Friday, September 09, 2011

Danielle and Daphny

I really hate tenant screening. And yes, I know I have a property manager for this sort of thing. And let me assure you, with the number of phone calls and e-mails he has gotten this week, he knows that I know he should be doing this. 

I had two interesting phone calls today.

The first came from Danielle. What caught my attention about her was that she had a 602 area code for her phone number (that would be Phoenix, AZ area code, for those who aren't in the know). Danielle was articulate, interesting and pleasant to talk with.

She wanted more information about my Pinson home. However, she isn't moving until Mid-October. That wouldn't work for me. In fact--I am going to go out on a limb here--given the number of calls I am receiving, I am willing to bet Pinson is going to rent in less than two weeks. However, I gave her Kirby's name anyway and told her to call him about my Fultondale home. The Fultondale home isn't on the market just yet.

Heck, I don't even know if the Fultondale tenant is going to leave quietly or not. Hopefully she will. But at any rate, it is better to be proactive, than reactive. So, if she wants it, Godspeed.

I also had a call from Daphny. She was articulate, well spoken and left a lovely message. However, in her voice mail, she didn't tell me which house she was interested in renting. When I called her back, she responded to my introduction by asserting, "I need you to call me back in five minutes. I'll be waiting."

She can wait all she wants. I am moving on.

Thursday, September 08, 2011

Random Bama

Kirby is alive! I know this because he responded to Mr. Noble's request to return the keys to the home and carefully cc'd me.

Of course, Mr. Noble is holding my keys hostage until Sept. 14--the day his lease officially ends. No amount of logic, "You no longer live there, why don't you just return them, I am planning on giving your security deposit back to you, let it go already" seems to be working on Mr. Noble.

___________________________________________________________

I got a call today from someone on the Birmingham line inquiring about my homes. There was nothing out of the ordinary about the caller, except my skin prickled and the hairs on my neck went up. During the course of his voice mail he said he was interested in renting any of the homes I have available. Mind you, the homes I have available are about 40 miles from each other. Why isn't he picky?

At any rate, I think I will call him back next week if I am really desperate. My landlord sense is telling me to pass on him.
___________________________________________________________


I'm probably overreacting, but one of the e-mails I received about the home in Centerpoint came from "Sandra." Actually, her name wasn't Sandra, but a derivative of that. And her last name was actually a middle name. Like Sandra Louise. The name was eerily similar to a former tenant of mine who trashed my home a couple of years ago.


I passed the message to Kirby with the following note: I had a tenant with a similar name. If this person also goes by the name "Sandra White," "Louise White," or "Laverne Louise White," don't even bother showing the home.
___________________________________________________________


In the morning I have my monthly Diamondbacks/Oregon Ducks/Harry Potter book club breakfast with my dear Diamond Jim. When we set this up earlier in the week I asked what he thought of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I am glad to hear he liked it and can't wait for the next book I am dutifully bringing him.

Wednesday, September 07, 2011

Rookie Mistake

I didn't call the litany of inquiries who left coherent, polite messages on my voice mail Tuesday. I realized around 1:45 that I just didn't have time. So, I convinced Marty Sunshine to please, please, please do it for me.

As I was rushing out the door, I was giving last minute orders: "Now, if they are impolite, we aren't renting to them. Don't give them any false hopes. If they are rude now, they will be a nightmare for the next year." And, "No pets. No excuses." And, "If you like them, give them Kirby's number." Marty assured me all of these directives were obvious, as Marty Sunshine has been hearing me do this forever.

Of course, what I forgot to give him was the rental amounts for each home. So, while I was meeting with my client he sweetly called to ask. It worked out well. My client was intrigued enough with whatever B.S. pearls of wisdom I offered Marty, and I manage to score a few points, as my client is a landlord as well.

When I got home, Marty had dutifully gone through the list. He proudly presented me with a paper with copious notes, and in a few cases, frowny faces, depicting people who will not be renting from us. He then threw this bomb at me: he had given a few our home number for folks to call us back at if they had any questions. "Our home number?" I gasped in horror. "Tell me you mean my cell."

Nope, he didn't. Because at that moment, the phone rang and it was one of Marty's favorites calling back. She was lost and needed directions to the house in question? And, while we were at it, when would I be over to show her the home? "You need to call Mr. Kirby." I repeated as patiently as I could muster for the thirtieth time. "He is the one who has the keys."

