Friday, March 25, 2016

The Joys of Selling

So Kirby got inside my now-vacant home. He tells me the good news is the tenants left it in reasonable condition. The bad news is they didn't leave it the way they found it. Then he sent me a bunch of pictures to prove what he was talking about.

I hate it when tenants think the home they used to live in is their own personal dumpster. Now I am responsible for hauling off their junk--including a mattress. This means I have to find someone who is willing and able to haul off the junk and doesn't charge me crazy prices.

There is a bit of wood rot that also needs to be addressed. Kirby says this won't be too costly. The deck needs to be stained and the home needs a good cleaning. This is in addition to painting the exterior--which will happen once it stops raining over there.

Kirby also thinks I should replace the counter tops because they aren't granite (I am not a fan of granite, but that is for a different blog post). But that was just real estate speak for "the house is outdated," which is fine when it is a rental. It is not fine when it is for sale. I am either going to lower the price $10k--which I really can't do or I am going to have to do more work than I budgeted.

As someone who is in the business, I have a tough time with other's versions of "outdated." I am currently showing homes to a buyer who mentioned a home was outdated because whomever had lived in the home had decorated it about five years ago. I would like to point out, when this buyer moves in and redecorates to make the home "modern," five years from now it will be outdated again. It happens. It is called "time."

Additionally, as a seller, I am not very excited about paying for a buyer's dream. I am selling a home right now, not what the buyer wants the home to look like by next Christmas. If they want wood floors, they should put them in, not the person who is leaving the home. Buyers blow me away when they want to offer less because they want to change things around, "Our price is because we will need to paint the kitchen chartreuse and add a sun porch. I can't believe the seller overlooked this."

This is a voice of experience. I convinced a seller once to change the counter tops and flooring. The home sold immediately. I drove by this home two weeks later to find the new buyer had taken out the flooring and counter tops. (Though it has been a couple of years, I have not told this seller--who happens to be related to me--about this yet. Maybe it will come up at Sunday's family Easter brunch.) I understand every buyer's taste is different. What is considered "needing work" by one buyer could be a palace to another. I am not sure I want to roll the dice, put in new everything and then find out the buyer didn't want my renovations anyway.

As it stands now, Kirby is taking care of the wood rot and painting the exterior. Carolsue is cleaning the interior. I asked Kirby to get me a quote on a few other items, just in case I decide I need to do more. I also have James the Hell's Angels carpet installer on stand-by, just in case I need to put in new flooring as well. But I hope I won't need to.

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Design By Committee

I am selling this house. It needs to be painted on the outside. The home is painted white and mauve-ish (around the windows and trim). I don't think it was originally mauve-ish, but time has faded the color considerably.  Kirby said "What color do you want to paint it?" That was the first it occurred to me I had to make a decision about such things. I am terrible at the whole design thing. I don't like making these kinds of decisions. It stresses me out. So I told him, whatever color will sell it works for me.

Carolsue gave me a pretty blue pallet she selected from somewhere. It was lovely but I have no idea if it will work. I sent it to Kirby and said "Something like this is fine if you think it is fine." Hopefully he doesn't decide neon green works better. 

Monday, March 21, 2016

Kindred Spirits

So I got a note from Kirby, he says the tenant has moved out of my home. He has no idea what kind of condition the place is in but from the kitchen, "it looks fine." So, now the fun begins. He expects to have the keys this week.

Also, I reminded him I am a terrible seller. He said, "I know. But I am a terrible agent. I ignore sellers like you."


Saturday, March 19, 2016

Buyer Wanted

We are entering a new phase in the o'le accidental business. I am selling a house. This isn't like the short-sale selling, where the bank played games. Nor is it like the house in Leeds I have tried selling for years to an underwhelmed audience. Nope. I am really putting a house on the market. Sadly, I doubt I will make anything. In fact, I really don't want to sell it. The house cash flows. The tenant is questionable but clean. However, our lawyer has strongly advised us--and the bank who has the mortgage (and another home in foreclosure) is threatening us. So, we are selling.

