Strangely Silent

Today is the end of the month. I realized this on Thursday, around 11 p.m., after I had just sacrificed an exorbitant amount of cell minutes talking down my seller from the precipice she was on. While on the call, the my client mentioned August was almost over. That reminded me of two of my sisters in laws whose birthdays are both late August. One turned 40 yesterday. The other would have been 39 today if she were still with us. 

Month end also means my mortgages are due. And, wouldn't you know it, all three tenants I personally manage: (Mrs. Sherwood Forest, Ms. Angie and Mrs. Green) had not sent in the rent. At 11 p.m. Thursday night, I found this freakishly alarming and odd and--forgetting my pet peeve about time zones--texted them all immediately inquiring politely about where the hell rent money happened to be.

Actually, I had texted Mrs. Green earlier in the week, asking if she was moving out, and did not receive a response. I sent her the exact same text a second time on Thursday night, which she still hasn't acknowledged. That whole thing is grounds for another blog and I might be motivated to write about this weekend.

Mrs. Sherwood Forest was gracious enough to text me around 10 a.m. her time on Friday. She followed up two minutes later with a phone call and an explanation. Twenty minutes after that she was at the bank. I was never worried about Mrs. Sherwood Forest. In fact, I have never worried about any of these three.

Until now.

Ms. Angie, who has been my wonderful tenant for years and years, has not responded to my first inquiry. Nor did she respond to a second text. This is totally bizarre.

Ms. Angie started calling me years before she ever moved in. She wanted to rent from me in the worst way. Though flattering, I never completely understood this. I don't know where she got my phone number, primarily because I have a hard time understanding her drawl. Over the course of years, she looked at a few of my homes before she decided on the one she is in now.

She has been a loyal tenant for a long time. She is the first tenant to call me when she is going to be a day late (I finally told her she didn't need to do that--now I wish I hadn't). Last month she was slightly short on rent. In the entire time she has rented from me, she has never once been short. Ever. So, I let it slide. I am hoping it isn't a sign of things to come.

I am so flabbergasted by Ms. Angie's silence, that I asked Carolsue if she could swing by this weekend and just make sure Ms Angie is alive. If Carolsue is too busy to go (which may be, I recall something about a trip out of state to a family reunion--or she may just have a life of her own), I may have to go with a process server giving her an eviction notice to get her to respond to me. And that just makes me sad.

I genuinely like Ms. Angie and don't think she is stiffing me on the rent (though I won't rule that out because I have lived it before). I am just hoping she was away for a couple of days of well-earned vacation and she will call me today to tell me something I will probably not understand. Hopefully the gist will be she has the rent.

National Bliz Day

When God was passing out friends, He gave me an extra-special one. Happy Birthday dear Bliz. I would say how long we have been friends, but I don't want to frighten you.

I hope you have a wonderful day. And here's some orange candy for you--your favorite I am sure. 

The Administrative Matter (Part 3)

Mrs. C. had left my house without notice in 2010. At the time I was furious she didn't tell me. A friend advised me to always leave everything on good terms with everyone I meet because you never know when you will need a favor. I had remembered that advice at the time and now I am glad I did.

Mrs. C. signed a new quit claim deed last August. She e-mailed me when she heard from Flip's people and asked what was going on. We had a lovely chat. Mr. C. had passed on. She was doing fine. Her grandkids were being homeschooled. And she would take care of this silly little administrative matter immediately. Which she did.

The Cox's weren't as easy to find. They had moved. Then Flip stopped answering phone calls and e-mails. Looking back, I have to wonder if he had just thought we were done with this particular issue and didn't give it more thought--even though he still got bi monthly e-mails from me asking for an update. I do know my issue with Attorney Jon was very minor compared to others I have heard about.

Last April, Flip sent me a letter suggesting I talk with another attorney about any fees I may have incurred. He told me to call him (Flip) to discuss my options. I called. I e-mailed. I whined. I didn't hear back.