That didn't seem to convince her nothing could be done, but it got her off my home phone for the time being. And I predict, no matter if she rents or not, I will not have heard the last of her now that she knows how to get in touch with me.

Update: She called again. At 5:30 a.m. this morning. Marty may never hear the end of this.

Tuesday, September 06, 2011

Don't Mess With a Passive-Aggressive High Strung Type

There was no amount of prodding, affirmations or amaretto that could make me call the 17 people (yes, 17) who left voice messages for me Monday wanting to know about my vacant homes. Of those 17, I have already axed about four, who couldn't follow the simple directive I left on my voice mail:

"If you don't leave your name, I won't call you back. You are renting my home. You play by my rules." Ok, I might have only put the first sentence in my voice mail. The rest is total subtext.

Of the 13 calls I will return later today, most of them were for Ms. Robin's former home. The others were for Mr. Noble's home which isn't technically on the market until next week. There were two calls for the home on Hysteria Lane in Calera. One wanted to know if I would take a section 8 tenant. The other wanted me to hold the home until December 1. No. And, No.

Note to caller who wants to move in December 1: bless your heart. I am calling you back last.

I am sure Kirby is doing some sort of mega-advertising blitz, on my behalf, but I haven't heard word one from him about potential tenants. The advertising did point out something I had wondered: are there renters? Apparently there are. Just not in Calera. Good to know Kirby isn't slacking.

Later this afternoon, (a day where I haven't worked for Y'all and handled real estate in the same day), I will call them all back. I will start with those who I put little stars by their name--the stars telling me they won the "who can leave the most professional message on my voice mail" lottery.

I will then have those callers bombard Kirby's cell phone. I suppose I could have them call the office, but why take a chance he will miss the calls? Just to be sure, I will also send Kirby a list of potential tenants.

Micromanaging? You bet.

Monday, September 05, 2011

Let the Fun Begin

I ran three ads in the Birmingham News on Sunday. Do you know of anyone else anywhere who has their own personal rep at the newspaper?

I have 12 voice mails to listen to and return today. I put a notice on my voice mail that said I would not return any call where the caller did not clearly leave their name.
I hate screening tenants. But I hate empty homes worse.

Sunday, September 04, 2011

As Good as it Gets?

I am not in the South. I really don't get the South. But I do know a few things about doing business there. Namely, don't piss off the ones who help you.

Which brings me to this particular dilemma. I have Kirby. Before Kirby, I had a terrible property manager who should not be in business. Thanks to a letter to the Alabama Department of Real Estate, they have been put on notice. 

Before that fiasco of a company, I interviewed several property management companies in Birmingham and hated them all. Simple things--like actually not giving the keys to my vacant home to total strangers prospective tenanats was too much to ask. I understand this is common practice in Birmingham. But it doesn't take a county fair psychic with a Magic 8 ball to figure out how wrong this could go. 

Essentially, Kirby is the best legitimate property manager I have found in Birmingham. I have Carolsue as well, but she isn't licensed, and she also has her own life. So, Kirby it is.

Kirby understands property management. I know what he does all day. He knows I know. His job isn't for the faint of heart. Now that he manages over two hundred and fifty homes with a skeleton staff, he is busy. He once told me another landlord sent an unSouthernlike e-mail to him, suggesting Kirby should actually return a call or an e-mail. Kirby said to me, "I think that was a little uncalled for. He should know I would get back to him."

Though Kirby's lacadaisical behavior doesn't bode well in the rest of society, it seems to be perfectly appropriate in the South.

But I am not in the South.

And I have two vacant homes.

And two others coming vacant.

And a deadbeat in Fultondale.

And a high-strung serious type-A personality (no, that is not redundant).

And a Kirby who can't seem to return an e-mail or a phone call in a timely fashion.

Marty Sunshine and I have been discussing this. Or, more to the point, I am fretting, and making veiled threats to fly out to Birmingham to yell at Kirby and Marty has been nodding and smiling. Most of my property management contracts are coming due and I don't have to renew them. But, I really don't have anyone else to take them over. Those I speak with don't know as much about property management as Kirby does (or, for that matter I know). I don't want a sales guy to sell me his services. I want someone who can handle my homes. And rent them out.