Last I heard the tenant hadn't moved out just yet. I am so not surprised by this. Her sense of entitlement was high last winter when I suggested she get caught up on her rent or be evicted. I also know she had been asking to buy the house from me. That would have been just ducky on my part but the property management company seemed allergic to representing me in a sale. So, at this very moment, she isn't buying the house. I am going with the optimistic outlook that she really will be gone by the end of the month.

Who will be representing me in this sale, as of April 1 when the house is (hopefully) out of management is Kirby. For those of you who aren't in the loop, Kirby was my property manager for a long time. Then he wisely sold his company and pursued other lucrative adventures. Now he is my HVAC guy and realtor. He is also a quick text away when I need a referral Carolsue can't help me with.

This house--which is shaped like a barn, isn't in the worst neighborhood in the world. I would live there. And I guarantee there are houses I own I wouldn't live in. It will probably sit on the market for several months--despite being in (what I hope is) reasonable shape. Because that is what homes in Birmingham do. They sit for several months until an unsuspecting buyer comes along and makes a low-ball offer.

The house itself, has a lot to offer. It has a young roof. It has a six month old AC system. It is also a four bedroom, which is a rarity in the area. I expect to walk away when all is said and done paying off my loan and nothing else. The good news is I will have a great tax loss next year, because I am pretty much selling for what I owe, plus my expenses. That doesn't make me happy, but that is the free market. I bought at the wrong time.

The bad news is I am a terrible seller. Just like lawyers should never represent themselves and doctors should never diagnose themselves, real estate agents should never, ever, be sellers. We aren't good at it. Especially me.

Every showing that doesn't result in a sale is a personal rejection. With me way over here and Kirby way over there, I am sure I will want daily updates on what he is doing. Additionally, Kirby is one to sugar-coat. He and I have gone round and round about this for years: tell it like it is. It isn't a character flaw, it is a bad habit on his part (though he, being from the South, doesn't agree). And please add to the fact I am a somewhat high strung Type B, moderately uptight Type A wildly micromanaging Type A and Kirby is about as Type B as one can get and still be on this spectrum. He knows this about me. He is currently willing to work with me. Though perhaps as I write this post, he may be rethinking this.

Saturday, March 12, 2016

The Hard-Hearted Landlord

A couple of weeks ago, Flunky sent me an e-mail saying there was water on the floor of my home in Alabaster. And, what should he do? There was no other information involved to help me make an informed decision, so I went with the obvious: "wipe it up." That netted me a glimmer more data, which was "there is water leaking on to the floor" and what should I--the landlord--do about it? The first thought that came to mind was find more competent people who could think for themselves, but I kept that to myself. When I suggested HIRING A PLUMBER, it was only then did Flunky admit the water in question was actually several days old and a result of rains from earlier in the week. When push came to shove, it turns out the back door's weather stripping had rotted.

Which bring me to yesterday's e-mail. Flunky wrote me to tell me the hardwood in that house is actually laminate. And now it is ruined by the back door. The tenant's "short term" solution was to put a small area rug down over it because the floor was coming up. The tenant is "terribly afraid" her son is going stub his toe. So Flunky wanted to know, wait for it..., what I was going to do about it?

The answer is nothing. I am going to do nothing. The tenant wasn't afraid of her son running in the water on the floor, slipping and cracking open his head. That sounds a heck of a lot scarier to me. Nor is the tenant concerned that perhaps she could have: 1) cleaned up the water immediately and prior to the floor getting into this condition or 2) letting Flunky know the weatherstripping had gone from under the door months ago.

The tenant is not loosing sleep about the fact the hardwood floors (yes, hardwood, they are not laminate any more than I am a size 2) are ruined and they extend seamlessly throughout the entire bottom floor. Granted, this happened by the dining area, so I can tile the kitchen and eating area to remedy the problem instead of putting brand new hardwood flooring in 1,500 square feet. The tenant isn't crying about that. Instead she is complaining her son may hurt his foot. And you know what, he might. She may want to watch him carefully.

