The Plight of Mr. Jordan (Part 2)

Marty Sunshine and I have been discussing at great length Mr. Jordan and his situation since I found out his homes are in foreclosure. It chills me to think this happened to him. He, like us, was undercapitalized. He, like us, had his fair share of rental homes. He, like us, opted to manage them himself long distance.

His situation really got me thinking. What was different?

1. We have business partners. Mr. Partner and Jack share part of the burden. With Jack, if something breaks, we pay half. With Mr. Partner, if the money is available in the coffers, we take it out of there. Last summer we had three trashed homes and the money wasn't available in our business account. We both put in some to cover our expenses. And, we had a few.

2. Location, location, er... location. I have one house on a minorly busy street. It is in a questionable neighborhood. Next door lives a crack addict. Across the street lives the guy who stole my air conditioner. These people didn't live there when I bought the house. But, if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have bought in that neighborhood. Most of my homes are scattered over three counties in the greater Birmingham area. Mr. Jordan's homes were in the same subdivisions, thus making the neighborhood one big rental zone. Most of his houses backed major roads or undesirable retail establishments. Even renters want to avoid living in places that back to those conditions.

3. Quality homes for quality people. Mr. Jordan preferred section 8 renters because he is guaranteed rent. However, after dealing with the aftermath of his tenants, I am here to tell you, I witnessed what these homes looked like when they moved out. The one tenant he had who was not section 8 actually vacuumed on their way out the door. His section 8 tenants always left the home in poor condition. His properties were brand-new in 2004 but they looked like war zones on the inside. Always.

4. Vendors. Jack doesn't manage my homes. He helps me find new ones (when I am in the market). My electrician gets paid on time. I trust Carolsue to handle my chores--and she gets paid for her time. One time I called a locksmith for Mr. Jordan so I could get into his property. Mr. Jordan was supposed to call over his credit card information but "forgot." The locksmith began calling me for payment. This went on for weeks, with me finally threatening to quit helping Mr. Jordan until he paid his bills. Miraculously the locksmith got paid right after we got off the phone.

5. Neither Mr. Jordan or I are against property management. However, the property manager he used called me one day, completely exasperated wanting to know how I tolerated this guy. She didn't believe me when I told her I found him comical. But, I did. She fired him. Then he fired her. Then he hired another who fired Mr. Jordan as well. Then Mr. Jordan called me begging for me to take over. It turns out, he didn't trust their expertise and didn't want to pay them either.

6. Face time. In the three years I worked with Mr. Jordan I never met him. I may not jet over to Birmingham very often, but I know that showing up once in a while lends to my credibility.

7. Marital bliss. I am not making light of Mr. Jordan's situation, but know he went through two wives in the time I worked with him. Divorces in Southern California can't be cheap, especially when you put your new wife on the deed to the property. Mr. Partner is happily married to a patient woman. I have a patient Marty Sunshine. It makes a difference.

8. Speaking of patience. Mr. Partner, like us, is aware we aren't getting our money back any time soon. I firmly believe Mr. Jordan treated his real estate endeavor like he was day trading.

9. The last resort. I don't know what happened to Mr. Jordan and his homes. Maybe he let them go for other reasons. Maybe his heath was in jeopardy. Maybe he needed to liquidate. Maybe he was looking for a new hobby. Maybe he just gave up. Though we make our fair share of blunders, we aren't willing to look at any other alternative other than success. Failure to us is foreclosure. Therefore, I am going to plod forward. No matter what. I have felt financially vulnerable for quite a while. However, I have refused to think of what failure might look like. It isn't in the picture.

In no way do I think I am better than Mr. Jordan. A lot of what has gone right for us is because of dumb luck. But I also think one of the reasons we move forward is that we are willing to readjust when things aren't going right. We had a plan to sell our properties after three years and make a tidy profit. When the real estate market didn't agree with us we adjusted our plan to make what we had work. Or at least not fail. Sometimes not failing is success as well.

Postscript: After I wrote this, I saw that Happy Camper posted the following. I thought it was fitting (and thanks again Happy for being my source of wisdom).

The fight to the finish spirit is the one ... characteristic we must possess if we are to face the future as finishers. - Thoreau

The Plight of Mr. Jordan

I am saddened to see Mr. Jordan is loosing his homes.

A long time ago, Mr. Jordan was my client. Imagine if you will... Mr. Jordan described himself to me as an 6-foot 5, African American, former Marine, who referred to himself only in the third person and liked to rub elbows with (or at least name-drop) high-profile celebrities in Southern California, which happens to be where Mr. Jordan lives.

Mr. Jordan from my vantage is an eccentric. He makes eccentrics look pedestrian. I can only describe the client-agent relationship as "surreal." For example, one time he bawled at me because his latest wife (of six weeks--which is longer than the courtship lasted) left him. I wasn't anywhere near my Miss Manners Guide to Perfectly Behaved Real Estate Agents, so I wasn't exactly sure the best way to handle this particular situation. I listened as he told me his woes. Two days later he called me in the best of moods and asked if I knew someone I could introduce him to because he was (and these were his words) "ready for action."

During our tenure, I sold a piece of land he owned at a time where a home oozing with nuclear waste would have multiple offers in less than 10 minutes on the market. So, this wasn't much of a stretch. However, Mr. Jordan thought I was a rock star, even though I explained over and over it was just market factors. Nevertheless, he decided I was the agent for him. And let me know it. Often.

Before I came into the picture, Mr. Jordan was sitting on approximately eight rental homes that he had purchased over the course of the real estate boom (around 2004-2005). Apparently, he found the last home builder in the Phoenix metro area who was willing to sell to investors instead of homeowners. So, Mr. Jordan bought as many as he could. However, the homes he bought weren't in ideal locations. All of his homes were within a five-mile radius. They mostly backed major roads. And in one case, the home backed a Mexican flea market.

What I primarily did for Mr. Jordan was help him lease out his rental homes. His homes are in Avondale. I live in Mesa. That is a 40 minute drive when there is no traffic. Of course, I only had to do this a couple times a year, so it wasn't too bad.

The real issue is Mr. Jordan preferred to rent out to Section 8 tenants. Every section 8 tenant he rented to seriously trashed his homes on move-out. I wasn't willing to clean up the properties and get them ready to rent out again. Especially for free. That is what a property manager does. I wasn't willing to be his--no matter how much he pleaded.

Mr. Jordan and I parted ways a few years ago, leaving me lots of tales for my great American novel.

The other day I was in the office and noticed a story about rental homes in Avondale. That got me to look up a few of Mr. Jordan's properties. Which is when I found out they are all in various levels of foreclosure.

There are so many glaring similarities to Mr. Jordan's rentals and mine. The distance. The go-it-alone attitude. The desperation one feels when one has a vacant rental. I thought about his situation and wondered if this could be me if I wasn't careful. What was different?

To be continued...

Making My Heart Go 'A Pitter-Patter

Just like a bell and Pavlov's dog, I have my own stimuli that drives me into various levels of stroke. Carolsue calling me and saying, "I need to talk with you as soon as possible!" is pretty high on the list. So is a text from a tenant saying, "I need your e-mail address."

Friday my phone alerted me with the previous message. It was from Artie. At the moment I was reading my text, Marty Sunshine just happened to have walked in the kitchen. He said my face went white. "Something wrong? Did someone die? That text wasn't about your father was it?" he asked in husbandly concern. "Do you need to sit?"

I just shook my head as my imagination went into overdrive. I expected the worst. When I told Marty about Artie's text, he just couldn't fathom the correlation between my mental health and five words sitting on my phone. But, he didn't know the back story.

A few months ago, Candy had called me OUT OF THE BLUE to tell me about the trouble in paradise between her and Artie. Of course, I have never personally met Candy. Before and after this occasion, we hadn't been particularly friendly. So, this call was a bit unexpected. On that particular day, she said that she "thinks of me as a friend," and just needed to talk. More likely, she didn't want me to be floored if they broke their lease two months later because she wanted to move out. And, right after Candy's girlfriend chat, Artie and Candy bounced the rent check.

So, a cryptic text from Artie had the same physiologic response as putting me in a pit of vipers.

Instead of texting Artie back (which he indicated Friday morning was his preferred mode of communication) I called him, saying, "Hey! I got your text. Is there something we need to discuss?"

Though I am not too sure about Candy, I actually like Artie. He stepped up right after the rent check bounced last October. Now the rent checks come from him. He includes late fees. I wouldn't let him keep his rottweiler in my home. According to Mr. 114, Artie hasn't. Also according to Mr. 114 Artie takes very good care of the home. Mr. 114 hasn't really commented on Candy, only to say he didn't see her there last time he did work for me.

What Artie really wanted from me on Friday was to send me pictures of the aftermath created by the basement flood a few months ago. I knew about this when it happened. And thankfully it is fixed. At the time I knew I would need to call James the Hell's Angel turned Carpet Guy to replace the rotted carpet, but I was waiting until Artie and Candy got back to me. Friday they got back to me. He is sending me pictures. And by the way, Artie told me, the rent will be on time this month.

Give It To Me Straight

A long time ago, back when she was speaking to me (and that would be before I approved her for the home she is living in now), Mrs. Spring sweetly told me my application is "daunting."

Perhaps it is. It is my best tool to screen out the good from the bad. I contend the most I will ever learn about a potential tenant is between the time they express interest in my home to the time they sign the lease. My interest is to protect my asset. And, if Joe and Jane Tenant are worthy, I will allow them to live in my home.

