birmingham economy crashed. That crash actually happened about four months before the rest of the country. But the distraction of our business model crashing, and the ensuing blog fodder from that experience meant we never went forward.
Oddly enough, though our business model was considered (by some) as "genius" at the time. It would now be considered felonious, because of the implementation of the Dodd-Frank Act in 2009. Everything has a purpose. And a season.
Polly and I were talking the other day and I said the biggest mistake I feel we made in our accidental business was not having a Plan B. Yes, we had an exit strategy. We just didn't have a secondary exit strategy. That's what we really needed. If nothing else, if I ever do anything along these lines again (IF) I will be wiser. And I will have a back up plan, a secondary back up plan and a tertiary back up plan.
Tuesday I take the school portion of my broker's test. It is five hours. It is broken down into two, 200 question tests that encompasses real estate law and real estate financing (not to be confused with the "owner financing" section I know with my eyes closed). Provided I pass, I will then, as some undisclosed date in time, take the state test, which is also comprised of two 200 question tests: a national portion and an Arizona specific portion.
What am I going to do with my new-found broker's license (provided I get that far)? I have no earthly clue. More or less, at this point I am just crossing it off my bucket list. I will then go on to my least-favorite activity this time of year: taxes. After taxes are done, maybe I will clean the house and move on with my life. But right now, that seems very far away.
Studying has reminded me of a lot of Accidental Business aspects I have chosen to bury. Like how Jack and Late Attorney Jon approached us in 2007 about starting a Real Investment Trust and offered to bring in investors, using my business model and other people's money. They liked what I had to offer. They knew people who also liked what they heard about my accidental business. In fact, they had already been pitching the idea on our behalf long before they came to me.
Late Attorney Jon also got me in front of an SEC attorney in early 2008 so I could sell my idea and start the ball rolling. The attorneys bought off and were willing to work with us. All they needed in January of 2008 was commitment from us that we were ready to go forward. Then, the Birmingham economy crashed. That crash actually happened about four months before the rest of the country. But the distraction of our business model crashing, and the ensuing blog fodder from that experience meant we never went forward.
Oddly enough, though our business model was considered (by some) as "genius" at the time. It would now be considered felonious, because of the implementation of the Dodd-Frank Act in 2009. Everything has a purpose. And a season.
Polly and I were talking the other day and I said the biggest mistake I feel we made in our accidental business was not having a Plan B. Yes, we had an exit strategy. We just didn't have a secondary exit strategy. That's what we really needed. If nothing else, if I ever do anything along these lines again (IF) I will be wiser. And I will have a back up plan, a secondary back up plan and a tertiary back up plan.
Tuesday I take the school portion of my broker's test. It is five hours. It is broken down into two, 200 question tests that encompasses real estate law and real estate financing (not to be confused with the "owner financing" section I know with my eyes closed). Provided I pass, I will then, as some undisclosed date in time, take the state test, which is also comprised of two 200 question tests: a national portion and an Arizona specific portion.
What am I going to do with my new-found broker's license (provided I get that far)? I have no earthly clue. More or less, at this point I am just crossing it off my bucket list. I will then go on to my least-favorite activity this time of year: taxes. After taxes are done, maybe I will clean the house and move on with my life. But right now, that seems very far away.
Tuesday, February 09, 2016
My Short Fuse
Someone broke into my vacant home Sunday and stole the fuses. yep. The fuses. And--because nothing is ever simple or inexpensive--these are special fuses that can only be summoned by a Tibetan shaman who needs to sacrifice a black Nubian goat on a stone altar in the back yard of my home on the third full moon of the fourth month that ends with a G.
So yea, I'm sending out an electrician to replace some damn fuses. The best price I got was from a guy named Buster for about $150. For fuses.
I am much more comfortable with Buster than I was with the other completely rational option I was considering: getting on an airplane, flying over there, renting a car, running into to Lowes, buying the fuses, screwing them into the fuse box and flying back--which was sounding like a completely reasonable course of action around 1 p.m. today. But that was before I found my new pal, Buster.
And, lest you think $150 is ridiculous price to replace these stupid things (who, I ask you, steals fuses??), I found much higher prices. Including from Flunky, who's price was somewhere close to Rwanda's GNP. Is there any wonder I never use my property management company to fix the most basic of items?
But the most irritating part of this entire ordeal isn't necessarily that I have to buy fuses. Instead, what annoys me the most is that I had to spend way too much time on finding the "best price" for fuse installation. Because there should never be a "best price" for this kind of nonsense.
Sunday, February 07, 2016
An Open Letter To The Bank Employees
Dear People Who Are Employed By the Bank,
It appears you are a bit upset with us. That is understandable. We have an obligation to pay and we aren't doing it. That has happened to me, and it frustrates me beyond belief too. Though I am the first to admit this isn't our finest hour, I am astonished that you--bank employees--are taking this way too personally. After all, if it wasn't for your policies, we wouldn't be in this mess.
