Sunday in Pictures

The Infant of Prague Catholic Church, Trussville Alabama



Full Moon Barbecue



Signs of Spring



One of the French drains Mr. 114 put in at Artie and Candy's home.



Cool!



The neighbors on one side of my Leeds home.



The leader of the Redneck Mafia house on the other side of my Leeds home. (My Leeds home actually one of the nicest houses on this street).



Just too cute.



Ms. Kathy's backyard



Passing the Moody police station.



Ms. Angela added the Malibu lights to "her" home. I have never met a tenant so grateful as I did today. Ever. (I have been invited to her daughter's wedding this summer too.)



Roll Tide! (also in Ms. Angela's front yard).



Buckaroo wanted me to get a car with red flames painted on it. The car rental place just happened to be out when I picked up my car.



This pun's for you.

Saving Face

Well drat. Mrs. Sherwood had to go and act all naively friendly on me. Sigh... Now I am stuck.

After all the breaks Mrs. Sherwood was given, the rent check was late last month. Very late.

When I had enough of sitting by the post office box, waiting for a check to miraculously poof into my hands, I called her. She sweetly told me she had put the check in the mail that day. She also told me her husband got laid off from his new county job a week after he was hired. I believe it. Jefferson County, Alabama is having some issues right now.

When we got back around to the topic of her rent, I said, "I was a bit worried..." and then bit off the rest of what was about to come out. Mrs. Sherwood responded by chuckling and saying in an ultra-nice, reassuring way, "You don't need to worry about me. I don't have the money to move anyway."

Of course, the end of my sentence was, "I was a bit worried that I would have to evict you." Apparently, Mrs. Sherwood was under the mistaken impression she could expect some sort of special dispensation for missing rent. Or, maybe she didn't want to hear what might come next. Either way, I wasn't amused.

I never brought up eviction. Instead, I threw this bombshell at her: "I am going to be in town and I want to come by." I wasn't planning on coming by until Mrs. Sherwood suggested there is a misunderstanding about my good nature. But what the heck! She lives half-way between my hotel and Carolsue's home. I can swing on over and take a peek. Hopefully this won't backfire and I won't be peppered with repairs.

Mrs. Sherwood quickly changed her tune and gave me her best Jackie Gleason: "hamana, hamana, hamana." She then asked if I have come to Birmingham since she had been living in my home. I said yes, somewhat often (if "often" looks like every six to eight months). And, I always drive by (which is true).

I don't think she wanted to hear that either.

Today, Mrs. Sherwood is first on my list of meet-and-greet. She is the only home I am going to where I don't really have a reason to go. I am really sorry I did this. I left my bad-ass-landlord face back in Mesa. I have to settle with my, "Wow, nice to meet you. Don't tell me anything is wrong with the home," face. And while we are at it, I need to find my, "I am not (too much of) a pushover and I expect you to pay the rent on time" face.

Gratitude

As a mental exercise, every morning before getting out of bed, I say a quick prayer and list off what I am grateful for. I have been doing this for quite a while. It really helps put things in perspective.

Today's list:

I am grateful for Kirby and his property management services. Kirby is handling two of my homes. Only two. But, I find just having two homes off my shoulders to be a huge release.

I am grateful for Carolsue helping me out. She provides legal advice, some footwork and a road map to the Southern culture.

I am grateful to Bliz for her illustrious bookkeeping skills and all of her Bliz-dom she has been giving me since high school. I am grateful that she tolerates me too.

I am grateful for my business partners. Even the ones I don't see eye to eye with.

I am grateful for opportunities. A vacant home is an opportunity to provide a serivce to someone who needs a place to live. It is an opportunity to have our asset taken care of. Opportunities come in all shapes and sizes. I have opportunities to meet interesting people I would never have had the honor of knowing.

Later today, I leave for Alabama. I am grateful for Marty taking care of all things domestic while I am gone. I am confident the kids will be fed (even if it is chocolate cake for breakfast) and bathed at least once. I am grateful I probably won't hear about how Buckaroo and Polly rode their scooters through the house until two weeks after I get back. And, when I return, I will be grateful to be home.

Apparently It is Carpet With A Clever Disguise

Artie has been telling me for a few months about the flood that damaged his carpet. I believe it happened. I believe the carpet needs to be replaced. However, I have been waiting for proof. You know, mildewed carpet, water damaged walls... that kind of thing.

When I have asked in the past, I have been given conflicted reports of damage. I am hearing everything from "minor carpet damage" to "I had to gather the animals two by two because of the amount of water that came through my basement." For months now, I have been promised pictures of the offending damage.

My take is, this wasn't that bad. After all, if the carpet damage was horrendous, then they would have been screaming louder and longer. As it is, Artie mentions it once every six weeks when he asks (again) for my e-mail address to send me pictures.

When I called to tell him I was coming to town to inspect the damaged carpet myself, he decided to finally send the pictures over. Here is what I got:

Please Don't Put Out The Guest Towels

I am planning my trip to Birmingham and started e-mailing tenants, telling them I want to stop by. It seems nothing exudes mass panic like sending out a note to tenants saying, "I am in town. I would like to inspect your home."

Now, if I call you and say I would like to stop by, you may say it isn't a good time. Perhaps we will reschedule. However, if we have a contract allowing you to live in my home, and I give you a significant amount of notice (you really are only required to have a 2 day notice), it isn't a social request. It isn't optional. Artie sounded like he had a sudden bladder control problem when I called him. I have no idea how Ms. Shirley plans on getting her boyfriend to move out before I show up.

I even shot Mrs. Spring a note telling her I was stopping by. I hate to give up the tough landlord image Carolsue has deftly painted. It is fun for my ego to be thought of as tough as nails. That will come to a fiery end once we meet. I just can't channel bad-ass in person.

I am not dropping in on all of them. Just three or four. I would love to meet Ms. Kathy, but I will drive by and then decide how I want to handle this. I can always call her once I am in town. Truly, I think it is better if she doesn't know who I am. The mysterious and elusive landlord works better in her case.

It must be interesting to get an e-mail or call from your landlord under these circumstances. My expectations are not real high. I don't need to be impressed. After all, I have already approved these folks. The time for impressing is (hopefully) over. I would think any flagrant lease violations will be taken care of by the time I get there. Except Ms. Shirley's boyfriend. I have no idea how she is going to hide that one. Between you and me, I don't really care if she has a boyfriend living there if she pays the rent on time and the house is in half as good shape as Mr. 114 suggests. If I ever want to get rid of her, I will care about the boyfriend then.

The introvert in me really doesn't want to do this. Mr. Partner thinks this is a good idea. I think it is marginally necessary. I want to see where repairs were made, or need to be made. I want to make sure there aren't any major home issues. I personally find going through someone else's living space intrusive. I can't imagine how annoying it must be for them.

The Truth

With the exception of maybe homeschooling, I can't think of many other opportunites in my life where I have been given unsolicited editorials by well-meaning people who know nothing about me or what I do.

When I wrote about Facebook Debbie's behavior, I realized how angry I am at those who judge us for owning rental properties. Facebook Debbie doesn't know I own investment homes. But there are those close to Marty and I who do. There are some in our closest circle who judge us harshly. Family has called us greedy business owners. I have been told I am out to exploit others for our own betterment. We have been classified as slumlords, hurting our fellow man, stepping on them on our way to the top.

Just so we are clear, most of the people I know don't care one way or another what I do. I am good with that. Nor am I talking about those folks I run into who just want to know what brought me into this line of work. They may be curious what it is like. Sometimes they ask questions. Sometimes they don't. But there is a healthy respect between me and them. It isn't their thing. I get that.

But there are also those who condemn us landlords for wanting to better our family and our lives. Some of them are family. Some are friends. Some are strangers. One time there was a member of Marty's family who needed medical attention insurance would not cover. We were approached by other family members to help them cover the costs. We came up with our share. However, when it was time for other family member's to step up, Marty's sibling told him, "You don't see me buying rental homes. You can pay for it (the medical treatment)."

I had a friend once who flat-out told me she resented that I bought rental homes. She couldn't understand why I would exploit someone that way. "What way?" I asked. Because I really didn't understand. I know people who rent for a variety of reasons. How is it exploiting? One has to pay to live somewhere. I believe in the free market. If I have a home that someone wants at a rental price someone wants to pay, that isn't exploiting. I am sad to say this friend and I ended up parting ways. I felt condemned. She felt misunderstood.

At one time I used to defend my choices. I would vainly explain to the Facebook Debbies of the world that the landlord isn't evil because he wants what he is contractually owed. He may have character and ethical flaws that warrant that label. But, the very action of owning an investment property doesn't make him sleazy. But the sound of my voice never reached their ears.

Here are some truths (in no particular order) about me, the greedy landlord:

• I believe my job is one of service. I live this in how I behave--not just with my Alabama business, but with everything I do. I don't righteously proclaim it, I live it. And, I invite anyone to to publicly call me on this if they don't agree.
  
• I serve my tenants. They are given a quality home. I expect something in return. Integrity and loyalty. I generally get it.
  
• We expected to sell our homes within five years of purchasing. The economy turned. It didn't happen. We don't blame anyone for our choices. We are solely responsible. We are solely accountable.
  