I also told Flunky that this will be coming off the tenant's security deposit. She was negligent for not wiping up the water--or he was negligent for not taking care of the problem sooner. So, either the tenant or Flunky would be paying for this. I gave them a home with hardwoods in great condition. I expect to be given back a home with hardwood floors in great condition. I don't want tile. That's not what I paid for when I bought the home. So, figure it out.

There has already been behind the scenes stuff going on with this house long before I ever heard about the condition of the floor. Unaware of potential issues with the tenant's son's toes, I contacted Elsie earlier this week and told her come the beginning of May, let the tenant know I will not be renewing the lease. Instead, I will be selling the house. I have to. It belongs to the same bank as the home currently in foreclosure. So, I know the flooring will be fixed. But I am not doing it right now--just in case there is another water spill she can't be bothered to take care of.

Friday, March 11, 2016

The Invisible House

So, last week I sent Ms. Amy an e-mail telling her I was taking my vacant home out of their clutches. My reason to her was that there were issues with the home. Actually, my issues were with Ms. Amy's bizarrely weird behavior and the house. But that is for another blog that I must eventually write. Anyway, I heard nothing back.

By Friday I had sent Elsie, my new contact there (whom I have never once had any communication with from her at that point), a note. I let her know I had written Ms. Amy earlier in the week. I said that I wanted to make sure the home was taken out of management and off their books.

Instead of even acknowledging my e-mail, this past Monday, Elsie sent me a random e-mail saying that if Mrs. Martin hasn't moved out like she is supposed to, Elise would be happy to send out Late Rent notice. There is no reason to tell me this. Sending out a Late Rent notice should be automatic.

Please note. These two issues are not even remotely related. Mrs. Martin not paying rent has nothing to do with ANOTHER home being taken out of management. By the way, Mrs. Martin's home is also being taken out of management. But that is because I am selling it.

By Wednesday, I hadn't heard from Elise or Amy about my request to take the home out of management. I mean, there really isn't much to do but just reply with an "Ok," but I didn't even get that. And because it had been days since Flunky's emails had graced my specific area of cyber-space. I let him know that, as far as I was concerned, the home was officially out of management last week. Please stop the lawn service.

Today I heard from Flunky about something completely blog-worthy and unrelated to my former e-mail. But once again, there was no mention of my vacant home.

Tuesday, March 08, 2016

Random Bama--The Disclaimer Edition

I got a cryptic e-mail from someone at my property management company last Friday. It said "I have reason to believe" Mrs. Martin moved out in the middle of the night. She ended it with, "But don't quote me on that." Not a problem. I don't know who this person who wrote me is anyway.

By the way, I do have reason to believe the tenant is still there. You may quote me on that.

____________________________________________

It is tax season. For those of you who don't own an accidental business or two, you probably don't completely understand the significance of this. Essentially, Bliz, my bookkeeper, wonderful friend of 20+++ years and terrific travel companion handles our companies' financial statements, which I then give to Diamond Jim so he can figure out what the IRS gets from me.

This past week Bliz has been sending me e-mails and texts along the lines of, "There was a deposit on July 8th for $1437.28. Do you know what it is for?" I am answering as promptly as possible with my best guess. Hopefully I am close to correct. Because Uncle Sam gets a bit persnickety when I am wrong.
____________________________________________

And finally, it occurred to me that I may sound pissy about the property management company, especially Flunky. Truth be told, I am pissy about them, especially Flunky. They may be the best property management Birmingham has to offer, but they have slid way down the hill from wonderful. For the most part I am polite and professional to them. Even when I don't want to be.  I leave most of my sarcasm for this blog instead.

I thought you should know, I really am a nice person. Most of the time.

Monday, March 07, 2016

Agent Purgatory

If you are one of the three people who read this blog and know who I am, you have found this site one of two ways:

1. I have sent you the link
2. You have stalked me, figured it out and have nothing better to do

If you are my other reader and just follow along because you happen to enjoy my train wreck, well, hello. Welcome. I am pleased you are here. You increased my readership by 25 percent. My ego and I thank you.