I make no apologies for my arrogance. I have written enough about my mistakes. Most of my crummy tenants came from a lack of standards and desperation. It took me two years to purge the bad ones from my homes, so I think a few guidelines are warranted.

My "daunting" application asks for a myrad of things. For example, I ask for the applicant's name, date of birth and social security number. This way I can run their credit, background check and eviction search. I can't do these things without these three tid-bits.

I ask for a phone number, cell number and e-mail address. If I rent to them, I need ways to get in touch.

I ask for previous addresses and landlord references. Generally I call the second to the last place they lived. That landlord has nothing to loose or gain by telling me about their rental history. The landlord where the tenants are living now might tell me how great they are--just so Joe and Jane Tenant will move out of their home and take their trouble with them. I also verify the addresses they put on the application with the credit report. I like to see consistency.

I also like to see stability. If Joe and Jane move every year, I shouldn't be surprised 11 months into the lease when they give their notice. Moving every year also can mean they don't play well with others--like their landlord. I saw this with Mr. and Mrs. Betty and ignored it.

I ask for job history. I want to see how much they tell me they make. I compare this to their pay stub they must supply. I also want to see what Joe and Jane do for a living. Their job is my business. If Joe is a loan officer during a recession, I might have concerns about how they plan on paying the rent. I love seeing potential tenants who are nurses, mechanics and teachers. These folks are employable.

I ask for an overview of their debt. I match this with their credit history. If they forget to mention the car payment on the application, but the credit report says they are paying $300 a month, I will know. I can expect these kinds of omissions later on when the neighbor mentions their have been sightings of a hippopotamus traipsing around the tenant's back yard.

I like seeing that Joe and Jane have school-age children. That shows me stability and that there is less likely a chance they will be moving next year. This is especially true if they move in during the school year.

I ask for information about their cars. Sadly, I have had occasion to give this information for a criminal investigation once the tenants moved out.

I ask for information about their pets. If they say they have a poodle named "Fifi" and I come over, I don't want to see a Doberman named "Bruno."

I ask for two current references and one family member reference. I want to see phone numbers and addresses for these. You would be amazed at the number of people who "forget" to give me a phone number for references. Of course, I don't really want the reference phone numbers for potential tenants. I want the phone numbers in the event things don't go well and I need to find them later on. I also want their friends to tell the potential tenants I called.

The last page of my application is to see how truthful Joe and Jane might be. I ask lots of personal questions. I ask if there are any bankruptcies, repossessions, foreclosures and evictions I should know about. I like bankruptcies. If Joe and Jane have a recent bankruptcy, that means they don't have debt and can't file on me. If they have the income to cover the rent and everything else looks pretty good, they have a good chance of renting from me.

I can't say the same about an eviction. Nobody with a past eviction rents from me. Ever. Anyone willing to be evicted once will do it again. And please, don't confuse eviction with foreclosure. I will rent to someone with a foreclosure.

I ask if they have been convicted of manufacturing illegal drugs, possession of illegal drugs or if they are a sex offender. Honesty is the best policy on this one, but it won't matter. I check for myself and I won't rent to one. More than anything, I find people who think these particular questions are offensive. My standard answer is that I checked on the last people who lived in the home, and I can assure you, Joe and Jane, they weren't. Therefore you won't have to worry about the former tenant's drug user friends showing up at 2 a.m.

I also ask if Joe and Jane are legal residents of the United States. Legal residents can hold jobs and their wages can be garnished.

My application process tells me more than what is written on the pages. It tells me about a potential tenant's communication skills. It tells me how truthful they are. And, it tells me what a tenant is willing to share. What they might leave out screams louder than what they put on the application.

Me & Matt

I met Matt through Attorney Jon last summer. Matt, an investment banker/mortgage guy has been in the business for several years. Last summer he was starving. Most mortgage guys were. Two months after we met for 30 minutes, Matt called me out of the blue and asked if I had any odd jobs that he might be able to handle.

Matt impressed me when I met with him in person. But he knocked my socks off when he called up a virtual stranger with a zillion homes because the alternative is starving. It spoke volumes for the kind of man he is. This guy wasn't giving up. He needed to feed his family. I am sure I wasn't the only call he made. But, I had work for him. In fact, I kept him busy for the month of September.

One of the things Matt told me after he finished working on my homes is that he prefers mortgage work to painting. And, thankyouverymuch for clearing up any fantasies he might have of handyman work being glamorous. He also told me, thanks to a month of manual labor, he was motivated to start doing mortgages again as soon as possible.

Matt and I kept in touch last autumn. He called me with a rental question or two. I e-mailed him with a mortgage question or two. I have never given him a loan. He isn't too anxious to paint any more of my homes. I am good with that.

For the past week or so we have been playing phone tag. Wednesday we connected. Matt said he just wanted to see how Kirby (the property manager referral from Matt) was working out for me. My psychic landlord abilities tell me there is more to that story, but I couldn't get it out of Matt--a true Southern gentleman.

Matt tells me he is back to mortgage brokering. I asked him about possibly refinancing a couple of my homes this summer. I am not ready for a serious discussion on this just yet. I will be later. He is good with that.

Matt told me to stop by and see him if/when I make it to Birmingham. But in the mean-time we will just keep things between us as is. We are good with that.

Random Bama

When Bliz and I were talking last week, she asked about Legal Eagle's bill. I had been blissfully ignoring the idea of owing Legal Eagle money until that moment--which was when I realized Legal had done a lot of stuff in the past several months, and hadn't been reimbursed for her time.

As it turns out, Legal Eagle had some sort of psychic premonition and came to the same conclusion. Apparently she had been remiss in sending me bills for the past six months. Monday she mentioned she needed to send one to me. It was starting to add up. I am getting an invoice. If she gets around to sending it.

I told her to take her time. Please!

_____________________________________________

Matt, the investment banker turned handyman and re-turned banker has been playing phone tag with me. My office hours aren't coinciding with his office hours. It isn't like I don't want to chat. I have a lot of loan questions I would like to discuss with him.

_____________________________________________

I still haven't booked my trip to Alabama. I feel the same way about traveling right now that I do about Legal Eagle's invoice. It is a necessity that I prefer to continue ignoring.

Today's Ray of Sunshine

There are times when I feel like I have written all there is to write about my accidental business. Now that I have a handle on crazy tenants and (almost) every conceivable situation possible (hopefully) has been covered, what is left?

I sometimes wonder if I repeat myself too much. If I complain too much. If I whine too much. I feel like I do. This is my therapy blog. But even as such, I know that complaining doesn't make things better. Sometimes I would much rather write about Brandon Webb's (hopefully) comeback season with the Diamondbacks. But, I am guessing my three readers don't check in to read about me pontificating about baseball.

Really cool things happen too. Little things. Even if they are little--and cool--sometimes they, or something similar, has happened before. I am still repeating myself. But it still tickles me. Sometimes really cool little things are pretty personal too but they are hard to explain. If you break it down, how many ways can I express "this made my day" in a 300 word blog?

This experience you may have read before, but it happened again today. It made my day.

I got a call out of the blue from a former tenant. He was looking to move in April. He thought he would give me a call and find out if I happened to have anything coming up in Moody for rent?

Moody by the way, is where Ms. Kathy lives. And, I am sick of her. She and Legal Eagle had a meeting today where Ms. Kathy promised to behave in exchange for a place to live. I think I have written about Ms. Kathy's promises before as well.

I told my caller to call me next month. If I can convince Ms. Kathy to move, I might have a place available. Right now, I am sorry I didn't start the eviction process. I would have preferred these former tenants a million times over. I also followed up with an e-mail giving him Jack's number and Kirby's number. Maybe one of those two might be able to help him if I can't.

I know I have written this before, but sometimes it bears repeating because it always astounds me. The relationships I have built 1,700 miles from my home blow me away.

And, a former tenant calling me out of the blue because they thought highly enough of me to want to rent again from me makes my day.

Swooping In

Last week I had one of those mental head-slap moments. Essentially, why am I dealing with this madness with Ms. Kathy when I have a highly trained professional who can handle this? So, I called Legal Eagle.

Now, I appreciate Carolsue being my heavy with Ms. Kathy, but that isn't fair to Carolsue or Ms. Kathy. Besides, right now Carolsue is on sabbatical while she takes care of a few irons in the fire.

My biggest issue with Ms. Kathy is that I bent a little and she abused my good nature. She won't return my calls. And, when she has given me information in the past, it was to avoid immediate conflict. Ms. Kathy doesn't seem to have the foresight to figure out if she lies to me today, it might get me off her back, but come next week, I will be even angrier. Most of us learned this valuable gem in kindergarten.

I really don't want Ms. Kathy to leave. For the most part, she takes decent care of the home and she has a guaranteed income. She grew up in the neighborhood and has roots. She wants her kids in that particular school system. It doesn't take much to make me happy. And, she will be hard pressed to find a better landlord--as long as she can handle paying the rent.

Her rent issue is a cash-flow problem. She gets her check on the 3rd. Rent is due on the 15th. For some reason, the 12 days between the 3rd and the 15th her money seems to slip away.

When I talked to Legal Eagle on Tuesday, I gave her all of this. I explained how Ms. Kathy is conflict avoident. How she is afraid of me and Carolsue has been handling this on my behalf. I told her Carolsue might have told Ms. Kathy a few things about eviction that are questionable. Legal Eagle just muttered, "bless her heart." I don't know who she was referring to: Ms. Kathy or Carolsue. Depending upon who it was aimed at, the sentiment might have very different meanings.