• We had no control over the economy. This affected everyone, partners and tenants alike. I am proud to say we paid all our bills when economic times were at their worst. We may have had nothing left over, but I would rather have nothing than go into foreclosure.
  
• Last summer Marty Sunshine had to dip into his 401k to cover our bills. I am thankful we had the money there. That covered a home that was vacant for five months, someone who declared bankruptcy and didn't leave my home, three new air conditioners we weren't planning on replacing and a multitude of other repairs.
  
• I went to the bank Wednesday and asked for our current balance. I wanted to make sure we had the money to cover the mortgages. We did. I was relieved. I have three more rent payments coming in, so we even have some money left over this month.
  
• There have been times Bliz and I have discussed which bills to pay and which ones to wait on. Because if someone doesn't pay the rent someone doesn't get paid.
  
• I am happy to fix a roof. If the roof is actually leaking.
  
• There are years we have made a profit. There are years we haven't made a profit.
  
• In the past year, I have lowered rents on five of my homes. The economy warranted it. In every case I am happy with my choice of tenants (even Mrs. Spring).
  
• If something on a rental home fails (plumbing, heating, etc.), we fix it. We put our tenant's comfort in front of our own. I have gone without purchasing a dryer and living room furniture because I wanted to make sure my renters had what they needed.
  
• I will bend over backwards for a tenant. And have. My tenants tend to be long-term because of this. In the month of February, I had TWO former tenants call me asking if they can rent from me again. I get about a call a month from someone who heard about me and wants to know if I have anything available. I believe this stems from the fact that I am not a slumlord. And to my knowledge, my tenants don't feel exploited.

And Justice for All

It seems that Facebook Debbie got her day in court a while ago. You can read about Facebook Debbie here and here if you are so inclined.

Though she didn't exactly say what the outcome of her court date was, she did write about how she was still fuming over her "sleazy" landlord. She mentioned the judge's eyes were "clouded" and he was "influenced by the wealth of the landlord." From what I gather, justice was served.

She made a lot of other derogatory comments about how she was ripped off by the landlord and some general comments about those of us who own rental properties only doing it for our self-interest (which I suppose is true) and to make "millions of the backs of others." Incidentally, I would like to see those millions she was talking about.

Her friends had a few other random comments of a similar nature. There was no point in posting myself. I was pretty sure they had no interest in reading a dissenting opinion. Perhaps they can contact me directly if they want to know how much work goes into managing a rental. But I doubt it. After all, I am the rich, money-grubbing, sleazy landlord who is rolling in my millions.

Random Bama

I finally booked my trip. So far, I know I want to pop in on a few tenants and say hello. I really want to see this roof leak Ms. Shirley is fussing about. However, I am not anxious to meet Ms. Shirley. Mr. 114 tells me she has a boyfriend living there that she has never mentioned to me.

I will also be driving by a few other homes where I really have no compunction to meet the tenants. Mr. Green my tenant who is always looking for some obscure broken thing at this home is not someone I want to get to know. I figure if I were to show up, he and his mother-in-law (who lives there as well) will probably hit me with a laundry list of items they want me to repair. I am not against repairing them if they are legitimately broken. I am against being railroaded.
_________________________________________________

Attorney Jon and I are playing phone tag over a minor situation that came up this week. However, I find that I am hesitant to call him back because I am so intimidated by him. I am just not worthy.
_________________________________________________

I am almost done with tax document collection. I have breakfast set up with Diamond Jim for next week. As of Tuesday morning, we had already covered all tax-related questions. So, I am guessing next week will be a social visit.

Tax Season

Marty Sunshine and I own a corporation and three LLCs. Additionally, I am self employed. When it comes to filling out our tax forms, we haven't done a 1040 EZ form in eons. I am guessing I am competent enough to muddle my way through the mountains of tax forms necessary and figure things out myself. But I only have until April 15. Or, more likely, October 15 (if I file an extension).

Though Bliz has a variety of talents, including walking on water (especially because it is raining a lot where she is), she politely and assertively refuses to handle my tax preparation. Yes, she helps me with taxes by putting everything in nice, organized profit and loss columns. She is invaluable when it comes to navigating Wells Fargo's web site and faxing me the mortgage interest statements necessary for the IRS. But, she draws the line on organizing all the expanded data that goes with my tax season preparation.

If she did, it would be phone calls like this:

Bliz: "What do you have a receipt dated June 16 for $4.18 from the grocery store?"

Me: "Oh that! I bought eight stamps and a Dr. Pepper. I think. Can't we write off the Dr. Pepper under entertainment?"

Bliz: "Put it under supplies. Here's my bill. That will be $500 an hour."

I am guessing she feels tedium should be saved for more productive tasks.

This past week I have sorted, sifted and cursed through a small tropical rain forest of papers getting everything together for Diamond Jim. I have everything I need except one mortgage interest statement document that our former business partner, Vance, happens to have. Marty Sunshine is tasked with hunting this one down.

There are those who question my organizational skills. But really! I have a system. I have a spreadsheet that itemizes every receipt I acquired in 2009--whether for business or personal. Because I have a home office, I can write off a portion of my pest control, electric bill and pool maintenance. I can write off my Home Depot receipts if I so desire.

Why go through all this? Because every tax deduction helps. I want my money back so I can do something more interesting with it.

The "Roof Leak"

Ms. Shirley and I are in month two of the water leak drama.

Here's how it stands. Ms. Shirley lives in a 10 year old home. The bonus room--where the offending water leak resides--is an unfinished room above her garage. The ceiling is finished; the walls are studs. The floor is plywood. There is a window overlooking the front yard. This room is an Alabama home's answer to an attic space. Ms. Shirley uses this room for storage and as a playroom for her son.

According to Ms. Shirley, there is a "wet" spot on the floor in this room. According to Mr. 114 (her next door neighbor and my some-time handyman) there is no evidence of a soft spot or discoloration in the finished ceiling. There are no missing roof tiles. There are no pipes in the floor or ceiling below or above this spot that might be leaking. There are no roof vents above this spot where there might be a flashing issue. The spot is not near the window, thus Mr. 114 came to the conclusion her son spilled something on the floor and it discolored the plywood.

Over the course of time Ms. Shirley has lived in my home, Mr. 114 has told me a few things about her. For example, once she came zipping into Mr. 114's driveway, laying on the horn of her car until Mr. 114 came out the door. There was a frog on her driveway and she needed Mr. 114 to remove it. Apparently Ms. Shirley is terrified of critters.

I was also told by Mr. 114 that Ms. Shirley once asked Mr. 114 if he thought I would replace the stove for her. Why? Because her electric bill was $300 one month. Mr. 114 (who told me about this after it was over with) explained that it wasn't likely to happen and went over to see if he could figure out why her electric bill was so high. First, the air conditioner was running and the house was freezing. Second, the attic/bonus room door was open, allowing the cool air to escape. Mr. 114 suggested a couple of energy-saving modifications and voila! Ms. Shirley's bill was reduced the following month.

I am also told Ms. Shirley doesn't like dust, mold or dirt. All of which sets her into a bit of a frenzy. Not liking animals or dirt are wonderful traits to have in a tenant. Except when there is a discrepancy about a water leak.

Part of me is thinking Ms. Shirley wants out and is going to eventually scream "toxic mold" because of this "water leak." Part of me thinks she really feels there is an issue. There is no part of me that feels this leak is legitimate.

Ms. Shirley has gone so far as to call a roofer, tell the roofer I AM OUT OF TOWN AND HAVE NOT SEEN THIS and could she get a quote. The roofer told her I could have insurance pay for the roof and he could put it on as soon as possible. Even if there is a roof leak, the house certainly doesn't need a new roof. I would think it might need a shingle or two at the most. If that.

I explained to Ms. Shirley that I have an insurance deductible, so the roof isn't "free." If my insurances rates go up, I have to increase the rent (she is month-to-month). I also explained that a roofer's job is to put a new roof on--not to just check to see if it needs to be fixed. They don't get paid unless there is work to do. Hence, they look for work.

"But these people are with the Better Business Bureau. And, they are Christian," she said. I didn't point out I had a "Christian" pastor trash my home years ago. There was no point.

I reminded her that Mr. 114 came and poked around on my behalf last month. "He didn't really look hard." she said. Mr. 114 could have torn the house to shreds and put it back together again and Ms. Shirley would have discounted that.

I am certainly willing to admit when I am wrong. She is over there and she would know if there is a leak better than me. But it just isn't adding up. I am putting paying a visit to Ms. Shirley's home on my to-do list for my hypothetical trip to Birmingham. I will check it out for myself.

If there is a leak, Mr. 114 can fix it.

Another Fabulous Business Meeting with Diamond Jim

Diamond Jim, my CPA, is the only man in the world I will consider waking up for long before the chickens are even moving. Every now and then we meet at Cindy's Cafe, a few miles from my home and his office to visit over eggs and hash browns.

Thursday's business meeting included the following topics: the status of the public schools in Greenville SC, tough love tactics for drug abusing children, theology, C.S. Lewis, whether or not the Diamondbacks have enough salary to offer Mark Reynolds and Justin Upton long-term contracts and why some people insist standardize testing on young children is necessary.