Granted, we only have one other foreclosure to compare this experience to. It wasn't exactly a walk in the park, but for the most part, everyone Marty and I willingly spoke with during that experience was professional and kept it business-like. Granted, the folks from the call center in India who called me three times a day weren't as professional, but I give them a pass for two reasons: 1) I was usually a bitch if they interrupted something I was doing or when they got to the part of the phone call where they insisted they wanted me to state my social security number and 2) they aren't asset managers, but instead are sitting in some crowded room somewhere trying to collect on a debt.
Now then, you, People at the Bank, are a bit different. You have always treated this transaction as if it were an assault on your handicapped child. It is almost like Marty and I have personally offended you by defaulting on this loan. I have been asked by you folks, "Why would you do this when you have money?" Check my bank account. I don't have the money.
Oh wait! You did check my bank accounts. Several times, may I add. As you may remember, you asked for my bank accounts records many times after you called this loan due in September of 2014. At the time, we asked you to reconsider and cheerfully provided you with every piece of documentation you asked for in a timely manner. We did this repeatedly. Because you asked repeatedly. And what did you do? You asked for more.
Then you asked for obscure items, like access to my daughter's bank account information. At that point, we said no. Other people than us have bank accounts. You aren't asking for their accounts. And by the way, my daughter doesn't have a stellar bank balance either. You would have been disappointed. By the way, the reason our bank balances aren't anything to write home about is that we truly spent everything we could keeping this business afloat.
Essentially, the way we see it is simply: we wouldn't be in this situation had you not called the loan due for no reason. And, more importantly if you had worked with us when we were willing to work with you this would never had happened. So, cooperation a year ago--when I had a paying tenant in place--would have been a true win-win.
But when this started, that wasn't the only example of your unprofessionalism. Some "committee" you have, rejected five full-price offers in a short sale. You may also remember we asked for a deed in lieu of foreclosure, making sure we could speed the process up, and one of you--bank employees--even wrote me back and said, "to be honest, I don't know how to do that."
When we finally got a letter from your company's attorney, we called that attorney and pled our case: the bank, your client, called the loan due, if they hadn't, nothing would have changed and we would have been paying on time. Since then our long-term tenant moved out and we saw no reason to put money into the home to make it rent-ready, when this time last year, we were being repeatedly told the likelihood of modification was minimal.
We also explained to the attorney, that some committee at the bank agreed to a short sale. Then reneged. They then refused to do a deed in lieu because they "don't know how." And now here we are. Your attorney was baffled when she heard this. She asked if we were "sure" we understood correctly. Yes we were sure. And she was even more baffled when she found out we weren't making it up.
And then, there was silence. Every month or so, Marty would call and ask what was going on with the foreclosure. We would be told "we will call you soon." And then there was no call. Again. Finally after we informed you, bank employees, that we did not have the money to pay the property taxes, you became motivated.
After all of that nonsense, there has been a significant amount of silence from you folks. Having nothing better to do, and realizing there might be a chance of vandalism, squatters and who-knows-what-else going on Marty called you this week. And when you spoke to Marty, for whatever reason, you bank employees, were angry--as if we did this to you, not your organization. You snarkly threatened Marty with wage garnishment. You threatened to tack a lien on to another one of our properties. You said a lot of things, I double-dog-dare you to put in writing so that I may show my attorney. You even told us if we just, "gave you the keys" you could "save us some money." Are you kidding? Let's face it, I don't think there is any "saving us some money" at this point. Besides, we have been offering to give you keys for the past 10 months.
What would be ideal is you just hurry up the foreclosure process. Nail our credit and send us ugly letters. I know this isn't over. I am weirdly at peace about this. But for some reason, Bank Employees, your underwear is in bunches over our default. Let it go. We are.
It appears you are a bit upset with us. That is understandable. We have an obligation to pay and we aren't doing it. That has happened to me, and it frustrates me beyond belief too. Though I am the first to admit this isn't our finest hour, I am astonished that you--bank employees--are taking this way too personally. After all, if it wasn't for your policies, we wouldn't be in this mess.
Granted, we only have one other foreclosure to compare this experience to. It wasn't exactly a walk in the park, but for the most part, everyone Marty and I willingly spoke with during that experience was professional and kept it business-like. Granted, the folks from the call center in India who called me three times a day weren't as professional, but I give them a pass for two reasons: 1) I was usually a bitch if they interrupted something I was doing or when they got to the part of the phone call where they insisted they wanted me to state my social security number and 2) they aren't asset managers, but instead are sitting in some crowded room somewhere trying to collect on a debt.
Now then, you, People at the Bank, are a bit different. You have always treated this transaction as if it were an assault on your handicapped child. It is almost like Marty and I have personally offended you by defaulting on this loan. I have been asked by you folks, "Why would you do this when you have money?" Check my bank account. I don't have the money.