Something else Kirby told me the day we were talking about the other landlord who offended Kirby. He said he always calls me back first. He knows how patient I am and he knows I understand what he does. Kirby said he was confident I understood, beyond a doubt, that Kirby would call me back as soon as time permitted.

I am glad Kirby is confident about that. I am not so sure. I think I would rather have a phone call or two a bit more often instead.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

You Didn't Think I Would Forget Did You?

Today is National Bliz Day.

Happy birthday my dear friend. Thank you for all of your sage advice (like yesterday's text for example) and continued friendship. You are a treasured friend and a beautiful woman. I am honored to call you my friend.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Hello, You Must Be Going

Kirby manages my home in Fultondale. The tenant has been there almost a year. This particular tenant has had the same job for 16 years. Her last residence she lived at for several years. When she moved in, Kirby said she seemed reasonable. I checked her friends out on Facebook (yes, I do that) to find them to be somewhat normal, with hobbies in Alabama Football and Jesus--basic standards for all polite society in Birmingham.

From about the second month she moved in, she has had drama of every kind. First it was a major car accident that landed her in the hospital. Rent was late, but paid up after Christmas. Kirby even went to her hospital room to check up on her. And to collect the rent check.

Then there was the tornadoes that swept through Birmingham last April. Fultondale was devastated. Except my home. My home was fine. However, she paid late because she said she didn't have any power and had to stay in a hotel for a week. From what I heard power was only out for 24 hours in her section of Fultondale.

She paid late in May because her brother died and she had to pay for his funeral. I have several issues with that one. The two biggest being that the funeral for her brother was pretty cheap because my rent isn't very high. And the second being that I have had two tenants use this one on me before. When I mentioned that to Kirby, he chuckled, he has heard it before too.

She paid late in June, and probably the only reason she came up with the rent money was that Kirby drove over to her home and showed up with a notice to vacate.

She paid late in July.

She hasn't paid for August. When I found out she was late again, I told Kirby to let her know one of two things: either her rent when her lease is up is doubling, giving her reason to move, or just let her know I am not renewing. I don't want her money.

Kirby took option number two. He has started the eviction process once again, letting her know if she goes quietly I will refund her deposit (less any fees--like rent and late fees owed). And, if she goes quickly and quietly, I will not garnish her wages. By the way, I am guessing I won't see August's rent.

Life it too short to deal with crummy tenants. I have a property manager so I don't have to deal with this nonsense. As far as I am concerned, once a tenant who is in property management becomes my problem, I might as well just have them leave. It is defeating the purpose.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Washed Out

Mitch and Tonya are buying a home. I know this because I am their agent. The home they are buying came with a ready-made tenant--which is pretty cool because I don't really want to put the time and effort into helping them find a tenant for a home 45 minutes away from me. But for these folks, I would.

Cassie, the ready-made-tenant, has been living in this home for five years. She has a six-year-old son. The home was originally purchased by Cassie's sister, allowing Cassie a place to live. Now that Cassie's sister is dumping the house, it was Mitch and Tonya's for the taking. 

When my clients first put an offer in on the home, we were told by the selling agent the washer, dryer and refrigerator belonged to the tenant and were not part of the deal. No problem.  My clients would either get their own or let any future tenant put them in.

Last week, three weeks before closing I sent Cassie the lease. Mitch and Tonya had made a special trip to Arizona in July to see the home, meet Cassie, find her utterly charming and then offer her a reduced (less than market) rent. Their thinking was if Cassie wanted to stay, she was taking fantastic care of the home, it would be tons easier to take $100 a month less than have her move out, have a vacant home and go through the process of finding a new tenant.

After I sent Cassie the lease, she in turn sent me an e-mail. The selling agent was wrong. The appliances weren't hers. Would Mitch and Tonya be willing to buy them from the owner (her sister) for some outrageous amount of money?

No. No they wouldn't.

Cassie tried another approach: she said she would be willing to buy them from her sister, but because money would now be tight, she wanted to know if she could get a lower rent amount to compensate for not having appliances. And oh! By the way, she wants to stay for years and years. And she has the lease all signed and ready to go. She'll send it in once she hears from me about the appliances. Just let her know what Mitch and Tonya decide. Ok?

The outrageous amount of money aside, Mitch and Tonya know nothing about the condition of these particular appliances. They have no desire to take on this liability. And besides, nobody is certain that Cassie doesn't really own the washer, dryer and refrigerator already and is trying to make a few extra dollars by saying they aren't hers. Not that I am suggesting Cassie is a thief, but the first month's rent and security deposits happen to equal exactly the amount Cassie says her "sister" wants for the appliances.