As usual we discussed taxes in the parking lot as we were saying good-bye.

Lunch with Mr. Partner

I had lunch with Mr. Partner on Wednesday. Though this can sometimes cause indigestion, Wednesday's lunch was pretty amicable.

I should preface this with Mr. Partner and I are pretty friendly in general. We had a history a few years ago with him exploding about something completely out of my control and me telling him where he could go and what he could do when he got there in a very un-Southern way. Since then Mr. Partner and I have practiced levels of détente, with me still holding a teeny-tiny (or enormous) bit of a grudge.

Lunch was pleasant enough, given we were going through last year's financials--which were anything but pleasant. He had a few questions. I had reasonable answers. I hit him up for our LLC paying part of my expenses for my upcoming (and thus far, unscheduled--it is SNOWING over there people!) Birmingham trip.

I was able to tell him all of our tenants are behaving. He gave me kudos for working through the issues with Ms. Kathy. He agreed that we did the right thing for Mrs. Sherwood--and was even willing to buy her a stove if she changes her mind. Ms. Angie is owed some work. She will get that done, now that I know Mr. Partner is committed to paying for his half.

And, in a broad-sweeping gesture, he suggested I make sure I pay myself for the work I have been doing. Um... about that... As soon as the money becomes available, you bet I will!

I gave him my action plan for fixing our under-capitalized issues. He nodded, not really agreeing or disagreeing. It doesn't matter. I am working on fixing that either way.

It is nice to have lunch with Mr. Partner when we aren't in the midst of chaos. Lunch tastes better and digests more easily.

The Plight of Mr. Jordan (Part 2)

Marty Sunshine and I have been discussing at great length Mr. Jordan and his situation since I found out his homes are in foreclosure. It chills me to think this happened to him. He, like us, was undercapitalized. He, like us, had his fair share of rental homes. He, like us, opted to manage them himself long distance.

His situation really got me thinking. What was different?

1. We have business partners. Mr. Partner and Jack share part of the burden. With Jack, if something breaks, we pay half. With Mr. Partner, if the money is available in the coffers, we take it out of there. Last summer we had three trashed homes and the money wasn't available in our business account. We both put in some to cover our expenses. And, we had a few.

2. Location, location, er... location. I have one house on a minorly busy street. It is in a questionable neighborhood. Next door lives a crack addict. Across the street lives the guy who stole my air conditioner. These people didn't live there when I bought the house. But, if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have bought in that neighborhood. Most of my homes are scattered over three counties in the greater Birmingham area. Mr. Jordan's homes were in the same subdivisions, thus making the neighborhood one big rental zone. Most of his houses backed major roads or undesirable retail establishments. Even renters want to avoid living in places that back to those conditions.

3. Quality homes for quality people. Mr. Jordan preferred section 8 renters because he is guaranteed rent. However, after dealing with the aftermath of his tenants, I am here to tell you, I witnessed what these homes looked like when they moved out. The one tenant he had who was not section 8 actually vacuumed on their way out the door. His section 8 tenants always left the home in poor condition. His properties were brand-new in 2004 but they looked like war zones on the inside. Always.

4. Vendors. Jack doesn't manage my homes. He helps me find new ones (when I am in the market). My electrician gets paid on time. I trust Carolsue to handle my chores--and she gets paid for her time. One time I called a locksmith for Mr. Jordan so I could get into his property. Mr. Jordan was supposed to call over his credit card information but "forgot." The locksmith began calling me for payment. This went on for weeks, with me finally threatening to quit helping Mr. Jordan until he paid his bills. Miraculously the locksmith got paid right after we got off the phone.

5. Neither Mr. Jordan or I are against property management. However, the property manager he used called me one day, completely exasperated wanting to know how I tolerated this guy. She didn't believe me when I told her I found him comical. But, I did. She fired him. Then he fired her. Then he hired another who fired Mr. Jordan as well. Then Mr. Jordan called me begging for me to take over. It turns out, he didn't trust their expertise and didn't want to pay them either.

6. Face time. In the three years I worked with Mr. Jordan I never met him. I may not jet over to Birmingham very often, but I know that showing up once in a while lends to my credibility.

7. Marital bliss. I am not making light of Mr. Jordan's situation, but know he went through two wives in the time I worked with him. Divorces in Southern California can't be cheap, especially when you put your new wife on the deed to the property. Mr. Partner is happily married to a patient woman. I have a patient Marty Sunshine. It makes a difference.

8. Speaking of patience. Mr. Partner, like us, is aware we aren't getting our money back any time soon. I firmly believe Mr. Jordan treated his real estate endeavor like he was day trading.

9. The last resort. I don't know what happened to Mr. Jordan and his homes. Maybe he let them go for other reasons. Maybe his heath was in jeopardy. Maybe he needed to liquidate. Maybe he was looking for a new hobby. Maybe he just gave up. Though we make our fair share of blunders, we aren't willing to look at any other alternative other than success. Failure to us is foreclosure. Therefore, I am going to plod forward. No matter what. I have felt financially vulnerable for quite a while. However, I have refused to think of what failure might look like. It isn't in the picture.

In no way do I think I am better than Mr. Jordan. A lot of what has gone right for us is because of dumb luck. But I also think one of the reasons we move forward is that we are willing to readjust when things aren't going right. We had a plan to sell our properties after three years and make a tidy profit. When the real estate market didn't agree with us we adjusted our plan to make what we had work. Or at least not fail. Sometimes not failing is success as well.

Postscript: After I wrote this, I saw that Happy Camper posted the following. I thought it was fitting (and thanks again Happy for being my source of wisdom).

The fight to the finish spirit is the one ... characteristic we must possess if we are to face the future as finishers. - Thoreau

The Plight of Mr. Jordan

I am saddened to see Mr. Jordan is loosing his homes.

A long time ago, Mr. Jordan was my client. Imagine if you will... Mr. Jordan described himself to me as an 6-foot 5, African American, former Marine, who referred to himself only in the third person and liked to rub elbows with (or at least name-drop) high-profile celebrities in Southern California, which happens to be where Mr. Jordan lives.

Mr. Jordan from my vantage is an eccentric. He makes eccentrics look pedestrian. I can only describe the client-agent relationship as "surreal." For example, one time he bawled at me because his latest wife (of six weeks--which is longer than the courtship lasted) left him. I wasn't anywhere near my Miss Manners Guide to Perfectly Behaved Real Estate Agents, so I wasn't exactly sure the best way to handle this particular situation. I listened as he told me his woes. Two days later he called me in the best of moods and asked if I knew someone I could introduce him to because he was (and these were his words) "ready for action."

During our tenure, I sold a piece of land he owned at a time where a home oozing with nuclear waste would have multiple offers in less than 10 minutes on the market. So, this wasn't much of a stretch. However, Mr. Jordan thought I was a rock star, even though I explained over and over it was just market factors. Nevertheless, he decided I was the agent for him. And let me know it. Often.

Before I came into the picture, Mr. Jordan was sitting on approximately eight rental homes that he had purchased over the course of the real estate boom (around 2004-2005). Apparently, he found the last home builder in the Phoenix metro area who was willing to sell to investors instead of homeowners. So, Mr. Jordan bought as many as he could. However, the homes he bought weren't in ideal locations. All of his homes were within a five-mile radius. They mostly backed major roads. And in one case, the home backed a Mexican flea market.

What I primarily did for Mr. Jordan was help him lease out his rental homes. His homes are in Avondale. I live in Mesa. That is a 40 minute drive when there is no traffic. Of course, I only had to do this a couple times a year, so it wasn't too bad.

The real issue is Mr. Jordan preferred to rent out to Section 8 tenants. Every section 8 tenant he rented to seriously trashed his homes on move-out. I wasn't willing to clean up the properties and get them ready to rent out again. Especially for free. That is what a property manager does. I wasn't willing to be his--no matter how much he pleaded.

Mr. Jordan and I parted ways a few years ago, leaving me lots of tales for my great American novel.

The other day I was in the office and noticed a story about rental homes in Avondale. That got me to look up a few of Mr. Jordan's properties. Which is when I found out they are all in various levels of foreclosure.

There are so many glaring similarities to Mr. Jordan's rentals and mine. The distance. The go-it-alone attitude. The desperation one feels when one has a vacant rental. I thought about his situation and wondered if this could be me if I wasn't careful. What was different?

To be continued...

Making My Heart Go 'A Pitter-Patter

Just like a bell and Pavlov's dog, I have my own stimuli that drives me into various levels of stroke. Carolsue calling me and saying, "I need to talk with you as soon as possible!" is pretty high on the list. So is a text from a tenant saying, "I need your e-mail address."

Friday my phone alerted me with the previous message. It was from Artie. At the moment I was reading my text, Marty Sunshine just happened to have walked in the kitchen. He said my face went white. "Something wrong? Did someone die? That text wasn't about your father was it?" he asked in husbandly concern. "Do you need to sit?"

I just shook my head as my imagination went into overdrive. I expected the worst. When I told Marty about Artie's text, he just couldn't fathom the correlation between my mental health and five words sitting on my phone. But, he didn't know the back story.