Oh wait! You did check my bank accounts. Several times, may I add. As you may remember, you asked for my bank accounts records many times after you called this loan due in September of 2014. At the time, we asked you to reconsider and cheerfully provided you with every piece of documentation you asked for in a timely manner. We did this repeatedly. Because you asked repeatedly. And what did you do? You asked for more.
Then you asked for obscure items, like access to my daughter's bank account information. At that point, we said no. Other people than us have bank accounts. You aren't asking for their accounts. And by the way, my daughter doesn't have a stellar bank balance either. You would have been disappointed. By the way, the reason our bank balances aren't anything to write home about is that we truly spent everything we could keeping this business afloat.
Essentially, the way we see it is simply: we wouldn't be in this situation had you not called the loan due for no reason. And, more importantly if you had worked with us when we were willing to work with you this would never had happened. So, cooperation a year ago--when I had a paying tenant in place--would have been a true win-win.
But when this started, that wasn't the only example of your unprofessionalism. Some "committee" you have, rejected five full-price offers in a short sale. You may also remember we asked for a deed in lieu of foreclosure, making sure we could speed the process up, and one of you--bank employees--even wrote me back and said, "to be honest, I don't know how to do that."
When we finally got a letter from your company's attorney, we called that attorney and pled our case: the bank, your client, called the loan due, if they hadn't, nothing would have changed and we would have been paying on time. Since then our long-term tenant moved out and we saw no reason to put money into the home to make it rent-ready, when this time last year, we were being repeatedly told the likelihood of modification was minimal.
We also explained to the attorney, that some committee at the bank agreed to a short sale. Then reneged. They then refused to do a deed in lieu because they "don't know how." And now here we are. Your attorney was baffled when she heard this. She asked if we were "sure" we understood correctly. Yes we were sure. And she was even more baffled when she found out we weren't making it up.
And then, there was silence. Every month or so, Marty would call and ask what was going on with the foreclosure. We would be told "we will call you soon." And then there was no call. Again. Finally after we informed you, bank employees, that we did not have the money to pay the property taxes, you became motivated.
After all of that nonsense, there has been a significant amount of silence from you folks. Having nothing better to do, and realizing there might be a chance of vandalism, squatters and who-knows-what-else going on Marty called you this week. And when you spoke to Marty, for whatever reason, you bank employees, were angry--as if we did this to you, not your organization. You snarkly threatened Marty with wage garnishment. You threatened to tack a lien on to another one of our properties. You said a lot of things, I double-dog-dare you to put in writing so that I may show my attorney. You even told us if we just, "gave you the keys" you could "save us some money." Are you kidding? Let's face it, I don't think there is any "saving us some money" at this point. Besides, we have been offering to give you keys for the past 10 months.
What would be ideal is you just hurry up the foreclosure process. Nail our credit and send us ugly letters. I know this isn't over. I am weirdly at peace about this. But for some reason, Bank Employees, your underwear is in bunches over our default. Let it go. We are.
Saturday, February 06, 2016
Tenant Satisfaction Survey
So, one of the owners of the property management company I work for was having a tough day.
Tenant Satisfaction Survey
1. Is the rent too damn high? Y/N
2. Should the Management Company/Owner not expect the full rent on the 1st? Y/N
3. Do you find the ‘5-day notices to pay’ annoying? Y/N
4. Are you tired of paying management fees? Y/N
5. Should the owner be the one paying these fees? Y/N
6. Are you tired of being hounded by the HOA/City? Y/N
7. Should the Owner pay the fines due/assessments? Y/N
8. Is your ledger too hard to understand? Y/N
9. Should we be more apologetic to you when you are unable to schedule with a vendor? Y/N
10. Are we not meeting your every need? Y/N
11. Should the Accounting Department ‘cease and desist’ from demanding rent payments? Y/N
We take your satisfaction very seriously. Please feel free to add any comments below. Then, fold the paper into the shape of your favorite airplane and aim for the closest trash bin.
Sincerely,
Us
Tenant Satisfaction Survey
1. Is the rent too damn high? Y/N
2. Should the Management Company/Owner not expect the full rent on the 1st? Y/N
3. Do you find the ‘5-day notices to pay’ annoying? Y/N
4. Are you tired of paying management fees? Y/N
5. Should the owner be the one paying these fees? Y/N
6. Are you tired of being hounded by the HOA/City? Y/N
7. Should the Owner pay the fines due/assessments? Y/N
8. Is your ledger too hard to understand? Y/N
9. Should we be more apologetic to you when you are unable to schedule with a vendor? Y/N
10. Are we not meeting your every need? Y/N
11. Should the Accounting Department ‘cease and desist’ from demanding rent payments? Y/N
We take your satisfaction very seriously. Please feel free to add any comments below. Then, fold the paper into the shape of your favorite airplane and aim for the closest trash bin.
Sincerely,
Us
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