Legal Eagle is now handling the Ms. Kathy collection. I know Ms. Kathy is getting a tax return. So, if Ms. Kathy wants to pay a half-month's rent, I will move her future rent due date to the 3rd. The other obvious reason for Legal Eagle to handle this is that she can identify Ms. Kathy's in court if we end up going that route. Either way, I don't have to play Ms. Kathy's game any more.

So, To Make A Short Story Long...

I am sometimes asked why am I investing in Alabama. Depending upon who is asking, my answer ranges from a simple shrug to a more complicated answer that involves investor jargon.

Once upon a time, when loans were easy to get and down payments were low, Marty Sunshine and I bought our first rental property near our home. After the shock and the naivety wore off, we found it to be a decent endeavor, so we bought a few more in the general vicinity of Mesa Arizona. Some of these were with business partners. Some weren't.

The people who lived next door to the first rental home we bought moved to Alabama. When they got there they said they were having trouble finding a rental home, and would we be interested in buying one. They found one they liked for about $80,000.

At the time, real estate in the Phoenix area was selling for about $150,000 for something comparable--but probably closer to $200,0000. And, at the time, real estate was doing this thing you might have heard of called, "appreciating." Additionally, I found out I could rent that $80,000 home in Birmingham for $850, or roughly 1 percent of the home's purchase price. A particular metric Mr. Partner happens to like. And not a metric you are likely to find in the Phoenix area--even today.

A few months later, I got a call from the agent I used on the first transaction. She knew a family who was in a situation where they had the income, but couldn't qualify for the home they were looking at. My agent insisted these people were top-notch. Was I interested in helping them out? That family is still in my home, living happily. I have never personally met them.

I wasn't really planning on making Birmingham my main focus, but the market here in Phoenix started getting out of control. At the time, I couldn't buy homes in Phoenix for anything close to what I could buy them in Birmingham for and make any type of cash flow. We sold what we had here and bought over there.

I also found out how bad the shortage of rental homes happens to be in Birmingham. With the agent's permission, a few months later, on a lark, I put an ad in the paper one Sunday with the agent's phone number. The ad was supposed to run for a week. I advertised "rent to own, you find the house, we do the rest."

My agent called me around 11 a.m. Sunday morning to tell me her voice mail was full, her phone hadn't stopped ringing and, what exactly did I have in mind? "I don't know?" I said. I was expecting about three calls total. By the end of the day, she had over 100 calls.

First thing Monday, I pulled the ad. I immediately begged Bliz to keep my books, screened a few of the potential tenants, got my investors together and bought several homes. I still have the homes, most of the tenants have moved on or have sold their homes and all but Mr. Partner is left from my original three partnerships.

There was a time when I would have told you managing five homes long distance was a chore. Now that seems like nothing. I sort of miss having only five homes. As the market has changed, so have our challenges. But, like Marty Sunshine has reminded me, we would have challenges here too.

He's Taken Ladies

Since the beginning of the year, I have become a full time real estate agent once more. And, because of that, I have become a lot more organized.

Ok, we need to take a moment and pause here while Bliz cleans up the chi that came spurting out of her nose.... Take your time Sweetie. We understand.

Seriously though, especially with my accidental business, I don't have time to put off the multitude of things I would rather put off. Like taxes. Like filing. Like forecasting. All of which I started working on this past Sunday. Ok, the "taxes" thing is a bit of a stretch. I worked on helping Bliz finish out the year end books so she could send me the profit/loss statements so the K1s could be dispersed to those who need them.

Sunday I worked on forecasting. Marty Sunshine worked on my filing. And, before all of you say, "what a guy!" (cuz he is!) on Saturday he made breakfast before I left for the office. While I was gone he mopped the floor, vacuumed, folded laundry, mowed the lawn, cleaned the pool, went shopping for a birthday present for a 10 year old girl, bathed the kids and took them to a birthday party.

Now on to taxes...

Today's Gripefest

For whatever reason, a bunch of minor non-issues (well, mostly minor) really hit home this week.

Ms. Angela wants the repairs that were promised her finished from when she moved in.

Ms. Kathy's antics are bugging me--actually what is bugging me is that she won't talk with me. She will let Carolsue abuse her, but she won't discuss when I can expect the rent with me. I have a few solutions for this. Stay tuned.

Artie and Candy are paying late--but they add late fees. If I were to guess, I would bet Candy is no longer in the picture and Artie is going at it alone. Either way, I am getting rent. Just late.

Ms. Robin made what I considered an obscene request to have her payment date moved. In the grand scheme of things, it wasn't a big deal. Fortunately, she was meeting with Attorney Jon at the time, who explained to her that she couldn't live in my home for free. I don't think she fully grasped my point even when Attorney Jon, one of the nicest and diplomatic people I know, translated my "Heck no! Are you out of your %&%$!#%&^% mind!!!!" to "No ma'am."

In any case, I moved Ms. Robin's payment a few extra days, but she didn't get the three weeks she asked for. Maybe if I hadn't been in a foul mood when she called, I would have been more willing to bend. Maybe not.

Even before I knew what was going on with the Sherwoods, Marty Sunshine--who never really thinks I should travel--thought maybe it was time to go to Alabama. It is. It is actually long overdue. I adore Carolsue, Legal Eagle and Jack, but a couple of meals with friends and business acquaintances doesn't really add up to a trip five states away.

And, truth be told, a trip doesn't work into my life right now. Besides all of the regular reasons not to leave (my children and husband, Major League Baseball's spring training and a mild Arizona winter), I have aging parents who need medical attention in the month of February. I have clients who justifiably aren't real understanding when they are about to spend lots of money and their agent high-tails it out of town for a week.

If I had to break it down, I would say, I am just mad at myself for poor decisions I have made throughout the ages that have created all of these minor situations. However, I find when I let minor issues fester they turn into major issues. I am not in the mood for those either.

The Sure-Fire Sherwoods

Months ago, Mrs. Sherwood called me telling me she was giving her 30 day notice and was moving out. Her husband was out of a job and had been looking for months without any hope. She personally had her hours cut back. They simply could not afford the rent. When I asked her where she would go, she said she wasn't sure. I was certain she didn't have the money to move.

Her husband's unemployment issue didn't surprise me. I have been watching the Birmingham economy pretty closely for the past couple of years. Currently, Birmingham's unemployment rate is one of the highest in the nation. I read recently that the unemployment rate there jumped 95 percent in the past 12 months. I have been told by several people how difficult times are in Birmingham. Jobs are scarce. Those working have taken pay cuts to preserve their positions. From what I am reading and seeing, I certainly believe times over there are tougher than a lot of other places.

Mrs. Sherwood has called me about three times in the years she had been living there. She is one of those dream tenants landlords look for. When I drive by, the place looks well-kept up. The gutters are clean. The rent is generally on time and even though her stove doesn't work, she doesn't want me to buy a new one. Because then her family would expect her to cook. She doesn't want that.

Her move-out date would have hit the beginning of the holiday season. The house is 40 years old, has fixtures, carpeting and paint from about the same era. We are a bit cash-strapped right now and Mrs. Sherwood moving out did not look like anything I wanted to take on. Not to mention, when she called I was battling an 8-week flu/pneumonia/fell down the stairs and re-injured my back thing going on (last autumn just sucked).

At the time, I made a deal with Mrs. Sherwood. We would take a reduction in rent for a couple of months and then go back to our regularly scheduled program in January. What I didn't tell Mrs. Sherwood is that Mr. Partner and I discussed this and we were willing to extend Mrs. Sherwood's rent reduction a bit longer if it would keep us from having a vacant home right now.

This month, I didn't hear from Mrs. Sherwood. I thought about calling her and saying, "Hey! You are going to pay an increase in rent now, right?" My concern about calling her was that if I said, "How's it going?" I might very well get a sob story about how bad things were. If I left it as-is and see what she paid me (the adjusted amount or full rent) then I would have a conversation topic.

This past week I hadn't seen Mrs. Sherwood's check yet. I started to dither to Marty Sunshine. "You don't think she skipped do you? She doesn't strike me as the type." I would ask about every five minutes. He finally urged me to call her or get on a plane and find out for myself. Finally, I called.

When I talked to her, I found out that Mr. Sherwood had just gotten a job with the County. He was hired this past week. She started nursing school. She was sure things were looking up. And she was sure they didn't want to move.

Quote of the Day

"The minute you begin to do what you really want to do, it's really a different kind of life."

-- Buckminster Fuller

(Thanks to Happy Camper for this pearl)

Former Home Owners

Currently, I have a client who wants to rent a home. They are super-nice, considerate folks. Last year I helped them find a rental home. And, they called again this year. Some day, maybe they will buy from me. But for now, maybe they will just refer a friend or two.

Normally, in Arizona, the process of helping a renter find a home goes like this: I show the rental home, they take the application, fill it out and hand it over to the agent who listed the property and I get paid a small stipend for my time.

This is a far cry from Alabama where real estate agents don't list rental properties on MLS and they certainly aren't going to show rental properties. That is left for the likes of folks like Kirby and Carolsue. Well, technically only Kirby. He is a licensed agent and he owns a property management company. Carolsue falls into a gray category because these are my properties, therefore she can do me a favor, but Legal Eagle just shakes her head and has asked me not to give her too many details.

Though rentals don't pay much, there is very little work to do. So, in a way, dollar per hour, it is a great deal. Except in this case. I believe I would make a higher wage per hour if I were working in a manufacturing company in a third world nation. But I am not complaining. Work is work.