The fees aside, I really cared about getting this house back in my name. Panic started setting in around May. What if this was a bigger deal than I thought and Flip was just protecting the Late Mrs. Attorney Jon (they are long-time friends)? What if, because of Jack (my now former business partner), I have been blacklisted somehow? Was I being ignored because I no longer have "connections" in the South? That's how things work down there. What if Flip knew something more about this and didn't want to commit to a lawsuit? What if Flip didn't want his name associated with this mess? Was their a lien on the property I didn't know about? Did Mr. Cox take his truck in a drunken rage and run it into a shopping mall and now their is a lawsuit?

In an effort to get this resolved, I started shopping around for a new lawyer. I wanted someone who was not friendly with Flip--which turned out is pretty much nobody. I wanted someone who did not know about the Late Attorney Jon. When I would talk with lawyers, I would hear variations of, "Bless your heart," which meant, "You are so screwed. There is no way in hell's half acre I am touching this mess."

I spoke with both Mario and Kirby about lawyer referrals. This house happens to be managed by Mario but Kirby had managed it at one time. Because Kirby and I are friendly, I told him this whole sorted tale. "I managed a home you didn't own!?" he yelped. "Do you know how illegal that is?" I pointed out that he doesn't manage it now, Mario does. And please don't tell Mario. Kirby said something along the lines of, "I'm backing away and we never discussed this," which was fine with me. 

One lawyer asked me how could he know I didn't forge these documents and did I have some sort of vendetta against the Cox's? I told him I have evidence that late Attorney Jon had recorded other deeds for me before and I could bring in former tenant-owners (though where I would find them I did not know) to testify. I had e-mails between Jon and I. And, though--I don't remember doing this, but thank God I did--I had scanned a copy of the original signed quit claim deed from the Cox's before I mailed it to Jon back in 2009.

Another lawyer gave a low whistle when I said the Late Attorney Jon was my lawyer at one time. "Don't you know about him?" he asked. I replied that he was a very nice man who loved his wife and daughters. Even I know that is a stalemate in the South.

In the month of July, I spoke with about 18 lawyers. Many left me in tears. Some passed me on to other attorneys. I left messages for more lawyers than that. Most said what I wanted would cost a lot of money and I might loose, so thanks anyway. When I countered this was a small administrative matter and all we had to do was find the Cox's--I have their social security numbers--and have them sign a quit claim deed again, I was given more scenarios about how badly this could go.

I didn't sleep much last month.

I did talk to a few attorneys who knew Flip. Each one asked me why Flip did not finish this. I always replied that I thought this was a small matter and Flip was too busy. One told me I should make him. I was too humiliated to tell him Flip wouldn't take my calls.

Finally, though sheer clairvoyance or perhaps enough of the lawyers I talked to called Flip, I got a response to an e-mail I sent him in early June. He said they found the Cox's in a Northern state and he would be in touch. That was it.

A week later another e-mail came from Flip. A letter, quit claim and a check for $50 was being sent to the Cox's for their trouble. They knew nothing of this ahead of time and would be finding a Fed Ex on their doorstep sometime the next day.  A copy of the letter was sent to me. It was wordy, filled with "henceforths," and "wherewithals" and other legal speak. He also referenced the abandonment and default clauses Jon and I wordsmithed the night of our phone call all those years earlier.

I have to tell you, if I didn't know the ins and outs of this situation, I would have had to read the letter about six times to get the gist. I am sure the "avoiding a lawsuit" verbiage, the $50 check and the "sign right here" post it note was all they were looking at.

Yesterday Flip e-mailed me. He started the letter with "Booyah" and attached a copy of the new signed quit claim deed. It is being filed with Shelby County this week.

I saw Mr. Partner Wednesday and told him the news. Then Marty Sunshine jumped in and explained what an ordeal this was. I think he wanted Mr. Partner to appreciate my nightmare.

Because of the Dodd-Frank Law, as well as my own personal experiences, I will not be doing owner financing again any time soon. However, a friend of mine is now in a funny situation where she is considering owner financing for a tenant of hers. I have shared this story with her, and hopefully she will think long and hard before doing so. I have also offered her a copy of the contract the Late Attorney Jon helped me write. Just in case.

The Administrative Matter (Part 2)

When someone goes through the process of ending their life--someone who boasts of being married to the "light of his life" and leaves behind five daughters who are everything to him--one can assume the person in question has a few things going on. No matter how wonderful one thinks the person happens to be.