But, back to the three of you I know. Disclaimer: There is a good chance I have helped you in some capacity rent out a home or find a rental home. Please understand, this post isn't about you. I know you. I like you (otherwise I wouldn't have given you the link for this site). 

If you fall into category number 2, I probably have also helped you find a rental home, rented out your home or you have been a current or past tenant. This post probably is about you.

So, lately I have managed to get back into finding rental homes for folks. This disturbing trend started in December when someone on a Facebook forum asked "does anyone know how to rent a house?" She just happened to post this on the one day in December I was on Facebook. And, silly me, I responded.

To give you a quick backstory, currently rental homes in the Phoenix are are going sight unseen. There are multiple applications for even the most junked out rentals. If a home is on the multiple listing for more than two days, there is either a good chance it is missing roof or a busy property manager hasn't had time to change the listing in the MLS because he or she is busy answering 5000 phone calls from potential tenants and real estate agents asking if their listed home is available. Even properties in the outskirts of town, like Florence AZ, are going sight unseen for absurd prices.

I surmise the reason for this is because investors bought properties around 2009-2010 for seriously low prices, and sold in the past two years, doubling their investment. Good for them. I am pleased. I probably helped some of those investors buy or sell. However, when they sold, they left me and every other crazy agent out there scrambling to find rental properties for the soon-to-be-homeless.

The good part of this trend is rents are going up. People who can afford to pay $1500 a month for rent, are finding out (from me) that they may want to consider buying instead. It will net them a cheaper payment and there are more homes for sale right now than for rent. And frankly, I prefer buyers over renters.

But back to my tenant tales. So, I responded to the woman on Facebook who never rented a home before. And voila! I got a client. Unfortunately, she ended up renting a home without me showing it to her (she didn't look at it at all, actually) so I didn't get paid.

The woman in question could afford $850 a month and had a FICO score lower than my post-foreclosure score. So, she wasn't exactly a landlord's dream. But somehow she decided I was a rock star and has referred me to all of her other friends who can afford $850 a month and have crummy credit. And apparently she knows a lot of these folks. And they are all calling me. Please don't consider me ungrateful. I am pleased to have the work. My son, who just happens to have a healthy grocery addiction, is also grateful. I am showing these potential tenants homes, and selling them as the greatest folks ever to owners just to have them repeatedly rejected. This is a scary pattern that probably will continue in the near future.

I always have a script I say before I take out a tenant to show rentals. I ask the basics, how many people living in the home? Pets? Do they want a pool? What is their budget? Where do they want to live (they always say $900 a month in Gilbert or Scottsdale, which is thoroughly unrealistic). Then, from years of experience I ask the following: Do you make three times the rent? Do you have any evictions, convictions or bruised credit that we will need to sell a landlord on? I always explain we need to be proactive in this market. And then I explain the market conditions.

In the past two weeks I have managed to have some interesting folks. In addition to the ones the Facebook woman has sent me, I have had the guy who admitted to me after I drove all over Creation that he told me a teensy lie. He really only made one and a half times the rent. And would an owner mind this? And by the way, he insisted on hardwood floors.

Today I got a call from a guy who wants to see a specific home on Friday of this week. When I explained the home wouldn't be there by Friday, and if he wanted to see it, I was available today, he got pissy and accused me of "pressuring" him. By the way, the home got three applications on it between the time he called and the time I left work. Also, as a point of interest, I had him on speaker phone at the office. When I asked about the credit/convictions/evictions, he hesitated, stuttered and didn't answer. Everyone in earshot caught it.

Last week I had the couple who had great credit, answered negatively to the eviction and conviction question. I thought for sure they were a shoe-in, as they were the only application that came in on a Tempe town home at the time. The owner passed on them because the couple seemed to completely forget they both had felony DUIs.

Oh, but that's not all they forgot to mention. One had a paraphernalia charge. The other had a possession charge. When I explained to them the owner felt they had a lot of history and he was uncomfortable renting to them, my (now former) client texted me the following, "I fail to see how this is 'A LOT of history'!!!! It is just four convictions!"