My clients aren't professional renters. They have owned a home. And, like most former home owners, they want to negotiate. Every. Little. Thing. I don't blame them, I really wish more tenants were this fussy. My experience is that tenants who are fussy up front are a dream once they move in.

When I think about my ideal tenant, I go back and forth with this. Professional renters don't ask for anything. They have lower standards and want the landlord to leave them alone as much as the landlord wants to be left alone. However, professional renters tend to think of the home in terms of, "The rich landlord won't care if we leave the place in shambles. After all, he is the rich landlord."

I find former home owners tend to nitpick every little thing before they move in. Could the carpets be cleaned again? They look clean, but you never know who has walked on them from the time they were cleaned last week and up until today. When was the last time the AC was serviced? Will the landlord provide a receipt to prove it? They want more, they expect more and generally they take much better care of the home--so landlords will give more. However, they wear out all semblence of goodwill by the time they move in.

Mrs. Spring comes to mind. I am told my clients (who are exceptional people--I can't stress that enough!) and their requests are wearing thin on the good nature of the landlord. I understand both sides of this. But in the long run, if both sides ever come to a meeting of the minds, I am guessing the landlord will be happy he gave in.

Now If I Could Predict Winning Lottery Numbers...

I swear. This is the last word on this particular topic...

I got the following e-mail from Mr. 114 on Sunday:

I looked at the leak today and all I could find out is that there just can't be a leak. No wood above the wet spot on the floor was wet. Plus, it rained like crazy here today and no sign of leaks. I told her to keep an eye on it and let me know if it comes back. I honestly think that one of her kids spilt something in there.

The water spot was many feet away from the window. It was not near any roof joint. Several feet away from the roof peak. I looked and looked without being able to come up with anything other then a simple spill.

The Accidental Landlord

The housing slump has created a new breed of investors. There are many new landlords who couldn't sell their homes and needed/wanted to move. Because they they couldn't sell and instead of ruining their credit, they rented out their old home. Hence, the accidental landlord was born. There seems to be a mindset of accidental landlords I have met. They think, "This isn't too bad. After all, I am a few miles away. I can fix/mow/inspect whenever necessary."

One of the biggest mistakes accidental landlords seem to make is when they take on managing their home as a hobby. Sadly, they learn the hard way, nobody, I tell you, nobody, is going to love their former home as much as the accidental landlord does.

Tenants aren't going to prune the trees the way you did. Tenants might not wipe down the wall smudges as diligently as you did. The tenant's dog may not be as well behaved as the hamster you had. Essentially your tenants won't treat your cherished home like their own. They treat it like a temporary domicile. When the tenants move out, the landlord is appalled at the footprints on the ceiling. Who lives this way? They ask.

There are other issues directly related to this too. Accidental landlords like to check on their homes. Often. So, if something isn't quite right, they mention it. And though they may not mean to cause ill-will, the tenant doesn't take kindly to anyone nosing into their lives. I am not equating minor transgressions to significant damage. But the accidentally landlord doesn't really see much of a difference between a torn window screen and a hole in the roof.

Accidental landlords aren't very familiar with landlord-tenant laws either. I find that a great majority of professional tenants are. Tenants know in Arizona a landlord has to give a 48 hour written notice before entering the premises. When an accidental landlord just drops by to bring over air filters, the tenant may not be terribly friendly. They weren't expecting company. Even if the company is bringing something useful under the guise of checking out the place. The accidental landlords might get fussy because the tenants didn't invite them in. And, the tenant isn't under any obligation. Even if the accidental landlord is standing there looking like they have a bladder ready to burst.

I am finding right now, Accidental landlords have the best of intentions but the execution leaves something to be desired. Through their inexperience they tend to drive away decent tenants (AL: "Hey tenant, I see you let the rosebush die... I planted that for my wife on our fourth anniversary" T: "You have been married 35 years! It was dead when I moved in."). All the tenants want to do is be left alone to live their lives. All the accidental landlord wants is the tenant to babysit the home long enough for the market to pick up.

Random Bama

As of Friday, Mr. 114 has not met up with Ms. Shirley, his next door neighbor, to take care of the mysterious leak in the bonus area/attic space. One would think if there really is a roof leak, one might want it taken care of as soon as possible. But, Ms. Shirley isn't answering her phone or her door when Mr. 114 calls.

I know Ms. Shirley is alive. She sent me an e-mail Saturday about something and never once mentioned the water leak. Yea... I am thinking open window.

_______________________________________________________

Legal Eagle tells me she doesn't have a chart like Facebook Debbie's. But, she said she would like one.

Oh, The Irony

So, Ms. Kathy blew us off. Shall I wait for all of you to come to your collective senses after you have gasped in horror? I didn't think so.

Carolsue called her last week and left a message. And, then another one. And another one. Finally I texted her, leaving a perky little note, just telling her I needed to budget and to let me know when I could expect the rent. I didn't tell her I was budgeting Red to post a happy notice on her door, but she would have figured that out sooner or later.

At that point, I did tell Carolsue not to call any more. I didn't want there to be an issue about harassment. Carolsue did use her awesome paralegal talents to find out what my options were. I could wait and have her served (my favorite) or just assume she had abandoned the property on the 29th and go over and take possession. Of course, this meant she would have to have moved out. But, I figured she didn't.

I also started looking at flights to Birmingham. Because if she did take off in the middle of the night, I wanted to get there as soon as possible and secure the house.

Finally, Ms. Kathy called Carolsue saying she had been sick with pneumonia. Carolsue didn't even fake sympathy noises, but got the basics of when money would be coming.

When I heard, I started composing a note to Ms. Kathy just telling her something along the lines of "Golly gee, if you would just send me an e-mail or text, it would keep the lines of communication open. And, that would promote trust and credibility."

I got to "Ms. Kathy," when I decided to just call it quits. I think it is safe to say all trust and credibility are already out the window.

I Wonder if Legal Eagle has a Chart

Might you remember Facebook Debbie?

For those of you new to Sage Business Central, Facebook Debbie had a leak in the master bathroom, causing a certain degree of unsettling sewage to back into the bathroom and then the bedroom. The landlord took his sweet time in getting it fixed--a whole two hours.

Facebook Debbie and her family were inconvenienced beyond belief. I know this because she had several postings in a 36 hour timeframe talking about how annoying the entire ordeal happened to be. I would like to point out if this was their own home they still would have been inconvenienced beyond belief, but they would have had no one to whine about. Anyway, after three days of working to get this restored, the landlord let Facebook Debbie out of her lease. He probably waved good-bye and quickly replaced the locks before she could change her mind. But, I digress...

Facebook Debbie in turn, has bashed the guy every chance she has gotten and is now suing him for I don't know what. She got her deposit back. She mentioned at the time there was no damage done to her personal belongings. If there was damage, I hope she had renter's insurance. It is an unfortunate situation for all parties involved.

I read on Tuesday that Facebook Debbie finally got a court date! She is now going to be able to tell her side of the story about her "money grubbing" (her words) landlord to a judge. And, she was quick to tell us she ran her astrological charts so that she would be fully prepared. She said, "The Moon will be in Gemini that day so I should expect to be very nervous.. prepare for that too. Work on being as calm as possible. 5 planets moving through that area of my chart on that day."

Sadly, she didn't say anything about whether the planets being wherever they might be would help her win the case. Let's hope she can give the judge some evidence that might be a bit more substantial.

Investor Newbies

I am working with this charming couple who want to buy a home as an investment property. They want to take advantage of the great housing prices. And, they want to increase their investment portfolio. They heard real estate was a great way to do this.

The wife, Carrie, has some interesting ideas about her future rental home. But before she shared them with me, she asked if I had any experience in buying rental property. "Yes. Yes I do." I replied.

Before I could elaborate with a smidgen of knowledge I happen to have on this topic, I found--and this really wasn't a shock--that any experience I might have in purchasing a rental property was completely unwanted. (And, I should clarify this. I am not being arrogant. She asked my opinion. It is what I do for a living.)
Additionally, before I could provide her any opinion I became aware that whatever my experiences happen to be, she was pretty sure they are completely unrelated to: 1) what she wanted to buy and 2) who she wanted to rent from her.

Carrie doesn't want a sale that will be a "hassle." So, please! Absolutely no short sales or bank owned properties.

I know there are few of you right now who are laughing hysterically at that one, so I will pause here while you compose yourself. Take your time... There... all better?

For those of you who are completely out of the loop on that line of humor, in the Phoenix metro area, pretty much everything for sale is a bank owned property or a short sale.

Carrie doesn't want anything that needs any work. She wants major upgrades, like granite counters and cherry wood cabinets, because she doesn't want to "invest" in these extras later. She doesn't even want to change the paint colors, so we will need to add into any contract we write that the willing seller will paint the home the color to match Carrie's specifications.

There are many other things Carrie wants that I know through the school of experience she is about to learn aren't going to happen. Some of them are related to buying an investment home. I am curious how it will go when she screens renters.

A loan officer friend once said he refuses to help first time investors. In his words, they have usually read half a chapter of the latest make-money-in-real-estate book and decided purchasing a rental property is a breeze. His opinion is to let these first-time investors cut their teeth with some one else who may give them brilliant advice, but they won't listen. And, next time they are ready to buy, he will snatch them up. I have always seen the wisdom of his decision. Even if I did agree to represent this couple.