I will always think the world of the Late Attorney Jon. Always. Suicides are never easy to process, especially when it isn't up to me to absorb everything and figure out the whys. I was merely a client of his who happened to live 1,700 miles away. And for that matter, he rarely charged me for anything he did for me. I remember one time, when our business was in much better shape, I absolutely insisted he bill me. He sent me a bill for $25 for about 20 hours of work. I paid him $50.

What I came to find out was the Late Attorney Jon was disorganized. I also found out he had a few demons--but that is not something I wish to dwell on. I heard this and that from various sources and was able to fill in the pieces. There is nothing like telling someone, "Well, I've heard rumors" and the other person (in this case it was from Attorney Flip and Jack) voluntarily filled in the blanks. Neither asked what I knew--which wasn't nearly as much as they independently shared with me. The bigger picture of Attorney Jon doesn't make the man I knew any less likeable. It just made him human.

He will always be that guy at 10 p.m. one Friday night who had two giggling daughters in his car, crawling all over him, reading through my contract, giving me pointers, while waiting for his eldest child to finish basketball practice. We talked business on the phone that night for an hour and a half. That phone call years ago saved my hide this past month.

That said, the Late Attorney Jon left me a mess. He did not take care of those two deeds. We were vulnerable. If Mrs. C. was involved and responsible for some sort of major car accident, the victims in question would be able to go after all of Mrs. C's assets--including a home where I was paying the mortgage and the taxes. It would not matter one bit if I had a loan on the house. The house belonged to Mrs. C. If Mr. and Mrs. Cox didn't pay their income taxes, their would be a lien on the property I own.

And, to add to this, I was told by more than one attorney though the contracts we had with these people clearly stated the house would be ours if they defaulted, if the Cox's or Mrs. C wanted to reclaim the properties and pay us the back payments, they could then go after us for the rent we received. And, getting this resolved would probably involve lawsuits, judges and a lot of expense. One lawyer actually said to me, yes, it is nice and everything on paper but the Late Attorney Jon was your lawyer and judges aren't going to be excited about any contract he was involved in.

Yay us.

After Jon died, I asked Legal Eagle if she would take care of this. She said no she wasn't touching it. It was too messy for the amount of time and attention it deserved. I countered with it was a small administrative issue and she repeated the potential consequences at stake. I knew this of course, but I was going with the optimist best-case scenario.

After a year, I found out that the Alabama BAR had assigned Flip to Late Attorney Jon's affairs. When I met with him last summer, I found out how disorganized Jon was. In the conference room, stacked top to bottom, were box after box of the Jon's files. And, those were only the recent ones. There were plenty more boxes in storage. When I spoke with Flip, I assured him I had seen the quit claim deed for the Cox's six months before Jon died. Flip went through ever single file Jon had in the course of time and found many things related to me. But that deed has never been found.

To be continued

The Administrative Matter (Part 1)

I slept better last night than I had in years. This morning I woke up refreshed. And grateful! I can't forget grateful.

Years ago, our business model was to purchase a home, allow the tenant to purchase it from us with owner financing. The tenant would essentially own the home and we were the mortgage company. This model worked fabulously in Arizona. It was 100 percent successful.

When we started buying rental homes in Birmingham, we didn't want to be landlords. So, we offered the same terms: rent for a year then buy, then refinance us out in three to five years. This did not work fabulously. In fact, it was very unfabulous. Only one Birmingham tenant fulfilled this contract. Because the model failed, we became landlords and the rest you can read about in the archives of this blog. Hence, we have an accidental business.

Part of the reason for this failure has to do with what happened in 2008. As you may remember, the housing market tanked. And then the economy. Or vice-versa. It doesn't really matter. They both went out in a fiery death, leaving me with a gazillion homes that were now underwater.

In 2008, one family, the Cox's, filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy. Chapter 11 means they were reorganizing their debt. As a mortgagor, they missed a payment and repaid me in increments based on the terms of the bankruptcy. Essentially, they wanted to keep the house.