A few months ago, Candy had called me OUT OF THE BLUE to tell me about the trouble in paradise between her and Artie. Of course, I have never personally met Candy. Before and after this occasion, we hadn't been particularly friendly. So, this call was a bit unexpected. On that particular day, she said that she "thinks of me as a friend," and just needed to talk. More likely, she didn't want me to be floored if they broke their lease two months later because she wanted to move out. And, right after Candy's girlfriend chat, Artie and Candy bounced the rent check.

So, a cryptic text from Artie had the same physiologic response as putting me in a pit of vipers.

Instead of texting Artie back (which he indicated Friday morning was his preferred mode of communication) I called him, saying, "Hey! I got your text. Is there something we need to discuss?"

Though I am not too sure about Candy, I actually like Artie. He stepped up right after the rent check bounced last October. Now the rent checks come from him. He includes late fees. I wouldn't let him keep his rottweiler in my home. According to Mr. 114, Artie hasn't. Also according to Mr. 114 Artie takes very good care of the home. Mr. 114 hasn't really commented on Candy, only to say he didn't see her there last time he did work for me.

What Artie really wanted from me on Friday was to send me pictures of the aftermath created by the basement flood a few months ago. I knew about this when it happened. And thankfully it is fixed. At the time I knew I would need to call James the Hell's Angel turned Carpet Guy to replace the rotted carpet, but I was waiting until Artie and Candy got back to me. Friday they got back to me. He is sending me pictures. And by the way, Artie told me, the rent will be on time this month.

Give It To Me Straight

A long time ago, back when she was speaking to me (and that would be before I approved her for the home she is living in now), Mrs. Spring sweetly told me my application is "daunting."

Perhaps it is. It is my best tool to screen out the good from the bad. I contend the most I will ever learn about a potential tenant is between the time they express interest in my home to the time they sign the lease. My interest is to protect my asset. And, if Joe and Jane Tenant are worthy, I will allow them to live in my home.

I make no apologies for my arrogance. I have written enough about my mistakes. Most of my crummy tenants came from a lack of standards and desperation. It took me two years to purge the bad ones from my homes, so I think a few guidelines are warranted.

My "daunting" application asks for a myrad of things. For example, I ask for the applicant's name, date of birth and social security number. This way I can run their credit, background check and eviction search. I can't do these things without these three tid-bits.

I ask for a phone number, cell number and e-mail address. If I rent to them, I need ways to get in touch.

I ask for previous addresses and landlord references. Generally I call the second to the last place they lived. That landlord has nothing to loose or gain by telling me about their rental history. The landlord where the tenants are living now might tell me how great they are--just so Joe and Jane Tenant will move out of their home and take their trouble with them. I also verify the addresses they put on the application with the credit report. I like to see consistency.

I also like to see stability. If Joe and Jane move every year, I shouldn't be surprised 11 months into the lease when they give their notice. Moving every year also can mean they don't play well with others--like their landlord. I saw this with Mr. and Mrs. Betty and ignored it.

I ask for job history. I want to see how much they tell me they make. I compare this to their pay stub they must supply. I also want to see what Joe and Jane do for a living. Their job is my business. If Joe is a loan officer during a recession, I might have concerns about how they plan on paying the rent. I love seeing potential tenants who are nurses, mechanics and teachers. These folks are employable.

I ask for an overview of their debt. I match this with their credit history. If they forget to mention the car payment on the application, but the credit report says they are paying $300 a month, I will know. I can expect these kinds of omissions later on when the neighbor mentions their have been sightings of a hippopotamus traipsing around the tenant's back yard.

I like seeing that Joe and Jane have school-age children. That shows me stability and that there is less likely a chance they will be moving next year. This is especially true if they move in during the school year.

I ask for information about their cars. Sadly, I have had occasion to give this information for a criminal investigation once the tenants moved out.

I ask for information about their pets. If they say they have a poodle named "Fifi" and I come over, I don't want to see a Doberman named "Bruno."

I ask for two current references and one family member reference. I want to see phone numbers and addresses for these. You would be amazed at the number of people who "forget" to give me a phone number for references. Of course, I don't really want the reference phone numbers for potential tenants. I want the phone numbers in the event things don't go well and I need to find them later on. I also want their friends to tell the potential tenants I called.

The last page of my application is to see how truthful Joe and Jane might be. I ask lots of personal questions. I ask if there are any bankruptcies, repossessions, foreclosures and evictions I should know about. I like bankruptcies. If Joe and Jane have a recent bankruptcy, that means they don't have debt and can't file on me. If they have the income to cover the rent and everything else looks pretty good, they have a good chance of renting from me.

I can't say the same about an eviction. Nobody with a past eviction rents from me. Ever. Anyone willing to be evicted once will do it again. And please, don't confuse eviction with foreclosure. I will rent to someone with a foreclosure.

I ask if they have been convicted of manufacturing illegal drugs, possession of illegal drugs or if they are a sex offender. Honesty is the best policy on this one, but it won't matter. I check for myself and I won't rent to one. More than anything, I find people who think these particular questions are offensive. My standard answer is that I checked on the last people who lived in the home, and I can assure you, Joe and Jane, they weren't. Therefore you won't have to worry about the former tenant's drug user friends showing up at 2 a.m.

I also ask if Joe and Jane are legal residents of the United States. Legal residents can hold jobs and their wages can be garnished.

My application process tells me more than what is written on the pages. It tells me about a potential tenant's communication skills. It tells me how truthful they are. And, it tells me what a tenant is willing to share. What they might leave out screams louder than what they put on the application.

Me & Matt

I met Matt through Attorney Jon last summer. Matt, an investment banker/mortgage guy has been in the business for several years. Last summer he was starving. Most mortgage guys were. Two months after we met for 30 minutes, Matt called me out of the blue and asked if I had any odd jobs that he might be able to handle.

Matt impressed me when I met with him in person. But he knocked my socks off when he called up a virtual stranger with a zillion homes because the alternative is starving. It spoke volumes for the kind of man he is. This guy wasn't giving up. He needed to feed his family. I am sure I wasn't the only call he made. But, I had work for him. In fact, I kept him busy for the month of September.

One of the things Matt told me after he finished working on my homes is that he prefers mortgage work to painting. And, thankyouverymuch for clearing up any fantasies he might have of handyman work being glamorous. He also told me, thanks to a month of manual labor, he was motivated to start doing mortgages again as soon as possible.

Matt and I kept in touch last autumn. He called me with a rental question or two. I e-mailed him with a mortgage question or two. I have never given him a loan. He isn't too anxious to paint any more of my homes. I am good with that.

For the past week or so we have been playing phone tag. Wednesday we connected. Matt said he just wanted to see how Kirby (the property manager referral from Matt) was working out for me. My psychic landlord abilities tell me there is more to that story, but I couldn't get it out of Matt--a true Southern gentleman.

Matt tells me he is back to mortgage brokering. I asked him about possibly refinancing a couple of my homes this summer. I am not ready for a serious discussion on this just yet. I will be later. He is good with that.

Matt told me to stop by and see him if/when I make it to Birmingham. But in the mean-time we will just keep things between us as is. We are good with that.

Random Bama

When Bliz and I were talking last week, she asked about Legal Eagle's bill. I had been blissfully ignoring the idea of owing Legal Eagle money until that moment--which was when I realized Legal had done a lot of stuff in the past several months, and hadn't been reimbursed for her time.

As it turns out, Legal Eagle had some sort of psychic premonition and came to the same conclusion. Apparently she had been remiss in sending me bills for the past six months. Monday she mentioned she needed to send one to me. It was starting to add up. I am getting an invoice. If she gets around to sending it.

I told her to take her time. Please!

_____________________________________________

Matt, the investment banker turned handyman and re-turned banker has been playing phone tag with me. My office hours aren't coinciding with his office hours. It isn't like I don't want to chat. I have a lot of loan questions I would like to discuss with him.

_____________________________________________

I still haven't booked my trip to Alabama. I feel the same way about traveling right now that I do about Legal Eagle's invoice. It is a necessity that I prefer to continue ignoring.

Today's Ray of Sunshine

There are times when I feel like I have written all there is to write about my accidental business. Now that I have a handle on crazy tenants and (almost) every conceivable situation possible (hopefully) has been covered, what is left?

I sometimes wonder if I repeat myself too much. If I complain too much. If I whine too much. I feel like I do. This is my therapy blog. But even as such, I know that complaining doesn't make things better. Sometimes I would much rather write about Brandon Webb's (hopefully) comeback season with the Diamondbacks. But, I am guessing my three readers don't check in to read about me pontificating about baseball.

Really cool things happen too. Little things. Even if they are little--and cool--sometimes they, or something similar, has happened before. I am still repeating myself. But it still tickles me. Sometimes really cool little things are pretty personal too but they are hard to explain. If you break it down, how many ways can I express "this made my day" in a 300 word blog?

This experience you may have read before, but it happened again today. It made my day.

I got a call out of the blue from a former tenant. He was looking to move in April. He thought he would give me a call and find out if I happened to have anything coming up in Moody for rent?

Moody by the way, is where Ms. Kathy lives. And, I am sick of her. She and Legal Eagle had a meeting today where Ms. Kathy promised to behave in exchange for a place to live. I think I have written about Ms. Kathy's promises before as well.