The biggest issue I see with Carrie is that she is still in the dreamy fantasy stage of investing. I will help her pick a home that I think will suite them for their purposes. However, I will do this through providing her facts and statistics, not personal experiences. It isn't time. She isn't ready.

I am Just Going Out On a Limb Here

Ms. Shirley e-mailed me. There was a bit of water on the floor in the bonus/attic room over the garage. She didn't indicate how the water got there. She did say she just noticed it because she rarely goes in that room. And, what was I going to do about it?

What I did about it was call Mr. 114--her next door neighbor.

Mr. 114 and I talked about the water. I am hesitant to say it is a roof leak--though that makes the most amount of sense. First, the roof is 10 years old. There aren't any pesky vents or chimneys over this patch of roof to get in the way. Mr. 114 wasn't convinced it was the roof either. The other option, a water leak didn't sound right either. There aren't any pipes going through that part of the garage ceiling that might break.

I told Mr. 114 it didn't smell right. I could be wrong, but I am guessing someone left the bonus/attic window open.

I Am Such A Total Bad-Ass

So, for reasons way too complicated to go into in this little corner of cyberspace, Carolsue asked me to check her e-mail (and for the record, this is not the first person in Alabama to ask this favor). In there was a quick note from Mrs. Spring to Carolsue. She needed Carolsue to call her.

I responded, telling Mrs. Spring I was helping Carolsue out. And, if there was a problem with the home, please contact me directly. Otherwise, here was Carolsue's new phone number.

Mrs. Spring wrote CAROLSUE back, addressing me personally and said thank you and that she would be contacting Carolsue in the next day or so.

When I talked to Carolsue, I told her to expect a call.

Please fast-forward two days later. Carolsue called me. Mrs. Spring was having a slight electrical issue. And would Carolsue please find out what I would be willing to do about it.

Carolsue asked, "Why didn't you just tell the landlord about it directly."

Apparently, Mrs. Spring's response was, "Well, you know."

I don't know. I told Carolsue that when she relayed this to me. So, Carolsue explained, Mrs. Spring is afraid of me.

"No she isn't!" I insisted. "She tried to friend me on Facebook."

"Yea, that was the nail in the coffin."

Of course, I thought we had cleared up that awkward moment weeks ago, when I told Mrs. Spring it wasn't personal and it was just a rule I kept for all tenants and I certainly didn't mean any ill-will by the whole thing. But apparently, Mrs. Spring--a grown woman practically old enough to be my mother--is afraid to actually e-mail me and say, "there is a problem with an electrical outlet."

Of course, I am happy to fix her electrical issue. And I am sure my electrician will be delighted as well. After all, he hasn't bought his wife a 24-carat Valentine's present yet. I would send Mrs. Spring an e-mail telling her so, but maybe I should send it from Carolsue's account. It might sound better.

Maybe It Is Really My Inner Pathetic Nerd

Growing up, didn't everyone have the grown-up they revered in awe? This was the person who you looked to as a bastion of cool/sophistication/normalcy. You wanted to make sure this person didn't think of you as the awkward one, wanting to fit in.

Though I am in my 40s, Attorney Jon has taken this role since I started my accidental business. I realize how pathetic this sounds. And I am ok with that.

I am honored he takes my calls, handles my business and passes his valuable connections my way when necessary (hence, I have Legal Eagle, Jack and Matt the banker, briefly turned handyman). Unless Jack sets something up, I don't socialize with Attorney Jon when I am in Birmingham. Though I wouldn't think twice of calling Legal Eagle and inviting her to lunch, I wouldn't dare call upon Attorney Jon in his office unless I was bearing gifts or business for him.

Lately I have needed Attorney Jon and find myself going to great lengths to make sure I am handling the situations appropriately. I needed him to file something in Shelby County for me. I told him I wanted to make sure he was being reimbursed for his time too--because he rarely charges me for what he does. When Attorney Jon didn't respond right away to what his fee would happen to be, I consulted Carolsue. She told me it would be highly appropriate to send him a gift certificate so he could take his wife to dinner. I think somewhere Emily Post covered this but at that particular moment, I was at a loss. Attorney Jon did get back to me and tell me I could pay a nominal fee. I am certainly not complaining. Legal Eagle's idea of a "nominal fee" tends to have lots more zeros on the end.

Right now he is working on another matter for me. The other day he returned my voicemail. I noticed I was careful to wish him a Happy New Year and congratulate him on Alabama's win last week. Apparently I hit all the right buttons. Though I would do the same with anyone over there, for some reason I was more aware of this particular moment of etiquette.

Of course, intellectually, I know this is very silly. I am a mildly competent businesswoman who has assembled a top-notch team of professionals to help me. Attorney Jon is a highly-competent attorney and I am blessed to have him. I am the first to tell you I want this guy touching every aspect of what I do because my accidental business functions much better because he does. But I still don't want him thinking of me as the awkward Yankee hick trying to do business in the South. Even though I am pretty sure that I what I have been conveying all along.

Sweat Equity

Jack sends me listings so I can see what home prices are doing in the Birmingham market. Today I got this one. It is listed at $149,000. I was curious. This is a pretty high price for the area he sent me (this particular neighborhood tends to run between $90,000 to $120,000 range). Just what can you get fro $149,000 I thought. So, I opened the listing and saw this picture.

Marital Bliss

A few weeks ago I ran across this guy who wanted to rent out his home. He was debating if he needed a property management company or not. What did I think?

My experience with landlords dabbling with first rental properties is they have a lot to digest. And, many of the decisions they make are probably more related to marital harmony than strong business acumen. My first real estate clients, Kevin and Kelly, were this cute married couple who were buying their first home together. Kevin had a home and was going to rent it out when they moved into their new home.

Kevin rented out the first home and managed it by himself. If her own sink backed up, Kelly would dump in the Liquid Plumbo. However, if the tenant called because the sink was backed up, Kelly considered it a major issue that caused great anguish. If the rent was a day late, Kelly was anxious. If the tenant went on vacation, Kelly was stressed someone might break in and trash the place while the tenant was gone. As Kevin explained to me at the time, "There is no winning this."

Through inheritance, Kevin and Kelly managed to acquire another rental property. This time Kevin got a property management company. Because Kevin didn't see a check on the first of the month (generally the management company sent it around the 15th) and because he didn't know the tenants by sight, Kevin was stressed. When the sink backed up it became a major deal for Kevin. Could the management company have used Liquid Plumbo instead of calling out a licensed professional? Was the property management company making the decisions in their best interests?

They still have the inherited property. Kelly is happy and stress free. Kevin would rather have a happy and stress free wife than manage it himself and feels the trade off is worth it.

A Happy Ending

I caught up with my friend Trish the other day. I was curious as to whatever came of her perfect tenants.

Real quickly, Trish had tenants who moved in last spring. The Perfects were complaining because there were air conditioning issues. The issues caused consistent $600 a month electric bills. The wife a stay-at-home mom was not willing to meet the air conditioning repair person so the husband (who is self-employed) was taking time off work to do this. The house down the street was renting for $500 a month less. The Perfects wanted to be reimbursed for their electric bills, the time he took off work and they wanted a permanent $500 a month rent reduction. All the while, other landlords were calling Trish for a rental reference, giving me (Trish needed more convincing), the impression the Perfects were moving. Besides that, the Perfects were two weeks late on the rent and they announced to Trish that she should use the security deposit for that month's rent.

What bothered me the most was the tenants were bullying Trish into making decisions. Trish, wanting to accommodate the tenants, was doing her level best to resolve these issues. When Trish told me the story last August, I predicted the Perfects were looking for excuses to break the lease and were moving out.

At the time this was going on, Trish decided to meet with the Perfects and work things out. They agreed to a temporary reduction in rent until the "air conditioning issues" were resolved. They also agreed to fix a few minor things they didn't know were broken. In exchange, the Perfects gave them the missing rent money (now with the reduction).

At the end of the month, the Perfects moved out without saying good bye.

Trish then found out the Perfects were keeping their air conditioner at 70 degrees. Which sounds just wonderful for an Arizona winter. But, generally to avoid $600 electric bills, we Zonies keep our thermostats set for 80 degrees in the summer. When the Perfects moved out, Trish called an HVAC service. Nope, nothing was wrong.

At the time, Trish was making decisions based on not wanting to to deal with the frustration of deadbeat tenants and a vacant home. None of us do, of course. And I am a proponent of picking my battles just like the next guy. But as I pointed out when we were talking the other day, she WAS dealing with these frustrations. The writing was on the wall. It didn't take a crystal ball on this one. It just wasn't my drama so I could see the big picture.

I personally think Trish was lucky to get the last rent payment when she did--even if it was a reduction. And the place was in reasonable condition when they left. Trish had the house vacant for 10 days when they found a tenant. And, from what I understand, there have been no complaints so far.

Discerning Doesn't Mean Discrimination

In order to keep my license active, I recently suffered through a Fair Housing class I could have taught in a coma. The teacher, a civil rights attorney, affirmed his belief that every landlord is a bigot only interested in renting to trust fund babies. He also said that only 17 percent of Fair Housing lawsuits go to trial and usually the landlords unjustly win.

It really is too bad. I like my renewal classes. Usually. I especially like them if there is a healthy discourse involved with all of us exchanging ideas. This sadly wasn't the forum to do so. In this case, my goal was to do my time, get my certificate, so I could go out in the world until I had to do the entire ordeal over next time my license came up for renewal.

In my experience, landlords are only interested in one thing: finding a decent tenant to babysit their asset for a while. A long while.