Here I am, trying to negotiate this. The other agent wants nothing to do with Cassie and the rental end (she didn't even know how to write up a purchase contract for a home with an existing tenant in place). So, I am handling the lease. And the ensuing drama. And Cassie. And my clients who read Cassie's note as a veiled threat.And, with a few years of landlord experience under my belt, that is exactly how I took it too.

I looked at the situation like this: the way it stood, there was going to be bad blood on one side of the other. Either Cassie was going to feel like she had been wronged because she was out the appliance money. Or if Mitch and Tonya gave in they were not going to be so willing to do additional favors down the road for Cassie. After talking to Mich and Tonya at some length, they did the only sane thing. They withdrew the lease.

Cassie, realizing she would be homeless in two weeks and she was not going to find anything as nice as where she lived now for the amount of money she would be paying, came rushing back. You know, she probably could work something out with her sister. Golly gosh! She certainly didn't mean her e-mail to sound like a threat. And she would be happy to sign the lease today. Wow! Cassie certainly hoped Mitch and Tonya didn't think she was the type of person who would threaten to hold a lease over their heads to get a washer, dryer and refrigerator. That is not what she was saying. Uh-huh. Never.

I now have the lease. I will be getting the rent and security deposit next week. The house closes at the end of the month. If all goes well, everyone will be happy. But I suspect Cassie wont be granted any favors any time soon.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Book Club with Diamond Jim

I met with Diamond Jim for our monthly Harry Potter book club. After asking me how I am handling Attorney Jon's death, and me giving him the only insight I had, as well as explaining that was two death's ago, bringing the grand total of people in my life who have passed on in the last four weeks to three, we moved on to other topics.

Of course, we also had to cover the state of the Diamondbacks (first place--thankyouverymuch) and how they have a better record than the Saint Louis Cardinals. Then we transitioned into college football and Dear Jim's Oregon Ducks. (for the record, I don't follow the Ducks any more than I follow the Crimson Tide, but please don't tell anyone). And finally ended at the Midway Museum in San Diego before settling down to the topic at hand. Incidentally, I simply must figure out a way to see the Midway Museum now.

When we got around to Harry, Ron and Hermonine, Jim told me where he is in The Goblet of Fire. Much to his relief, I brought him the next in the series, Order of the Phoenix, promising him it was my favorite. He was glad to have it, for fear he would have to wait a day or two and not be able to pick it right up after he finished book four. (You can imagine how the rest of us felt waiting for J. K. Rowling to finish writing each book).

He did tell me how he muddled through Prisoner of Azkaban with about the same level of reverence I have for tax season. Not that I disagree. Book three was my least favorite too. I did explain to him that it was necessary, as the stories expand upon each other. I also gave him a spoiler. There is a death in book four.

Of course there is a death in book five too.

And book six.

And about a dozen or more deaths in book seven.

Diamond Jim took it well, though he did comment The Goblet of Fire seems more "adult." Yep. Harry isn't a little kid any more.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Introspective

I've been down of late. There is not enough room in this patch of cyber-space to go into all of the stuff happening in my personal life. Let me sum it up: working too much. People dying.

What hasn't been happening is me paying enough attention to my accidental business. In fact, though I loathe to admit this, I have been doing the "what if" scenario. What if we let everything go?

Freedom

Sanity

The fact of the matter is, there is no reason to give up. I've made it this far. Things are tricky right now. Kirby isn't renting out my homes fast enough. I have one vacant and two coming vacant (got notice on another tenant yesterday) and a third, my tenant in Fultondale, being asked to leave by Kirby. I have two others with short-term personal problems that have become mine--though I didn't ask for them. If I think about everything too long, it gets to me and I start letting the "what if" scenarios creep in.

One of my daily preachings to my children is never to give up. Ever. Fight till the end. How ironic I have forgotten to follow my own advice.

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

A Special Day

Just wanted to give a shout to a special friend. Today is Busy Mommy's last chemo!

Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Denial

When Polly was about four, she asked me exactly how babies get out of mothers' tummies. When I finished the technical explanation, she just looked at me and with all seriousness and innocence and said, "But you barfed up me and Buckaroo, right?"

Who says you are too young for denial? Or, for that matter too old.