But this call today pretty much tops them all. A gentleman called me today. He wanted to live either on the very Southeast side of the Phoenix area or the very Northern side. There is a 70 mile span between the two. When I gave him my spiel, he replied, "Well, 19 years ago, I was convicted of murder. But it was only once and it was an accident." I will let some other frantic real estate agent try to help him find a rental.

Wednesday, March 02, 2016

The Antics of A Passive Aggressive Property Management Maintenance Manager

I want to give up my fabulous life and become a maintenance flunky for a property management company. Why? Because all I would have to do all day is write e-mails. I wouldn't have to think--I promise, that is definitely not part of the job description. And, if I felt the need (and I often do) I could be totally passive aggressive and feign ignorance.

Example A:

Last week I got a work order for my home in Alabaster: Flunky sent me the following: "Water is leaking and the wood is wet. It is getting worse" Flunky wanted to know what I wanted to do about it.

I have exhaustively covered the topic of giving me enough of the scope of work so I know what is going on with him. I give up. He just isn't going to do that. I originally thought it was personal. Now I think he is just stupid.

My first response was, "Call a plumber," because when I see "water leaking," that's exactly where my brain goes.

Flunky wrote back and finally told me that water was leaking from under the back door because it had rained and the hardwood floors were wet.

Me: "Is it still raining?"

Flunky: "No it stopped raining three days ago."

Me: "Why are the floors still wet? Does the tenant not own a towel?"

I was missing something in this, because it seemed 100% obvious to me that any idiot would see if this were what was being portrayed to me, that the weather stripping needed to be replaced.  And it did. However, it took six hours of e-mails and four voice mails to find this out. As I have explained numerous times, I am not In Alabama. I don't have a background in house maintenance. Why should I have to say, "Well then, fix the weather stripping." But I had to.

Example B:

The folks in Moody--who swear every year they will be moving out--want to replace the floor in one of the bedrooms. I am ok with that. I even agreed to reimburse them.

So, Flunky sends me an e-mail yesterday saying the tenant is waiting for a check to buy supplies and when will I send it?

Let me get this straight: the work hasn't been done and I am supposed to send them money randomly?

Instead, I wrote, "Let them take it off the rent when they provide you with a receipt."

Situation managed, right?

Dear Lord, this man will not go away. He responded, "That's not how we do it here."

How the hell should I know the policies of his company? I don't work there. But I do know I am not writing a check and mailing it to these tenants in hopes they will spend it on the floor. Because if they blow it on a birthday party for their kid, I just financed that.

I once again wrote back: "Ok, find out how your company handles this. Inspect the work when it is done and either cut them a check out of the rent or send me pictures of completed, inspected work and I will cut them a check."

Marty Sunshine asked me to take out the final part which was, "Please stop making me do your job. Try thinking for yourself for a change."

But in both cases we are talking about fixes under $150 (hopefully much less than that for weather stripping). We are also talking about a day's worth of back and forth nebulous emails. Or, if I call, I get some sort of runaround with him--if he bothers to answer the phone at all.

If I had never had experience with property management companies before, I might find this normal. However, I have had multiple experiences with property management companies in two states. This is not how business is done. Maintenance in a property management company is normally done by competent people who realize the owner doesn't want to be bothered or spend an entire day managing a situation they employ others to manage. I mean, I can understand if it is a roof, or something of a major caliber, but these are easy fixes.

And, in case you think there is actually work involved in this man's job beyond the scope of what I am suggesting:

Example C:

Flunky sent me an e-mail a few weeks ago: "When was the house in Pinson foreclosed?"

I saw no reason why this was his business. He did not give any indication as to why he needed to know. Was he settling a bet? Was he closing out his books for the year?

And because I don't feel he needed a major explanation, I promptly replied: "2015."

Flunky never got back to me asking me to clarify, so I figure he really was just finding a reason to send me an e-mail.