But that brings up a few points. As a basic primer for those who don't know or might care: landlords who own more than three properties and/or landlords who are licensed real estate agents need to pay attention to the protected classes. They aren't allowed to discriminate by color, race, nationality, disability, familial status, gender or religion. That said, if I decide I don't want to rent to lawyers, I don't have to. As long as I am consistent.

There are a few areas I am consistent about. I don't rent to people who lie on the application. I don't rent to people who are rude to me or anyone showing my homes. I don't rent to trouble makers (in this case, let's think of the Springs as high maintenance. True "trouble makers" are a whole 'nuther classification). I don't rent to people who are in the United States illegally (and hence, unable get a job--and pay the rent). By the way, it isn't discrimination if I don't want to fence a yard.

In the past several years, I have been threatened to be sued by several callers. Generally these callers want something outrageous (would you mind if I bred wallabies in your home?) or they are so inconsiderate in just a simple call that I know they will be trouble. It used to slightly bother me. Now I just offer them Legal Eagle's number. And, nobody has ever wanted it.

For the record, I don't ask my tenants what color their skin happens to be. Because I own rentals in the Bible Belt, I generally get an idea of my tenant's religious preference--but I don't ask. Nor do I consider it my business.

My business is finding quality people for quality homes.

And as a separate note, I heard from Jack Thursday morning just to let me know Alabama was going to "mess with Texas." Which they successfully did. Alabama won the big game: 37 to 21. Way to go Crimson Tide.

How Cold Is It?

As some of you who don't live in Phoenix might be aware, it is a bit chilly right now. In fact, this cold spell has even hit as far South as Florida.

One of my tenants was telling me the other day that it was so cold that she went to check on her laundry in the washing machine (located in a store room off the house). It turns out the clothes had frozen in the machine because she hadn't transferred them to the dryer in time.

I won't brag about our current weather, because everything from May to October here is miserable. Stay warm friends.

On a completely unrelated note, today is the BCS College Football game. If I am not mistaken, I believe it is the "big" game. I do know that number 1 ranked Alabama and number 2 ranked Texas are playing. So, please join with me in my obligatory:

ROLL TIDE!

It Must Be January

The 2009 filing is complete, more or less. I seem to be missing a few things that are probably located on Bliz's desk in the Midwest. Hopefully the snow is deep enough to stop the postman from delivering them to me. Because, I am in no hurry to file again. Ever.

The next step in my tax adventure is getting things ready for Diamond Jim. It isn't enough to give him financial statements. He wants me to explain a few things. Like a bankruptcy by a tenant. Like a couple of air conditioners we ended up buying. He will want me to field Mr. Partner's calls too. Which I will dutifully pass on to Marty Sunshine.

Let the whining--and for that matter, the wining--begin!


Here are picture from my super-clean office--by the time you read this, I don't guarantee the desk will be this tidy.



The sign Bliz gave me a few years ago: It says, "Each day brings me one step closer to being that crazy lady I always dreamed of who eats ice-cream for breakfast and laughs hysterically at her own jokes. Oh, wait, I'm already her."

And the white board has a picture of former Diamondback pitcher, Micah Owings.

Round Trip is 63.18 Miles

The totally meticulous Mr. 114 apparently has been looking out for my best interests. The other day I forwarded him an e-mail with a home in his subdivision that is being foreclosed upon. After looking at the sales price and after the nitroglycerin had metabolized into his system, he wrote me back.

Our conversation took an interesting turn when he told me he had been driving by Artie and Candy's home on a regular basis. I just checked, it is 31.59 miles from his house to theirs. One way. Mr. 114 assures me he is in the general area a few times a month, and apparently their home isn't too far out of his way when he is in this particular town for him to turn off the main road and travel a extra few blocks. I am totally flattered.

Mr. 114 tells me the grass looks "decent," which is a glowing compliment from him. He said the house is kept up as well. There is no dog in the back yard chained to the shed--a bone of contention between me and the tenants, as I wouldn't let them bring their rottweiler, and yea, all pun intended.

Mr. 114 did tell me about a bit of maintenance that needs to be done over there, and it is in my best interests to take care of it while it is still in the little bit stage. I appreciate his enterprising nature. And I will give him the work.

My Money's Worth

Might you remember Ms. Betty? For those of you new to Sage Business Central, you can pretty much hit any random blog in 2009 and probably the post will be about her. If you aren't that ambitious, think of this: take Hollywood's idea of an unsophisticated Southern woman, make a caricature of that, magnify the caricature, then subtract several IQ points, you have Ms. Betty.

By far, she was the most annoying tenant I had last year. She wrote me at least once a week asking for some inane solution to whatever her latest dilemma happened to be. She has a sense of entitlement and felt strongly that paying the rent was less important than paying the electric bill--both of which she didn't feel she needed to pay regularly.

In mid-August, she sent me half of the rent. I agreed to hold it with the promise from her that the remainder would be coming in two weeks. Three weeks later she was "shocked" I hadn't received the rent money, but made no effort to hunt down the errant check. I know if I am out that much money I would at least stop payment on my check--that is, if I wrote the check. And nobody actually believed she did. She also told me the first check was never any good to begin with (which didn't surprise me either).

In the end, I asked her to leave, which was a great relief to me. She left behind a hole where the six-month old dishwasher used to live and a lot of personal belongings under the crawlspace of the home, including a computer that had a file titled, "What's wrong with the landlord." But, she left, out of my life. More or less.

But, I held on to that original check. Every so often I would go to her bank and see if the check was good, knowing full well what the outcome would be. One time the teller strongly hinted that if I had gotten there a day earlier I could have cashed the check. So, money was flowing in and out of the account.

Finally, I just went ahead and cashed the check anyway. Three days after I went to the bank, I wrote her this e-mail, "I cashed your check. If it bounces I will go after you legally." It is a class B felony in Alabama to write a hot check.

Ms. Betty wrote back, "What check?"

I haven't replied yet. I am assuming she has figured out "What check?" by now. If not, her bank will let her know. Or, the sheriff will.

Marty Sunshine swearts he loves me despite what he calls a disturbing aspect of my personality. I say it isn't revenge, I am just cashing a check owed to me by a deadbeat.

A Little Levity

I have a few indulgences that get my through the day. Some of these indulgences are blogs from people who read these postings. Or, my indulgences would be their blogs if they updated them regularly (and you KNOW who you are).

I found this. http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/

You can't tell me you have never seen any of these folks in a Wal-Mart. In fact, now that I found this site, I see these folks every time I am in Wal-Mart. Just the other day I saw a man in there wearing only a fuzzy bathrobe and furry yellow slippers. I didn't have the nerve to take a picture, but I was tempted.

Enjoy!

A Lasting First Impression

These last two weeks of the year, I have had my real estate agent hat on. To see if I could pick up a few quickie rental commissions and generate some future business, I advertised some of my company's rentals. The idea being that if they call me, I show them and the property management company does the rest.

So far it has been abysmal, as the number of people looking for a place to rent in North Central Mesa the last two weeks of December is less than four. And, those three have called me.

The last call I got was a beaut. Wanda wanted to know if I could check to see if the landlord was giving away "free rent" for two months. When I asked her what "free rent" meant, she explained apartment complexes, in order to lure in potential tenants, are waiving the first two months' rent payments if the tenant will pretty please pick them.

I asked Wanda, "If you move in and don't pay, how will the landlord pay the mortgage? Aren't you worried about the landlord going into foreclosure if you aren't giving them rent money?"

"That's not my problem. If a landlord wants me they should be willing to match the free rent I can get at the apartment," she replied.

Of course, the major difference between the apartment complex and a single landlord, is the apartment complex works in volume--if one unit is vacant, they have 200 others to cover it. But, I didn't explain that to Wanda. I doubted she would care. I could almost guarantee if I told the landlord about this scenario, he would rather the place stay vacant a little bit longer.

Springing Into Action

Dear Mrs. Spring,

This past week, I sung your praises for not finding me on Facebook. I so wish you might have heeded my psychic kudos. Though I am sure you have the best of intentions, it is in poor form to friend your landlord. I understand you are new to this whole renting thing, but this seems a bit obvious. Don't feel bad. You aren't the first. Or the fourth.

Please understand it is nothing personal. I do not want a personal relationship to cloud my judgement. I don't friend my husband's boss, the owners of the company I work for or others I have a strictly business relationship with. Perhaps when your lease is up we can discuss this. I do have three former tenants as Facebook friends, so it can happen.

Sincerely,

The Landlord

The Things She'll Do For Love

I talked to Carolsue on Thursday morning. Hesitating, she said, "I spoke with Ms. Kathy. I hate to say this, but I think you could do worse."

She must have really hated to say that, because last I checked, Carolsue and I were of the same mind about Ms. Kathy. I figured she had given Carolsue one heck of a sob story so ironclad that even Carolsue had fallen for it. I still wasn't buying it.

Ms. Kathy did tell Carolsue what was causing all the financial conflict in her life. It wasn't the normal gambling/drugs/boyfriend. This is usually what I see when someone starts to fail out of the blue. And, Ms. Kathy is getting almost four times the rent every month in social security benefits. So, I jumped to conclusions.

Sadly, Ms. Kathy's situation isn't as simple as a drug addiction. It is much sadder. She has a 17 year old daughter from a previous marriage. For about a year, the daughter has been threatening to move in her with her father if Ms. Kathy didn't buy this, that and the other thing.