In 2009 Mr. Cox lost his job of 18 years when his company closed down. He called me to tell me this was the case, but assured me all was good. Two weeks later they filed Chapter 7 bankruptcy and included the house. This wasn't a reorganization, but a cut ties and start anew.

When I got word of the bankruptcy, there was a lot of mayhem and panic on my end. I could not find a lawyer to help me (it was out of Legal Eagle's scope of reference) and I wasn't sure what I could do anyway. They have a right to file. They can also walk away from the home--which I later found out they were doing.

This wasn't really an issue. Because, as part of my owner financing, I have a clause that says if the property is abandoned it goes back to me. And, to solidify this point, I made every tenant who is buying the house from me and using our company as their mortgage company sign a quit claim deed up front. If the tenant doesn't perform, the quit claim deed is recorded and the home becomes mine again.

The late Attorney Jon was my lawyer for this. In my early years he helped me fine-tune my contract. Jon told me once my quit claim deed idea was clever. And, he also added an addendum when the tenant-owner signed my contract saying they knew they were signing a quit claim deed. They also had to initial this and the clause about default in my contract. So, there was 100 percent transparency. Everyone knew what was going on. Everyone agreed.

Because the owner financing business model tanked so badly around this time, the late Attorney Jon filed a lot of quit claim deeds with the county recorder for me from 2008 to 2010. However, he missed two. One belonged to the Cox's. The other belonged to Mrs. C. I was aware these two were pending. The Late Attorney Jon was also aware. There were slight issues with both--easily resolved at the time with a phone call or two. I contacted the Late Attorney Jon on a regular basis to gently remind him to get this done. Without these deeds recorded both tenants still owned the home.

Though we were paying our mortgages, insurance and taxes, all while collecting rent, we had no legal claim to the property. And, if either the Cox's or Mrs. C had a creditor come after them, the creditor could slap a lien on the property. Or worse, what if one of them was involved in some sort of criminal act or a car accident. The property would be collateral for either of them if there was a lawsuit. And, there was nothing I could do.

I discussed all this with the Late Attorney Jon when I went to visit him in February 2011. Our visit was for the sole purpose of getting the nitty-gritty details done. He showed me the actual original quit claim deed he had with the Cox's and said he would get it filed. No worries. He would get with Mrs. C. and take care of that issue. An easy fix he assured me. He hugged me as I walked out after our lovely visit. That was the last time I saw him.

The Late Attorney Jon took his life July 18, 2011. 

To be continued

Flipping Estatic

The e-mail today from Attorney Flip started with "Booyah!" and I darn near lost it.

The stress from this particular issue--and there has been a bit--released as the adrenaline flushed from my body, leaving behind a peace in its wake. A peace I haven't felt in a long time.

My minor administrative issue is officially resolved. I will write about it later. I am still processing how grateful I am. And trust me, I am grateful. 

Fingers and Toes Crossed

I got a very thick envelope from Flip on Saturday. I was terrified to open it, as thick envelopes from lawyers tend to include words like "billable hours" and "pay in full."

However, in this case it wasn't. It was a copy of a letter sent to a former tenant. Apparently Flip found my tenant, sent them a Fed Ex with a letter explaining how we needed their help to resolve this ultra-minor administrative matter. All it will take is a signature from them.

From what I can tell, he didn't call them ahead of time to tell them it was coming. So, my former tenants got a long-winded letter explaining the Late Attorney Jon didn't do everything he was supposed to do. And, could my former tenants be totally awesome and do what the needed to do so a lawsuit wouldn't be filed? In consideration for their time enclosed was a check for $50.

Attorney Flip had e-mailed me last week and told me he was doing this. But now it seems real. When he did this last year (there were two issues), the former tenant e-mailed me immediately and asked about it. I was sort of hoping this tenant would do the same. So far, nothing.

Hopefully this will be resolved with no drama and hopefully the next time I get a letter from Flip it will be a very thin envelope.

Mario Party

Sadly it appears my relationship with Mario's company is tenuous at best. It isn't that I dislike these people on a personal level, though they are working really hard for me to do so. Simply, they they have spent the summer grating on my last nerve.