I told my caller to call me next month. If I can convince Ms. Kathy to move, I might have a place available. Right now, I am sorry I didn't start the eviction process. I would have preferred these former tenants a million times over. I also followed up with an e-mail giving him Jack's number and Kirby's number. Maybe one of those two might be able to help him if I can't.

I know I have written this before, but sometimes it bears repeating because it always astounds me. The relationships I have built 1,700 miles from my home blow me away.

And, a former tenant calling me out of the blue because they thought highly enough of me to want to rent again from me makes my day.

Swooping In

Last week I had one of those mental head-slap moments. Essentially, why am I dealing with this madness with Ms. Kathy when I have a highly trained professional who can handle this? So, I called Legal Eagle.

Now, I appreciate Carolsue being my heavy with Ms. Kathy, but that isn't fair to Carolsue or Ms. Kathy. Besides, right now Carolsue is on sabbatical while she takes care of a few irons in the fire.

My biggest issue with Ms. Kathy is that I bent a little and she abused my good nature. She won't return my calls. And, when she has given me information in the past, it was to avoid immediate conflict. Ms. Kathy doesn't seem to have the foresight to figure out if she lies to me today, it might get me off her back, but come next week, I will be even angrier. Most of us learned this valuable gem in kindergarten.

I really don't want Ms. Kathy to leave. For the most part, she takes decent care of the home and she has a guaranteed income. She grew up in the neighborhood and has roots. She wants her kids in that particular school system. It doesn't take much to make me happy. And, she will be hard pressed to find a better landlord--as long as she can handle paying the rent.

Her rent issue is a cash-flow problem. She gets her check on the 3rd. Rent is due on the 15th. For some reason, the 12 days between the 3rd and the 15th her money seems to slip away.

When I talked to Legal Eagle on Tuesday, I gave her all of this. I explained how Ms. Kathy is conflict avoident. How she is afraid of me and Carolsue has been handling this on my behalf. I told her Carolsue might have told Ms. Kathy a few things about eviction that are questionable. Legal Eagle just muttered, "bless her heart." I don't know who she was referring to: Ms. Kathy or Carolsue. Depending upon who it was aimed at, the sentiment might have very different meanings.

Legal Eagle is now handling the Ms. Kathy collection. I know Ms. Kathy is getting a tax return. So, if Ms. Kathy wants to pay a half-month's rent, I will move her future rent due date to the 3rd. The other obvious reason for Legal Eagle to handle this is that she can identify Ms. Kathy's in court if we end up going that route. Either way, I don't have to play Ms. Kathy's game any more.

So, To Make A Short Story Long...

I am sometimes asked why am I investing in Alabama. Depending upon who is asking, my answer ranges from a simple shrug to a more complicated answer that involves investor jargon.

Once upon a time, when loans were easy to get and down payments were low, Marty Sunshine and I bought our first rental property near our home. After the shock and the naivety wore off, we found it to be a decent endeavor, so we bought a few more in the general vicinity of Mesa Arizona. Some of these were with business partners. Some weren't.

The people who lived next door to the first rental home we bought moved to Alabama. When they got there they said they were having trouble finding a rental home, and would we be interested in buying one. They found one they liked for about $80,000.

At the time, real estate in the Phoenix area was selling for about $150,000 for something comparable--but probably closer to $200,0000. And, at the time, real estate was doing this thing you might have heard of called, "appreciating." Additionally, I found out I could rent that $80,000 home in Birmingham for $850, or roughly 1 percent of the home's purchase price. A particular metric Mr. Partner happens to like. And not a metric you are likely to find in the Phoenix area--even today.

A few months later, I got a call from the agent I used on the first transaction. She knew a family who was in a situation where they had the income, but couldn't qualify for the home they were looking at. My agent insisted these people were top-notch. Was I interested in helping them out? That family is still in my home, living happily. I have never personally met them.

I wasn't really planning on making Birmingham my main focus, but the market here in Phoenix started getting out of control. At the time, I couldn't buy homes in Phoenix for anything close to what I could buy them in Birmingham for and make any type of cash flow. We sold what we had here and bought over there.

I also found out how bad the shortage of rental homes happens to be in Birmingham. With the agent's permission, a few months later, on a lark, I put an ad in the paper one Sunday with the agent's phone number. The ad was supposed to run for a week. I advertised "rent to own, you find the house, we do the rest."

My agent called me around 11 a.m. Sunday morning to tell me her voice mail was full, her phone hadn't stopped ringing and, what exactly did I have in mind? "I don't know?" I said. I was expecting about three calls total. By the end of the day, she had over 100 calls.

First thing Monday, I pulled the ad. I immediately begged Bliz to keep my books, screened a few of the potential tenants, got my investors together and bought several homes. I still have the homes, most of the tenants have moved on or have sold their homes and all but Mr. Partner is left from my original three partnerships.

There was a time when I would have told you managing five homes long distance was a chore. Now that seems like nothing. I sort of miss having only five homes. As the market has changed, so have our challenges. But, like Marty Sunshine has reminded me, we would have challenges here too.

He's Taken Ladies

Since the beginning of the year, I have become a full time real estate agent once more. And, because of that, I have become a lot more organized.

Ok, we need to take a moment and pause here while Bliz cleans up the chi that came spurting out of her nose.... Take your time Sweetie. We understand.

Seriously though, especially with my accidental business, I don't have time to put off the multitude of things I would rather put off. Like taxes. Like filing. Like forecasting. All of which I started working on this past Sunday. Ok, the "taxes" thing is a bit of a stretch. I worked on helping Bliz finish out the year end books so she could send me the profit/loss statements so the K1s could be dispersed to those who need them.

Sunday I worked on forecasting. Marty Sunshine worked on my filing. And, before all of you say, "what a guy!" (cuz he is!) on Saturday he made breakfast before I left for the office. While I was gone he mopped the floor, vacuumed, folded laundry, mowed the lawn, cleaned the pool, went shopping for a birthday present for a 10 year old girl, bathed the kids and took them to a birthday party.

Now on to taxes...

Today's Gripefest

For whatever reason, a bunch of minor non-issues (well, mostly minor) really hit home this week.

Ms. Angela wants the repairs that were promised her finished from when she moved in.

Ms. Kathy's antics are bugging me--actually what is bugging me is that she won't talk with me. She will let Carolsue abuse her, but she won't discuss when I can expect the rent with me. I have a few solutions for this. Stay tuned.

Artie and Candy are paying late--but they add late fees. If I were to guess, I would bet Candy is no longer in the picture and Artie is going at it alone. Either way, I am getting rent. Just late.

Ms. Robin made what I considered an obscene request to have her payment date moved. In the grand scheme of things, it wasn't a big deal. Fortunately, she was meeting with Attorney Jon at the time, who explained to her that she couldn't live in my home for free. I don't think she fully grasped my point even when Attorney Jon, one of the nicest and diplomatic people I know, translated my "Heck no! Are you out of your %&%$!#%&^% mind!!!!" to "No ma'am."

In any case, I moved Ms. Robin's payment a few extra days, but she didn't get the three weeks she asked for. Maybe if I hadn't been in a foul mood when she called, I would have been more willing to bend. Maybe not.

Even before I knew what was going on with the Sherwoods, Marty Sunshine--who never really thinks I should travel--thought maybe it was time to go to Alabama. It is. It is actually long overdue. I adore Carolsue, Legal Eagle and Jack, but a couple of meals with friends and business acquaintances doesn't really add up to a trip five states away.

And, truth be told, a trip doesn't work into my life right now. Besides all of the regular reasons not to leave (my children and husband, Major League Baseball's spring training and a mild Arizona winter), I have aging parents who need medical attention in the month of February. I have clients who justifiably aren't real understanding when they are about to spend lots of money and their agent high-tails it out of town for a week.

If I had to break it down, I would say, I am just mad at myself for poor decisions I have made throughout the ages that have created all of these minor situations. However, I find when I let minor issues fester they turn into major issues. I am not in the mood for those either.

The Sure-Fire Sherwoods

Months ago, Mrs. Sherwood called me telling me she was giving her 30 day notice and was moving out. Her husband was out of a job and had been looking for months without any hope. She personally had her hours cut back. They simply could not afford the rent. When I asked her where she would go, she said she wasn't sure. I was certain she didn't have the money to move.

Her husband's unemployment issue didn't surprise me. I have been watching the Birmingham economy pretty closely for the past couple of years. Currently, Birmingham's unemployment rate is one of the highest in the nation. I read recently that the unemployment rate there jumped 95 percent in the past 12 months. I have been told by several people how difficult times are in Birmingham. Jobs are scarce. Those working have taken pay cuts to preserve their positions. From what I am reading and seeing, I certainly believe times over there are tougher than a lot of other places.

Mrs. Sherwood has called me about three times in the years she had been living there. She is one of those dream tenants landlords look for. When I drive by, the place looks well-kept up. The gutters are clean. The rent is generally on time and even though her stove doesn't work, she doesn't want me to buy a new one. Because then her family would expect her to cook. She doesn't want that.