So, Ms. Kathy bought her a truck. The truck got impounded. Ms. Kathy paid to get the truck out of automobile jail. Then the daughter wanted something else. So, Ms. Kathy bought that too. And so it goes. Ms. Kathy even got a job to cover the additional expenses (meanwhile, the daughter did not). The last installment of this was a cell phone. Ms. Kathy didn't have the money for the rent, electric bill or anything else, but the daughter threatened to move out. Ms. Kathy tried her best to accomodate. The daughter left anyway.

Carolsue pointed out to Ms. Kathy that the daughter knew Ms. Kathy was behind on the rent, behind on the electricity, gas and other bills. Her daughter knew Ms. Kathy was driving a car with a leak in the gas tank, and yet, the daughter still blackmailed. Ms. Kathy paid because the price of her daughter moving was too great. And, yet she moved anyway.

I am upset about Ms. Kathy for many reasons. I naively ask how did a parent-child relationship get to this point? I was a belligerent teenager and my parents assure me Karma is real. I have it coming. But I can't imagine foregoing one's basic hierarchy of needs for a spoiled brat. I know it happens. I know the dynamics in my family are different than Ms. Kathy's. And I am sure my sweet little Polly will someday rebel--but I can't imagine giving in and buying my child a car instead of paying the rent.

The entire story makes a great deal of sense. Which makes me sadder. I agreed to a slight reprieve. But I am only willing to wait so long. I am letting Carolsue be the good cop and straighten things out with Ms. Kathy. If not, I am ok starting over with a new and paying tenant.

A Merry Christmas to all of you!!

Liars and Deadbeats and Thieves, Oh My!

I was at a crossroads with Ms. Kathy. She has a guaranteed income (widow's benefits) that will not go away for several years. But, her payday and my rent due date are two weeks apart. One might wonder why I just don't change the date of her rent. In the past, I have found that turns out to always be a disaster. Every time I have accommodated a tenant on the rental due date they fail. Every single time. So, I don't believe for a moment if her rent is due on the 15th of the month or the 3rd of the month it would make a shred of difference.

I am at a loss as to why she doesn't seem to care about paying the rent. For the first nine months of her lease, she was golden. Now it seems like it is an afterthought. I had been toying with kicking her out because this kind of situation only leads to trouble. I was sharing this with Carolsue on Wednesday when she dropped this bombshell on me. Ms. Kathy told Carolsue when she promised me she would pay on time this month she had no intention of doing so. It was in essence, lip service.

To her credit, Carolsue told Ms. Kathy she was no better than Ms. Kathy's predecessor: Mr. Smith. I suppose if Carolsue was going to fling one and only insult at Ms. Kathy that was the one to do. I am sorry I didn't get a chance to use that one. But now the damage is done. I tolerate those who are struggling. There are many of us who are struggling. But, I draw the line at thieves and liars. And Ms. Kathy admitted she was both.

As much as I tried, Carolsue flat-out refused to serve Ms. Kathy on Christmas Day. In her effort to deter me, Carolsue even cited some made-up Alabama law about it being illegal to serve someone on a religious holiday. Instead, Carolsue opted to do so on Dec. 26. No matter, it looks like I will soon be purging myself of a liar and a thief.

Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore But She Left One Heck of A Mess

There are few things that strike up a heated conversation with members of my family more than one of them deciding they are a better tenant or landlord than me. And, more to the point, any of them telling me about how it is always best to stick it to the greedy landlords.

I would like to go on record right now: I am pretty sure and almost postitive I was adopted. My "real" family is out there somewhere looking for me. These folks--even if they do share my name--do not reflect my opinion about a lot of things. In the interest of fairness, they would also agree I was adopted. And it is probably a great relief to them that there is some sort of logical explanation as to why I we don't see eye-to-eye.

I would also like to go on record: I have a very fun and attentive family. They are great. I love them. And, I really like them. If I had to end up on any doorstep, I am glad it was theirs.

However, Alice seems to have some opinions I just don't get. You see, Alice is moving in a few weeks to a new apartment. She asked me if I thought it was "worth" her cleaning up her mess on her way out the door.

"Yes. Yes I do." I replied.

"Well then, why do they charge a cleaning deposit then if they expect me to clean up after myself?"

Now, one could ask, why call me--a landlord--for the expressed purpose of asking such a question to begin with if Alice's real intention was to leave the place looking like a bombed out war-torn village? I suspect she was looking for permission to do what she was planning to do all along. But then, she should know better than to dial my phone.

There are those of you who would be proud that I held my tongue in the interest of family harmony. Christmas will be a lot nicer because of it. But, just in case Alice finds out about my blog some day, I want to pass this letter along:

Dear Alice,

Renting a home does not give you the right to be a pig. When you move in, you are asked to pay a modest sum for a cleaning deposit. This covers the cost of someone to come in wipe down the mirrors and vacuum the floors when you move out. Presumably these are the types of things one doesn't really have time to do when they are moving. Presumably they have taken care of the big things all along.

Your cleaning deposit does not cover the cost to scrub a year's worth of slime off your bathroom sink. It does not cover the cost to replace your flooring because you decided never to vacuum and now the carpets are matted and now there is more pet dander on the floor than carpet fiber. Nor does it give you the right to never clean your refrigerator.

Nor does paying a modest cleaning deposit give you the right to leave behind everything you decided you don't need ever again. Your landlord should not pay for its removal. We didn't want the 27 melted candles, the clothes that haven't fit you in six years or your old VHS tapes. We didn't ask you to buy a warehouse supply of vitamins and shove them to the back of your cabinet. It costs money and time to remove your garbage. You carted it in, take it out.

Additionally Alice, you must remember we landlords make you pay for this kind of thing. If you move into a home where the last tenant acted so inappropriately and the landlord had to spend extra to get a place ready when they shouldn't have to, the landlord is probably going to raise the rent. Or, raise the deposits. Yes Alice, you pay for the sins of the past renters.

And, don't think landlords don't talk! You will someday move to a place where the future landlord will call for references. Someone will pull up your file and have a few things to say. If you left behind ample evidence that you didn't clean up after your incontinent cat it will be duly noted. I am more likely to tell the truth to a landlord asking for a reference even when the truth hurts. It is the least I can do for a fellow investor.

Alice, landlords aren't rich. We don't really appreciate the damage people like you inflict upon your assets. We understand there is a certain amount of wear and tear that happens. But there is no reason to make it worse. Presumably we give you a reasonable place to live. Presumably we give you a safe environment. The least you can do is leave no trace you were there. A tenant who does that will get their deposits back. I promise.

Sincerely,

The Landlord

I am Sure They Are Just Lovely People

Ok, I admit it. I hold a grudge better than a cat abandoned by its owner for a week while the owner is on vacation. Case in point: I am still annoyed with the Springs for the shenanigans they pulled two months ago.

Why? Partially because I caved and accepted them after they broke my cardinal rules. Historically, it has never gone well when I have accepted tenants who can't follow the basic rules of engagement. And partially because I thought working professionals who pay their bills and act like responsible adults would never say something so stupid to a prospective landlord: "I can't give you a full deposit because my granddaughter's birthday is next week and I will be buying her a present."

I know, I know. Carolsue set them straight. They are fully aware they committed several faux pas. They would like to put those embarrassing moments behind them too. In the interest of fairness, in the past month they have been ideal tenants. I have gotten the rent on time. They only call Carolsue, instead of me, when they want to chat. And, thankfully, thus far Mrs. Spring has thought it prudent not to friend me on Facebook.

I even got a very sweet letter from Mrs. Spring with her on-time rent check. It said something along the lines of "Thank you for not thinking us complete buffoons. And by the way, we just love the house."

Well, I am glad they like the house. But, the jury is out on that whole buffoon thing.

I am Only Dreaming of a White Christmas

There is a unusual aspect to what I do that never ceases to amaze me. I meet some interesting people by being a landlord 1,700 miles from my properties. I have met all sorts of folks from all sorts of backgrounds and all walks of life.

Most of those I have encountered have left me with nice warm fuzzy feelings that resonate after all this time. I have made some good friends. And, I have encountered a few whom I will just chalk up to learning experiences. But mostly, I have enjoyed those I have met--including a reader or two--on this wild landlord journey.

There is one woman I am currently in contact with who lives in Virginia. She and I came involved this summer because we had a mutual tenant in common. Some day, when the dust settles, the judge's gavel bangs down on the bench and the guilty are punished for their crimes, I will write about her and the tragic and bizarre circumstances that brought us to this point. But for now, I won't. There is an ongoing criminal investigation.

At any rate, this Virginia woman and I have been corresponding for about seven months. When she calls, it is always business. She has questions about this and that. Could I clarify something in an e-mail my tenant sent? Could I look at a picture of my rental home and identify which bedroom? Do I remember a certain date when a rent check came in? Do I happen to know where the tenants were working in December 2005? That kind of thing.

Saturday, however, she got personal. Out of the blue, I got this text: "20 inches and counting."



I sent her back this: "73 degrees today." and attached the following:



She responded with:



So I sent her a current picture of a portion of my garden:

Oops! My Bad

We had the best vacation in years. Though Southern California isn't terribly exotic in my book, we were with my niece and her father and being around quality people and everyone having fun was really the point.

There was very little semblance of reality in our days away. I glanced at the newspaper headlines one day to see nothing in Congress had changed. The only piece of outside world news that caught my eye was that Boeing got the 787 to fly in its maiden voyage! I assure you that is wonderful news for all of us who count on Boeing to feed our families.