For example, after a repair was made without my authorization, everyone seemed to get on the same page. In fact a few days later, the tenant made another request for repair. This time for a ceiling fan. This time the work order was sent to me for authorization.

The work order was forwarded to two people before it was sent to me. In the "special notes" section of the work order it stated: "Fiona Landlord." I swear I am not paranoid by nature. However I got the distinct impression that was code for "She's a complete pain in the ass."

Because of the ongoing issue Flip is taking care of, I asked for a copy of the lease on this house. I did receive it. I also received a long dissertation from Mario's minion on the correct procedure for getting a copy of the lease for my house. That's nice. However, when time is of the essence, I am not interested in figuring out my login to some Web site, having my password reset and then spending an hour and a half combing through this and that to find the lease. When I ask Kirby's folks for this kind of thing, I actually get it without any sass.

And finally, if I wasn't through enough with these clowns, they have a new employee: Danny. Danny e-mailed me last Friday and relayed a request from the tenant. His request was polite, professional and referred to me as "Mrs. Landlord." In his request, he told me the tenant has a 6 year old, 15 pound dog that was currently living in foster care. Would I allow her pet?

I am not a fan of dogs in a rental property, but I don't have a problem with a crate trained, housebroken adult dog. In this case, the tenant has a two year lease and I am probably changing out the carpet anyway when she moves out.

I told Danny that was fine, she could have the dog (with correct deposits, etc.). I also mentioned as a rule I wasn't excited about pets in rentals. In his reply, he greeted me with "Hey Ma'am" instead of Dear Mrs. Landlord--which is the level of familiarity we were on.

There is no, "Hey Ma'am"! That is not my name. I don't "hey ma'am" anyone I am on a professionally-named basis with.

Anyway, Danny wrote back saying, "Hey Ma'am..." and suggested I "sleep on my decision." What??!! I already said yes to the dog. I again told him it was fine, I didn't want to put more thought into it and by the way, next time I am in town I will probably want to tour this house. I haven't done so in years.

Danny wrote me back Sunday morning. He was back to Mrs. Landlord. However, he told me I'd better give him 48 hour notice before I show up.

Yes. I will do that. That would be common courtesy. But beforehand it would be really awesome if he he and his colleagues stopped bossing me around.

A Simple Courtesy

The house Mario manages for me came vacant June 1. I had heard it would be vacant but there had been no follow up until I e-mailed them and asked about 15 days later. In truth, I didn't care if it was vacant. In the recesses of my brain, I was hoping it would be.

My contract with Mario stipulates if I have a vacant home for 30 days I can fire him. I was thinking of doing so. Part of me likes having two property managers. If something goes wrong with one company, or if one property manager can't rent out the house (Kirby had this one vacant for months), I can give it to the other property manager. And though I prefer Kirby on a personal level, I know Mario is working hard to keep my business, because he knows I have other homes that could be his.

And actually, I would have preferred to give him my Waterford home and my home in Alabaster, as they are geographically close and it would have made sense to split up the houses in property management that way. However Mario is expensive. The little tiff he and I got into (where he told me to go have my husband explain something to me so I would understand it--a comment I have heard he regrets and one I haven't forgotten) was about his company taking liberties I did not authorize.

Granted, the work needed to be done. It was probably for the best, but it came out of a dried up bucket of money. If I had been told upfront he was going to make those repairs, we could have made arrangements and not been scrambling for months later to get those bills paid.

Mario's folks got the house rented in record time: June 29. I was pleased. They got a good rental price and the tenant sounds like she is stable. I suspect they were pleased too up until the point where one of Mario's minion sent me an e-mail last week: saying they did a bunch of work I did not authorize.

And now nobody is happy. Marty Sunshine countered that the repair in question (the air conditioner) needed to be done and the price wasn't terrible. That didn't stop me from discussing this with everyone over there who would listen--and a few who wouldn't. And yes, I understand this is what a property management company does--they fix these types of problems so I don't have to. There is a certain amount of peace that goes with that.

My point is, if I can be sent an e-mail after the fact, why can't I be told prior to the repairs being made? It is a simple courtesy that will help me make informed decisions.