Her move-out date would have hit the beginning of the holiday season. The house is 40 years old, has fixtures, carpeting and paint from about the same era. We are a bit cash-strapped right now and Mrs. Sherwood moving out did not look like anything I wanted to take on. Not to mention, when she called I was battling an 8-week flu/pneumonia/fell down the stairs and re-injured my back thing going on (last autumn just sucked).

At the time, I made a deal with Mrs. Sherwood. We would take a reduction in rent for a couple of months and then go back to our regularly scheduled program in January. What I didn't tell Mrs. Sherwood is that Mr. Partner and I discussed this and we were willing to extend Mrs. Sherwood's rent reduction a bit longer if it would keep us from having a vacant home right now.

This month, I didn't hear from Mrs. Sherwood. I thought about calling her and saying, "Hey! You are going to pay an increase in rent now, right?" My concern about calling her was that if I said, "How's it going?" I might very well get a sob story about how bad things were. If I left it as-is and see what she paid me (the adjusted amount or full rent) then I would have a conversation topic.

This past week I hadn't seen Mrs. Sherwood's check yet. I started to dither to Marty Sunshine. "You don't think she skipped do you? She doesn't strike me as the type." I would ask about every five minutes. He finally urged me to call her or get on a plane and find out for myself. Finally, I called.

When I talked to her, I found out that Mr. Sherwood had just gotten a job with the County. He was hired this past week. She started nursing school. She was sure things were looking up. And she was sure they didn't want to move.

Quote of the Day

"The minute you begin to do what you really want to do, it's really a different kind of life."

-- Buckminster Fuller

(Thanks to Happy Camper for this pearl)

Former Home Owners

Currently, I have a client who wants to rent a home. They are super-nice, considerate folks. Last year I helped them find a rental home. And, they called again this year. Some day, maybe they will buy from me. But for now, maybe they will just refer a friend or two.

Normally, in Arizona, the process of helping a renter find a home goes like this: I show the rental home, they take the application, fill it out and hand it over to the agent who listed the property and I get paid a small stipend for my time.

This is a far cry from Alabama where real estate agents don't list rental properties on MLS and they certainly aren't going to show rental properties. That is left for the likes of folks like Kirby and Carolsue. Well, technically only Kirby. He is a licensed agent and he owns a property management company. Carolsue falls into a gray category because these are my properties, therefore she can do me a favor, but Legal Eagle just shakes her head and has asked me not to give her too many details.

Though rentals don't pay much, there is very little work to do. So, in a way, dollar per hour, it is a great deal. Except in this case. I believe I would make a higher wage per hour if I were working in a manufacturing company in a third world nation. But I am not complaining. Work is work.

My clients aren't professional renters. They have owned a home. And, like most former home owners, they want to negotiate. Every. Little. Thing. I don't blame them, I really wish more tenants were this fussy. My experience is that tenants who are fussy up front are a dream once they move in.

When I think about my ideal tenant, I go back and forth with this. Professional renters don't ask for anything. They have lower standards and want the landlord to leave them alone as much as the landlord wants to be left alone. However, professional renters tend to think of the home in terms of, "The rich landlord won't care if we leave the place in shambles. After all, he is the rich landlord."

I find former home owners tend to nitpick every little thing before they move in. Could the carpets be cleaned again? They look clean, but you never know who has walked on them from the time they were cleaned last week and up until today. When was the last time the AC was serviced? Will the landlord provide a receipt to prove it? They want more, they expect more and generally they take much better care of the home--so landlords will give more. However, they wear out all semblence of goodwill by the time they move in.

Mrs. Spring comes to mind. I am told my clients (who are exceptional people--I can't stress that enough!) and their requests are wearing thin on the good nature of the landlord. I understand both sides of this. But in the long run, if both sides ever come to a meeting of the minds, I am guessing the landlord will be happy he gave in.

Now If I Could Predict Winning Lottery Numbers...

I swear. This is the last word on this particular topic...

I got the following e-mail from Mr. 114 on Sunday:

I looked at the leak today and all I could find out is that there just can't be a leak. No wood above the wet spot on the floor was wet. Plus, it rained like crazy here today and no sign of leaks. I told her to keep an eye on it and let me know if it comes back. I honestly think that one of her kids spilt something in there.

The water spot was many feet away from the window. It was not near any roof joint. Several feet away from the roof peak. I looked and looked without being able to come up with anything other then a simple spill.

The Accidental Landlord

The housing slump has created a new breed of investors. There are many new landlords who couldn't sell their homes and needed/wanted to move. Because they they couldn't sell and instead of ruining their credit, they rented out their old home. Hence, the accidental landlord was born. There seems to be a mindset of accidental landlords I have met. They think, "This isn't too bad. After all, I am a few miles away. I can fix/mow/inspect whenever necessary."

One of the biggest mistakes accidental landlords seem to make is when they take on managing their home as a hobby. Sadly, they learn the hard way, nobody, I tell you, nobody, is going to love their former home as much as the accidental landlord does.

Tenants aren't going to prune the trees the way you did. Tenants might not wipe down the wall smudges as diligently as you did. The tenant's dog may not be as well behaved as the hamster you had. Essentially your tenants won't treat your cherished home like their own. They treat it like a temporary domicile. When the tenants move out, the landlord is appalled at the footprints on the ceiling. Who lives this way? They ask.

There are other issues directly related to this too. Accidental landlords like to check on their homes. Often. So, if something isn't quite right, they mention it. And though they may not mean to cause ill-will, the tenant doesn't take kindly to anyone nosing into their lives. I am not equating minor transgressions to significant damage. But the accidentally landlord doesn't really see much of a difference between a torn window screen and a hole in the roof.

Accidental landlords aren't very familiar with landlord-tenant laws either. I find that a great majority of professional tenants are. Tenants know in Arizona a landlord has to give a 48 hour written notice before entering the premises. When an accidental landlord just drops by to bring over air filters, the tenant may not be terribly friendly. They weren't expecting company. Even if the company is bringing something useful under the guise of checking out the place. The accidental landlords might get fussy because the tenants didn't invite them in. And, the tenant isn't under any obligation. Even if the accidental landlord is standing there looking like they have a bladder ready to burst.

I am finding right now, Accidental landlords have the best of intentions but the execution leaves something to be desired. Through their inexperience they tend to drive away decent tenants (AL: "Hey tenant, I see you let the rosebush die... I planted that for my wife on our fourth anniversary" T: "You have been married 35 years! It was dead when I moved in."). All the tenants want to do is be left alone to live their lives. All the accidental landlord wants is the tenant to babysit the home long enough for the market to pick up.

Random Bama

As of Friday, Mr. 114 has not met up with Ms. Shirley, his next door neighbor, to take care of the mysterious leak in the bonus area/attic space. One would think if there really is a roof leak, one might want it taken care of as soon as possible. But, Ms. Shirley isn't answering her phone or her door when Mr. 114 calls.

I know Ms. Shirley is alive. She sent me an e-mail Saturday about something and never once mentioned the water leak. Yea... I am thinking open window.

_______________________________________________________

Legal Eagle tells me she doesn't have a chart like Facebook Debbie's. But, she said she would like one.

Oh, The Irony

So, Ms. Kathy blew us off. Shall I wait for all of you to come to your collective senses after you have gasped in horror? I didn't think so.

Carolsue called her last week and left a message. And, then another one. And another one. Finally I texted her, leaving a perky little note, just telling her I needed to budget and to let me know when I could expect the rent. I didn't tell her I was budgeting Red to post a happy notice on her door, but she would have figured that out sooner or later.

At that point, I did tell Carolsue not to call any more. I didn't want there to be an issue about harassment. Carolsue did use her awesome paralegal talents to find out what my options were. I could wait and have her served (my favorite) or just assume she had abandoned the property on the 29th and go over and take possession. Of course, this meant she would have to have moved out. But, I figured she didn't.

I also started looking at flights to Birmingham. Because if she did take off in the middle of the night, I wanted to get there as soon as possible and secure the house.

Finally, Ms. Kathy called Carolsue saying she had been sick with pneumonia. Carolsue didn't even fake sympathy noises, but got the basics of when money would be coming.

When I heard, I started composing a note to Ms. Kathy just telling her something along the lines of "Golly gee, if you would just send me an e-mail or text, it would keep the lines of communication open. And, that would promote trust and credibility."

I got to "Ms. Kathy," when I decided to just call it quits. I think it is safe to say all trust and credibility are already out the window.

I Wonder if Legal Eagle has a Chart

Might you remember Facebook Debbie?

For those of you new to Sage Business Central, Facebook Debbie had a leak in the master bathroom, causing a certain degree of unsettling sewage to back into the bathroom and then the bedroom. The landlord took his sweet time in getting it fixed--a whole two hours.

Facebook Debbie and her family were inconvenienced beyond belief. I know this because she had several postings in a 36 hour timeframe talking about how annoying the entire ordeal happened to be. I would like to point out if this was their own home they still would have been inconvenienced beyond belief, but they would have had no one to whine about. Anyway, after three days of working to get this restored, the landlord let Facebook Debbie out of her lease. He probably waved good-bye and quickly replaced the locks before she could change her mind. But, I digress...