Marty Sunshine sent Mr. Partner an update on all things Alabama this week. He did it because I have spent more time on this blog of late than I have dealing with anything East of the Mississippi. And, it was time Mr. Partner knew we have a vacant home and a soon to be vacant home.

And then there is the Mrs. Sherwood issue...

And Ms. Angie has a itsy bitsy problem too that became my problem recently. But, more on that when I get around to part-time blogging again.

In this case, Mr. Partner took in all of Marty's e-mail and replied, "Sounds like we are still in the RED and not breaking even."

What a relief! I am so glad we finally got that out of the way. I was worried he wasn't catching on.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Unfinished Business

Note: In the event you find this post offensive, my apologies. I don't wish to dishonor Jon's memory or the mourning process--he truly was a wonderful man. However, as this blog is the day in the life of running an accidental business, this is part of a day in the life. It isn't fun and I seriously wish I wasn't doing these tasks. But, this is what I am up to.

I've lost two special people in the last three weeks through untimely, senseless deaths. Both ripped me up. Death is a natural process, but sometimes through unnatural means. And yet, we the living are left to sort out and find meaning for what is left. Even if there is no meaning.

I had breakfast with Diamond Jim on Thursday. Our usual Harry Potter book club and Diamondbacks discussion was marred with my questions: what do I do now? I have unfinished business. And, in this case, I mean just that--business. Attorney Jon was supposed to handle two things for me that I am not sure he did.

And, given Attorney Jon was a one-man show, I don't know where to proceed. What do I do? And exactly what is the etiquette here? When can I ask Legal Eagle to take care of these things? I can't wait too long, because someone is going to go through his office. I need her find what Attorney Jon didn't do before someone comes along and my paperwork is lost in the shuffle.

And for that matter, how do I find the paperwork? Attorney Jon had the originals. He also had a wonderful paralegal. Will she go through his papers? How do I get in touch with her? And precisely when is the appropriate time to try to leave a message for her? After all, technically she doesn't have a job any more.

Worse than that, Legal Eagle and Attorney Jon were friends. So I have to burden her with the added work when she is grieving. It seems heartless.

All of it.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Jon

I spoke with Legal Eagle briefly yesterday. Through our tears, we talked about how much we loved Jon. Everyone loved attorney Jon. I wish you all could have met him. He truly was a shining star, far above the others. He was a man of great character. He once told me his father told him to always shop at businesses that display the American flag. He said, "Those are businesses who understand we are in the land of opportunity." I am blessed to have known him.

This was in the Birmingham News today.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Horrible News

Some days just totally suck. Today is one of them.

My dear Attorney Jon passed away yesterday. He left behind a wife and five daughters.
Rest in His peace Jon.

Monday, July 18, 2011

A Small Price to Pay

So, Katie and Cole are looking to purchase a rental home. Luckily for them, they have found one. And, as luck would have it, there is a ready-made tenant in place.

Tammy and her seven year old son have lived in this home (under another landlord) for six years. They pay the rent on time. They take care of the home. The son goes to school just five minutes away. Grandma and Grandpa live around the corner and have watched the son since birth.

Currently Tammy is paying $800 a month. Truly a steal. This house could rent for much more. Tammy has told me she can swing $900.

Katie and Cole are buying this home for cash. Their monthly outlay (with home owners' association dues, taxes and insurance) is under $200. They want $950 a month. What did I think?

I think we are talking about $50 a month, or $600 for a year. What I explained to Katie and Cole was just that. What were they getting for a "loss" of $600? They have a tenant who hasn't moved in six years. Tammy takes great care of the home. She has put down roots and is truly happy where she is.

Meanwhile, Katie and Cole don't have a vacant home from the time Tammy moves out until a new tenant is found. They don't have to screen prospective tenants. They don't have to take a chance on a new tenant who might not be so kind. Katie and Cole don't have to pay for general maintenance and clean up when Tammy moves out. And, I assure you, the repair for the television Tammy currently has mounted to the living room wall will cost a good portion of the $600 they are "saving."

Conversely, what if Katie and Cole just came right out and asked for the additional $50 a month? Tammy might just pay it. But what if Tammy isn't stretching the truth?

I am convinced more drama takes place over a tenant living outside their budget than necessary. The tenant wants to stay. The tenant (normally) doesn't want to disappoint. The additional money troubles more often than not become the landlord's burden. And trust me, landlord's don't want to deal with a tenant's burden.