Possibly Flipping Forward

I proclaimed to Marty Sunshine at 7:30 a.m. that Attorney Flip was my second-favorite living attorney. I bizarre honor I am certain, but one he earned by e-mailing me on a Saturday morning.

Flip e-mailed me to ask me a quick question regarding how the wording of the deed for one of our homes should actually read. His e-mail was a suggestion that perhaps my small administrative matter was being handled and would be over soon.

I am hoping things are looking up. Because I need this resolved. It has been looming too long. 

I am Not Crazy

I swear Mr. Partner is toying with my sanity. Last week, he sent an e-mail to Marty Sunshine (because he won't write me). Mr. Partner just wanted our LLC's Web site. He said he lost the URL. Could he have it please?

"We don't have a Web site." I told Marty, quickly racking my brain, just to make sure I am right.

I then did that thing that makes me sound unstable or angry. I said, "Why would we have a Web site? What purpose would it serve? When would I have made a Web site and why would I have done it?" I was really just processing this in my head, because all of the sudden, I wasn't sure.

In the end, I looked up everything related to the LLC the Partners and the Sunshines own just to make absolutely, 100 percent sure I was right. Nope. No Web site and 45 minutes of my life I can't get back.

I am sure Mr. Partner had the purest of intentions, but I already have enough crazy in my life.

Well, What Do You Know?

In a bizarre turn of events, Attorney Flip wrote me early this morning. He had an update--as in he (or a member of his staff) had done actual work on this file. Hmmm... I wonder how many lawyers in Birmingham called him and asked about this particular case. Or, maybe he reads this blog? (Hello Flip!--Just in case.)

Not that it matters. It looks like there has been some significant headway. I suspect the "headway" was done in the past few days, but whatever! I am just glad there was action. There may possibly, maybe, be a light at the end of this long, dark tunnel. Here's hoping to a happy ending sooner than later.

Boarding the Hope Train

In my real estate life, I have listed a home about a mile away from my house. So, every morning or so, I go for my walk and I walk by my listing. The house is vacant. The owners are out of state. It isn't my job as a real estate agent to maintain the house or check on it, but it doesn't hurt to have an extra set of eyes on the place. Not that it does me any good. Because I have now been over there twice only to discover at 6:30 a.m. that something was stolen.

So, there I was Friday morning at 6:30 a.m. grumbling about why someone would steal something stupid out of the padlocked back yard, when my phone rang. It was from a 205 area code. Normally when my phone rings with a 205 area code at some horrid hour of the day, it is usually Ms. Angie in a panic because a thingy is broken/on fire/flooding. She saves the rent will be late for a reasonable hour.

But not Friday's call! It was Hope with a Southern draw.

Honey Jo's boss was on the other end of the phone! Sadly, this attorney knew all the players. When I told him the Late Attorney Jon was my former lawyer he said "oh." Not the kind of "oh" one uses to fill in a pause in a conversation or inquire politely about the weather, but as in the long syllabled type of "oh" that usually has a four letter word after it for affect.

When I brought up Attorney Flip, he started telling me what a wonderful guy Flip is and a darn good lawyer too. And why don't I just make Attorney Flip finish the job? I didn't point out the obvious Flip hasn't even bothered to have an intern return one of my calls. Either he isn't as wonderful as people think, or it is me. And I haven't ruled that out--I just don't want to go there.

The gist of my conversation with Honey Jo's boss was that he would look at my paperwork (which I sent him) and he will get back to me. He might even give Attorney Flip a call. Oh goody.

Right now I am riding the Hope Train that Honey Jo's boss will call me back soon with good news.

Just Saying...

There is nothing so humiliating and depressing as being blown off by every legal person in Birmingham, including someone as pleasant sounding as "Honey Jo." 

Update on The Great Lawyer Hunt

I have left another voice mail and e-mail for Attorney Flip. I didn't expect him to respond to either, but at least I can use this as part of the information it appears I will be turning into the Alabama BAR.

My complaint is simple: I paid for services. I am not getting services, nor have I gotten services. In fact, all I have gotten is a bill and silence. Flip could fire me as a client if he didn't want to assist me. But he hasn't. Therefore, he is on the hook at the moment for giving me an explanation as to what is going on with my issue (though I can pretty much answer that: he is doing nothing about it).