Facebook Debbie in turn, has bashed the guy every chance she has gotten and is now suing him for I don't know what. She got her deposit back. She mentioned at the time there was no damage done to her personal belongings. If there was damage, I hope she had renter's insurance. It is an unfortunate situation for all parties involved.

I read on Tuesday that Facebook Debbie finally got a court date! She is now going to be able to tell her side of the story about her "money grubbing" (her words) landlord to a judge. And, she was quick to tell us she ran her astrological charts so that she would be fully prepared. She said, "The Moon will be in Gemini that day so I should expect to be very nervous.. prepare for that too. Work on being as calm as possible. 5 planets moving through that area of my chart on that day."

Sadly, she didn't say anything about whether the planets being wherever they might be would help her win the case. Let's hope she can give the judge some evidence that might be a bit more substantial.

Investor Newbies

I am working with this charming couple who want to buy a home as an investment property. They want to take advantage of the great housing prices. And, they want to increase their investment portfolio. They heard real estate was a great way to do this.

The wife, Carrie, has some interesting ideas about her future rental home. But before she shared them with me, she asked if I had any experience in buying rental property. "Yes. Yes I do." I replied.

Before I could elaborate with a smidgen of knowledge I happen to have on this topic, I found--and this really wasn't a shock--that any experience I might have in purchasing a rental property was completely unwanted. (And, I should clarify this. I am not being arrogant. She asked my opinion. It is what I do for a living.)
Additionally, before I could provide her any opinion I became aware that whatever my experiences happen to be, she was pretty sure they are completely unrelated to: 1) what she wanted to buy and 2) who she wanted to rent from her.

Carrie doesn't want a sale that will be a "hassle." So, please! Absolutely no short sales or bank owned properties.

I know there are few of you right now who are laughing hysterically at that one, so I will pause here while you compose yourself. Take your time... There... all better?

For those of you who are completely out of the loop on that line of humor, in the Phoenix metro area, pretty much everything for sale is a bank owned property or a short sale.

Carrie doesn't want anything that needs any work. She wants major upgrades, like granite counters and cherry wood cabinets, because she doesn't want to "invest" in these extras later. She doesn't even want to change the paint colors, so we will need to add into any contract we write that the willing seller will paint the home the color to match Carrie's specifications.

There are many other things Carrie wants that I know through the school of experience she is about to learn aren't going to happen. Some of them are related to buying an investment home. I am curious how it will go when she screens renters.

A loan officer friend once said he refuses to help first time investors. In his words, they have usually read half a chapter of the latest make-money-in-real-estate book and decided purchasing a rental property is a breeze. His opinion is to let these first-time investors cut their teeth with some one else who may give them brilliant advice, but they won't listen. And, next time they are ready to buy, he will snatch them up. I have always seen the wisdom of his decision. Even if I did agree to represent this couple.

The biggest issue I see with Carrie is that she is still in the dreamy fantasy stage of investing. I will help her pick a home that I think will suite them for their purposes. However, I will do this through providing her facts and statistics, not personal experiences. It isn't time. She isn't ready.

I am Just Going Out On a Limb Here

Ms. Shirley e-mailed me. There was a bit of water on the floor in the bonus/attic room over the garage. She didn't indicate how the water got there. She did say she just noticed it because she rarely goes in that room. And, what was I going to do about it?

What I did about it was call Mr. 114--her next door neighbor.

Mr. 114 and I talked about the water. I am hesitant to say it is a roof leak--though that makes the most amount of sense. First, the roof is 10 years old. There aren't any pesky vents or chimneys over this patch of roof to get in the way. Mr. 114 wasn't convinced it was the roof either. The other option, a water leak didn't sound right either. There aren't any pipes going through that part of the garage ceiling that might break.

I told Mr. 114 it didn't smell right. I could be wrong, but I am guessing someone left the bonus/attic window open.

I Am Such A Total Bad-Ass

So, for reasons way too complicated to go into in this little corner of cyberspace, Carolsue asked me to check her e-mail (and for the record, this is not the first person in Alabama to ask this favor). In there was a quick note from Mrs. Spring to Carolsue. She needed Carolsue to call her.

I responded, telling Mrs. Spring I was helping Carolsue out. And, if there was a problem with the home, please contact me directly. Otherwise, here was Carolsue's new phone number.

Mrs. Spring wrote CAROLSUE back, addressing me personally and said thank you and that she would be contacting Carolsue in the next day or so.

When I talked to Carolsue, I told her to expect a call.

Please fast-forward two days later. Carolsue called me. Mrs. Spring was having a slight electrical issue. And would Carolsue please find out what I would be willing to do about it.

Carolsue asked, "Why didn't you just tell the landlord about it directly."

Apparently, Mrs. Spring's response was, "Well, you know."

I don't know. I told Carolsue that when she relayed this to me. So, Carolsue explained, Mrs. Spring is afraid of me.

"No she isn't!" I insisted. "She tried to friend me on Facebook."

"Yea, that was the nail in the coffin."

Of course, I thought we had cleared up that awkward moment weeks ago, when I told Mrs. Spring it wasn't personal and it was just a rule I kept for all tenants and I certainly didn't mean any ill-will by the whole thing. But apparently, Mrs. Spring--a grown woman practically old enough to be my mother--is afraid to actually e-mail me and say, "there is a problem with an electrical outlet."

Of course, I am happy to fix her electrical issue. And I am sure my electrician will be delighted as well. After all, he hasn't bought his wife a 24-carat Valentine's present yet. I would send Mrs. Spring an e-mail telling her so, but maybe I should send it from Carolsue's account. It might sound better.

Maybe It Is Really My Inner Pathetic Nerd

Growing up, didn't everyone have the grown-up they revered in awe? This was the person who you looked to as a bastion of cool/sophistication/normalcy. You wanted to make sure this person didn't think of you as the awkward one, wanting to fit in.

Though I am in my 40s, Attorney Jon has taken this role since I started my accidental business. I realize how pathetic this sounds. And I am ok with that.

I am honored he takes my calls, handles my business and passes his valuable connections my way when necessary (hence, I have Legal Eagle, Jack and Matt the banker, briefly turned handyman). Unless Jack sets something up, I don't socialize with Attorney Jon when I am in Birmingham. Though I wouldn't think twice of calling Legal Eagle and inviting her to lunch, I wouldn't dare call upon Attorney Jon in his office unless I was bearing gifts or business for him.

Lately I have needed Attorney Jon and find myself going to great lengths to make sure I am handling the situations appropriately. I needed him to file something in Shelby County for me. I told him I wanted to make sure he was being reimbursed for his time too--because he rarely charges me for what he does. When Attorney Jon didn't respond right away to what his fee would happen to be, I consulted Carolsue. She told me it would be highly appropriate to send him a gift certificate so he could take his wife to dinner. I think somewhere Emily Post covered this but at that particular moment, I was at a loss. Attorney Jon did get back to me and tell me I could pay a nominal fee. I am certainly not complaining. Legal Eagle's idea of a "nominal fee" tends to have lots more zeros on the end.

Right now he is working on another matter for me. The other day he returned my voicemail. I noticed I was careful to wish him a Happy New Year and congratulate him on Alabama's win last week. Apparently I hit all the right buttons. Though I would do the same with anyone over there, for some reason I was more aware of this particular moment of etiquette.

Of course, intellectually, I know this is very silly. I am a mildly competent businesswoman who has assembled a top-notch team of professionals to help me. Attorney Jon is a highly-competent attorney and I am blessed to have him. I am the first to tell you I want this guy touching every aspect of what I do because my accidental business functions much better because he does. But I still don't want him thinking of me as the awkward Yankee hick trying to do business in the South. Even though I am pretty sure that I what I have been conveying all along.

Sweat Equity

Jack sends me listings so I can see what home prices are doing in the Birmingham market. Today I got this one. It is listed at $149,000. I was curious. This is a pretty high price for the area he sent me (this particular neighborhood tends to run between $90,000 to $120,000 range). Just what can you get fro $149,000 I thought. So, I opened the listing and saw this picture.

Marital Bliss

A few weeks ago I ran across this guy who wanted to rent out his home. He was debating if he needed a property management company or not. What did I think?

My experience with landlords dabbling with first rental properties is they have a lot to digest. And, many of the decisions they make are probably more related to marital harmony than strong business acumen. My first real estate clients, Kevin and Kelly, were this cute married couple who were buying their first home together. Kevin had a home and was going to rent it out when they moved into their new home.

Kevin rented out the first home and managed it by himself. If her own sink backed up, Kelly would dump in the Liquid Plumbo. However, if the tenant called because the sink was backed up, Kelly considered it a major issue that caused great anguish. If the rent was a day late, Kelly was anxious. If the tenant went on vacation, Kelly was stressed someone might break in and trash the place while the tenant was gone. As Kevin explained to me at the time, "There is no winning this."

Through inheritance, Kevin and Kelly managed to acquire another rental property. This time Kevin got a property management company. Because Kevin didn't see a check on the first of the month (generally the management company sent it around the 15th) and because he didn't know the tenants by sight, Kevin was stressed. When the sink backed up it became a major deal for Kevin. Could the management company have used Liquid Plumbo instead of calling out a licensed professional? Was the property management company making the decisions in their best interests?