In this case, I happen to believe Tammy. I met her on Sunday. She and I were discussing baseball and she casually mentioned she cut her cable cut off because it wasn't in her budget. I saw the coupons sitting around the counter. Though we didn't talk outright about her rental situation, the conversation turned to the economy and her current state of affairs.

Tammy isn't a victim. She is trying to make it. She doesn't want to uproot her son. When Katie and Cole met her Sunday as well, they saw the same thing and they saw my point: $50 a month is a small price to pay to have a stable, long-term tenant.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Dream A Little Dream With Me

This is where I want to be right now.

 
This island is on the Gulf side of Flordia. You can only get there by boat or by plane. The beaches are pure white. The water is blue--not mucky ocean water. But blue.
 
There are no cars on the island--except the fire department. They have two trucks. And a boat.
 
Marty Sunshine's uncle lives here. Uncle Sunshine is the greatest human being in the world. Being around him inspires me.
 
 



I really want to go on vacation this year.
 
Really.
 
Really.
 
Really.
 
 
I would even suffer through seeing the over-stuffed commericalized mouse in Orlando just to go here.
 
 
This week I paid all of the home owners' insurances for our accidental business on my credit card. The LLCs have reimbursed me. Why? My credit card gives me frequent flyer miles for my (hopefully) vacation. 
 
I'm crossing my fingers and toes for a Decmeber vacation.

Friday, July 08, 2011

Surprise

So, it appears Ms. Robin is moving out. This comes as no surprise to me. She has been struggling to make the rent for the past year. Last week she came to this astounding revelation and took the time to share it with me on Thursday.

The funny thing was she would have come to the astounding revelation with or without my help. She was getting served by Carolsue on Monday--only because I figured it would take me until Sunday to catch up enough to make it happen.

There was a time when this was a no-brainier.  I (with Carolsue's help) get it rented, deal with tenant screening drama and a new person to write about would emerge. Not this time.

This time, I am letting Kirby handle it. There is still drama, but I don't have to be in the front lines. I don't have to answer the calls from the throngs of Birmingham's soon-to-be homeless wondering if I will accept king cobras, space aliens and Dodger's fans (no, yes as long as they have a job and NO WAY).

That is of course, if Kirby will take this home--because he still has yet to call me back. But no matter. I will probably loose track in a day or so, and by the time I get around to fretting that I haven't heard from him, he will be on my phone. Kirby's good that way. And I will be the one suprised.

Thursday, July 07, 2011

Silliness

"That's silly," was the response from Bliz, when I told her what I had to do to avoid spending $11.95 per month in fees for one of our bank accounts. And, yes, the end result was silly.

You see, my bank has started charging business accounts this fee if they don't keep a minimum balance or pay three bills out of the account every month. For my other business accounts, it isn't a problem. For the account for the LLC we have with Jack, it is not going to happen. We have one house. We pay one mortgage every month (when the AC goes out or there is a minor snake infestation maybe another bill or two). That's the extent of it.

When I told Marty Sunshine of this, he said a lot of non-sunshiney type things and threatened to close shop at this bank. However, this bank has two things going for it. One: it has locations in Alabama and Arizona. And two: it has lower fees than other banks with locations in both places (are you listening Well's Fargo and Bank of America???).

My favorite bank manager, Jenny, who is now on her third branch since we met, helped me out by opening up a personal checking account. This simple little change should eliminate these fees.

Of course, I won't get all the additional business perks like.... um.... oh yea! like free cashier's checks (which I have never used). I will also have the added benefit of trying to explain to Jack--who is a signer on the old account--that he can be a signer on the new account by jumping through an amazing number of hoops.

Hopefully he won't think the whole thing is very silly.

And as a public service announcement:

I would like to point out if you are looking to rent a moving truck, and you opt to be totally nasty to the moving truck employee on the phone--who, by the way, is holding your entire future in your hands--you might end up being transferred to the wrong number or to a location where the employee is totally aware that particlar location is closed for the day.

The only reason you are transferred to one of the above locations, dear nasty customer who wants a moving truck and decides to call the employee trying to help you a "half-wit minimum wage grunt" is because the phone line at the location in the far reaches of hell is busy. I'm just saying...

Not that I would do something so unprofessional. But there are others who might.