The extremely unhelpful person at the Alabama BAR Association did tell me she couldn't do anything but direct me to their Web site where I can file a complaint. The only issue with filing a complaint is that it doesn't get me closer to getting my situation resolved. However, it may very well cause Flip to get off his caseload and give me an update on what has been done. I can take that information to a new attorney. Which is all I really expect at this point.

Meanwhile I have been attorney hunting. Kirby gave me the name of two people. One of whom I know is very familiar with the Late Attorney Jon. So, I am going to pass on that one.

The other name Kirby gave me is an attorney who specializes in "the hood." I am not sure if this is what I need for a small administrative matter, but I am running out of options. When I called the Hood Lawyer, I was told he is out of town for a week. When I asked if that meant until Monday or next Wednesday, I was informed through an extremely thick drawl that I could barely understand, "August 5." Last time I checked, that would be more than a week. The assistant didn't offer to take a message for me either. I think.

Oh yes, and just to summarize how the Great Lawyer Hunt is shaping up: I also left a message for someone named--and I am not making this up--"Honey Jo."

Baseball or Grammar?

I have two posts written neither are ready to be posted. Sorry.

I do have some news. For those of you familiar with the Marty Sunshine employment saga, he has been offered a lateral position with his company. This job should be lay-off proof and keep him employed for the long haul. This is a heavy burden that has been lifted from the Sunshine household.

The following is the best I have today. I realize I may be the only person in the world who loves grammar humor. You had your choice of this or a rant about how the Diamondbacks are no longer in first place--which is not "all right".

Why? Because I Prefer Not To Think About It

I managed to miss the pow-wow with Mr. Partner today. Fate stepped in and decided to make my air conditioner die this morning. So, darn! I had to wait for the AC guy instead of rehashing the same tired conversations between the Sunshines and the Partners once again.

This time, Mr. Partner threw in a new one. He wanted to know why I don't tell him right away when we have repairs. Even as I write this, I am looking dumbfounded at the sentence above. Mr. Partner is supposed to be a silent partner--one who only gets information on a quarterly basis. Granted, it is more of a quarterly-ish basis, but still!

When I get a call from Ms. Angie at 6 a.m. telling me a widget fell off the thingy and it needs to be fixed by the local tradesman in the next hour or the house will flood/catch fire/implode, I am not thinking "Hm... should I wake up Mr. Partner and ask his permission to call a plumber, electrician, shaman?"

What I am thinking "Why does this stuff always happen at horrid hours of the morning and more importantly why does Ms. Angie only speak with perfect diction when she has a crisis at her home?" I have been doing this routine for 10 years. The plumber/electrician/shaman's phone numbers are all programmed into my phone. They know me. They send me post cards from exotic locales. They send me thank you cards for financing their yachts. We have a system.

It isn't that I am purposely ignoring Mr. Partner. But, I have to tell you, once the said tradesman is contacted, the issue is resolved and I can no longer understand Ms. Angie, I put the entire scenario out of my head until the bill comes.

Silence

One of the most annoying lessons I have learned from this whole landlord-thingy is to interpret silence.

When I don't hear from stable, long term tenants it means everything is ok.

When I don't hear from needy, drama-driven tenants is means everything is not ok. I will be in for a sob story about how rent is late because the rent money was conveniently stashed in their pocket while they dutifully were walking to the post office to mail me the rent and they got mugged by a gang of preschoolers who wanted the loot so they could buy cookies and chocolate milk.

When I don't hear from lawyers it means I am being blown off.

When I don't hear from Mario the property manager it means he has nothing to say (which works for me).

When I don't hear from Kirby it means he doesn't have time to respond to my 176 texts, e-mails and phone calls from me, all asking what is going on with my vacant home and the other pressing issue I threw his way.

Guess who was supposed to get in touch with me a week ago?

Feeling Rowdy

At some point in my recent past, one of my three readers sweetly suggested that when she reads my posts she just naturally assumes I tie on on every chance I get. I can see where she got that impression. And for the record. I don't. I am a sip of Communion wine every Sunday and half a beer once a week kind of party animal.