Needless to say, very little of my other duties and responsibilities were of concern to me. Which is why my guard was down.

While waiting at the bottom of Tarzan's Treehouse (formerly "Swiss Family Robinson's Treehouse" and by the way, Jane and Mrs. Robinson have the same interior designer--who knew?) for the rest of my family, a man snuck up and grabbed me from behind. He yelled, "boo!"

I jumped a mile and turned around to see who the prankster happened to be. The man, completely embarrassed at having grabbed the wrong person started babbling apologies at ten miles an hour. "I am so sorry, I thought you were someone else..." etc. However, it didn't matter. My brain hadn't clued in he was remorseful. My brain was on vacation.

This guy was the spitting image of Michael Smith ("Mr. Smith" to my long-time readers). He had the same ratty look on his face. The same glasses. The same height, build, coloring, overbite and bad haircut. While this guy was stammering his apology, I just stared at him blankly thinking, "Why the hell doesn't Michael Smith just go away. How in the world did he get here? Why can't he just leave me alone?"

Finally, I shot him the bitchy withered look I have been saving for the occasion and left him, in mid-"I'm so sorry" and walked away. It took me a few beats to realize it wasn't really Michael Smith and I had left my manners back at the treehouse.

Poor guy.

Off the Clock

For the next few days Marty Sunshine the kids and I are going to be in California hanging out at the house that Walt built.

While I am gone, I gave Carolsue a directive: tell Mr. Green NO to any stupid request he might have. I am not going to pay to water his garden. If Carolsue has to sweet talk Ms. Kathy I won't be around to hear Ms. Kathy quake in her shoes. And, Heaven help Mrs. Spring if she decides to buy her granddaughter a teddy bear instead of pay the rent. I won't be responsible for Carolsue's actions.

I also sent Legal Eagle a letter on Friday that I asked her to review for me. I am sure she will get to it while I am gone. No matter, the Alabama Attorney General's office and the Real Estate Commission can wait another week to hear my complaints against my former property management company.

I didn't give Biz any directions. She knows what to do. Pay the mortgages and make journal entries. Simple stuff.

I would like to think all will be quiet in Alabama while I am gone. It has been a really quiet month. Here's to no drama for the next few days.

All the best to you my readers!

This Should Make Mr. Partner Happy

Dear Former Tenants Who Owe Me Money:

I am after you. Or I will be once I coordinate with my paraleagal pal, Carolsue. And, if I have already started the garnishment process with you, I am not done. I am not feeling very forgiving today. You owe. You pay.

Sincerely,

The Landlord

Yay! There is Someone More Flighty Than Me

Currently, I am "helping" Bliz by paying the basic bills, while she goes and earns a real living for her family. However, I am not sure how much help I really am. For one thing, I forget about major creditors--like the power company. It turns out I owed them payment for five houses. Of course, had they sent me the bills to begin with I probably would have felt more of a compunction to pay them.

For another, I am lousy with the levels of organization necessary for bill paying. There are those who with a greater appreciation than I who thoroughly comprehend the intricacies of debits and credits. My mind is more of a "Hey Bliz! I paid this $20 to a guy who I think was named Mac. This was about six weeks ago. Could you make this journal entry for me?" and less, "Oh, now how do I correctly apply this payment?" Fortunately for me, Bliz is still handling the journal entry part of the accounting. Fortunately for her, she charges me by the hour.

On Tuesday I found someone just as artistic about bill paying as me. Mr. Hardy replaced my window in the Leeds house last month. On Tuesday I called him and said, "I think I owe you money."

He wasn't incensed that I hadn't paid him--the reaction the power company is giving me (did I mention if they had sent me the bills I would have paid them?). Instead he said, "You know what? My computer is down, how about if I just hold on to your number and call you back in a few weeks and you can pay me then?"

Yes, how about that? And may I add, only in the South.

Hopefully he is keeping better track about these things than I am. And hopefully his bookkeeper isn't charging him by the journal entry.

Random Bama

Ms. Kathy came through. Apparently there wasn't a cat fight, instead a Southern woman, ultra-polite conversation, that included gardening tips.

Thankfully, Carolsue went with the girl-friend approach this time, but she did ask Ms. Kathy why my children should forgo Christmas because Ms.Kathy didn't feel up to paying the rent. Carolsue also explained I wasn't a trust fund baby, and I wasn't running a charity. There were a few other shame comments, which will hopefully afford Ms. Kathy and I a better relationship in the long run.

________________________________________

Speaking of Ms. Kathy, she lives in Mr. Smith's former home. For those of you unfamiliar with Mr. Smith, I certainly wish I could join you.

Essentially: he was my absolute worst tenant. He lived in my home for five months rent-free before I was able to get a court date. Then, he made me haul myself to Birmingham to get in front of a judge. Mr. Smith didn't show, so I won--which I would have anyway. At that point, he and his family moved directly across the street to his father-in-law's home--which is where he has been blissfully residing ever since.

Apparently he still doesn't have a job. He is still mooching off his once retired father-in-law, who has gone back to work. Mr. Smith's wife has also gotten a job and the Smith kids are in daycare instead of at home with the unemployed and unmotivated Mr. Smith.

The father-in-law, one of the original homeowners on this quiet patch of street, is now shunned by his neighbors and treated like a pariah. A very sad situation. He could kick them out, but that would probably mean alienating his daughter and grandchildren.

Now let's all take a moment to a thank whom or whatever you wish to thank that you aren't related to Mr. Smith.

_____________________________________________________

Mr. Green called Carolsue Friday. His dryer doesn't work and wants me to do something about it. When Carolsue finally got to the crux of the situation, it turns out Mr. Green felt that the issue was the 220 electrical outlet that suddenly stopped working after 20 years and not his ancient dryer that was the problem. And, would I please call the electrician immediately to take care of this?

Carolsue kindly explained that it would be best to make sure the plug worked before I called the electrician (and am not sure the electrician would be so charitable to take care of another one of my homes given I haven't paid him yet for the electrical fire at the Leeds house). Mr. Green and Carolsue went back and forth with this for several minutes before he opted to test out the plug and his dryer. He is supposed to call her back if it is really the outlet.

Note to Mr. Green, get a grip.

Cross Your Fingers

From what I understand, Ms. Kathy is supposed to pay the remaining October and all of November rent to me today. Just to be sure she and I were on the same page, I called her Wednesday, leaving a message, verifying this was the case.

Ms. Kathy decided the most prudent option when facing a landlord wanting money would be to text me. After all, why deal with me on the phone when a little old text would do. In her message she said she would deposit into my bank account most of her rent on Thursday and then deposit the remainder Friday. And, was that ok?

Because I figured I would be slightly more diplomatic texting her back instead of calling her, I did so. I let her know based on the state of our current relationship it probably would be best for her to keep up her end of the bargain and give me all the money at once. Just like we agreed to. I said I was uncomfortable with her changing the rules of engagement this far into the process.

What do you know! Ms. Kathy had cell minutes left. She called me immediately to broker the deal. The way I let it stand, she would still get in touch with Carolsue (something I was pretty sure she wasn't interested in doing), give her all the money she owes me on Dec. 3. She could not leave cash on Carolsue's doorstep. Nope. She had to meet in person.

I half-expected her to balk at seeing Carolsue. After all, I can't say I blame her. I had a back-up plan in place just in case, I was going to send her to Legal Eagle. Then, if I had to go to court for an eviction, Legal Eagle would be able to identify her to the judge.

To Ms. Kathy's credit, she never once mentioned the verbal torture Carolsue bestowed upon her. I did offer her a slight reprieve. Ms. Kathy can mail in December's rent--due on the 15th--as long as the check doesn't bounce.

Will Ms. Kathy come through today? I am not willing to take that bet. Logistically, I would think she should be able to do this. I know she gets her widow's benefits today. But, I am not believing anything until the money is in the bank.

Looking Forward

Marty Sunshine were out for our quiet Wednesday lunch when we ran into Mr. Partner. Being the good partners we are, I suggested a lunch meeting for the following Wednesday just to go over a few of the nitty gritty odds and ends. But, also to look at building a brighter future.

I found it interesting that Mr. Partner sees things the way I do. We made decisions last year based on our current situation. Those decisions directly affect some of the circumstances we have encountered this year: Mrs. 508, Mr. Richards, Ms. Betty.

Though we are older and wiser now, he agreed those were the right decisions at the time. I hope so. Mabye if I had held out for a better tenant for the 508 house we wouldn't have had so much drama. Or, maybe I would have had a meth lab. Maybe if I had waited for someone other than Ms. Betty my life would have been more peaceful. Or. maybe I would have had a burning oiled cross affixed to the driveway of the Leeds house.

My main contention for the next year is that it will be a year of rebuilding. Two summers ago we got a gift from a tenant who sold thier interests, giving us an influx of cash to get by. This past summer we lived through several changes but came out the better for it. I firmly believe our tenants right now are quality. I am even willing to work with Ms. Kathy, provided she wants to work with me.

We will probably have to make some difficult decisions in the near future. Actually, it will be Mr. Partner who has to make these difficult decisions. As I have been living with this for years, I know the obvious answers. We will probably have to figure out a way to get an influx of cash. Do we bring in another partner? Do we sell a home or two (provided the market will allow us to do so)? Do we ask a private investor for assistance? I have my thoughts. Marty and I have bandyied around a few ideas. Now it is time to get Mr. Partner on board.

Our little business is fledgling but far from sunk. I believe it is time to look at rebuilding and moving forward. I think we can. But it will be a long process.