They still have the inherited property. Kelly is happy and stress free. Kevin would rather have a happy and stress free wife than manage it himself and feels the trade off is worth it.

A Happy Ending

I caught up with my friend Trish the other day. I was curious as to whatever came of her perfect tenants.

Real quickly, Trish had tenants who moved in last spring. The Perfects were complaining because there were air conditioning issues. The issues caused consistent $600 a month electric bills. The wife a stay-at-home mom was not willing to meet the air conditioning repair person so the husband (who is self-employed) was taking time off work to do this. The house down the street was renting for $500 a month less. The Perfects wanted to be reimbursed for their electric bills, the time he took off work and they wanted a permanent $500 a month rent reduction. All the while, other landlords were calling Trish for a rental reference, giving me (Trish needed more convincing), the impression the Perfects were moving. Besides that, the Perfects were two weeks late on the rent and they announced to Trish that she should use the security deposit for that month's rent.

What bothered me the most was the tenants were bullying Trish into making decisions. Trish, wanting to accommodate the tenants, was doing her level best to resolve these issues. When Trish told me the story last August, I predicted the Perfects were looking for excuses to break the lease and were moving out.

At the time this was going on, Trish decided to meet with the Perfects and work things out. They agreed to a temporary reduction in rent until the "air conditioning issues" were resolved. They also agreed to fix a few minor things they didn't know were broken. In exchange, the Perfects gave them the missing rent money (now with the reduction).

At the end of the month, the Perfects moved out without saying good bye.

Trish then found out the Perfects were keeping their air conditioner at 70 degrees. Which sounds just wonderful for an Arizona winter. But, generally to avoid $600 electric bills, we Zonies keep our thermostats set for 80 degrees in the summer. When the Perfects moved out, Trish called an HVAC service. Nope, nothing was wrong.

At the time, Trish was making decisions based on not wanting to to deal with the frustration of deadbeat tenants and a vacant home. None of us do, of course. And I am a proponent of picking my battles just like the next guy. But as I pointed out when we were talking the other day, she WAS dealing with these frustrations. The writing was on the wall. It didn't take a crystal ball on this one. It just wasn't my drama so I could see the big picture.

I personally think Trish was lucky to get the last rent payment when she did--even if it was a reduction. And the place was in reasonable condition when they left. Trish had the house vacant for 10 days when they found a tenant. And, from what I understand, there have been no complaints so far.

Discerning Doesn't Mean Discrimination

In order to keep my license active, I recently suffered through a Fair Housing class I could have taught in a coma. The teacher, a civil rights attorney, affirmed his belief that every landlord is a bigot only interested in renting to trust fund babies. He also said that only 17 percent of Fair Housing lawsuits go to trial and usually the landlords unjustly win.

It really is too bad. I like my renewal classes. Usually. I especially like them if there is a healthy discourse involved with all of us exchanging ideas. This sadly wasn't the forum to do so. In this case, my goal was to do my time, get my certificate, so I could go out in the world until I had to do the entire ordeal over next time my license came up for renewal.

In my experience, landlords are only interested in one thing: finding a decent tenant to babysit their asset for a while. A long while.

But that brings up a few points. As a basic primer for those who don't know or might care: landlords who own more than three properties and/or landlords who are licensed real estate agents need to pay attention to the protected classes. They aren't allowed to discriminate by color, race, nationality, disability, familial status, gender or religion. That said, if I decide I don't want to rent to lawyers, I don't have to. As long as I am consistent.

There are a few areas I am consistent about. I don't rent to people who lie on the application. I don't rent to people who are rude to me or anyone showing my homes. I don't rent to trouble makers (in this case, let's think of the Springs as high maintenance. True "trouble makers" are a whole 'nuther classification). I don't rent to people who are in the United States illegally (and hence, unable get a job--and pay the rent). By the way, it isn't discrimination if I don't want to fence a yard.

In the past several years, I have been threatened to be sued by several callers. Generally these callers want something outrageous (would you mind if I bred wallabies in your home?) or they are so inconsiderate in just a simple call that I know they will be trouble. It used to slightly bother me. Now I just offer them Legal Eagle's number. And, nobody has ever wanted it.

For the record, I don't ask my tenants what color their skin happens to be. Because I own rentals in the Bible Belt, I generally get an idea of my tenant's religious preference--but I don't ask. Nor do I consider it my business.

My business is finding quality people for quality homes.

And as a separate note, I heard from Jack Thursday morning just to let me know Alabama was going to "mess with Texas." Which they successfully did. Alabama won the big game: 37 to 21. Way to go Crimson Tide.

How Cold Is It?

As some of you who don't live in Phoenix might be aware, it is a bit chilly right now. In fact, this cold spell has even hit as far South as Florida.

One of my tenants was telling me the other day that it was so cold that she went to check on her laundry in the washing machine (located in a store room off the house). It turns out the clothes had frozen in the machine because she hadn't transferred them to the dryer in time.

I won't brag about our current weather, because everything from May to October here is miserable. Stay warm friends.

On a completely unrelated note, today is the BCS College Football game. If I am not mistaken, I believe it is the "big" game. I do know that number 1 ranked Alabama and number 2 ranked Texas are playing. So, please join with me in my obligatory:

ROLL TIDE!

It Must Be January

The 2009 filing is complete, more or less. I seem to be missing a few things that are probably located on Bliz's desk in the Midwest. Hopefully the snow is deep enough to stop the postman from delivering them to me. Because, I am in no hurry to file again. Ever.

The next step in my tax adventure is getting things ready for Diamond Jim. It isn't enough to give him financial statements. He wants me to explain a few things. Like a bankruptcy by a tenant. Like a couple of air conditioners we ended up buying. He will want me to field Mr. Partner's calls too. Which I will dutifully pass on to Marty Sunshine.

Let the whining--and for that matter, the wining--begin!


Here are picture from my super-clean office--by the time you read this, I don't guarantee the desk will be this tidy.



The sign Bliz gave me a few years ago: It says, "Each day brings me one step closer to being that crazy lady I always dreamed of who eats ice-cream for breakfast and laughs hysterically at her own jokes. Oh, wait, I'm already her."

And the white board has a picture of former Diamondback pitcher, Micah Owings.

Round Trip is 63.18 Miles

The totally meticulous Mr. 114 apparently has been looking out for my best interests. The other day I forwarded him an e-mail with a home in his subdivision that is being foreclosed upon. After looking at the sales price and after the nitroglycerin had metabolized into his system, he wrote me back.

Our conversation took an interesting turn when he told me he had been driving by Artie and Candy's home on a regular basis. I just checked, it is 31.59 miles from his house to theirs. One way. Mr. 114 assures me he is in the general area a few times a month, and apparently their home isn't too far out of his way when he is in this particular town for him to turn off the main road and travel a extra few blocks. I am totally flattered.

Mr. 114 tells me the grass looks "decent," which is a glowing compliment from him. He said the house is kept up as well. There is no dog in the back yard chained to the shed--a bone of contention between me and the tenants, as I wouldn't let them bring their rottweiler, and yea, all pun intended.

Mr. 114 did tell me about a bit of maintenance that needs to be done over there, and it is in my best interests to take care of it while it is still in the little bit stage. I appreciate his enterprising nature. And I will give him the work.

My Money's Worth

Might you remember Ms. Betty? For those of you new to Sage Business Central, you can pretty much hit any random blog in 2009 and probably the post will be about her. If you aren't that ambitious, think of this: take Hollywood's idea of an unsophisticated Southern woman, make a caricature of that, magnify the caricature, then subtract several IQ points, you have Ms. Betty.

By far, she was the most annoying tenant I had last year. She wrote me at least once a week asking for some inane solution to whatever her latest dilemma happened to be. She has a sense of entitlement and felt strongly that paying the rent was less important than paying the electric bill--both of which she didn't feel she needed to pay regularly.

In mid-August, she sent me half of the rent. I agreed to hold it with the promise from her that the remainder would be coming in two weeks. Three weeks later she was "shocked" I hadn't received the rent money, but made no effort to hunt down the errant check. I know if I am out that much money I would at least stop payment on my check--that is, if I wrote the check. And nobody actually believed she did. She also told me the first check was never any good to begin with (which didn't surprise me either).

In the end, I asked her to leave, which was a great relief to me. She left behind a hole where the six-month old dishwasher used to live and a lot of personal belongings under the crawlspace of the home, including a computer that had a file titled, "What's wrong with the landlord." But, she left, out of my life. More or less.

But, I held on to that original check. Every so often I would go to her bank and see if the check was good, knowing full well what the outcome would be. One time the teller strongly hinted that if I had gotten there a day earlier I could have cashed the check. So, money was flowing in and out of the account.

Finally, I just went ahead and cashed the check anyway. Three days after I went to the bank, I wrote her this e-mail, "I cashed your check. If it bounces I will go after you legally." It is a class B felony in Alabama to write a hot check.

Ms. Betty wrote back, "What check?"

I haven't replied yet. I am assuming she has figured out "What check?" by now. If not, her bank will let her know. Or, the sheriff will.

Marty Sunshine swearts he loves me despite what he calls a disturbing aspect of my personality. I say it isn't revenge, I am just cashing a check owed to me by a deadbeat.