And if I am really rowdy, I might just drink a whole beer once a week. Maybe.

However, much more of this Great Lawyer Hunt and I may have reason check myself into Betty Ford.

The Great Lawyer Hunt should not be taken lightly. Last week I talked to Mr. Abbot. He was the lawyer recommended in a letter from Flip--the attorney who was allegedly helping me. Mr. Abbot sent me an e-mail after business hours Friday telling me to make Flip finish the job. That's all well and good, but Flip isn't returning my calls, e-mails or smoke signals. And I am almost out of carrier pigeons.

In a feeble effort not to employ another attorney, I did call Flip today and leave a message. I sounded a lot more chipper than I felt. I didn't tell him that he came highly recommended and everyone I spoke with had the distinct impression he was the greatest guy around. And, as a side note, when you are rejected by the greatest guy around, it really wrecks havoc on the ego. Nobody loves me enough to fix my small administrative issue.

What I did say when I reached Flip's voice mail today was that I employed him to resolve this and I would greatly appreciate an update from him or one of his lackeys associates. After all, it has been a damn year bless his heart. I wished him well, repeated my phone number and e-mail address (both of which I know he has) and made a note on my calendar to call him later in the week.

And I will call.

Meanwhile, I am hesitant to call back the three or four other attorneys I have names for. Flip has been paid for his "services"--whatever that may be (because I still have no idea what he has done). I don't want to incur future bills. I just want my situation fixed before I reach for a whole beer.

I Double-Dog Dare Him

Last week I sent Mr. Partner the first quarter books and a long note with what is going on. Essentially we had vacancies--which happens when you have a gazillion rentals. We had potties back up. We had a this. And a that.

The books for the first quarter show a sizable profit. Simply put, the property management company collected the rent for the month, holds it, and because of the way the banking system involve works, the rents hit my bank account the beginning of the next month. So, rents look a month behind.

However in March, Kirby had his A game on and March's rents showed up in my bank account on March 30 instead of April 1. Therefore, on the financial statement, it showed December's, January's, February's and March's rent. Essentially it looked like we have lots of extra money. If you take the rents over any random six month period, it will even out. It always does.

I explained this to Mr. Partner. The financial statement he was looking at was a snapshot in time. That's all. It isn't a reflection of the bank account, as most of that money is taken out for mortgages (which aren't paid until April 4th or so).

Mr. Partner in turn didn't fully grasp this. He never does. We have had this conversation many times before. In my report to Mr. Partner, I pointed out we (Marty and I) had footed the bill for some repairs at one of our vacancies. We also have home owner's insurance due this month. When could we expect his contribution? This is also nothing new. We have home owner's insurance due every July.

In fact, the scenario outlined above is nothing new for the past several years. The way we operate, we pay home owner's insurance out of pocket. We always have. Also, because of several vacancies we didn't have the cash in the bank account to cover the repairs at one of our homes and the home owner's insurance. This happens too. Welcome to owning a gazillion properties that were purchased when the market was fabulous and before unemployment was 18 percent in Birmingham.

What Mr. Partner did do was ignore me and write directly to Marty Sunshine. He told Marty he didn't want to "upset" me. My real guess is he didn't want me to go into serious bitch-mode when he said what he wanted to say. Sadly for Marty, I did--but only at Marty. I am biting my tongue with Mr. Partner.

Mr. Partner has decided to "audit" us. He is going to bring in his own team of experts--ones who hopefully can read competently financial statements. Mind you, Diamond Jim--a licensed CPA--has to put his stamp of approval on everything sent to the IRS. But, whatever. Apparently Mr. Partner feels money is somehow being funneled somewhere and it isn't the company.

It is obvious isn't it by our extravagant lifestyle and wild European vacations? My trips to Birmingham to check things out, talk to lawyers and inspect homes are generally on Marty's and my dime. We live as modestly as we can, knowing that every July we have home owner's insurance due and every December we have property taxes due.

I welcome Mr. Partner's audit. In fact, I will be happy to tell him the above and more when he gets hold of the books. And, if he finds more money it will be reimbursed to me first.